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oodlesofdoodles-byparker · 3 years

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I posted this on my wtnv blog because I signed up under the wrong one oops

Better Late Than Never

This is my #goodomenssecretsanta gift for @dvdemoni !! Cutting it super close but it’s finished!!

Crowley wasn’t entirely sure why they attended this party. Pompous humans in stuffy formal wear wasn’t exactly their kind of scene. It was, however, the perfect opportunity to show up the humans at their own game.

They run their fingers over the black and red silk with a soft crimson smile. Moving through the ballroom, they flash a smile at all the attention they brought their way. Their eyes twinkle behind the mask fitted snugly to their face. There was only one man they were looking for this night. They knew he was here. He threw this party.

Then they spot the man in all white. The only man in pure white. Crowley skirts through the crowds until they were masked face to masked face.

“Madame.” Aziraphale smiles and bows at the waist.

“Was a large party under the name ‘Adam Serpente’ truly necessary?” Crowley raises an eyebrow.

“Well I had to make sure you would come darling.” Aziraphale’s eyes twinkle under his mask. “Without being obvious.”

“You could have just asked.”

“I could have, yes. But you do have a habit of turning down my invitations.”

Crowley opens their mouth to argue before realizing, yeah, he’s right. “Perhaps. But I have never known you to back down from a challenge.”

“You couldn’t let me win just this once?” Aziraphale offers his hand.

Crowley takes the offered hand. “Angel, you’ve ‘won’ multiple times. You just never opened your eyes enough to see.”

Aziraphale smiles softly, finding that he yet again loved the feeling of their hand in his. He pulls them closer and into a practiced waltz. “For how long will you stay this time?” He asks as they weave around the other couples.

“Angel you know it isn’t that easy.” Crowley tips their head to the side. “You know I want to but…”

“But you can’t. I know. I just wish for once…”

“You know it isn’t safe.”

“I know.” Aziraphale tightens his grip a little on their waist. “I just…”

“I know.” Crowley put a gentle finger to the angel’s lips. “We will figure it out.”

“When?”

“In due time. But for now we have tonight.”

—–.—–

The next time they run into each other, it’s a rainy night in the year of nineteen fifty six. Aziraphale stands looking into the window of a bookstore in a small town.

“You should go in.” A familiar voice behind him says.

Aziraphale turns and takes in the person next to him. The voice is deeper now but those eyes are unmistakable. “Crowley.”

“Hello Angel.” They smile at him. “Have you gotten shorter?”

Aziraphale’s eyes crinkle into a smile. “I think you’ve gotten taller. I haven’t changed much since Italy.”

Crowley hums and turns in a circle on their heel. “I think I like this look.”

“I think it suits you.” Aziraphale pauses and turns to look at Crowley with a bittersweet smile. “How long?”

Crowley exhales slowly and looks into the window. “Angel…”

“Was there even a point to you coming this time?” It sounded a little harsher than Aziraphale intended but he can’t bring himself to feel bad. At least, not at the moment. He knew it would hit him when he was alone again.

“I wanted to see you.” Crowley whispers.

Aziraphale takes a slow deep breath, doing his best to will away the sorrow building in his chest. “I can’t-” He exhales and watches his breath fog up the air. “Crowley I can’t keep waiting around for you. I need you to decide if you want me or not. I don’t appreciate being pulled around like a kite on a fraying string. I-” He makes himself look at the taller being beside him. “I know you feel the same way I do. But what I don’t know is if you are willing to admit that to yourself.”

“Angel please. Don’t do this. Lets just go somewhere. There’s that restaurant down the way. We can go and have a night.” Crowley starts to reach for the Angel but stops when he turns away.

“I need to know what you want. I can’t keep being jerked around. I’m sorry.”

“Angel please don’t go.”

“I think I need to be the one to walk away this time.”

Crowley watches him walk away with a heavy heart and wants to make themself follow but notices movement from the corner of his eye and turns. A demon who’s name that Crowley didn’t care to learn was watching them. How long has he been there?

Any thought of following after Aziraphale to try and salvage any good ties they has with the angel vaporize. “Leave him alone.”

“If you want that then you will do good to do the same.”

Crowley surges forward with a growl, balling their fist in the other demon’s shirt, lifting him off the ground. “You don’t get to threaten me.”

The demon gives a twisted smirk. “Consider it a promise.”

—–.—–

Many years and several mental breakdowns passed before Crowley saw their angel again. They wrote hundreds of letters that never felt right and just ended up a pile of ashes. They practiced speaking to a mirror but they only ended up breaking it in frustration. Eventually they took a deep breath. They knew what they had to do.

—–.—–

Aziraphale turns on the light to the bookstore as he crosses the floor. “Be patient. I’m coming.” He says aloud to the empty store. “It’s the middle of the night. Who could need my attention so much?” He turns on the outside light and pulls open the door. “I’m afraid we’re closed as-” His breath catches in his throat. “Crowley.”

Crowley smoothes their hands nervously over the soft black fabric, just as they had that night in Italy. The dress felt like a familiar friend, the silk hugging their skin. They hadn’t worn it since that fateful night. They had taken it off and thrown it in the back of a closet. Now they felt a bit strange wearing it at two A.M. in downtown London. “Hello Angel.”

Aziraphale leans against the door, confusion and sadness in his usually bright eyes.

“I know you don’t want to see me right now but I need just a few minutes of your time.”

Aziraphale takes a step back and tips his head. “Come in.” He finds himself saying, despite knowing he’ll likely regret this later.

Crowley follows Aziraphale inside, hearing the door click softly behind them.

“What do you need this time Crowley?”

“I…” Crowley turns toward him. “I had this big grand speech planned but it all seems pointless now.” They give a self conscious chuckle but inhales deeply when they take in the tired look on Aziraphale’s face. They feel their emotions well up and then- “I love you.” They blurt, almost yelling. “I love you and I think I’ve always have. I was just…scared. Scared of what that means. For you. For me. For…us. I didn’t think I deserved your affections.”

“Crowley…”

“Please… Just let me finish. Then, if you want, you never have to see me again.”

Aziraphale hesitates, then nods. “Upstairs.”

“Lead the way.”

Aziraphale nods and leads Crowley up to the flat above the store. He settles in the arm chair. “Why now? After all this time?”

Crowley paces restlessly along the length of the room, skirts swishing softly. They then stop suddenly and look at the angel. “I was scared. Of letting you down. Of hurting you. I would rather be smited than ever risk hurting you. I think that’s what took me so long. I wanted to prove I was good enough for you but then I kept messing it up. I know I can never be what you deserve but-if you’ll have me- I want to try. To be worthy for you.”

Aziraphale exhales slowly and stands, crossing the room and standing face to face with the being in black. “My dear…” He wraps his hands around Crowley’s. “You never needed to prove yourself to me. I have loved you since the Beginning.”

“So..we can try?”

Aziraphale gives them a gentle smile. “It took you long enough.”

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oodlesofdoodles-byparker · 4 years

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This is my #GoodOmensSecretSanta for @the-technicolor-whiscash 😊

"Please don't. Please don't go!" Azriphale begs.

"It's too late for me. You know that." Crowley puts his hand on Azriphale's cheek; likely for the last time.

"It's never too late." Azriphale's voice cracked, threatening to break. "Ask Her for forgiveness. I'm sure-"

"Zira….please don't make this any harder than it needs to be. You need to let me go. You are to good. You deserve better."

"I don't want to be good if it means losing you."

"You don't mean that." Crowley shakes his head. "I'm sorry. You need to forget me." He slides his hand from the angel's cheek to brush back a stray curl.

"I can't." Azriphale's voice finally breaks. Hot tears roll down his cheeks. "I could never forget you. I lo-"

"Don't." Crowley's voice shook with unshed tears. "Don't do that to yourself. You can't- I can't- just don't."

Aziraphale exhales slowly and puts his hands on Crowley's face. He feels the high cheek bones, with a light dusting of scales that sparkle in the sunlight. He looks into the yellow eyes that were once so warm and full of life. He takes a breath and on a whim, leans forward, he presses his lips against Crowley's and closes his eyes.

Crowley was not expecting the kiss. If anything, it made his heart break more. But he doesn't pull away. He can't make himself. He cups Azriphale's face and lets his own eyes close. He could feel his body starting to heat up as if he were being burned. He was being cast out. At this moment. He doesn't want Azriphale to see so he forces himself to not break the kiss. This was the last he would see of his angel.

Azriphale could feel Crowley's body heating up as if consumed by fire. It scared him and when he opened his eyes…..Crowley was gone.

-----.-----

Azriphale often thought about that moment. Throughout history it became obvious that Crowley did not remember. It stung like a slap in the face but it only made sense that She took away all memories of Heaven from the Fallen. They were cast out after all. He finds himself staring at the demon, perhaps willing him to remember. Or perhaps willing himself to forget. A few times he had accidentally stared to long and had to play it off as if it were nothing.

Crowley had begun to notice the staring. It wasn't hard to miss really. Could it-would he allow himself to hope? His hopes, were of course, dashed quickly. There's no way Azriphale could love him like that. He doesn't deserve it. But the stares didn't stop. If anything they became more obvious. They lingered longer as it appeared the angel was arguing with himself. Should he ask? But what if he's wrong?

Aziraphale chastises himself for still having these feelings for the demon. He knew as soon as he let himself give into the feelings, Crowley would be ripped away again. But. ..what if….?

"Yknow Angel…" Crowley sits down his wineglass and sits up in the chair he was currently draped over. “If you have something to say to me, you should just say so. It’s rude to keep people waiting. Ss also rude to stare with no reason."

Aziraphale freezes with his own wineglass halfway to his lips. Crowleys's words pull the angel from his thoughts. Busted. "I-I…" the words die in his throat. He can't lie but did he want to admit the truth?

"Is it me?" Crowley pushes his signature glasses up into his hair where they would no doubt tangle with the mess of curls. "Did I….did I do something wrong?" The unspoken question of "Are you going to leave me?" Hangs in the air between them.

The look of absolute heartbreak on Crowley's face made Aziraphale feel even worse. He takes a slow breath and sits the glass down. "No. You didn't do anything wrong." He pauses and licks his lips, trying to figure out how to word his feelings. "I...remember the Fall."

"Course you do. We all do."

"I also remember the last time I saw you."

"Oh." Crowley says softly. He doesn't remember that.

"You told me….you told me to let you go. To forget you." Aziraphale takes a breath. "You told me that I was too good for you. I-"

"I don't want to be good if it means losing you." Crowley whispers. How did he know that? Why did he remember that? What does it mean? Cold hands on his face make Crowley jump. His eyes snap forward and meet the bright stunning blue of the Angel's eyes. When did he get so close?

"I meant it then and I mean it now. Well...we aren't good or bad. Like you said, we're on our side. And-"

"Angel….does your rambling have a point?" Crowley asks softly, using all of his self control to not bury his face in the Angel's neck and inhale deeply.

"I lost you once." Aziraphale says, voice and hands trembling. "I'm scared that if I let myself give into what I feel….what if you get ripped away from me again? I don't think I would survive it." The last sentence was whispered.

Crowley doesn't answer for a moment. He had never seen his angel like this. At least not that he remembered. Wait. His angel? His angel. Crowley's mind was made up. He reaches up and hooks his fingers under Azriphale's chin. "I'm not going anywhere." He promises.

"How do I know that's true?" Aziraphale whispers.

"Because it's you and me against the world Angel. We are our side and nothing will change that." This time Crowley leads the kiss. Its gentle and a little clumsy but it doesn't matter. A lot was said in that awkward kiss. I love you. I'm sorry. I forgive you. Finally.

And as rain began to softly pelt against the window of the book shop, all was well within.

#good omens #aziraphel #crowley #good omens secret santa #ineffable husbands #angst with fluff #angst with a happy ending #first kiss

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