paperraven

[paperraven]

Tim: eh, my parents were never around all that much because I’d complain all the time

Jason: let me guess, you’d always whine about needing more coffee?

Tim: yeah, like, mom this suit itches, and mom I’m tired I want to go home, and mom please don’t leave me again, and mom you said you would let me out of the closet if I was quiet for the next four hours, and mom you forgot to give me grocery money for this month, mom why do you never hug me like the parents do in the movies, mom why does dad keep saying you never wanted to have a child and you don’t love me

Tim: ha, I was pretty annoying

Jason:

Jason: DICK HELP I DON’T REMEMBER THE COMFORT WORDS DICK THIS IS A LEVEL 4 EMOTIONAL SITUATION NOT A DRILL

[Dick kicks down the door carrying Damian in one hand and Bruce on the other, Steph, Cass, Duke, being dragged behind them]

Dick [The moment he’s been waiting for screaming]: EMERGENCY GROUP HUG!!!!

[paperraven]

If you consume fanfic on ao3 and are 18+ and American I need you to lock in and call your senators saying you oppose a federal porn ban. This would effectively ban ao3 and being queer in public, among many other things, due to the intentionally vague language of the bill. I’m counting on queer tumblr and fandom tumblr to help me get the word out that you have to call your senators

[paperraven]

[paperraven]

Tim and Jason are currently in a tentative truce/alliance, and despite their history their loyalty to this truce is locked the fuck down. they REFUSE to wrong the other or partake in any kinda shenanigan bullshit that could effect the other, to the point where while at first the others were just relieved the two were bonding after their colourful first start, at this point they’re just concerned about the closeness of the two most feral members of the family; wondering if this alliance should be something to fear.

the reason for this alliance, is because both Tim and Jason realised very shortly after coming into contact with each other that neither of them has any sense of self control when it comes to being spiteful or petty. Jason has had 90% of his will to give a fuck and his self preservation stripped away from him via Lazarus pit and the other 10% clearly didn’t exist anyway(see: stealing Batman’s tires and hitting him with a tire iron when caught). Tim meanwhile is completely feral regardless; he had to have no boundaries to survive with less-than-present parents and surviving a grieving Bruce’s version of Robin-training. plus the whole business with the LOA and Ra’s? his sense of escalation got lost in the fray years ago.

the issue with this, the two found out shortly after Jason first started interacting with the kid, is that them fighting in any way starts to become like a pushing-two-magnets situation. neither of them have ever come across somebody with as little sense of control as they have, so neither of them ever consider backing down from any kind of battle or feud. they find the dangers of this when Jason trips Tim in the hall and within 12 hours it’s escalated to Tim shooting a bazooka into Jason’s favourite safe house while Jason sets fire to Drake manor, framing Tim for insurance fraud in the process.

any kind of battle of spite between the two has no visible end, and it wont even occur to either of them for a second to back down or apologise, simply because fuck it amiright?

Alfred finds them one day in the kitchen engaging in a ‘water fight’ with special metal water-guns that spew acid. Jason has been stabbed at some point, and is bleeding onto the floor. He only seems to recognise this injury in the perimeters of using it against Tim by swiping the blood across the floor to make him slip. Tim has barbed wire in his hair and a clearly dislocated shoulder but he’s ice skating in that blood towards Jason without a single beat missed. Alfred gets them to stop specifically to clean up his goddam kitchen, and, while they guiltily clean, he finds out the root cause of this fight.

the night before, Tim stole Jason’s pencil. that’s it.

slightly terrified for the well-being on his grandsons, he spends the rest of the day acting as a peace-maker/lawyer to draft up an ‘alliance contract’ between the two, knowing that the only way to keep them safe from both themselves and each other is to make them a team, forever and unbreakably loyal towards each other. it takes a sleepless night to draft up all the details but he convinces the two to sign it, making it both a bat-pact, a blood-pact, and a legal document. it is the most important document in the manor, and Alfred hides it in his own personal quarters just to ensure it is kept safe.

because of the contract Jason and Tim are no longer allowed to engage in any kind of fight. any kind of disagreement, no matter how little, must be brought to Alfred, something he knows he’ll lose sleep over but at least Tim and Jason will be safe- it also gives them incentive to compromise with each other because if they don’t then one of them will have to wake Alfred up in the middle of the night just to ask which one of them gets the last of the cereal. they have to become a duo, loyal to each other first and foremost and always reliable enough that the other can turn to them in need. it becomes a very serious deal, and after realising the danger their fights could potentially put the family in(Tim tried to poison Jason’s food once but failed to account for Dick stealing Jason’s food like a normal big brother would), they decide they need to take this alliance up with the upmost sincerity.

for the good of Gotham.

nobody else in the family is sure as to why the fuck ‘team red’ suddenly became such a constant rock-hard alliance between the two brothers, but Alfred has never been more relieved.

[paperraven]

Why can’t real life cities be 10 mile tall gothic metropolises with red and black and skulls and statues of weeping saints everywhere

[paperraven]

Is it just me or does my dog look like Nightwing

[paperraven]

Robins with robins with robins or something like that

[paperraven]

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian

[paperraven]

So y’all know how that scary Batgirl who can kick bad guys asses in 5 seconds? Yeah she’s definitely terrifying but she just walked into my job and we have those old capsule toy machines with spin dial thing and she just?? Pulls out quarters from her utility belt?? And buys the toy capsules and opens them on the floor until she gets the one she wanted? (It’s was a bat keychain btw) And then freaking BATMAN comes in and tells her that they have to go home now??? And she’s like ‘no’ and comes up to me and orders a number 5 in sign language, which I took in high school, and then Batman sighs and orders himself a burger and fries and I just stare at the striking resemblance between Batman and Batgirl, like I know people called Batman mother but this is crazy, and just mumble a ‘that’ll be $10.52, would you like to round up for the Thomas and Martha Wayne foundation?’ And Batman pulls out a HUNDRED dollars and says ‘keep the change’ so I’m like, ok??? And since I’m the only one working at butt fuck 4 in the morning I make their food myself and then hand Batman the tray and then Batgirl takes his hand and drags them over to a table and they eat together? Like a really cute father daughter date thing?? And they talk in sign, which most of which I can’t read one because I don’t wanna eavesdrop on this father daughter bonding time and two I’m not fluent in sign, anyway they leave and I swear Batgirl smiled at me through her stitched mouth covering so now I can say I served Batman and Batgirl? Also that Batgirl might be my favorite vigilante now

[paperraven]

EMILY: I think I speak for most of the BAU when I say we didn’t think we’d live this long, and we did not plan accordingly.

[paperraven]

“Without a gun, I look like a teacher’s assistant.”

[paperraven]

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!

We’ll find you Amanda.

[paperraven]

>tw blood and mild suggested self harm<

_Joker Junior and The Arkham Knight_

[paperraven]

good morning everyone!!! Guess what day it is

[paperraven]

Tim and Bruce getting into an argument bcs Tim demands to be independent and NOT get involved in the mess of being a legal part of the Wayne family, and Bruce being final on the fact that Tim is FIFTEEN and needs a legal guardian. out of spite Tim asks the person he thinks Bruce would approve of as a guardian the least to sign some guardian papers.

Tim: you don’t have to do anything parental i just REALLY wanna make Batman mad and i get the sense that our wishes align on that specific aspect so if you could just sign here for shits and giggles-

Red Hood:

Red Hood, rapidly changing his plans on how to deal with getting revenge on Bruce because his replacement is actually kinda hysterical: if we’re doing this we’re fucking doing it right, kid

Bruce shows up to Tim’s next parent teacher conference because hey just because he’s being given the silent treatment over this whole adoption thing doesn’t mean he’s going to slack off on his parental duties, only to freeze in the doorway because Tim Drake-Hood is stood there with his shiny new CRIME LORD LEGAL GUARDIAN giving him the most SHIT EATING GRIN POSSIBLE, and he almost has a panic attack on the spot.

Jason’s really getting into this whole caretaker thing. he’s doing school runs, delivering home cooked meals to Drake manor, helping with homework, this was his fucking CALLING. Tim is having the time of his life because him and Hood actually get along really well, but then he realises two weeks in that it turns out Hood is actually Jason fucking Todd, and he has to deal with the existential crisis of causing the very thing he was trying to stop because he is now technically a legal child of the Wayne family.

out of embarrassment for the fact that he failed and amazement at the fact that he’s bonding so well with Bruce’s dead kid and his own childhood hero (who is now a badass crime lord that lets him call for advice about english assignments while organising drug runs and picks up batburger on his way home from weapon shipments, seriously what more could Tim want in a parent), Tim somehow becomes even more invested in hiding Red Hood’s identity than Jason is.

Bruce has just been in a constant state of panic for the past three months and he doesn’t know what to fucking do. Dick was concerned for Tim up until he demanded to have dinner with him and his new ‘guardian’ to vet the guy and Jason, who stopped caring about his identity when he realised how much being a working dad agrees with his mental health and is only actively keeping his identity from Bruce for Tim’s pride’s sake, takes off his helmet to eat and Dick stares at him frozen for fifteen minutes across the table before finally pointing at the two and saying ‘you know what? he didn’t even tell me Jason was dead until after the funeral. whatever the fuck’s going on here? he has it coming. proceed.’

[paperraven]

please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts

[paperraven]

Good parents Janet and Jack Drake put Tim through those child safety courses where they teach kids how to protect themselves in case someone tries to kidnap them.

The issue is that Tim is a feral little gremlin of a child with a very strong understanding of public personas and knows to keep his feralness behind closed doors or where no one can see him. So in front of all the parents and instructors Tim keeps letting himself be too easily shoved into this car because he’s out in public and he’s supposed to be polite.

Jacks not having it. He’s not about to have his son shown up by little Suzy with the blond curly pigtails who screams like a banshee and kicks hard enough to end family lines.

“Tim,” he says pulling his 6/7 year old son to the side. “If you can go the rest of this session without letting them shove you in that car once, I will buy you whatever camera you want.”

“Plus accessories?”

“Anything you want.” Tim smiles in that oh so familiar way that swore chaos upon you and your kin and from where she was sitting Janet sighs, sending a text to their lawyer.

The next round is a free for all. Tim is cussing them out in Russians, then french, then possibly ancient Egyptian? (“who taught him how to cuss like that?” Jack asks while Janet hides turns her head to hide her smile). He’s punching, kicking, and there’s definitely biting involved. Somehow Tim managed to twist his way onto the instructors shoulders and has him in a child sized chokehold.

Needless to say, Tim gets that camera and then some. The Drakes happily pay for the instructors medical bill (just a mild sprain and a dislocated shoulder) and thank them for teaching their son the importance of not being kidnapped.

There’s a standing agreement between Jack and his son. Every time Tim avoids being kidnapped he gets some kind of new camera something. It’s to a point where Tim has a reputation in Gotham among the underworld as unkidnappable (not that it stopped people from trying).

Of course over the years Tim’s parents stuck him in multiple martial arts classes (on Tim’s request. This boy wants those camera’s) so more times than less he knocks out his assailants, takes a selfie with their unconscious bodies, and sends proof of avoidance to his parents alongside a link to whatever equipment he wanted.

This is all well and good until Tim becomes Robin. It shows up…I want to say three times that really stand out. The first time is with Ivy. Tim’s been hit with something that leaves him somewhat disoriented, but he’d trained for this. He’ll be fine. Ain’t no rogue getting him to a secondary location no siree. So he goes full feral mode and manages to knock out Ivy. To which he immediate pulls out his phone, takes a selfie, and sends it to his parents with a link because it’s habit and he might be concussed.

Within 24hrs the Drakes are standing at Bruce’s door with questions and also that new Camera lens Tim requested. Tim is hiding his face in his hands completely embarrassed because he does not remember sending his parents the selfie of him posing in full Robin gear with an unconscious Ivy behind him, but here we are. (The Drakes expect regular injury reports and also hash out a deal for Tim to stay at the manor whenever they have to travel. Also Tim’s grades have to stay up and he’s not allowed out during finals).

The second time is probably with the joker. There’s an Arkham breakout and Joker escapes and does manage to get Tim. The Bats are out in full force looking for him when a message pings in their group chat. It’s a selfie of Tim, looking worse for wear with a somewhat foggy look in his eyes, but theirs a feral smile in his face and a probably unconscious and not dead joker in the background.

“Talk shit get hit.” He’d messaged followed by a ping of his exact coordinates.

The most recent and most memorable happened post time stream shenanigans. Ra’s is a little too obsessed with Tim and Tim is just a little too sleep deprived to play along with the pseudo immortals mind games. When asked Tim will admit to remembering nothing, but the proof is in the family chat.

“Get good.” Followed by a selfie of Tim hugging what was probably a mug of coffee but behind him were at least 4 ninja’s and Ra’s Al Ghul himself slumped unconscious looking like they’d been attacked by a wild animal.

“Also I’m on a boat in the middle of Gotham Harbor can someone come pick me up plsssssss.”