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onstageoffstage-blog · 5 years

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Auditioning at 25

I got a Facebook event invitation while I was pretending to be productive at work on a slow Tuesday afternoon. I don’t usually respond to those annoying invitations or even bother opening them, for that matter. I feel like they are a sad attempt to connect people in an overly digital world. Seeing that it was a slow Tuesday and I hadn’t seen a customer in 45 minutes, I humored myself and clicked the link to the event.

“Audition Notice! Regional premiere musical! All Female cast! June 28th, 7:00pm -10:00pm. Click here to reserve your spot!”

“Hmmm, someone’s trying to really play up the mundane reality of auditioning.” I thought to myself. Despite my cynical reaction, I was intrigued. I took the next hour and researched everything I could about the theatre, the production, the theatre staff... all the way down to the marital status of the playwright. I’m not sure how I got that information but it seemed important at the time. After finishing up all the Nancy Drew-ing I could do, my concluding thought was:

“Fuck it. Maybe I’ll shake off the dust on the ole audition book and give it a whirl.”

I continued reading the audition notice. I haven’t auditioned for a show in a little over a year and this audition was a true musical theatre audition complete with a dance call... Fuck. “I haven’t danced since college,” I thought “there’s no way I’m gonna be able to keep up.” The most dancing I do now is an occasional drunk 8 count to whatever the latest hits are... how the fuck am I going to put on my character shoes and “step-ball-change” my way into a callback? BUT after consulting with literally anyone who would listen to me, I was affirmed all the way to an audition slot at 7:30pm.

Preparing for the audition came back naturally to me, like riding a bike or smoking a cigarette. You never forget, right? I called my mom the day after confirming my audition time and asked her to enter into the nostalgic nightmare that is my childhood closet to search for my entire music catalog and dance shoes. She found them quickly, which is surprising considering I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure they were in there. She had my brother drop them off at my house that next day.

My music catalog was barely in tact and my dance bag had a few stains and tears on it. I guess it’s either a sign of good use or total neglect. I opened up my college dance bag and dug out all four pairs of dance shoes I owned: two pairs of character shoes, my taps and my ballet slippers. “Oh my god, I hope these still fit me.” I groaned as a slipped off my tennis shoes to seal the fate of my dance attire. I gained a few pounds since college and I was convinced these worn out, faded shoes were not going on my fat feet. I slipped on my character shoes and they fit like they always had. “Congratulations, Cinderella” I muttered under my breath. One task to check off the to do list before this audition. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, fitting into those shoes made me feel like me again. I could still belt out a power ballad and kiss the leading man with the best of them. I could feel it.

The day of the audition came and I was ready to kick some ass. I was dressed in my favorite polka dotted skirt and a calm, cool and collected veteran attitude. My husband pulled up and parked right outside the doors of the theatre at 7:15pm. “You nervous?” he asked. I looked up from my sheet music that I had been counting in my head, “No, actually. I’ve done this countless times. Just have to get back in my groove.” He smiled and put his hand over mine, “ I’m so proud of you. Go fuck it up, babe.” He kissed my cheek and got out of the car and walked through the double doors.

There were signs everywhere pointing me in the direction of the audition space. When I reached the end of the paper trail, I was surprised to see that there was no one in the waiting room except a girl who looked like an assistant. I walked over to her makeshift desk of a card table and folding chair to check in. “Hi, name please?” she said in an adolescent pitch. “Um, Hi, I’m Lindsey. My audition is at 7:30.” She looked down at her sheet and put a check by my name. She handed me a form and a pen to fill out and told me to have a seat. “Damn, how old is she?” I thought as I sat down “There’s no way she’s older than 18.” I quieted my curiosity and filled out the form swiftly. As I was finishing up, I heard the audition door open. I looked up from my lap and saw another painfully young girl come out. She was wearing a textbook audition dress; jewel tones, A-line, sweetheart neckline... the whole fucking works. I tried not to audibly groan. Her hair was curled with the tightest of curling irons and her makeup looked like she spent way too much time on it this morning. “Holy shit, she’s a newbie. Didn’t anyone tell her we don’t dress like that anymore?” I thought. “Break a leg” she whispered as she walked past my chair. I looked up and smiled as she walked out the door. I remember when I used to dress like that for auditions. I remember when I had that same shy, nervous yet overly sure of myself attitude. I remember not knowing anything about auditioning in the “real world.” My education ruined me when it came to practicality. When you got to a performing arts college, they pound it into your head that your appearance is half your audition, so do it up big. It makes my skin crawl thinking about it it still. Shouldn’t my talent be more important in an audition? It made me angry that this philosophy was apparently still being taught to the younger graduating classes after me. My thoughts were interrupted by the girl behind the card table desk. “Lindsey, if you’re ready, you can go on back.” I stood up smoothed the wrinkles out of my skirt, exchanged pleasantries and walked through the big black door, trying to forget all that bullshit I was taught.

...

“How’d it go?! Tell me everything!” My husband explodes the moment I get back into the car. I love how supportive he is. “It went really well actually. I only sang one of my songs because the auditioners and I talked too much. They seemed to really like me.” I was really proud of myself for even getting out and doing this audition at all. “But you know what made me feel a little odd though?” I asked out loud “when I left my audition and walked back through the waiting room, there were seven girls in there all dressed up in that audition look” I said with air quotes. “It made me feel so weird. They were so young, babe. I mean, I felt like an jaded hag walking through a crowd of virgins.” He let out a loud laugh and put his hand on my thigh. “You’re not jaded, just seasoned.” I have a tendency to exaggerate but this time, I really meant what I said. I let my head rest on the back of the seat and let out a sign of relief that it was finally over.

I’m not entirely sure why the age gap bothered me. After taking some time to decompress, I think it wasn’t the age difference that struck a sour note with me, but the length of time I spent away from the audition scene. Maybe I felt a little outdated. I sang songs that were older that myself, carried myself like a retired thespian and was searching for validation from the auditioners that I “still had it.” I realized that I wasn’t tired, jaded or overdone, I was just really confident in myself. I didn’t spend hours on my makeup. I didn’t go out and purchase a special dress. I didn’t obsess over the tempo of my song or properly notating my music. I didn’t pace the audition waiting room floor going over my songs in my head. I didn’t panic. I didn’t sweat. I didn’t worry. I just did it. I just did the damn thing. I did the thing that comes so naturally to me. I just went in there and did what I loved. Like me or not, I don’t give a fuck. I just did it.

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onstageoffstage-blog · 5 years

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The Onstage//Offstage Lifestyle

If the whole world is a stage, why don’t we act like it?

If the audience is always watching, why don’t we captivate them?

If there is always a story to be told, why isn’t it being shared?

If we are performing in the great show of life, why aren’t we striving for a standing ovation?

If the whole world is a stage, then act like it.

Being a performer for the majority of my life, I have come to learn the agonizing truth that everyone is watching, constantly. I’m not just talking about when the curtains rise and the lights come on and I belt out a power ballad. I am talking about when I’m standing in line at the check out, when I’m sitting at my desk at work, when I’m driving my car, when I’m out to dinner with my husband.... EVERYWHERE. Eyes are constantly watching.

This isn’t a new concept. We have always known that there are people watching us. We live in a society where it is very difficult to get through a day without some kind of human interaction, whether that’s getting into a rideshare vehicle, interacting with the server at your favorite restaurant or being surrounded by people in a concert venue. Human interaction is inevitable. The point I’m trying to make is, if people are always watching us, why don’t we act like it?

It’s very tiresome for me to constantly hear the phrase “I don’t care what people think about me” or “Only God can judge me.” While both of those statements can be true, they are toxic and often detrimental to a person’s image. One would usually hear theses statements before someone causes a scene in a restaurant because the server hasn’t come to their table yet or before someone lashes out on the internet because someone else’s worldview doesn’t match theirs. Oftentimes, these statements are used to validate a poor decision, immoral decision or selfish decision. “I don’t care what people think about me” can often mean, “I don’t care how my actions, words and/or thoughts can affect others.” “Only God can judge me” can often mean “I am insecure or ashamed about my self image and attitude so instead of correcting it, I will refuse to acknowledge it”

You see what I mean?

Now this isn’t the case with all people. I have seen many people use the “I don’t care what other people think about me” when they are standing up for something they believe in that may not go along with the status quo or when they do something that makes them happy that other’s might find odd or silly.

I’m specifically talking about the concept of “The whole world’s a stage.” When people come see me perform, I have worked hard to give them a show they will remember. I have rehearsed all my lines to perfection, I have carefully plotted out my steps and my expressions, I have put on the my best costume, and I have inserted myself into the story of another person and I will do my best to tell that story with honesty, integrity and dignity. When the curtains fall and the audience erupts in applause, I know I have captivated them and given them my very best.

What if we applied that same concept to everyday life? Not everyone has the amazing experience of getting to act onstage but everyone gets to be the star in their own show called life. What if we put as much thought and effort into our words like actors do for learning their lines? What if we worked hard to tell the story of our lives with as much honesty, integrity and dignity as actors do to tell the story of the lives of others? What if we thought about how we present ourselves like actors think about how they act and emote on stage?

The show we would see everyday would be one worthy of a standing ovation.

So consider this, if the world is a stage, are you prepared to shine? Are you prepared to wow the audience with your performance? Are you willing to show the world your absolute best?

Be better people. Live a life worthy of a standing ovation.

#actorslife #acting #onstage #offstage #lifestyle #radiatepositivity #livelifewell #bebetter #dobetter #lifeadvice #support

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