passionandpurposeblog-blog - Tumblr blog

passionandpurposeblog-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Sexuality: No More to say and so over it

A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?”

“LMFAO”

‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’

Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it.

I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.

What is it with the labels?

It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.

Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here*

“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!

I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?

But! And there is a But!

Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.

I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.

Awwwww did someone emasculate you?

I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.

I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid. About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie. So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’.

One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.

I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow.

As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person. I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to.

I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’

The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.

I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine.

I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)

Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!

Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me.

I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped��speaking about it back in my twenties.

Yawn.

No one owns me and no one dictates.

I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed.

Keep your own truth

#sexulaity #bisexuality fragility homophobia lgbt straight labels b52s #sexuality #cockhungry

1 note · View note

passionandpurposeblog-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Unleash the blog Within -UPWLondon review

I signed up for Tony Robbins, Unleash the power programme based on the recommendation of four people I respect and admire. I’m not going to talk too much about the content of the course in depth because that’s for you to discover, but here is my experience;

Day 1 – I did a little bit of research and decided that I would go down to registration the night before instead of the morning of. Good decision. I was told that people were queuing for hours to get registered and seated. After all, there are apparently 10,000 people so you can imagine this would be a lengthy process. I spoke to one of the UPW workers and she was very bubbly and happy, she would refer to Tony personally “Tony”. “ Tony loves that” “Well Tony usually says…” I didn’t know if she knew Tony Robbins personally or if she was brainwashed. I drew suspicious and no longer trusted her.

I arrived just before 12 pm, and much to the horror of some, this was actually another good move. I was there just before Tony came on and took a random seat, wasn’t the best but could hear very clearly and see the screens. There are so many people in the room, and you are in small chairs in banks, so you are constantly moving to accommodate people wanting to go in and out and toilet breaks etc.

My First impression of Tony Robbins was that he was this giant man with a large jaw. He looked warm and full of energy and certainly younger than his actual age. Seems like a person you would gravitate to with a natural charisma.

The lights went down, the club lights and music came on and 10,000 people had a rave. I loved it. Fist pumps ahoy. Everyone was going nuts. Here was our leader, this giant on the stage with two sticks beating a drum. It was primitive and raw and we were all ready to unleash….

The seminar began with lessons and exercises. “Say yes” Tony would shout. “YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS” we would scream with gusto and vigour and fists in the air. I felt like I was at the world cup live and England had scored. On the screen, we would read enabling messages like “LET Tony HEAR YOU”. “SAY I” and we would continuously have to call and respond and dance throughout the day and evening. It was tiring but allowed the energy to stay high. The overhead projections and speaker delivery reminded me of a cross between a Baptist Minister and Tappy Tibbons from Requiem for a Dream. I was waiting for the instruction to chant “Be Excited, Be Be Excited”.

The day played out well, some of the exercises were in pairs and groups of three so you got to meet new people which were nice. When it came to giving and receiving massages, it was a little silly and strange. You had to massage the person on your right, and then turn to massage the person on your left and of course I got the fat sweaty guy.

I paired up with a lady called Yasmin, who told me that she was scared, and that she really wanted to overcome here fears of feeling like a bad parent and not making decisions and that tonight would be the night.

In preparation for the legendary fire walk, we summoned into our peak state and in our thousands flocked barefoot along the ExCel centre chanting “ YES, YES, YES”. Again, it felt weird, and I started thinking about my perception of cults and if this is the kind of thing they do of an evening. Anyway, I got involved and convinced a security guard that the lady in front of me on a crutch is, in fact, my aunt and that I needed to be with her. She was being escorted to the front of the queue because of her bad leg. The guard lets me through and as I bumped up my place by 7,000 places I realised this was a strategic way of maximising my time, as per the teachings. I lost Yasmin in the crowd though which was a shame because I wanted to see her face as she completed the walk. :(

There was quite a queue outside leading up to the grass, which did move surprisingly fast. We were still busy chanting “ YES” and singing Seven nation army so time went by quickly. As my turn got closer and closer I started to become more aware of the coals, but still, I wasn’t scared. , I lead with my left foot, chest up, chin up and walked like a boss.

“Stop and celebrate,” a steward said as she attacked me with a hose pipe.

Celebrate? Celebrate? You’ve just doused my ankles in freezing cold water and now my jeans are soaked on a very cold night! FFS I thought. I then reminded myself I was on a retreat journey and to be nice. Also, It was really my own fault because I didn’t roll up my jeans.

After leaving the venue in barefoot, along the excel centre, down the steps, onto the gravel and then the wet grass. One develops ‘Asbestos foot’, thus making your foot fire & pain-proof. So no, the fire walk doesn’t burn.

After the walk, I could see people really cheering and screaming for joy, for victory…. I didn’t feel anything. Not accomplished, not courageous nor fearless. It dawned on me why….because I was never scared of the fire walk in the first place. It was never a fear I had to acknowledge or ever face up to. Being thrown into a nest of Tarantulas or zip walking off a building, yes you got me there. HELL NO! I’m trying to use the experience as a metaphor to conquer any fears I may have. I understood the lesson and respect it, maybe I’ll sign up for a skydive.

Day 2 – Woke up in my Airbnb bedroom in Poplar feeling like I had been hit by a train. I was so so tired. A combination of the training, dancing and generally long day. I arrived at the venue just as Joseph was starting. Grabbed an end seat in the gold section and was pretty content. I liked Josephs’ style and delivery. He was fun, modern and articulate. They played video clips of Tony over the projector, and this was actually quite enjoyable. A calm environment where you could just listen and absorb…..Some good lessons and some food for thought.

“NOW STAND UP” Joseph would say, and you would immediately have to get up and start dancing around again. This was to change your state. Ensuring your physiology was at its peak state ready to absorb.

After the day I felt more decisive in my decision making. Do it or don’t. When you commit, you commit and quit the BS.

I noticed people taking breaks when they wanted really, food breaks, catching up on calls/emails or when it had got too much. This was refreshing and gave me a sense of freedom knowing I could come and go without feeling guilty.

Day 3 – Transformation Day. Woke up at 7 am after a long sleep and felt really refreshed and ready for the day. The weather was good and I felt ready to transform. I got to venue pretty early and sat in the VIP section, my actual ticket selection. For two days I had sat in the gold section. The first day I didn’t even realise I was sitting in the gold section, doh. I just assumed it was packed. The views in VIP were better, but ultimately it’s all the same.

Joseph started the day and Tony came on a bit later. We were ready to go….

I noticed that there were quite a references made to God, and as an atheist, I began to feel a little uncomfortable and think I should find the exit. Decided I was as being a dick and I put this aside and carried on. The day was interesting, in the morning I cried with joy during the gratitude reflection. In the evening I cried with pain during the Dickens exercise. I felt lighter, teary relieved, exhausted….I left that evening around 7 pm. I know the seminar was until 11 pm but I felt that I had got what I needed for the day and I also felt I needed some me time to actually consider and reflect on what I had just been through and not take in any more information. There was also an upsell coming and I didn’t want to hear about another course to be perfectly honest. I wanted to master and understand me and what I had just been through. I met a guy on the train who had the exact same feeling and said he was done for today and wanted to just process it all.

A really really good day.

Day 4 – Another tired start. I think it’s been physically and emotionally tiring but I went in. Today I sat on the floor at the back and just chilled. The lessons were on Vitality and Health which were very informative and engaging. Even though we were on the last leg of the programme Energy in the room was still pretty strong and people remained committed. The talks are about exercise, diet, foods, meditation and medicines and I was quite tempted to do the 10-day challenge to see if I would feel more energised.

I noticed a lot of upselling on this day, a lot of kiosks filled with TR DVDs and papers to fill in. Lots of TR products, sign up here, sign up today, special price. It is all very QVC and Americanised, the layout, the font. Remember those adverts from your teens? Buy CD Hits vols 1 – 59 for only £99.99 plus +4.99 postage, plus a free gift, only today!!!. But it works….. For three days Bullet Coffee had been available on tap when you wanted it. The owner of Bullet does his talk and then boooooom…everyone is in the queue for the coffee, like, didn’t you walk past this, however, many times in the last three days?

There are other programmes you can buy/enrol onto, Business Mastery, Date with Destiny, Something else prolific which I’ve forgotten the name of. Business mastery is £5000. At that price, I’ll have three thanks! I overheard a lady telling the volunteer she would need to sell her jewellery to be able to afford the programme. I wanted to shake her and say, “No, don’t do it!” Then I remembered that a) it’s not my business and b) I do believe that fortune favours the brave. I hope she is successful.

Summary:

Unleash the Power Within makes you accountable. You do really have to address yourself and in those moments, address your bullshitting, procrastination, poor choices and general excuses. Why are you here if you don’t really want to try, don’t really want to change. Why have you paid all that money not to get involved? If the last 20,30,40 etc etc years of your life has served you so well, what are you doing in this room today?. There is something for everyone, something that we can all learn and take from Unleash the Power.

Take it for what it is, don’t be the miserable loner that won’t partake and don’t get too gassed that you are getting carried away and losing your sense of reality.

You have to commit, let down your guard and embrace it; Open your heart if you want to be healed.

For me, I feel that the cheesiness aside, it has been a valuable experience and a good time for me to self-reflect. I feel more equipped to face my fears, focus on goals and have better and healthier attitude. I can do achieve I want; I just need to ask myself how.

Here are some of my practical tips for your first UPW;

Eat – Lots of nutritious high protein and carb meals and snacks. The ExCel venue is good for food choices, and if money is no object then purchase away, they have everything from healthy to junk. The day is long and you need to keep your energy up. I would avoid sweets and chocolates because after you spike into a crash there is nowhere to sleep or snuggle and you are going to feel like shit. Stay alert and clean for the 4 days. Trust me.

Know – that Tony is there 2/4 days. Joseph takes over the other 2 days. This is totally fine.

Also Know they will upsell A LOT. It’s ok. Just be aware and make your own choices.

Sit – AWAY from the people with translation headphones. During quite moments this can be distracting.

Arrive - When you want to. If you were at a concert and wanted to be so close to the front that you could see the guitar strings then be my guest and start to queue at 4 am. UPW works on the same format. However, if like I, you can’t be arsed with queues and are not fussed on seating. Arrive just before the speaker comes on.

Pack – small and compact. There is no storage in the space, and you won’t really get a chance to do much else than UPW. There is a cloakroom £1 per item which is at the ExCel entrance.

Dress – Light but warm. Thin layers are the key, don’t bring overly big coats and jackets. The seating is so cramped, you will only find it annoying, uncomfortable and difficult to stow. I wear UNIQLO heat tech, which is super thin and yet warm. Also, bring a hoodie as the air con can become quite chilly, and it’s directly above your head.

Carry – A Flask so when they refuse entry with a hot drink, you are not that guy. ;-)

Bring – A Notepad, 2ltr bottle of water, portable phone charger (no sockets), recording devices.

Stay – close by or be prepared to travel. Remember the long queuing times at the venue and at the station can make a long day even longer. This is before you’ve even made your way home!

Speak – to new people. There is such a mix of people here you won’t believe.

Dance –as much as you can. Keep the energy up and prevent yourself from getting tired.

Ask - a security steward for a look at their programme. They have a specific breakdown of the weekend with start and finish times. This will give you a more accurate idea of what is going on and when. This will save you time and allow you to make better decision on breaks.

Enjoy –Really do make the most of it. It’s an experience, it’s a journey.

Carly Woodbridge

#tony robbins #upw #motivation #self improvement #knowledge #power #2017 #isthatyoumodean #gratitude #blog

0 notes