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Is this the beginning of something real? Or am I looking for ways to distract myself, ways to speed my healing process? I just want to be fair to you, to give us a real chance. But sometimes my heart just feels... blank. I don’t think I’m ready. Can we wait until we are both ready? Let’s see...
Silly pig :)
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Best wishes
Recently thought about you so I decided you write you this. I realized the more I got to know you, the more I began to dislike you. I did at one point like you, and that was only the first few months of getting to know you. After a little while, I quickly began to fall out of love. And that’s because your attitude towards life disturbs me. You say you’re motivated, you say you want to be a millionaire. But I’m not sure you are working half as hard as you think you are towards reaching that goal. Sometimes I feel like you’re all talk. You talk about self-growth. But I haven’t really seen you change one bit the two years I’ve known you.
Do you realize you tend to justify yourself a lot? Every time we argued or I busted your chops, you’d say “you knew I was like this” or “the world works like this”. Stop justifying yourself, it’s appalling. How are you growing when you are always justifying all your wrong-doings? I wish you would learn to reflect on yourself, be more self-aware about how you are treating others. I know me saying this will not change you one bit, but I do believe in karma and if you ever wish that someone truly love you in the future, you have to first be able to be a genuine, sincere man.
I got tired of waiting for things to get better, got tired of waiting for things to change. I was unhappy. Contrary to what you thought, I was very unhappy when I was with you. Sometimes I found it funny how you thought I was happy. Thought it was hilarious how you’d say I was complicated, when you have been sleeping with girls behind my back. Do you think I’d ever fully give you my heart when I knew you were seeing others? What were you even expecting lol? Sometimes I really think you’re pathetic.
Quickly, there was nothing to look forward to. You couldn’t even take me on a date. Yet you were had the nerve to see someone else for a whole week when I was gone. But it’s ok, at one point I only stayed because I wanted to have someone there. And because I knew you were trying. I thought several times to end things, but when I had the gut feeling you were seeing other people and after I saw the letter on your bookshelf, I knew I had to make the decision then and there.
In the end, although I still hate you for lying to my face several times, I will not say I wasn’t aware what I was walking into when I met you. You honestly had nothing going on for you. I want to be harsh because I want you to really focus to succeed. Stop fucking around, putting blame elsewhere, and justifying your actions. Maybe you want to live this way. If so, then it’s all you. Keep doing it if you’re happy. There’s just nothing I admire about it. Know that you were once lucky. I genuinely cared for you and had thought about being with you forever. But that was silly of me and that thought is forever gone. Obviously I have a lot of flaws too. But at least I respect others.
You wanted me to give you a second chance when I started seeing pharmacist and I did. You promised you weren’t seeing others but totally disregarded that a month after. I believe in second chances so I gave it. Know that you threw that away. Anyways, I wish you the best. I hope you will work harder and finally grow like you always say you are. Maybe you will find the right woman for you, but that isn’t going to be me. Thank you for the experiences, whether good or bad. Thank you for helping me learn and grow from mistakes. Know that you’ve made a positive impact in my life and I hope I did too.
I’m happier now that before. The me you knew was pessimistic and insecure because I never felt hope in us.
I hope you do succeed. When one day you finally make it, know that I’ll be happy for you. Although you’re someone who I will relate negative thoughts more than happy thoughts to, I know you’ve done things for me. And I truly did appreciate them all. Woobear doesn’t forgive but woobear still wishes that they are happy and healthy.
Best wishes,
Jenny
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It’s Finally Over
Wish it didn’t have to end the way it ended. But it is probably better that I found out.
A breath of fresh air. The taste of freedom.
It’s all going to get better :)
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Think I made my decision. Unless something dramatically changes, I think I know what I should do and probably should have done a long time ago.
I’m tired of waiting for things to change. Tired of being disappointed.
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i think I’m losing hope in this “relationship”...
I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of waiting for him to get his life together. Tired of him being indifferent about everything. I’m tired and I don’t know if I love him anymore. I think I need a break and make sure I still want to do this. I get bothered so easily by him and it ruins my day. It literally makes me feel depressed. I can’t worry all day about when he will finally “get paid” and not “be broke” because I feel guilty doing anything with him until he does finally get some money. I’m tired of feeling insecure about him cheating or talking to other girls. I’m tired of him ignoring my texts for hours. I’m tired of his one word responses. I’m tired of him attacking my feelings even more when we argue. I’m tired of lashing out of him when I feel insecure. I’m tired of his immaturity. I’m tired of his ways of thinking, “if I don’t mind you dating around, then I should be able to too”. Fuck that. Fuck you and your crooked ways of thinking that make me feel insecure. You’re cruel for keeping me. i should have let go a long time ago and gave other people a chance.
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Why am I such a brat. How can I be so mean and say he doesn't care when he's done things that clearly show he does. I ask for too much...I expect too much. I'm sorry I said those things :( I'm the one who's insensitive and mean. 1. When you helped me with applying to PA school. Constantly encouraging me and keeping me positive. 2. You drove me to school so I didn't have to go alone. You helped me move in and set up my room. I would have been a lot more anxious if you weren't there with me. 3. You let me be lazy and not leave the house to get food with you haha. 4. You hold me and make me feel loved. 5. You washed my dishes for me when I asked. 6. You drove to pick me up from KOP to go home. 7. You used to bring me right to my home every time after we hung out. 8. Do you remember when we walked around my neighborhood pointlessly and just talk about how weird I was? And I wouldn't even let you kiss or hold my hand at that time. Look at us now lol... 😏 9. You contacted my friends when you thought I was eaten by a bear when I went hiking 10. You took me out on Christmas and you said you never did that before with anyone. 11. You call me when you're worried I died or something. 12. When I said I think I have cancer you called me right away before I even responded to your text. Why do I think you don't care? 😞 I'm so sorry. I love you.
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1. We aren’t excited. All the guys I’ve dated make plans, want to do things together, get excited thinking about things we can do together. You don’t try at all. I suggest something, you brush it off. I mention it again, now I’m demanding.
2. You don’t know how to care about people. I’m upset, I need someone to lean on. You don’t catch the clue. Make sarcastic jokes. Give me one word responses. I say I had a bad day. You tell me “okay”. Why even try?
3. You’re selfish. I’m supposed to be always be in the mood when you are. Other than that, you’re sleeping. So what if I’m bored and can’t sleep. It doesn’t matter because you had your fun and you’re done for the night.
4. You criticize people. Poke fun at people’s lifestyles, telling them what they need to fix. Look down upon procrastination. I’m not sure you are being self-aware. Ask yourself how actually motivated you are. Look at how hard you’ve ACTUALLY tried and how far you’ve actually gone.
5. Learn to consider people’s feelings. Try to be in their shoes. When you do something, imagine how they are feeling. And before you complain about me, think about all the things you’ve done that could hurt me. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
6. You aren’t alpha. You’re just selfish and arrogant. Other guys who I’ve dated and you call beta, aren’t beta. It’s called being sweet and caring. Being a considerate guy who doesn’t take me for granted.
7. Don’t say you love someone when you haven’t learned to care. You are a lame excuse for a boyfriend. So don’t worry about having the title that you never wanted anyways because it’s “restricting”.
8. It’s not fine. I’m not happy.
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When the one you want to care most, doesn’t.
We all have worries. Sometimes we brush them off and ignore them. But there are times when we break down and panic. When stressors pile up and we really need the genuine words of comfort from certain people. When you’re not taken seriously, brushed off, ignored or given a sarcastic response...it really kills you. Thank you to those who are gifted with an empathetic heart, those who can take a minute and actually show they care. Thank you Bethany.
But you can’t expect everyone to understand. You can’t expect everyone to be able to sympathize the same way and give you the words you want to hear. It just hurts when the one who you want to care most, doesn’t.
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