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Dedicated to you

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A small test read from the story „Muse of the Past“ that I‘ve been working on.

Hope you enjoy!

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I was waiting at the other side of the bathroom door as I heard my brother collapse onto the toilet. Whenever I took a deeper breath, I could smell his scent on my shoulder - sweat and alcohol infused together. The toilet flushed after a while and the sound of water flowing broke slightly muted through the creaked open door. I’ve seen these doors more often than, I could remember a conversation with him that lasted longer than 10 minutes.

“I told you to stop coming here,” he said, and let the fabric of his sleeve soak up the water that dripped down his chin.

Yet I always found myself wanting to hold him up.

“If you wouldn't practically live here, then I wouldn't bother.” My words sounded harsher than in my head.

Cherith stumbled against the door before swinging it with his right hand back into the lock. The smell of urine and vomit penetrated my nose. I wonder if he has got used to it. He leans against the wall next to me while making sure to keep distance.

“Why do you act like you don't care and still show up?”

Eyes I knew by heart met mine.

Have you forgotten the blood that runs through our veins?

He didn't wait for me to answer, instead he started walking towards the white door at the end of the floor. While pushing the door open, he took out a scrunched up pack of cigarettes - possibly stolen from the old geezer sitting in the font of the casino - and disappeared out of my view. I remained still before following him outside into the cold November night. His expression is unreadable. It has formed to be a routine over the years. I would ask myself what he might be thinking and fail.

“How’s work?”, he broke the silence and allowed the smoke to take hostage of his lungs.

“Just like the last time you asked.” I leaned against the railing and immediately felt the icy temperature of the metal

My work wasn't what he really wanted to hear.

How do you talk to a stranger you once knew?

I believed he misses it sometimes, the freedom he taught me and the broken rules he now bounds himself to. After that, neither of us uttered a word. In the beginning, I would come get him and drive him home once a month. That turned into once a week, twice a week then thrice a week, twice a day, and he looked worse than the abandoned strays.

He had asked me once, while helping him get to his bedroom, if I only came to see how miserable he is. To remind myself that I couldn't fall as deep as he did and feel better about my own - I never answered him, and he never brought it up again.

This time it was no different. We both watched the sun surpass the horizon and colour the rooftops in a beautiful orange-yellow veil. And for a moment it felt like I was just a girl hanging out with her big brother again.

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Do you believe in soul mates or love at first sight?

I believe in the importance of time. Some say their love was at first sight or soulmates that were bound to meet. Though if none of them spent more time together than the moment of meeting, then even soulmates are just strangers to each other and the love at first sight stays a passing glance.

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Arches National Park, Utah photo: Elliot McGucken

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PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY ONE

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like what am I even for

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౨ৎ literally me <3

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Caught the moon hanging out in the bird bath this morning.

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From February 16 to 17, 1913 Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka First published : 1973

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why do i see you everywhere when i want to forget you at all

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Do you ever just ?

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me fr

cred: kendollisms on insta

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Are you coming?