oumisblog-blog

[oumisblog-blog]

Whatever it was, it was wonderful

People say forget and move on, yeah, cause it's easy to say it than yo do it. Missing someone isn't just an emotion. Missing someone who was a part of your life is missing a part of your soul. It's like they left and took with them a part of your heart.

You know how hard to wake up in the morning and relise that that person isn't a part of your day anymore. You know how hard to relise that you're not going to hear his/her voice everyday or almost everyday. It isn't easy to wake up and realise you will never know news about that person again, he will not be available there for you to listen to the silly things you did in your day. You're not going to wait late nights to talk and share your thoughts .You know how terrible you feel when you put your head on the pillow and all the memories start showing in front of your eyes. Like a trailer of a movie, and that movie would be called "Once upon a time".

That person used to be the person you want to talk to after each exhausting day, the one you complain to and share small jokes with even though you're both too tired to laugh wholeheartedly, the one who listens as you go on and on about life is treating you, the one who makes u smile when you're feeling low. The one who calls you from time to time to know how you feel from your voice. The first person who comes to your mind when something goes right or wrong. The one who understands your mood and deals with your anger, the one who knows your not perfect but loves you anyway, the one who shares almost everything with you.

Trying to deal with a situation that wasn't supposed to happen or an unexpected situation is harder that anyone could imagine. It's like you have no shoes and the only option to walk is to wear one smaller than the size of your feet.. It hurts!

The fact that a dear person with whom you shared everything, with whom you spent nights talking in nothing and everything is no longer that close; Kills! It"s like feeling extremly happy and you used to share it with that special person, but he/she isn't there anymore. It's like when you feel so sad and you only need a hug from that person, or just a few words to feel better, but you can't find him/her.

Missing someone is hard, you start imagining conversations that they would never happen, you start only blaming that person in your head, you start remembering the old you with a silly smile on your face that hide gallons of tears in the inside. You sit at night, staring at that dark sky, with that beautiful moon and shiny diamonds, suddenly, the beautiful period you both spent is being drew in the sky, and you have nothing to do but stare.

What a killing feeling when you hear a song you both used to like, or when you smell his/her frangrance while walking so you just stop and feel blocked and ask your self "Wait, what? Is he/she here? Is he/she walking next to me? What should I do? What if he/she saw me? Should I act normal? Should I say hy? What if he/she concidere me a stranger now?"....

It never ends, that feeling when you think about the memories between the both of you and beeing nostalgic for the days when you were together.

It's not that you miss something specific no.. you miss the whole presence their spirit, their heart maybe, or their aura. Whaterver it is, you know in depths of your soul that you can search every corner of the earth and still not find another "Them".

You'll wait a text from him, even if you are surounded by people, you'll feel alone, cause he is the one and only who let you feel safe and magical. You're going to tell your self why the hell is this happening, he has hurt me, but all you want is him. It will ripp your heart out of your chest. Yeah, you don't deserve to live this, and you deserve to feel better, but the thing is, you don't want anything more than him. Maybe the fact that you think you will never love again, maybe because he is the only one who can pull you from the darkest of your feelings into the light.

I have to admit it, I never knew the power of love until I had felt it and it honestly destroyed me. I'm just exhausted of taking upon so much pain as my heart cannot take it. I'll never forget you, the way I desperatly tried to hold on onto you, and the way you turned your head sideways, forgeting I was ever there.

I wish you knew that all I want is you even though you stab me in the back.. or maybe it's my own fault I stab myself in the back. I loved your flaws, I accepted you as you are. You replaced me! Why the hell! Or was it my fault again? Did I missunderstood you, did I put hight hopes? Did I dreamed a lot? How could you?

Well, now, it's probably the end of a long trip! I will never forget what we shared.

You know what hurts? I keep making excuses for you, like ,"Oh he is busy now" or "probably I'm bothering him" or "Probably he thinks about me".. But the truth that you don't! Cause if you did want to, or if you wanted to text me, then you would already do it! A men is never too busy for a women he wants to talk to.

I felt confused, one day you loved md and the next you don't. Strange isn't it? How fast someone's feelings can change ans there's nothing you can do but accept it. I have to sit there and accept the fact you're completely in love with someone who doesn't give a shit wether you come or go and frankly they would rather it if you didn't come at all. And that sucks.

Yeah, I know I've been jealous, and asking billion on questions, and it's not my right, cause we aren't in a relationship..

I never stayed mad at you, never! I'm emotional I know, I'm annoying too. I'm acting crazy sometimes, over protactive sometimes.. But it's only because you mean a lot to me. You have trust issues and I tried a lot to let you feel comfortable when you are around me and you can say what hurt you, but I failed. I wanted you to get you to trust me, to lower your defenses and let me in (I still want that). And I'm still in love with the idea of loving you. I wanted you to let me gently break down your walls, I wanted you to let me inside your heart so that I could really get to know you. You mask your feelings with rage, but I see through it. Because I don't think that I was in love with you, but do I feel likz I will never love someone like I loved you?

Now I'm forced to believe that you were just a random person like the rest. Sometimes it hurts to know that the boy who made you feel buterflies, is the same one who planted thorns in your heart. I wanted you to want me as bad as I wanted you, and all you did was treat me like I didn't matter because you assuled I'd always be around... but I'm not.

You may ask from now to whenever it take, why did I start to distance myself. I start to distance myself once I feel like I'm being taken for granted, or my feelings are stronger than yours. There's no point in calling, texting or keeping in constant contact with you like I did before. One day, you'll wonder why I'm no longer paying attention to you. Reciprocity is what I'm looking for, if you can't give me that, we're both just wasting our time.

Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don't care, but because they don't. When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don't have you best interests in mind.

I'm a detail person, I notice the small changes start beoing more obvious, the excuses start coming more frequently.. I notice! But I assure you, I can't force you to do something, I can't force you to communicate with me, I can't force you to keep your word, I can't force you to stay and fight. It's crazy how you were so excited to start a conversation with me, and now you only stay online with no text. It's crazy you can go from being excited to talk to me to feeling like I'm forcing the conversation. Where does the spark and infatuation from the beginning go? Once upon a time, you told me that you're going to stay with me till the end, forever.. Is this end? It's so dramating this change, we went from laughing about everything to arguing about everything.. I start wondering if the motions were real, if you did really care or I was just creating beautiful dreams in my mind.

I can stay writing a book of 100 pages and it would never end.. Well, in the end of this, there's nothing to add but, What ever it was, it was wonderful .