orphanmulcher

[orphanmulcher]

Genies can only grant wishes that are things that an ordinary person could do, just better and faster. The jinn are the creations of a divine being, and so they are part of the divine plan and cannot defy the natural order of things; a wish granted by a jinni can’t turn the day into night or the sea into yogurt, but if you wish for a temple to be built, a jinni will build it by hand, the way men do, and have it done in a day.

If you need a wish granted that defies the natural order you gotta catch a leprechaun, because no god was involved in their creation whatsoever. They just kinda showed up one day in the nineteenth century. The Aos Sí have no idea what their deal is

[orphanmulcher]

obsessed with the idea of deltarune asriel meeting the undertale kids at college. i hope he comes home with his phone absolutely full of shitty house party pictures like this

[orphanmulcher]

Pipe sprung a leak in the bathroom the other day and the cat came and bothered me about it and I can't stop thinking about it. She doesn't know what a towel or a mop is but she knew there was an unauthorised fucking Wet and she trusted my ability to rectify the situation

[orphanmulcher]

i want the ability to instill disparate concepts onto animals (the concept of houses, warts, midnight, etc) and like spend an afternoon throwing one concept at a time into a boar's brain and see how long it would take before you see the boar become visibly distressed as it starts connecting ideas together but has nothing to do with them

[orphanmulcher]

tumblr is a very curious website where someone with a url like dogcockrape will be the nicest sweetheart you've ever met but if you encounter someone with a url like scrunglygoblin they're going to be supporting misogyny or imperialism like 3 posts down on their blog

[orphanmulcher]

I'm not a prayin' man, but the night I found out my at-the-time-fiancé had been sending sex horny nasty horny sex asks to my friend on THIS VERY WEBSITE, I sat in the car in the parking lot of an abandoned church and watched a family of deer play in the snow, and it didn't quite feel like a sign because that part of Pennsylvania was mostly deer and abandoned buildings and snow, but it felt nice, and once the tears stopped, I looked down at my phone and my other friend had sent me a text that said, "HE'S TRYING TO CHEAT ON YOU ON THE ONE DIRECTION IMAGINES WEBSITE?" and I realized that life is all about your curated experience. A real choose-your-own-adventure deal. I have never seen someone post about One Direction on here in my life.

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[orphanmulcher]

Has science gone too far

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[orphanmulcher]

so polite

[orphanmulcher]

They found the last golden ticket . So that’s just it then . Fuck my stupid horrible pathetic life. Cabbage soup for dinner again , my stupid mothtsr. Grandpa Joe said he’s sorry but I know he doesn’t really give a fuck . And who gives a fuck about the other three old people in my house . Whatever their names is. Fuck fuck fuck it’s all worthless . They even made fun of me at school for only buying like 3 wonka bars. Nepo pricks . Fuck my stupid life it’s all fucked it’s all fucked . And my last name is bucket

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[orphanmulcher]

Came to me in a dream

[orphanmulcher]

“eldritch horror beyond your comprehension” and it’s just a generic monster with tentacles and eyes

[orphanmulcher]

its lucky seven!