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if you are an artist spamming writers on FFnet
I didn't even know we could block accounts on ffnet before I started getting these PMs
I'm on FFnet since 2006, never had to block ANYONE before in almost 20 years
Look how many ppl I had to block this week:
FFS stop harassing authors, no I don't want to commission art from you stranger!
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No More Sacrifices
NejiHina | 2,5w | Romance/What If | Read on AO3
For the NejiHina Week 2024. Themes: Wedding, Hyuuga Politics and Confession.
For more information about the NejiHina Week find @nejihinata
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"You don't have to do this, my lady" she heard his whispered voice thorough the paper wall and the amorphous anxiety that had been plaguing her for a week, since the end of the family reunion in which the news were delivered finally took form as simmering rage.
It was the night before their wedding. Their council ordained wedding. It was also the first time he had actually talked the her, for the past week, every time she tried to have a conversation with him, or even their evening tea, he had something more important to do. It was a double betrayal, because it had been years since Neji, from all people, had made her feel unimportant, and after the feat the pulled in the war... She didn't understand.
Hinata sighed, and closed her eyes and pressed her head against her silk pillows, trying to ignore him, ignore the boiling mixture of feelings threatening to spill from her, because she wasn't sure that, after everything, her feelings would choke and drown her as they used to, as she had molded herself to bottle in and show only propriety and the dignity expected of her would still hold, or if fury would spill from her mouth like a volcano and burn the walls of the compound down.
Maybe that's what should happen.
"Hinata-sama," they way he called for her, she noticed, after the battlefield, after he laid his life for her and survived only for a miracle, there was something of reverential in it? Or was she imagining it? Was she so desperate for being loved, the she was imaging it? "They cannot force you. And if you wish so, I will tell them I am opposed too."
But are you? She wanted to ask. Hell, she didn't. She didn't want to have to ask. Why couldn't he just say it? She was so tired of begging for clarity, of trying to read between the lines. He had put his body between hers and death so damn fast, and yet it took so long for him to just say what he meant by that. The elders offered her to him on a silver plate and he avoided her as if she had turn into the chore, the chain dragging him down. The same man, no, the same boy that had told Naruto-kun he gave his life for her.
And it seems she wasn't the only one who read more into his actions and words back them. She didn't think that producing the purest byakugan was the only reason why the elders decided to push the match as fast as they did. Hinata understood the way her father thought, this was his somewhat twisted way of rewarding his brother's son too. It never occurred to him that his way of doing things always forceful, violent, and created resentment instead of gratitude and any semblance of fairness.
The Hyuuga way, the way that robbed the people involved from all agency, from having any saying in their own lives and fates, could destroy something that was mended with tears and sacrifice, something that still needed time to heal completely.
"Of course," he continued, his voice had dropped had always been low, even as a young boy, and was dropping as he aged, even annoyed as she was with him, it still was something she noticed, something that did something to some ancient instinctual part of herself "my desires don't mean much," that last phase vexed her the most. What on world was he saying? His desires meant everything! Why was he still playing this charade of lady and servant? For crying out loud, he had been her commander in office at the war! "But I can make things hard by showing opposition, I have some leverage now, and I can even pretend ill intent towards you if necessary-"
"Stop it!" She whispered back, through her teeth, and he heard, and he obeyed.
Hinata kicked the sheets from her legs and stood up. She peered from her bedroom door, but there was still servants roaming the corridors, and she didn't want to give excuses. So, she locked, her door and opened, the window. He was nowhere to be seen, but she knew better.
She climbed over the window, and when she was about to jump to the ground, she felt him. His touch on her waist, his hand on hers, was tentative, he knew she didn't actually need help, but still was the noble, most courteous thing to do, to aid his lady in finding footing.
"Hinata-sama," his touched still lingered as he retreated and stood in front of her, "you are not wearing shoes."
She waited until his gaze rose from her feet to her eyes.
He was pale, maybe it was the moonlight, maybe he wasn't taking his medicine as she should this last week he had been avoinding her and she couldn't make sure - and that could be another reason why she was about to start shouting at him for the first time in their lives - maybe he was simply afraid, it didn't matter after what she was about to make very clear.
"I want to marry you."
He took a step back, flabbergasted. Neji frowned, almost looking angry, as if what she had said betrayed him somehow, and her eyes followed his movements as he touched his middle, exactly where he had been pierced by the largest boulder.
"What? But you love Naruto-"
Hinata wasn't sure what she wanted to hear after the clear straight statement, but that sure wasn't it.
"Do you t-think you know what I want better than myself?"
"I would never-"
She rose her hand, offended at the blatant lie. Didn't he even know how arrogant he was? How could a genius be so delusional?
"You would," she rose her chin to say right to his face. "Y-you have. You p-probably will think you know me b-better than I do myself in the future too, and I will have to correct you again. That's not the p-point. I just told you what I want. What do you w-want?"
That took him by surprise. And to his credit, it wasn't something he should be used to hear.
"Not like this," he finally said after holding her gaze for a while. "Not forced."
"I'm not b-being forced."
"Aren't you?"
For some reason she felt her face heating at his question, the way the rose his eyebrow or the proximity of their bodies as they continued their whispered verbal squabble. It occurred to her, that by now, they probably had already been seen, and if nobody was interfering, it was due to their soon to be changing in marital status. No anyone guarding her room that night or even passing by doing normal chores, they probably looked like normal nervous bride and bridegroom.
"No."
He scoffed.
"I am. I'm always being forced."
Hinata hugged herself and broke eye contact. She didn't understand, and he kept refusing to give her a straight answer. She didn't know what else to do. And after what he had just said, any inclination to force the truth out of him vanished. If all he felt he had of his was his secrets, his truth, what right she had to coerce it out of him?
"I'll tell them that I w-won't marry you, if that's what you want. Neji-nii-san, I d-don't want you to sacrifice anything else for me."
He flinched.
"Don't."
"What?" she gazed at him though her eyelashes, timid and deeply tired.
"Don't call me that."
Hinata sighed.
"I don't understand."
"You asked me what I wanted, I'm telling you. Don't call me that, I hate it, I always hated it."
She bit her lip and noticed him shuffling nervously, her own palms itched to touch him, but she didn't know if she should.
"I'm sorry," it was all she managed to offer, trying hard to keep her own hurt at bay.
"It's a lie," he continued, each word tearing her down further, but she had no right to complain, when she had asked for the truth, didn't her? "Because I'm not, I'm not your older brother, I have no standing to be called like that, Hinata-sama, I'm a lowly bunke member and..."
"I'm sorry," she said again, the tears were flowing freely now and she hated it, hated herself, but she couldn't help it. "I just... I w-wanted to make you feel included."
"I know. It was kind of you, it didn't stop me from hating it.... I don't want to be your brother."
She broke eye contact again, and took a few rattling breaths. Gods, she was so wrong. She was pathetic.
"You could have told me."
"I could," he said, and then, when she was sure he hated her again, when she was certain that the notion that he could have even been in love with her was wishful thinking, Hinata felt him touch her chin, bringing her gaze back to him. The pad of his thumb wiping her tears gently, "but you would look at me like you are right now, and I hate hurting you more than hearing you calling me that."
She swallowed and instinctually walked towards him, they were in all but name embracing now.
"Neji," the name rolled down her tongue without keigo so easily, like it was the most natural thing, stark difference from years for forced familiarity, "I don't understand it. I don't want to force you to say it, I don't want to force you into anything anymore, I don't have the right, I never did, but-"
"I don't want to marry you because your father," he finally explained, "because he feels guilty over mine, and what I did in the war," this other hand joined the first one, framing the other side of her face and Hinata leaned against it with a sigh. "I don't want to be rewarded for my suffering or sacrifice, it's not something meant to have a price tag, and you Hinata-sama... You are not something he can just use as a bargain coin. He has no right." He leaned towards her, and for a moment, Hinata thought he was about to kiss he, but his cursed forehead touched her clear one, he was so close, his breath fanning over her cheeks and lips. Her arms fell from her self hug and she hooked her hands on the flaps of his haori. "It's my deepest shame and source of agony that there is nothing that I ever wanted more than you. I've wanted you more than my own freedom, but I will not disgrace you like that. You don't have to pay for the flaws in my soul."
And suddenly, he let her go, taking a step back, only her firm grip in his clothes linking the two of them.
Hinata took a few sobering breaths, she was shaking like new bamboo. And then she pulled him back to her, Neji was so surprised, by her actions that he lost his footing and the both of them tumbled down, falling over the patch of jasmine bushes under Hinata's window.
"Hinata-sama!" He called scandalized as his body hit hers as they hit the floor and all he managed was to protect her head with his hands. "What are you doing?"
"W-what I-I'm doing?" She stuttered angrily from under him, still refusing to let go despite their complete impractical position. "What are y-you doing?!" She was marking each of her angry words with a little pull of his clothes, her face a mess of half-dried tears and redness, hair mussed by the fall peppered by jasmine petals, leaves and twigs. It all looked like a dream to Neji, but he didn't mind it, he didn't mind it at all. "You said, you said you wanted me and, and... Are you out of your mind? Who cares if it's too-sama of the devil himself offering, after the war if you know what you want and you can have it, you take it!"
"I won't condemn you to a loveless marriage."
That made her push him off her, and Neji thought she was about to leave and end that madness, but all Hinata did was sit down and look at him from above, her hair falling around her in dark silky waves, smoother than the night sky.
"Who are you to s-say it will be loveless?"
He remained there on the floor, transfixed.
"You can't mean..."
"I love you," she said simply, "I always did. As a brother, as a man. If I never said before it was because I thought you didn't want to hear it..."
"Hinata-sama... But-"
"Things are not b-black and white, they are not as simple as you like to p-pretend they are, yes," she turned her back to him, hugging her knees to her chest, "I fell in love with someone else too, but I still love you. It didn't stop. It won't'," she sighed. Neji rose to a sitting position too. Hinata turned to look at him, it was like she meant to lie her head on her knees, but his face heated when he noticed that she couldn't because of her large breasts "and I want to marry you. You. But only if you want it too. I won't force you. But you don't get to give up on you life like that again. Not in my name."
And then the most miraculous thing happened, Neji leaned in, and finally, finally, kissed her. It was the most caste, most proper touch of lips, and yet, years and years of hopeless longing, of love defying death, of hurt and hope and so much promise fit in that small act.
"Deal," he said against her lips before pulling her for another kiss, this time, Hinata threw her arms around his neck and let him pull her to his lap as she prodded the seam of his lips with the tip of her tongue. She felt her whole body tingle and heat gather in her middle when he let out a soft moan as she invaded his mouth exploring her new domain.
How on earth had him considered denying both of them that? They fit so perfectly, each stimulus rewarded with the most perfect response.
Was that really happening? Weren't them having a fight nastier than the chunnin exams just a few moments ago? Now she was pulling his hair as her meaty tights hugged his waist with the might of a powerful boar strangle, his lips released hers, as he sloppily spread kisses down her neck, her taste was intoxicating exploding in his tongue. His hands reached for the smooth warm skin of her waist and back, marveling at the thin barriers of resistance, her usual ninja gear was made of so many layers, but she was only in light silk night clothes on his lap and tomorrow night...
Oh. It was the first time he really considered it. That thought alone could end him, but she chose that moment to rocked in in lap and the pleasure rush was so powerful, he had to hold her hips in place firmly to pull himself back without making a fool of himself.
"Good evening" the heavily charged with sass voice that could only belong to one Hyuuga Hanabi made herself present interrupting the new lovers. "I think you guys will have time and a proper place to do that tomorrow after the wedding."
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I kinda knew this year's NejiHina Week would blow, because... It always does. It's like the last chance the universe has to fuck me over and this year didn't disappoint. But I don't want to talk about it. Well, happy birthday, Hinata. Happy birthday Ray, I wish you were here to read this one even if it's nothing special. I love you forever.
And you reader, leave a comment, will you? It's still free.
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The White Bird
NejiHina | 2,3k| Romance/Supernatural | Read on AO3
For NejiHina Week day 2 - Folklore AU
For more information about the NejiHina Week find @nejihinata
This is a Folktake AU inspired mostly in the Brazilian version of the Blue Bird Fairy Tale, that I grew up knowing as O Pássaro do Limo Verde/The Green Lime Bird. In my research I found out a Mongolian version too, and I'm taking some references from that. Because it is an AU inspired by Folktale/Fairytales it will follow what I call fairytale logic, so if the characters seem off, a little irrational and talk funny, it's on purpose.
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The heavens saw what he did on the battleground, they saw his sacrifice, and the cowardice hidden in his words. They understood that his sacrifice was not pure of hear, that it was a way to escape his cage and a future in which he would have to see his beloved marrying another.
And before his soul was released from the birdcage seal by death, the heavens locked him in another curse, so Neji could keep his mission and forever protect his princess. This time as a white bird.
The ornate cage and the exquisite bird were waiting in Hinata's room when the Hyuuga party came back from the war. How it got into the deposed heiress room was a complete mystery.
It is true that the most powerful warriors of the clan were away to fight, but it was still an unthinkable thing that a stranger someone could trespass the fortress wherein even the smallest child could see though walls.
Yet, there it was.
Beside her bed, next to the window, bathed by the moonlight, in a intricate cage of silver and gold, the most beautiful bird she had ever seen. It's snow white feathers shimmered emanating an iridescent glow a as it moved to acknowledged her presence and silver eyes where unmistakable, although tiny, byakugan. The bird rose his elegant head when he saw her, and sung, it was the most beautiful song she had even heard, out-of-worldly so, each note pulling Hinata's heartstrings and although, by nature, it didn't have any words, somehow, she knew what she had to do.
She filled her white gold wash basin with the crystalline water from the koi pond, scented the water with her own lavender and lilac perfume, and opened the cage's door. The bird perched elegantly on her white arch of her hand and waited for her to lead it to its bath.
As soon as the feathers touched the scented water, the bird was no more, and in is place, Hyuuga Neji showing no signs of harm or death. The only difference being that instead of green, his seal was now silver, and his complete lack of clothes.
Hinata gasped.
"It's you!"
It was as if something took control of her or maybe, for the first time in her life, she was allowed to just act, free from inhibitions, free from shame, free from proprieties, from shoulds and should'nots.
Her trembling hands reached for his face, marveling, at the warmth of his skin under her, the adoration in his eyes, completely bare from any artifice. How had she never noticed before? His eyes had never lied, never hidden, it was so obvious.
She kissed the droplets from his eyelashes, hot pillowy lips hesitating just a moment to ask for permission with her eyes before sliding softly to his sill moist cheekbones, hands cupping his jawline, shaking, desperate.
He didn't shy away from her desperate touch, he didn't ask questions although they remained in his surprised gasp at the end of their first kiss.
In the first night, she didn't speak either, fearing to wake from that magical sinful dream.
She realized he had been in love with her in those last moments where life left hies eyes, but she had been sure that she loved another, didn't she? She had laid her life for him twice, didn't her?
Why then when presented with such miraculous dream the urge to offer her body and soul to the one that has been her promised, her keeper, her teacher, her brother and her foreman was stronger than any love she professed to harbour to any stranger?
It didn't matter. When he kissed her back, she parted her lips to let his hot, moist tongue in, moaning at the exquisite sensation on having him so close and desperately aching for more. Hinata laced her arms around his neck, loving the silk softness of Neji's long chestnut hair and let him pull her to his lap rocking against his naked arousal against her clothed middle.
All thoughts of ever loving others dissipated when he, without breaking eye contact, parted the middle of her mourning kimono to free her left breast from its confines and holding it like a cup of the finest wine, took it to his mouth and sucked the tip until it perked rosy and taut.
And they made love for the first time on the floor of her room under the shadow of his cage cast by the moonlight.
Hinata woke up the next morning in her bed, but her she was mortified to find herself completely nude under the covers and her sleeping clothes folded neatly on her desk's chair.
The cage was exactly where she had left it, and the white bird on its perch, sleeping with its beak under one magnificent wing.
When she left the bed and padded her way to the front of the looking-glass, there were love bites all over her otherwise milky breasts and shapely thighs. Her face heated with the spreading blush, and she looked nervously over her shoulder to the bird, but it remained asleep.
On the second night, there was an attempt to talk, but soon enough she found herself bending over the same looking glass from earlier, while he took her from behind ans her elated moans filled her childhood room.
Now that she knew that it was not a dream, Hinata was trying hard to muffle her own noises of pleasure, putting her hand on her mouth , but he took her hand and kissed its palm and then held her gaze through the mirror before taking his other hand from her breast and pinching her clit making her come apart in a thousand starbursts.
He stopped thrusting and held her, spreading kisses on her shoulders while she came down from her high.
Hinata let out a whine when Neji pulled out and turned her around in his embrace only to carry her in his arms.
"Aren't you afraid of being heard?"
"No, this room is sealed by the same magic that keeps me in bird form, and," he added lying her on the bed and delicately peeling a piece of hair from her eyes, his own gaze playful, something she rarely saw after the death of his father, "there is little you fear after you die."
Her heart ached in her chest and her eyes glazed remembering the bodyless funeral they held for him after the war, and Hinata pulled him into an embrace, speaking against his ear in a shaky voice full of sentiment.
"Please don't jest over such matters."
He held her tight for a few moments before pulling away to look into her eyes.
"My apologies, but so you know, my lady, the only thing that can harm me until the seventh night is your betrayal."
"There is nothing to fear, then."
Her fingers slid from his face to his neck and down his chest, stopping a moment over the urgent beat of his heart, like the rustle of a bird's wings, and then she continued, marveling at the goosebumps that her touch was creating in its path until it reached his cock and gently pulled him inside of her again.
There, completion. And there were no wars, no evil goddesses, no curses, no losses, just him and the endless night.
In the third evening following the miracle brought by the curse from heavens, Hinata arrived late with the perfumed waters, the moon was already tall in the sky.
The white bird perched on her hand as usual, but as soon as he took human form, it was clear that something was wrong.
"You are late."
"My apologies."
She reached a hand to touch him, but for he winced and moved away,filling her heart with confusion, in his eyes tears of hurt and betrayal.
"I smell the fox in you."
Her lip trembled.
"Naruto-kun came to pay his respects."
"So you were with him," never his voice sounded so cold, not even in that battle when the cruelest thing he could call her was 'too gentle'.
"Neji-nii-"
She covered her own mouth in horror as with a heart wrenching cry he morphed back into a bird and flew away through the window.
Hinata waited by the window the whole night, her tears washing her face until the breaking dawn, but he didn't return, in the cage only a a pale, almost silver feather remained of the white bird.
Shaken, but resolute, she took the memento with her as she decided to go find him, no matter where he had went. She would find and say she was sorry, that she didn't know what to do with herself without him watching her shadow, that she didn't want to find out alone or by another's company. That she was wrong when she thought she could ever want for another. That she admired Naruto-kun, was grateful for the part he had in their life, in mending their relationship, but there was all. That she already belonged to Neji and only Neji. That she would never snub a heaven's given present as it was granted to them.
Like in that battle, so many years ago, she would make him listen.
If she had to go to the end of the world she would.
And that she did.
At the end of the world she first found the Moon surrounded by court ladies of stars.
The Moon, who was unstable by nature, understood doubt too, and who also had once misunderstood the Sun's, their brother, uncouth acts as betrayal, understood Hinata's beloved feelings too.
"O daughter of mine, to thy next phase I cannot take thee. But for thou art full of grace, be wary in thy path unto my sister, and shelter thyself with this veil of my ladies' weaving."
Protected by the silver veil the gentle Tsukiyomi granted her, the Hyuuga princess kept forward in her journey and when met with the unforgiving Sun, was not harmed by her violent scorching rays.
Amaterasu was resplendence, and wasn't for the veil, Hinata couldn't even look at her without losing her eyes to the impossible glare.
She was less understanding, and refused to talk to Hinata, who remained in pleading posture for five whole days and four whole nights until the Sun, took pity of her.
"I shall give thee this once, the one named after that which I touch, for thou art full of grace, and it is in my nature to cause the seed to bloom. Yet I cannot help thee alone. I see, my sibling, the Moon, hath helped thee, and my lord brother, Susanoo, shall not be as kind; but without him, to balance my heat, no bud shall sprout, nor flower turn to fruit, and thy beloved doth belong to him now. This is the day when the three of us shall meet, and if thy heart be true, and thy purpose unchanging, and thou canst endure his storm, then mayhap, mayhap, the one thou hast foolishly lost twice shall be returned unto thee."
"I'll do it, whatever it is."
"Art thou certain that this is that which thou desirest?"
"With all my heart."
"Then shalt thou earn it."
"Byakugan no hime," from far away, they heard the powerful voice of the storm's winds "When the time cometh, the Sun shall melt the shackles that bind thy beloved, and the Moon shall seal for the last time his destiny. But ere he becometh forever thine, thou shalt prove thy love worthy of the gods' favour, and walk the wedding path beside him, enduring all the might of my tempest. If thou dost not waver, if thou dost not fail, thou mayest have thy prize. But if thou hesitatest, even in thine heart of hearts, I shall know it, and thou wilt lose him forever; not in the next life shalt thou meet again."
"With him by my side? Not behind me? By my side for once? Oh my lord, that is all I ever wished for, there is no storm I cannot weather with him by my side."
As soon as the words dropped from her lips, the heavens opened, and the white bird came soaring towards her. Hinata, who haven't felt her beloved in so long, foolishly pushed the veil from her eyes and felt the full force of the storm pushing her down, still, she did not fall. She firmed her feet firmly on the ground and opened her arms, the bird, flew towards her, but instead of feathers and beak, it was with warm skin and silky hair that her embrace met.
She sobbed against his chest, mumbling apologies and promises of forever.
He held her face and before gods and the end of the world, kissed her, apologizing too, for his hastiness and distrust.
Each God served them three doses of rice wine from which Neji and Hinata sipped from each three times, both of them had tears of happiness when they finally bowed to each other, and when the left the end of the world to face the rest of their lives, they knew, not matter what happened next, they would be happily ever after.
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This was fun but also very hard to write!! I hope someone enjoy it LMAO.
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Hitsuzen
NejiHina | 866w | Melodrama | Read on AO3
For NejiHina Week day 1 - Fate/Destiny
For more information about the NejiHina Week find @nejihinata
Hitsuzen, the noun '必然 (ひつぜん)' refers to the state of being inevitable, unavoidable or bound to happen. It expresses the idea that something is a necessary consequence or result, and cannot be avoided or prevented. '必然' suggests a strong sense of certainty and predetermination. The Kanji are characters that represent meanings. This word is made up of 2 Kanji: The kanji "必" means "Inevitable" and "Certain" and can be read as "Hitsu" and "Kanara". And The kanji "然" means "Sort of thing" and "In that case" and can be read as "Sa", "Nen", "Zen" and "Shika".
Fate is what doomed you to yourself, in the prison of inadequacy.
Destiny doomed you to me. Or was it the other way around?
Have you been born a civilian princess or just a civilian, excuse me if it is harder to me to imagine you common even if not of shinobi blood, you would have been free.
But you wouldn't be mine.
Is it alright, my lady? If I don't regret it? If don't pity your sorrowful luck?
We, the one born in shackles, we don't want for much, so we have trouble denying ourselves certain less than pure desires, and we have even more trouble, pitying the ones born in privilege.
A caged bird can wish for the moon all he wants knowing that he will never have it. And, after all, if you know what you want and you can get it, there is little profit in wishing?
You can want for more and even get it. I will want for you my whole life and all I’ll ever have is your back.
Fate took one good look at me, unfit as I was to the live in captivity, but willing to sing my slave song contently forever if only to see you smile and laughed. It twisted destiny so the little I had was stolen to protect you, making me aware of the fact that my wings would grow bent and crooked unable to spread wide in confinement.
How unfair the path ahead of me stretched and that you, Hinata-sama, was not the moon.
Destiny made your eyes stray... I could love even the right to be your shadow and it was my fault.
Resentment is expressive, something I thought I could afford, but I forgot myself and my standing. When you think you have nothing is when you discover you have much to love and I, my lady, I lost you.
I lost you, well, that's a lie, and an arrogant one. I never had you, it was always the other way around and it didn't matter how much tempted fate and acted smart, some things are beyond the wills of individuals and someone born in captivity, my lady, I'm not even master of my own destiny, I have no way to buy my freedom, and even after fate drove me back to you... I had little will to fight for it.
I have little will to fight against anything that may drive me closer to you, and the warmth of your sunlit presence, I know, it's the closest I, a caged creature, will ever get to the sun.
But, fate is cruel, I've told you so many times, as destiny allowed me to return by your side, reclaim my birthright as your vassal, all that I rejected being for almost a decade; your keeper and shield. Later, due to your immense generosity, I also became your confidant and teacher, your friend.
I knew, it wouldn't last forever, and it would not be without cost.
The toil of having you so close, of seeing from the first row your growth and success, all the destiny defying hard work you put up in pursuit of another's acknowledgment weights in my heart.
Nights become sleepless, and my meditations are filled with torturing fantasies in which elsewhere in the universe, fate is kind and I remained faithful to you from the very start, and the place of beloved in your heart was destined to me.
Outlandish fantasies in which our love healed the old curse, and made us free.
Wouldn't that be something of a fairy tale?
I'm sorry, I sound ridiculous even to myself. I, who pride myself for being a pragmatic man, but you my lady, you are bad influence to me.
And when I touch you to fix your posture, and you look at me, drinking every word I say in our lessons together, when you smile... I can almost believe the impossible and that you might...
No.
Some desires can only hurt, and there is no profit in wishing for something you lost to your own hubris.
I shall remember my place in the family, in your heart, and don't tempt fate to take the little I'm keeping of us.
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We have a still very fatalistic Neji here. Not that he ever grew out of it. If anything he got worse in that aspect after the chunnin exams. He is around 15 in this story, hopeless in love with Hinata the poor thing. He does not get better lmao.
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THEY ARE LITERALLY LADY AND KNIGHT! YOU CAN DO TRISTAN AND ISOLDE, YOU CAN DO LANCELOT AND GUINEVERE, IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU
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I'm being very basic bitch here and picking Fake Relationship and we are winning by a landslide so I shouldn't even bother to make propaganda, BUT
It’s one of my favourite tropes ALL TIME!!!!!!!
And NejiHina can make it so much more adorable.
Picture it with me: on one side you have Hinata engaging in a fake relationship to not be married off as most princess are just for political reasons. In canon context that’s even more tense because Hinata has the power of making more byakugan, more of these rare war weapons, on the other hand you have Neji who is in love with her since he was 4.
THINK OF THE SHENANNIGANS!!!
THE PINING!
THE OOPS I THINK I'M PRETENDING TOO HARD
GIMMEEEE
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I’m just such a fan of What If as a fanfiction genre! And NejiHina has so much blank spaces to fill where we can pick and twist entire different timelines to them.
But I’ll let here a poem that fits this theme and that always makes me think about NejiHina from Hinata’s perspective:
By Edna St. Vincent Millay I think I should have loved you presently, And given in earnest words I flung in jest; And lifted honest eyes for you to see, And caught your hand against my cheek and breast; And all my pretty follies flung aside That won you to me, and beneath your gaze, Naked of reticence and shorn of pride, Spread like a chart my little wicked ways. I, that had been to you, had you remained, But one more waking from a recurrent dream, Cherish no less the certain stakes I gained, And walk your memory’s halls, austere, supreme, A ghost in marble of a girl you knew Who would have loved you in a day or two.
I just think Hinata would have loved him back if he was a little braver. Naruto was such a distant dream, and Neji was right there and at the same time far away because of the resentment he harbored for so long.
But what if he told her he didn't blame her any longer? What if he had let her know how he felt? What would she do then?
Damn it, Neji!
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Hyuuga Politics!!! That thing Kishimoto made up super interesting then completely forgot about, the wasteful dolt he is!
Not that I actually care about the old farts, or you know the torture, slavery and eugenics, I'm just a simple fangirl I want the arranged marriages with 0 verisimilitude to the real world LMAO
Give me slow burn, gimme the 'I've always loved you', gimme the plans to overthrow the council, the goddamn Hokage I don’t care, I want Hinata and Neji as a power couple making the best of their circumstances or changing their circumstances through alliances and ingenuity.
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A while a go I made everybody sad remind or making some of you realize that Hinata named not just one but BOTH of her children after Neji. If you haven’t read it yet, I’ll copy paste it here:
But DID she really have to name her children after him? Both of them???! Darling girl, I'm like your husband's boyfriend, I don't get over anything ever And I'm certainly not over the life of the death of your keeper He was born first but at the same time was born for you, he fell in love at the mature age of 4yo, he never even got a chance... And he tried to rebel, he spent 9 years to hate you, and the worst thing he could call you after putting so much work was "too gentle". Thanks to your now husband, he accepted his fate, he became your teacher, your shadow, your shield and then died for you because he knew, he would never have you and if you had just let that sit there If you had let him go Well, who the fuck I'm lying to 🤣 I'd not be over this whole shitshow even if she hadn't named the kids she had with another man after HIM BOTH of them, goddammit 🤣😭 And when @incensuous asked clarifications why I said both of the children are names after Neji, I said: Boruto is Bolt, another name for screw, you know, literally Neji. Neji is the only important Hyuuga character without a solar name, he doesn't need a solar name because his whole theme is doing round motions (his kaiten) searching for sunlight (Hinata is s sunlit place) you know, like a sunflower does.
Original post HERE
And I have you know that even waaaay before Gaiden, I was already naming NejiHina babies as “Himawari” on fanfiction and The Sims. Kishi totally stole from me.
And y'll have the moral obligation to vote "Sunflower" for the best theme of 2016
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I know I'm losing here, but I'll go down shooting and this is politics so I will be as low as I can get SO.
Despite have written and read AUs I'm an AU hater and it's my strong belief if that if you wan to read a fic in which the characters conserve nothing but name and physical appearance from canon you should logoff and read a fucking book.
You ain't a true intern of the Ninja Hell Institution if you don't want to think about ninjustu and silly sandals that expose your hero's toes, sweetheart, and you can't sit with us magic ninja weirdos.
SOOOOOOOOO, other than attacking the opponent I don’t have a lot of argument, my choice is Oath because I love the idea of making something very romantic, very old timey and dramatic.
Like, in my sick little head (and in canon, those were basically his dying words) Neji was Hinata’s protector not because of his status as bunke Hyuuga, but because he once made a promise, or oath, to protect her so his father death wouldn’t be meaningless. And that became love.
Mindless desperate love, so strong it killed him.
But go on, write the same tired beauty and the beast AU or some stuff nobody eveeeeeer did that, honey you are so original!!
(please, read this entire post as just me being super silly and NOT truly aggressive at all, it's all play fighting, I'll love every single work done for the event no matter the theme)
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PROPAGANDA
Now, hear me out!
NejiHina is a ship that tells an old story, it’s full of old motifs and tropes and no theme fits them most than the “Doomed by the narrative”, they are two people destined to each other from the start!
We have one side Neji initially with that fatalistic discourse of accepting one’s destiny because at 13 years old he is already crushed by his, but rebelling with his actions and with his feelings; and, on the other side, you have Hinata trying to hammer herself into a place she cannot for the love of her fit despite her birthright.
There you have: destiny as a bad thing. You can write and create stuff about that.
OOOOOOR you can write about them fighting fate and winning.
You can make art about them standing in for other characters that across the history of fiction have been defying the narrative and finding their own hubris.
Why not Orpheus!Hinata and Eudrydice!Neji? But his time she doesn't turn way because helloo?? Byuakugan!!! Fuck you, Hades! Of maybe he was in her blind spot OH NO!
I'm giving ideas for free here, people.
Write and make art about Neji following his final destiny and dying to protect Hinata because that hut less than living his entire life knowing that he would never have her.
Or you can just make fic/art/watever about how if THIS WAS A PROPER COUNTRY THEY WOULD BE TOTALLY BE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER BECAUSE I SAID SO.
Anyway, of course the other themes are good too, but that’s my favourite from 2014.
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⋆ ˚。⭒ ☾ Important announcement ☽ ⋆⭒˚。⋆
Is anyone excited for the NejiHina week???? 👀
This time it will be even more special because it will mark ten years of our wonderful annual event that keep this community together and this ship afloat and sailing in our hearts.
Ten whole years! Can you believe it?
We are so proud and full of gratitude for every one and each of you that contributed for the NejiHina community across the last ten years, may it be as creators with beautiful art and fic that make our hearts ache due to their brilliancy, may it be as fans with likes, comments and reblogs.
You guys are amazing! Absolutely amazing!
We are super excited for 2024's edition of the NejiHina Week because this edition will be more than special.
And to honour our history, instead of collecting this year's themes through asks as usual, we are counting on you to select the best themes from each year of edition from 2014 to 2023!
Starting from today 11/04/2024 till sunday 11/10/2024 we will be releasing pools for you to vote on your favourite theme from each year of event.
You are free to campaign for the theme you think should be picked, mod @pandoraimperatrix and mod @cyanis-art will be making their own propaganda posts too!
As always, we will be tracking the tags #NejiHina, #NejiHinaWeek and #NejiHinaWeek2024 so don't forget to tag everything so we can reblog and engage with your posts!
Have fun eveyone!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2014!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2015!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2016!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2017!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2018!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2019!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2020!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2021!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2022!
Choose a theme from NejiHina Week 2023!
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Reblog if you write fanfic and would be totally down with your followers coming into you askbox and talking to you about your fic
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Beyond Love
SasuSaku | 3k w | Blank Period| Hurt/Comfort | Read on AO3
Beyond love This man comes to me Heartbreak did this He was made to believe That he should live without it All I know's what I see No change in this Visions born in the dreams Of a world left without it
She was the same. Painfully so. Gloriously so.
In their first stop, helping to build a well in a tiny village on the border of Land of Fire and Land of Rivers, she had befriended every single worker and their mothers. He had never eaten so well in his lonely travels as he did since she joined him.
While peasant wives and mothers avoided his scary figure – a far cry from the attention he used to receive when he was a teenager – they were always all too grateful to his charming companion. And after the good doctor fixed all sorts of health problems their children, husbands and elders may be suffering from; the village women were all too happy to spoil Sakura with delicious food since she didn’t take money.
As they sat there, under the shade of a tree sharing their meal, from his darkness he observed her. It was not for the first time, once upon a time a habit from childhood that he hated in himself, sprouted back to life as if the long winter of half a decade never happened.
Sakura, in soft greens and the loveliest of pinks, spring made flesh, even after two weeks on the road with him.
She caught his gaze, and for once, Sasuke did not avert his eyes, hoping that the heat on his face wasn’t so noticeable, and feeling quite human, quite inadequate.
Her smile so freely given, the warmth of her feelings so obvious. How did she do that? And why? After everything he had done to her… After everything he had put her through…
And how did she make it look so easy to keep moving forward, to just... just live?
His jealous heart ached, his cursed eyes lowered, because he knew, it didn’t matter how long he stared, that was a skill he would never master.
***
“I can’t love you, do you understand, Sakura?”
Her smile didn’t fade instantly, but her ramble died in midsentence suffocated by the soft ruffling of the trees surrounding them.
Sasuke stared down at her, cheeks paling, plump lower lip only giving the tiniest of quiver before she took a ragged breath, composing herself.
He had once heard that Tsunade hid her real face under a jutsu. Others judged her vain for that, Sasuke, on the other hand, understood the ingenuity behind it, especially now, that his own appearance reflected better the evil in his past, and he wondered… Was Sakura’s dull eyes and gash-like smile also artifice?
And if so… what was she hiding?
“There is someone else?” she finally answered with her own absurd question, her voice small, but firm.
Sasuke who, unlike her, had fought all his life to hide his burning emotions behind an stoic facade, lost his composure , what kind of laughable answer with an question was that?
“What?” He scoffed, his body moving on its own accord to face her, breaking into her personal space as if they were about to start exchanging blows “don’t be stupid.”
In that fleeting moment, anger and frustration bubbling under his skin, he couldn’t decide what was worse: did she understand the reason beneath his question? And if she did, didn’t she care? Was she mocking him? Or she simply didn’t understand, and her own question was genuine? And if she didn’t understand at all why was she with him? Why was she doing that to herself? Why was she letting him hurt her again?
She looked amused at his reaction, throwing him in deeper confusion.
What had this disastrous conversation had become?
He had meant well, he was just trying to warn her. Couldn’t she see it?
Someone else?
Ludicrous.
“Oh… I see,” she said simply and smiled again, this time reaching her eyes, that he kept staring at with his own perturbed frown and twitching insides. He had forgotten that since from when they were children, sometimes Sakura made him feel… uncomfortable.
Sakura lowered her face, staring at her feet, Sasuke’s frown deepened holding back to what was about to come, what would have come if she made any sense. He felt a little sorry for calling her stupid, but it wasn’t in his nature to apologise (and Sakura was already fortunate enough to have been on in the receiving end of his voiced regret), and, on top of that, he was somewhat offended by her question.
Where the hell had that come from?
Did she really understand him so little?
“This is a mistake,” he finally blurted out rubbing his face with his hand and taking a vacillating step back.
“You invited me, Sasuke-kun,” now she sounded at least a little angry. With anger he could deal, he was not used to being on the receiving hand of hers, but still was something different from her latest mindboggling reaction and honestly insulting question.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” his answer came fast, too fast and filled with frustration. She didn’t understand, nobody did. The dobe got close, but still missed the mark and Sakura…
Sakura was biting her lip, staring at him with glossy green eyes, and it occurred to him that something broken could be so beautiful.
“Forget it,” he said and turned his back to her suddenly desperate to move, not daring to look back, half fearing, half expecting that, for once, she would pick herself between the two of them, terrified and hopeful that she would leave.
But she stayed.
And Sasuke found out that, thanks to that, could breathe easier.
***
Sakura was shivering, and even in clear distress, she conjured images of flowers in his head, a late flowering cherry tree shaking under the power of a summer rainstorm.
How could someone be so annoying even when they were asleep?
Not only she had taken her sweet time washing in the stream – he couldn’t understand the need since she still smelled like strawberries to him – and laid obnoxiously far from the bonfire he had lit.
At least she hadn’t bothered trying to keep the first watch like she sometimes would despite his refusals, and sometimes she would try to keep him company, babbling half the night away until sleep made her start bobbing head on his shoulder.
A moan escaped from her lips and she shivered again, Sasuke sighed and rose from where he was sitting, he fell to one knee, not quite sure of what to do. Should he wake her? Scold her for lying in the cold?
Sakura fussed in her sleep. How could she sleep so heavily knowing he was there? How could she trust him? She rolled to her back, arm arching around her head, threads of pink hair falling on her pink lips. Sasuke gulped and pulled his poncho over his head before covering her with it. She latched on it so fast his heart raced fearing being caught, but she remained deep in dreams, now contently wrapped, face pressed on the dusty knit, still warm from his body.
Sasuke stretched his lonely hand to her rosy cheek, but retreated before touching her, he stood up, and when back to his place by the fire.
***
“Sakura, are you done?”
“Just a sec, Sasuke-kun!”
He crossed his arms and took a deep breath, half-delighted, half-regretting it when his nostrils filled with her sweet strawberry scent still hanging to his poncho.
The cadence of her voice reached him first surrounded by male voice. Annoyed, Sasuke turned around. She was coming towards him, but walking half-turned backwards still trading pleasantries and advises with the young master, son of the local nobleman of the village they had stopped to aid, this time separately, Sasuke had helped fixing a mill while Sakura was being interviewed by scholars interested in her medical work and first hand account of the war.
He could have called her out again, he could have done many other things, but he let her walk directly into him.
Her body wasn’t exactly soft, not with the kind of build she naturally had or the kind of life they lead, and still… Guilt and pleasure spread from the place on his chest where her hands rested radiating to his entire body, like fire in dry woods.
“Oof, sorry, Sasuke-kun,” blushing prettily, like she did most things, she didn’t push away immediately, and Sasuke, beyond his best efforts, lowered his face just slightly, like a sunflower obliged to face the sun.
And then, he remembered the other man, moving slightly to send a warning look over Sakura’s shoulder.
***
“I should buy a poncho, too,” he didn’t answer, just continued sharpening his sword by the fire. “Where did you get yours?”
“A family friend.”
“Oh,” he waited for the next question, it was almost funny watching her struggle to ask him that could be a sensitive topic.
Once upon a time, Sasuke hated when people prodded in his business, he still didn’t care for it in the slightest. Twelve years old Sakura was always asking him the most annoying and useless things. He had no idea why his favourite colour mattered so much back then. And he regrettably could remember some instances in which her interrogation inadvertently touched memories from his past leading to spikes of anger. Since not only some memories hurt because they were sad, but there was those he tried to keep buried in some sacred place inside him, because they were good and somehow hurt even worse for being of a life that didn’t belong to him anymore.
“Can I meet them?”
“To buy a poncho?”
Her eyes glittered reflecting the fire as a smile curved those pink lips.
“It isn’t fair that I keep using yours.”
He found out that he didn't mind Sakura meeting the Neko-baa, but hated the idea of her getting her own poncho, because that meant his would stop smelling like too sweet strawberries.
“I don’t mind.”
And for a moment he didn’t let his guilt sour the warm feeling bubbling in his chest as he watched her face morph in surprise and then elation.
“That’s very kind of you, Sasuke-kun.”
***
He was in a bad mood.
Which, to be fair, wasn’t nothing new.
Sakura was ignoring him, well, as much as she could manage considering it was her and it was him.
Usually, ignoring him when Sasuke was in a bad mood was the best call. He even appreciated that, after a month traveling together, Sakura picked his cues and learned to just leave him alone until he initiated interaction again. Usually with some non-verbal behaviour, he would sit next to her by the fire or do something nice like mending her clothes.
After that time he told her he could never love her and she didn’t leave, he even took money for his work only so he could buy her dango, he felt ridiculous the whole time, but it was still worth it.
But this time ignoring him wouldn’t work, it wouldn't work because he wasn’t just in a general bad mood because of the weather, or because of pain in his arm, or because of a rude villager, not even his night terrors and flashbacks were the reasons, no, he was in a terrible mood, because of her.
They took a boat to the Hidden Mist, the idea was keep going east, Sakura was excited, couldn’t stop talking about how she didn’t know a thing about the Far East and how much research she could do and learn.
Sasuke just wanted to leave the Land of Lightening, people still remembered his wrongdoings there and, although he damn well deserved whatever way someone might to try to get revenge on him, Sasuke wasn’t alone anymore.
And Sakura had nothing to do with his sins.
It was as if he knew a storm was coming. He woke up queasy again, seasick, he heard Sakura chatting with a cabin boy the night before, and that had put him in even a fouler mood that only eased a little when she probably noticed his annoyance and followed him down to the cargo hold (where they were sleeping) and offered to help.
He tried to refuse her, still deeply irritated that one: his body was failing him in such an embarrassing manner; two: she was chatting about his weakness carelessly to complete strangers.
“Sasuke-kun, don’t be childish, seasickness is very common, you’re acting it’s like a horrible character flaw,” she said rolling her eyes and sitting beside him on a heavy wooden trunk.
“Fine.”
He expected her to do something about his stomach, it was where he felt the discomfort after all. Sasuke didn’t expect Sakura to get so close, and he couldn’t help but flinch when her hands approached his face, but she didn’t look offended, just smiled, always so understanding, and then, the rough pads of her fingers pressed against the bones close to his ear canal, Sasuke held his breath, suppressing the misguided urge to close his eyes and lean in.
Green chakra glowed softly making her eyes gleam in the penumbra, the ringing in his ears, that Sasuke didn’t even notice that was driving him crazy stopped, and the sickening feeling in his stomach eased first a little, and then all at once.
“Better?”
Sasuke breathed in slowly, under the salt, the fishy sea smell... strawberries.
His lone hand floated on its own accord, and he watched as his forever blood stained fingers dared to touch the precious threads of pink hair from her eyes.
“Thank you.”
The words had barely left his lips when, from the cockpit, shouts and battle sounds broke.
Pirates attacked, and for a brief golden moment everything seemed to be perfect as she fought alongside him.
It didn’t matter how broken he was, she was the best mednin in the world, surpassing Tsunade, there was little she didn’t have a cure for, and for what there was no fixing, she accepted him for what he was, didn’t her? Had she not proved it time and time again? She wasn’t like Naruto, trying so hard to force him to go back to some brief idealized past… No, since the beginning, she had always offered to meet him where he was, he had been the one to use the last scrape of decency to deny her.
But now…
Of course he didn’t deserve her, of course she deserve so much better than him, but as they moved side by side, it felt right, it felt good.
And then, she took a blow that was for him.
Her heart, the one she had given to him, unrequested, undesired, undeserved, stopped.
Sasuke stood there, his past and future, it was always the same. It would be always the same.
In his despair, the chidori cracked in his hand, but before it could reach its destiny the black threads spread from her forehead through her chest, like his cursed mark in the past.
Green eyes reflected the dying thunderbolt in his hand as Sasuke turned his back on her and finished the fight, freeing the ship from the pirates and providing the crew with safe journey.
***
“Sasuke-kun?”
He had seen her wasting her already depleted chakra reserves healing crew members and even some of the captured pirates after the battle, he had said nothing, but he hadn’t need to.
“Sasuke-kun?” She called again, and he hated it, he hated the concern in her voice, hated the part of him that still was somewhat afraid that this was somehow an illusion, that the sort of miracles she pulled didn’t truly happen, and if they did, they didn’t happen to him and to the people he cared about. She died in the cockpit just moments ago, he had seen it, he had caused it. “Wait!” He stopped his brisk walk when her hand reached his arm. “Are you hurt?”
Sasuke scoffed.
“Sasuke-kun, you are shaking…”
“You are going back to Konoha.”
“What? But we are going Far East-“
“No,” he turned to face her and grabbed her by the shoulder; he would shake some reason into her if he had to. “We’re not going anywhere, Sakura. You are going to Konoha.”
Sakura’s face morphed from worried to dignified anger as she absorbed his words.
“No.”
“No?” He, repeated, contempt dripping from his voice.
“No,” she stood her ground, unafraid.
Sasuke took his hand off her, clenching it. How could she still be so unreasonable?
“Sakura-“
“No, Sasuke-kun, listen to me, because I will say it as many times as I need until it sinks into this thick skull of yours,” she sucked a breath in and stared hard into his mismatched eyes, “I love you,” Sasuke opened his mouth, he couldn’t believe she was starting that again.
“No,” she rose a finger, “don’t you interrupt me, I’m talking, I love you. And this isn’t a curse, I won’t die tomorrow out of the blue, there is not tragedy coming towards us. Also, this isn’t some silly babbling from a stupid genin that doesn’t know better. I love you. It’s a fact. You can doubt all you might, you can tell me to leave, to go back home and never see you again. You can run far beyond east, go on, use your rinnegan, open a portal to the moon it still will be true there that I love you. You can’t stop it. No one can.”
He didn’t speak after that, what could he say?
Sakura healed his wounds in silence, but before leaving to the cockpit again, she added:
“You said you can’t love me. Whatever, Sasuke-kun. If you truly believed that I don’t think you would have invited me to come with you, or would be so worked up over what happened in the fight. I won’t pressure you into anything, but when you feel like it, you know you can talk to me.”
She was about to be out of reach when he asked in a small voice:
“Don’t you get exhausted?”
Sakura turned to him.
“Of what?”
“Me.”
She smiled and walked back to him. Sasuke just stared, suddenly feeling exposed and raw despite being her the one to had exposed her heart for him to see and do what he might. Sakura touched his face, and Sasuke’s lids trembled shut, his last defence gone.
“I love you,” she said as if it was the easiest, most simple thing in the world.
We really wanna know Beyond love All I know is what I see and I can't live without this Could you ever believe beyond love?
----------------------------
Happy birthday to the birthday boy (Sasuke) and to the birthday girl (ME!)!!
This fic came through an epiphany, I’ve always understood Sasuke, we share more than a birthday, you see, but Sakura, Sakura was always hard to figure out. I was always very angry with Sasuke, shad real tears, honest. But I did get him and why he did the things he did. I could never fit in my brain why Sakura kept loving him though and then… I don’t need to understand. People don’t love “because”, love is beyond reason. And I’ve decided that I’d try to apply that to myself a little, but it is okay if I don’t always succeed. I’ve been just like Sasuke all my life, since birth one could say, p’untended, but I should be like Sakura too, and love myself, my Sasuke-self, beyond reason, beyond the C-PTSD, autism, ADHD and all the other brain fuckery.
Oh, and Beyond Love of one of my favourite bands in the world, Beach House, helped a lot to give body to the idea of this fic. I recommend not only Depression Cherry that got a little famous thanks to TikTok but all the other albums too, I’m really partial to Devotion and Bloom.
If you liked the fic and read the oversharing leave a comment, it will make my (birth)day!
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Beyond Love
SasuSaku | 3k w | Blank Period| Hurt/Comfort | Read on AO3
Beyond love This man comes to me Heartbreak did this He was made to believe That he should live without it All I know's what I see No change in this Visions born in the dreams Of a world left without it
She was the same. Painfully so. Gloriously so.
In their first stop, helping to build a well in a tiny village on the border of Land of Fire and Land of Rivers, she had befriended every single worker and their mothers. He had never eaten so well in his lonely travels as he did since she joined him.
While peasant wives and mothers avoided his scary figure – a far cry from the attention he used to receive when he was a teenager – they were always all too grateful to his charming companion. And after the good doctor fixed all sorts of health problems their children, husbands and elders may be suffering from; the village women were all too happy to spoil Sakura with delicious food since she didn’t take money.
As they sat there, under the shade of a tree sharing their meal, from his darkness he observed her. It was not for the first time, once upon a time a habit from childhood that he hated in himself, sprouted back to life as if the long winter of half a decade never happened.
Sakura, in soft greens and the loveliest of pinks, spring made flesh, even after two weeks on the road with him.
She caught his gaze, and for once, Sasuke did not avert his eyes, hoping that the heat on his face wasn’t so noticeable, and feeling quite human, quite inadequate.
Her smile so freely given, the warmth of her feelings so obvious. How did she do that? And why? After everything he had done to her… After everything he had put her through…
And how did she make it look so easy to keep moving forward, to just... just live?
His jealous heart ached, his cursed eyes lowered, because he knew, it didn’t matter how long he stared, that was a skill he would never master.
***
“I can’t love you, do you understand, Sakura?”
Her smile didn’t fade instantly, but her ramble died in midsentence suffocated by the soft ruffling of the trees surrounding them.
Sasuke stared down at her, cheeks paling, plump lower lip only giving the tiniest of quiver before she took a ragged breath, composing herself.
He had once heard that Tsunade hid her real face under a jutsu. Others judged her vain for that, Sasuke, on the other hand, understood the ingenuity behind it, especially now, that his own appearance reflected better the evil in his past, and he wondered… Was Sakura’s dull eyes and gash-like smile also artifice?
And if so… what was she hiding?
“There is someone else?” she finally answered with her own absurd question, her voice small, but firm.
Sasuke who, unlike her, had fought all his life to hide his burning emotions behind an stoic facade, lost his composure , what kind of laughable answer with an question was that?
“What?” He scoffed, his body moving on its own accord to face her, breaking into her personal space as if they were about to start exchanging blows “don’t be stupid.”
In that fleeting moment, anger and frustration bubbling under his skin, he couldn’t decide what was worse: did she understand the reason beneath his question? And if she did, didn’t she care? Was she mocking him? Or she simply didn’t understand, and her own question was genuine? And if she didn’t understand at all why was she with him? Why was she doing that to herself? Why was she letting him hurt her again?
She looked amused at his reaction, throwing him in deeper confusion.
What had this disastrous conversation had become?
He had meant well, he was just trying to warn her. Couldn’t she see it?
Someone else?
Ludicrous.
“Oh… I see,” she said simply and smiled again, this time reaching her eyes, that he kept staring at with his own perturbed frown and twitching insides. He had forgotten that since from when they were children, sometimes Sakura made him feel… uncomfortable.
Sakura lowered her face, staring at her feet, Sasuke’s frown deepened holding back to what was about to come, what would have come if she made any sense. He felt a little sorry for calling her stupid, but it wasn’t in his nature to apologise (and Sakura was already fortunate enough to have been on in the receiving end of his voiced regret), and, on top of that, he was somewhat offended by her question.
Where the hell had that come from?
Did she really understand him so little?
“This is a mistake,” he finally blurted out rubbing his face with his hand and taking a vacillating step back.
“You invited me, Sasuke-kun,” now she sounded at least a little angry. With anger he could deal, he was not used to being on the receiving hand of hers, but still was something different from her latest mindboggling reaction and honestly insulting question.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” his answer came fast, too fast and filled with frustration. She didn’t understand, nobody did. The dobe got close, but still missed the mark and Sakura…
Sakura was biting her lip, staring at him with glossy green eyes, and it occurred to him that something broken could be so beautiful.
“Forget it,” he said and turned his back to her suddenly desperate to move, not daring to look back, half fearing, half expecting that, for once, she would pick herself between the two of them, terrified and hopeful that she would leave.
But she stayed.
And Sasuke found out that, thanks to that, could breathe easier.
***
Sakura was shivering, and even in clear distress, she conjured images of flowers in his head, a late flowering cherry tree shaking under the power of a summer rainstorm.
How could someone be so annoying even when they were asleep?
Not only she had taken her sweet time washing in the stream – he couldn’t understand the need since she still smelled like strawberries to him – and laid obnoxiously far from the bonfire he had lit.
At least she hadn’t bothered trying to keep the first watch like she sometimes would despite his refusals, and sometimes she would try to keep him company, babbling half the night away until sleep made her start bobbing head on his shoulder.
A moan escaped from her lips and she shivered again, Sasuke sighed and rose from where he was sitting, he fell to one knee, not quite sure of what to do. Should he wake her? Scold her for lying in the cold?
Sakura fussed in her sleep. How could she sleep so heavily knowing he was there? How could she trust him? She rolled to her back, arm arching around her head, threads of pink hair falling on her pink lips. Sasuke gulped and pulled his poncho over his head before covering her with it. She latched on it so fast his heart raced fearing being caught, but she remained deep in dreams, now contently wrapped, face pressed on the dusty knit, still warm from his body.
Sasuke stretched his lonely hand to her rosy cheek, but retreated before touching her, he stood up, and when back to his place by the fire.
***
“Sakura, are you done?”
“Just a sec, Sasuke-kun!”
He crossed his arms and took a deep breath, half-delighted, half-regretting it when his nostrils filled with her sweet strawberry scent still hanging to his poncho.
The cadence of her voice reached him first surrounded by male voice. Annoyed, Sasuke turned around. She was coming towards him, but walking half-turned backwards still trading pleasantries and advises with the young master, son of the local nobleman of the village they had stopped to aid, this time separately, Sasuke had helped fixing a mill while Sakura was being interviewed by scholars interested in her medical work and first hand account of the war.
He could have called her out again, he could have done many other things, but he let her walk directly into him.
Her body wasn’t exactly soft, not with the kind of build she naturally had or the kind of life they lead, and still… Guilt and pleasure spread from the place on his chest where her hands rested radiating to his entire body, like fire in dry woods.
“Oof, sorry, Sasuke-kun,” blushing prettily, like she did most things, she didn’t push away immediately, and Sasuke, beyond his best efforts, lowered his face just slightly, like a sunflower obliged to face the sun.
And then, he remembered the other man, moving slightly to send a warning look over Sakura’s shoulder.
***
“I should buy a poncho, too,” he didn’t answer, just continued sharpening his sword by the fire. “Where did you get yours?”
“A family friend.”
“Oh,” he waited for the next question, it was almost funny watching her struggle to ask him that could be a sensitive topic.
Once upon a time, Sasuke hated when people prodded in his business, he still didn’t care for it in the slightest. Twelve years old Sakura was always asking him the most annoying and useless things. He had no idea why his favourite colour mattered so much back then. And he regrettably could remember some instances in which her interrogation inadvertently touched memories from his past leading to spikes of anger. Since not only some memories hurt because they were sad, but there was those he tried to keep buried in some sacred place inside him, because they were good and somehow hurt even worse for being of a life that didn’t belong to him anymore.
“Can I meet them?”
“To buy a poncho?”
Her eyes glittered reflecting the fire as a smile curved those pink lips.
“It isn’t fair that I keep using yours.”
He found out that he didn't mind Sakura meeting the Neko-baa, but hated the idea of her getting her own poncho, because that meant his would stop smelling like too sweet strawberries.
“I don’t mind.”
And for a moment he didn’t let his guilt sour the warm feeling bubbling in his chest as he watched her face morph in surprise and then elation.
“That’s very kind of you, Sasuke-kun.”
***
He was in a bad mood.
Which, to be fair, wasn’t nothing new.
Sakura was ignoring him, well, as much as she could manage considering it was her and it was him.
Usually, ignoring him when Sasuke was in a bad mood was the best call. He even appreciated that, after a month traveling together, Sakura picked his cues and learned to just leave him alone until he initiated interaction again. Usually with some non-verbal behaviour, he would sit next to her by the fire or do something nice like mending her clothes.
After that time he told her he could never love her and she didn’t leave, he even took money for his work only so he could buy her dango, he felt ridiculous the whole time, but it was still worth it.
But this time ignoring him wouldn’t work, it wouldn't work because he wasn’t just in a general bad mood because of the weather, or because of pain in his arm, or because of a rude villager, not even his night terrors and flashbacks were the reasons, no, he was in a terrible mood, because of her.
They took a boat to the Hidden Mist, the idea was keep going east, Sakura was excited, couldn’t stop talking about how she didn’t know a thing about the Far East and how much research she could do and learn.
Sasuke just wanted to leave the Land of Lightening, people still remembered his wrongdoings there and, although he damn well deserved whatever way someone might to try to get revenge on him, Sasuke wasn’t alone anymore.
And Sakura had nothing to do with his sins.
It was as if he knew a storm was coming. He woke up queasy again, seasick, he heard Sakura chatting with a cabin boy the night before, and that had put him in even a fouler mood that only eased a little when she probably noticed his annoyance and followed him down to the cargo hold (where they were sleeping) and offered to help.
He tried to refuse her, still deeply irritated that one: his body was failing him in such an embarrassing manner; two: she was chatting about his weakness carelessly to complete strangers.
“Sasuke-kun, don’t be childish, seasickness is very common, you’re acting it’s like a horrible character flaw,” she said rolling her eyes and sitting beside him on a heavy wooden trunk.
“Fine.”
He expected her to do something about his stomach, it was where he felt the discomfort after all. Sasuke didn’t expect Sakura to get so close, and he couldn’t help but flinch when her hands approached his face, but she didn’t look offended, just smiled, always so understanding, and then, the rough pads of her fingers pressed against the bones close to his ear canal, Sasuke held his breath, suppressing the misguided urge to close his eyes and lean in.
Green chakra glowed softly making her eyes gleam in the penumbra, the ringing in his ears, that Sasuke didn’t even notice that was driving him crazy stopped, and the sickening feeling in his stomach eased first a little, and then all at once.
“Better?”
Sasuke breathed in slowly, under the salt, the fishy sea smell... strawberries.
His lone hand floated on its own accord, and he watched as his forever blood stained fingers dared to touch the precious threads of pink hair from her eyes.
“Thank you.”
The words had barely left his lips when, from the cockpit, shouts and battle sounds broke.
Pirates attacked, and for a brief golden moment everything seemed to be perfect as she fought alongside him.
It didn’t matter how broken he was, she was the best mednin in the world, surpassing Tsunade, there was little she didn’t have a cure for, and for what there was no fixing, she accepted him for what he was, didn’t her? Had she not proved it time and time again? She wasn’t like Naruto, trying so hard to force him to go back to some brief idealized past… No, since the beginning, she had always offered to meet him where he was, he had been the one to use the last scrape of decency to deny her.
But now…
Of course he didn’t deserve her, of course she deserve so much better than him, but as they moved side by side, it felt right, it felt good.
And then, she took a blow that was for him.
Her heart, the one she had given to him, unrequested, undesired, undeserved, stopped.
Sasuke stood there, his past and future, it was always the same. It would be always the same.
In his despair, the chidori cracked in his hand, but before it could reach its destiny the black threads spread from her forehead through her chest, like his cursed mark in the past.
Green eyes reflected the dying thunderbolt in his hand as Sasuke turned his back on her and finished the fight, freeing the ship from the pirates and providing the crew with safe journey.
***
“Sasuke-kun?”
He had seen her wasting her already depleted chakra reserves healing crew members and even some of the captured pirates after the battle, he had said nothing, but he hadn’t need to.
“Sasuke-kun?” She called again, and he hated it, he hated the concern in her voice, hated the part of him that still was somewhat afraid that this was somehow an illusion, that the sort of miracles she pulled didn’t truly happen, and if they did, they didn’t happen to him and to the people he cared about. She died in the cockpit just moments ago, he had seen it, he had caused it. “Wait!” He stopped his brisk walk when her hand reached his arm. “Are you hurt?”
Sasuke scoffed.
“Sasuke-kun, you are shaking…”
“You are going back to Konoha.”
“What? But we are going Far East-“
“No,” he turned to face her and grabbed her by the shoulder; he would shake some reason into her if he had to. “We’re not going anywhere, Sakura. You are going to Konoha.”
Sakura’s face morphed from worried to dignified anger as she absorbed his words.
“No.”
“No?” He, repeated, contempt dripping from his voice.
“No,” she stood her ground, unafraid.
Sasuke took his hand off her, clenching it. How could she still be so unreasonable?
“Sakura-“
“No, Sasuke-kun, listen to me, because I will say it as many times as I need until it sinks into this thick skull of yours,” she sucked a breath in and stared hard into his mismatched eyes, “I love you,” Sasuke opened his mouth, he couldn’t believe she was starting that again.
“No,” she rose a finger, “don’t you interrupt me, I’m talking, I love you. And this isn’t a curse, I won’t die tomorrow out of the blue, there is not tragedy coming towards us. Also, this isn’t some silly babbling from a stupid genin that doesn’t know better. I love you. It’s a fact. You can doubt all you might, you can tell me to leave, to go back home and never see you again. You can run far beyond east, go on, use your rinnegan, open a portal to the moon it still will be true there that I love you. You can’t stop it. No one can.”
He didn’t speak after that, what could he say?
Sakura healed his wounds in silence, but before leaving to the cockpit again, she added:
“You said you can’t love me. Whatever, Sasuke-kun. If you truly believed that I don’t think you would have invited me to come with you, or would be so worked up over what happened in the fight. I won’t pressure you into anything, but when you feel like it, you know you can talk to me.”
She was about to be out of reach when he asked in a small voice:
“Don’t you get exhausted?”
Sakura turned to him.
“Of what?”
“Me.”
She smiled and walked back to him. Sasuke just stared, suddenly feeling exposed and raw despite being her the one to had exposed her heart for him to see and do what he might. Sakura touched his face, and Sasuke’s lids trembled shut, his last defence gone.
“I love you,” she said as if it was the easiest, most simple thing in the world.
We really wanna know Beyond love All I know is what I see and I can't live without this Could you ever believe beyond love?
----------------------------
Happy birthday to the birthday boy (Sasuke) and to the birthday girl (ME!)!!
This fic came through an epiphany, I’ve always understood Sasuke, we share more than a birthday, you see, but Sakura, Sakura was always hard to figure out. I was always very angry with Sasuke, shad real tears, honest. But I did get him and why he did the things he did. I could never fit in my brain why Sakura kept loving him though and then… I don’t need to understand. People don’t love “because”, love is beyond reason. And I’ve decided that I’d try to apply that to myself a little, but it is okay if I don’t always succeed. I’ve been just like Sasuke all my life, since birth one could say, p’untended, but I should be like Sakura too, and love myself, my Sasuke-self, beyond reason, beyond the C-PTSD, autism, ADHD and all the other brain fuckery.
Oh, and Beyond Love of one of my favourite bands in the world, Beach House, helped a lot to give body to the idea of this fic. I recommend not only Depression Cherry that got a little famous thanks to TikTok but all the other albums too, I’m really partial to Devotion and Bloom.
If you liked the fic and read the oversharing leave a comment, it will make my (birth)day!
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FE Aspec Week Day 7 - Free Day!
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wip
“I should buy a poncho, too,” he didn’t answer, just continued sharpening his sword by the fire. “Where did you get yours?”
“A family friend.”
“Oh,” he waited for the next question, it was almost funny watching her struggle to ask him that could be a sensitive topic.
Once upon a time, Sasuke hated when people prodded in his business, he still didn’t care for it in the slightest. Twelve years old Sakura was always asking him the most annoying and useless things. He had no idea why his favourite colour mattered so much back then. And he regrettably could remember some instances in which her interrogation indivertibly touched memories from his past leading to spikes of anger. Since not only some memories hurt because they were sad, but there was those he tried to keep buried in some sacred place inside him, because they were good and somehow hurt even worse for being of a life that didn’t belong to him anymore.
“Can I meet them?”
“To buy a poncho?”
Her eyes glittered reflecting the fire as a smile curved those pink lips.
“It isn’t fair that I keep using yours.”
He hated the idea of her getting her own poncho and his stop smelling like too sweet strawberries.
“I don’t mind.”
And for a moment he didn’t let his guilt sour the warm feeling bubbling in his chest as he watched her face morph in surprise and then elation.
“That’s very kind of you, Sasuke-kun.”
Coming soon "Beyond Love" a blank period SS fic
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