passive-phantom - Tumblr blog

[passive-phantom]

Wymack: Kevin for fuck's sake you're going to get carded

Kevin:

[passive-phantom]

fans of characters that hate vulnerability will be like “i cant wait until they cry 😍 cant wait until the weight of their emotions breaks them 😍”

[passive-phantom]

Okay first off! It's so refreshing to read a kink fix written by someone who is clearly older and knows what they are talking about. It makes a huge difference and shows up in the details, the significance of what color bands you're flagging, to sticking to experienced bottoms, to not being allowed to fuck on the bar, etc.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy a fic set in Kink World, but honestly this made me nostalgic for kink family and leather community and sex clubs in a really pleasant way.

I like how you're handling trauma and I like how you're handling the ways in which kink stuff -can- lean harmful if you're not careful, but has huge potential. It's so nice to see sub drop in a fic! I REALLY wanna see you write top drop.

You honor the original story while also making the characters your own in a way that's impressive and fun, and it's exciting to see trauma recovery take this shape. I'm always a slut for characters using their therapy skills.

I've got some con Crit too but let me know if u wanna hear that!!

Anyway I was sad you only have like two fics and I'm excited to read what comes next!

Ok so first off: Happy New Years!! I hope reading addicted was a fitting end to 2020 lol, I loved your comments over on AO3!!! And this turned into an essay since I love talking about addicted, so feel free to ignore the rest if you just stopped by for like... a Lite Chat lol. 

Also everything bdsm-related is going under the cut since I’m on mobile-browser-mode at work rn haha. If I can add tags at home later I will!! So consider this a ~content warning~.

So sub drop was something I really wanted to write about when I started this, right alongside top drop, and I’m definitely not done writing about either. Neil is going to have some intense scenes once he really gets into it with Andrew. Like... discover-new-limits kind of scenes, probably. (Because clearly I just can’t go easy on them, oops.)

But especially since I haven’t read a lot of top drop in fics (am I looking in the wrong places?? probably), I’m a huge sucker for that. And I kind of see Andrew’s past experience with subs (ie short-term, no-strings-attached, experienced subs who know their limits pretty well) as one way that he tries to avoid dealing with any drop after his scenes. Partly because he sucks at aftercare for his subs and himself and he knows that, and partly because he knows he’s not on steady footing mentally to deal with drop if/when it happens to him. Which: red flags. Making aftercare one of his limits is ... not a good sign imo, but Andrew thinks he knows himself well enough that he can just work around it (lol). And he’s tried to do that “responsibly” - he does make it clear to his previous subs what he can and can’t do for them (but that still doesn’t absolve him of that responsibility if it happens, y’know?). 

But Neil knows this about Andrew pretty much from the start. So Neil is arguably not innocent either. Except he doesn’t really understand what Andrew means when he says all that since Neil is still inexperienced ~as fuck~. He genuinely thinks he can accept what little Andrew offers him but he really doesn’t know for sure that will work for him. And I usually default to the more experienced partner when this kind of thing happens, so ... Andrew needs to be more responsible, and Neil needs to get some advice from someone more experienced. (Ahem ... paging Jeremy and Kevin.)

And I think that’s why there’s so much frustration between Neil and Andrew (but I could be wrong lol, there’s plenty of reasons to be frustrated with either of them). I don’t know if I’d call it miscommunication exactly, but Neil’s lying to himself about what he needs vs what Andrew can give him, and Andrew’s lying to himself about what Neil means to him and what he can actually provide in their dynamic. So I see them as trying really hard to communicate with each other but that’s hard to do when they’re still not being honest with themselves yet. Amongst other things.

And now that I wrote all of that, I’m probably going to reread it tomorrow and realize that I left something out or explained something wrong and I’ll probably disagree with half of it, but I’ve been sitting on this for wayyyy too long already so ... all of the above is subject to change. 

(Unrelated: I like to think Jean has helped Andrew in the past when he’s experienced drop after scenes, since Jean is an absolute pro and also Andrew’s friend and would notice that shit. And that’s part of why Andrew trusts Jean and thinks he’s a good Dom, since actions > words.)  

BUT!! One thing I’m not uncertain about: switching. Because Andrew asking Neil to Dom him? Ahahahahah it’s more likely than you think...... and by that I mean it’s 99% gonna happen as long as I don’t chicken out. And by THAT I mean that it’s already drafted and half-written for a future chapter. The problem is I haven’t decided if Andrew is going to throw himself into it on a self-destructive impulse or if I’ll take mercy on them (jk I have no mercy, it’s going to be a rough chapter). Hopefully no one will be too upset by that temporary shift in their dynamic 😬 but honestly I’ve been trying to subtly build up to that so when it happens it shouldn’t surprise anyone if I do my job well enough haha. And it’ll be tagged to all hell so no one accidentally finds themself in an unexpected scene. (And you clocked it hard when you said a lot of Doms learn by subbing first, I was like YES THANK YOU!)

Anyways, I’m laughing @ me only having 2 fics posted bc OH DO I HAVE SO MUCH MORE WRITTEN. It’s just that none of the rest get to see the light of day due to being incomplete and/or they’re of questionable quality, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in the darkness they shall remain for now. (That being said, I have a couple of different shorter things that I’m excited for that might start to go up late January/early February!!) sorry for talking your ear off lol and I will take any con crit you have! 

[passive-phantom]

girl i'm literally falling in love with your writing, just leaving this here :/

✨tysm✨ I’m glad you’re enjoying it!!

[passive-phantom]

Actually it's pronounced Jeans Moron.

[passive-phantom]

[passive-phantom]

They’re twins, but they’re not the same. One of them hates your obsession with exy while the other couldn’t care less.

[passive-phantom]

do you know what i think would be a fun job? author for very little kids. yes i will write about bears sharing a home together and becoming friends with the trees. maybe they make a delicious soup. there's an illustration of a sunset that takes up two pages. the babies read it and believe life is a good thing

[passive-phantom]

i love the way ur drafting it though can u include CUDDLING OF SOME SORT IDK 😔😔 i crave their affection (j a suggestion 😣)

affection,,, what is this thing I’ve heard of,,, lol jk yes definitely! Cuddling is a must in any sickfic tbh. Neil could have fever dreams or start getting really distressed or disoriented after like an entire day of feeling even worse/not getting better despite Andrew trying to help, and he wasn’t planning on crawling into bed with Neil because he doesn’t think he can sleep next to him. But Neil really shouldn’t be left unattended.

(oh God is this how Andrew calls Aaron for the first time in years bc Neil won’t let Andrew take him to literally any dr??? And google isn’t helping because webMD as usual is just like better plan your funeral, death is imminent. But Aaron’s in med school soooooo.....)

Anyways skipping over that, Andrew is willing to sit there awake all night if that’s what it takes. Then Neil makes the most pitiful sounds and it’s not like Andrew can just sit there and do nothing. He’s never touched Neil’s hair like this, never touched Neil at all with this much softness and care. He doesn’t know if he’s doing it right but he pats Neil’s head awkwardly for a while, like a sleepy puppy, until they both start to drift off. Even then, Andrew doesn’t stop, and Neil might end up using Andrew as a pillow, maybe Neil is sweaty and tries to take off his clothes, maybe Andrew swears he can’t relax enough to fall asleep like this but somewhere between the darkness and dawn, he starts to drift off. The next thing he knows, his fingers are threaded in Neil’s hair, Neil’s head is in Andrew’s lap, making soft snoring sounds. He doesn’t feel as hot when Andrew checks his forehead with his hand (can’t risk waking Neil to get the thermometer) and maybe this needs to be Andrew’s POV now that I’m thinking about it, then again Neil could be interesting to see how he accepts Andrew’s care 🥺 but it will have very soft parts, I promise!!!

[passive-phantom]

So we can take the world back from a heart attack One maniac at a time we will take it back (x)

[passive-phantom]

plss for one of ur chapters can u make it where like neil is sick & it’s just andrew taking care of him?? 🥲😔 thank u!

Yessss, I love this idea!! It will fit perfectly in like a 3 or 4 chapters from now? idk I have zero outline for this fic so who actually knows exactly when it will happen, but just know it’s now on the list!! Like after they get thru December and New Years and stuff ... sounds like a great time for Neil to really go thru it with like a good fever and maybe a cough and chills and delirium (what kind of sickness did I just give him idk)

And he’s trying to pretend like nothing’s wrong and go to classes like usual even though he feels like death and Andrew drives over to pick up Neil for Eden’s and takes one look at him and Andrew is like ✨uh, no, absolutely not✨ you’re going to sleep and drink this soup and have some tea and also shut up because you need to rest your voice and Neil is just,,, 😷 ugh. Wrap that boy in a blanket. And maybe Andrew thinks Kevin isn’t taking good enough care of Neil so it’s the first time Neil gets to see Andrew’s apartment and sleep in his big bed with his big comfy comforter. Andrew ends up sleeping on the couch or maybe he doesn’t sleep at all because he’s worried about Neil’s breathing that sounds all rattle-y and ends up sitting on the floor and watching him all night and -

[passive-phantom]

I’m trying to write but my mind is literally just playing this on repeat

[passive-phantom]

you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.

[passive-phantom]

In an ask about how bad Kevin is at friends (but slowly getting better), Nora gives us this and I had to crawl out of the void to share it.

proper friends

mutually adoring rivals

Not just mutually friendly rivals or anything like that. Not mutual respect rivals.

mutually ADORING rivals

I knew Kevin had it bad, but Jeremy isn’t just a wicked nice guy.

He adores rival Kevin.

[passive-phantom]

[passive-phantom]

Andrew:

(The rat belongs to @zoramania btw! Angery rat)

[passive-phantom]

matt, tearing up: neil. bro. maybe the real game was the friends you made along the way neil, patting matt’s shoulder: the game was always Exy but nice sentiment