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Going through old posts on here is so sad. I don’t believe for a second any of my old friends are still around, most accounts are deactivated or haven’t posted in as long as I haven’t posted here, but man I’d love to check in again.

I hope everyone’s doing alright. We were so young and so not well, it’s terrifying seeing some of the things I used to post and talk about. Don’t think I always realise how bad things were until I stare my 15-22 y/o self in the face.

What a place this used to be. If anyone from the old days happened to do the same as me and comes across one of my posts or messages, I hope they reach out. Same if any of you ever see this...please, don’t hesitate.

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I hate me. I shouldn’t. I know someone does. I know someone will, someone would, but I also know that no one will ever want me. Ever. How could they. I am beyond repulsive in every way.

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I want to feel like I feel when I’m asleep

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Kicked me out the fucking band, won’t fucking talk to me, doesn’t want to see his friends, is now using my fucking ideas. Fucking prick. Yet I’m the fucking bad guy.

Every time I feel a little bit good or a little bit ok, ever single time the stress and anxiety fade a little he and his fucking band are forced down my throat and I can’t fucking handle it

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I should be able to converse with people without being 5 pints deep

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Told another friend I ‘used to’ cut. Maybe gave it 6 words and moved on. Lovely. Why will no one just shut up and let me tell them stories about cutting? What’s so weird about that?

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Stina - Suffocate for Fuck Sake

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Pass through me like dark light Make my burden yours Let this pass from me Daughter of the dark Dance with me to the sound of God’s infinite silence And when the sun rises again I will be made new

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L, C, C, A, PG, A, K

All reasons for me to hate myself and wats to further the whole ‘being alone forever’ thing

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#still

Nothing ever changes…all the things ruining me right now are the same things that were ruining me two years ago and three years ago and four years ago. I’m so tired and so tired of all of it. I need change, any kind of change.

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I didn’t

I just want to end the year different.

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More friends than I’ve ever had

More alone than I’ve ever been

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maybe im not made for anyone