path-to-the-dead-end

[path-to-the-dead-end]

Being cute was not for public consumption in Cassie's world, only in the private sector did she feel comfortable enough to be "cute." While Cassie loved doing any and everything she could to her hair, having to take care of it was a hassle. However, since she was going to be home for an entire week, she decided to do her hair up differently everyday and today was high pigtails!

Cassie was still doing work, but at least she felt cute while doing it.

As she was typing, something popped up on her screen and she saw it was an email notification. "Huh? Did I forget to respond to something?" She checked it and saw it was from Ankara.

He was saying he was going to be in the area and wondered if she'd be interested in discussing a few things with him. When she read that, she assumed he meant for her to respond. So, she did. Cassie simply stated she'd be willing to meet up with him, but wanted to know the time and location. That was that, and after she sent it, someone knocked at her door. She went to open it and found herself wanting to just shut the door, crawl into a hole and die.

There stood Ankara in casual clothes; which honestly didn't help her thirst for this man. Then she realized how she looked–Like a damn school girl!

He smiled at her silence.

"Um... I'm sorry, I just got your email." Cassie tried to explain her away unprofessional look.

"No, it's my fault." He began, "I just sent it after realizing I was going to be in the area. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you on your time off."

"You're not." I just don't want you to see me like this! "But I'm free to talk right now."

Not wanting to seem rude, she politely spared time for him.

"That's good. Again, excuse me for calling you out on such short notice."

Cassie moved out of the doorway, allowing him inside. As they walked, Cassie thought of something.

"Um... do you drink coffee?"

"It couldn't hurt to have some, but don't feel like you have to."

"It's fine, I'll be right back. You can wait in my living room."

With that, he found her orange love seat and sat down. Cassie went into the kitchen and pressed herself against the wall when she was sure she couldn't be seen.

What the fuck am I going to do? I can't change because he might think something's up and ask about it. I probably look crazy and now I have to sit and talk to him!?

Cassie sighed and got her kettle boiling. Maybe he doesn't mind... or maybe he likes this? I think I'm cute, but he might think this shit actually looks good on me! Is that a bad thing? I doubt if he'll try something, this is business after all... then again it's really not. What am I supposed to do?

Cassie agonized over her current situation. She stared at the kettle and found herself sighing once more. She got some coffee and a mug before getting her own mug and pouring some orange juice into hers. Once the water was hot, she poured water on top of the coffee she added and made sure not to spike it with sugar as she normally would.

She came back out and found Ankara staring at some papers in his hands. A sigh escaped her lips and approached the table, setting the coffee down before sitting across from him.

"Thank you," he said with a smile once he looked up. She simply nodded and began to sip at her own drink. "By the way, don't feel as though you have to act formally with me. This is your place and I understand now why you work from home."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Everything in here is perfectly made for comfort. An office isn't exactly the most comforting space; knowing you have a bit of anxiety, I can see that your house is set up to relax you."

I don't know how the hell you gathered all that, but thank God I didn't have to explain it. Cassie set her mug down before pulling her legs up into her chair.

"I'm glad it's just not seen as untidy."

Ankara chuckled and returned his attention to the papers he had in his hands before he started talking. Ankara took his time before he officially started their meeting. Their discussion was mainly about the revision of a piece Cassie had sent off to their editorial department earlier in the month.

Ankara talked to her about what he thought she should consider and the changes he felt were a bit unnecessary, but if she didn't want to consider his edits, she didn't have to of course. However boring this may have seemed, Cassie hadn't had more fun in her life. Just being able to talk about what she loved with a person who was knowledgeable in in it, was... unheard of.

Cassie found herself becoming more and more comfortable around Ankara by this point and her previously anxious thoughts had gone away.

"These are real experiences you write about?" Ankara suddenly asked.

"Well, the supernatural ones aren't real, per se, but my character's struggles have happened to me. For example, I've never had a boyfriend before, but in The Demonic Repentance, my main character struggles with the idea of loving another person. She also has to hide how she feels since he's a demon and she's an angel. I've always had to hide my crushes when I was a kid and even now, I don't know how to react when people like me. So she has that part of me in her personality." Cassie explained.

"That's amazing how a seemingly mundane thing can turn into an entire story for you!" She smiled at the praise. "But I assume that's a exaggeration, that you've never had a boyfriend."

Why the fuck would I joke about that? "I'm not honestly." She admitted. "When I was a kid, I was in two online relationships. I didn't know who they were and I'm sure one of them catfished me. Either way, those weren't really relationships, just two kids who were bored."

"Wouldn't that be enough? I'm not trying to label you as anything, but I know people your age are more into hookups."

"I guess. I don't know about anyone but me though. I consider a relationship full of love and understanding. I shouldn't have to act a certain way just because I'm dating someone." She let out a soft laugh. "I guess you could consider me kind of boring in that regard."

"Yet the relationships you write about are full of love. Exciting loves that's typical with youth. Sweet and touching love that happens over a life time, but none of that has ever happened to you personally?" He assumed.

Cassie's gaze wondered. "Besides my obvious problems, I've had a little issue where I don't feel like I want the same things others want out of relationships." She looked at her hands. "I feel like I shouldn't have to be expected to do things; like have pet names, to say I love you or even to have sex. I know it's a part of it, but why should that be the only thing a relationship is built on?"

Ankara's eyes never left he as she spoke, he leaned forward and spoke after a bit. "Then what should a relationship be built on?"

Cassie realized he what he was asking her. However, her honest thoughts were anything but serious. Should I say I'm shallow? I mean it wouldn't hurt and why lie?

Cassie smiled a bit. "It's embarrassing to admit, but someone's physical appearance is important to me. Not so much that they're attractive in general, but that I see my type in someone. Then their personality obviously plays a big role, I don't wanna date a jerk. I also am very picky." Not just with me either. "I grew up with three older brothers. Usually, girls kind of like people who act like their dad or brothers, but I couldn't imagine a life like that." Cassie laughed. "I just want someone I can talk to when I want and not have them tell me about their needs all the time. I know it sounds a bit selfish and rude, but I always consider others above myself, they shouldn't have to tell me about it. I've been told I'm somewhat vacant or mean when responding to people, so I really want someone who knows how they feel and how I feel. We care when it's necessary and have fun every other time, but I guess I'm asking for a miracle, huh?" Ankara let out a small chuckle. "Oh, I'm sorry if I went on for too long!"

"No, you're alright. It's interesting to see how your mind works. You'd never get that you were thinking about all that just by the way you look." And a few other things I guess. "But I'm more interested in you now than I was before."

What?

"Huh?" Cassie said with a baffled expression.

"I simply mean I'll be looking more into your writings. I'd want you bring out that side in your characters. We can't write all that out, so the best way would be to show it." Cassie stared at him unable to say much else, Ankara then got up and began to collect his things. "Thank you for taking the time to tell me all of that Cassie."

She got up as well. "O-of course, this is my life after all." He stared at her for a while longer and Cassie decided to make herself busy. "But, if you have to go, I won't keep you any longer." She began to collect the mug he had and hers to take into the kitchen. She was able to escape his gaze and calm down.

When she returned, he was already at the door. "Oh, I was going to mention this before, but I felt it wouldn't be appropriate. You normally look very formal when we meet, but I think you look absolutely adorable like this."

Cassie just stared at him, he chuckled and said his goodbyes to her before leaving.

Once the door was shut, Cassie stood there for a bit longer. It felt like time had frozen, but she eventually returned to her room. She held her knees and groaned.

"I guess trying to cute isn't so bad. I just hope he's the only one who ever sees me like this." She let out a sigh. "I can't do anymore today. I think I'll just die instead."

Right now, she wanted nothing more than seeing today end.

[path-to-the-dead-end]

The rooftop was quiet as usual, not even the wind was loud. Kali went up the ladder and eventually reached the top of the local market, a sigh escaped her lips and she walked over to a corner of the roof where she sat down and took out her bag. Inside, there was jewelry that didn’t belong to her, she was glad the one she swiped hadn't noticed, but he seemed fine without his third watch dangling from his wrist. The necklaces and rings were similar and she felt this was a good enough haul to get some decent cash from the pawn shop.

Right as she was about to put it up, she heard a scrape and looked up instantly. In front of her was a young man who stood stiff when her eyes landed on him. She tucked away the stolen goods and spoke.

“Why are you up here?”

The boy relaxed. “Can I ask you the same?”

“No.” Kali then got up. “If you’re not gonna answer me, then I’ll just go.”

“Wait a second!” He got in front of her, blocking her way to the ladder. “At least let me introduce myself. I’m Leios.”

Kali let out a sigh and begrudgingly spoke her name. “Kali…”

“Ah, very pretty name, does it mean something?”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Alright, fair enough.” Leios stopped talking after that, but his eyes kept going to her bag and eventually Kali huffed.

“What are you staring at?”

Leios pointed at her back. “That stuff you had… Did you steal it?”

Kali’s eyes went wide, but she shut them and looked off. “No, I didn’t. My mom wanted me to get her old jewelry back from my sister who lives across town.”

“Your sister couldn’t have visited to give it back?”

“She’s forgetful… she’s busy anyways.”

“Busy with what? Who’s too busy to visit their family?”

Kali looked at him with venom in her eyes. “A pregnant teenager, that’s who. She fucking ran away from home thinking we wanted nothing to do with her and we only found out recently that she got a place to live with her kid. Now get out of the way before I push you off!” Kali threatened and nearly started to push him.

Leios smiled at her and stood his ground. “I wouldn’t be up here for no reason—I’m not some mad man—no, I’m up here because I know you stole that stuff.”

“Oh really? So you’re accusing me of a crime you have no proof I committed?”

“No, I have proof.” Leios touched his chin, gazing downward. “You steal a lot in this area and my dad has been getting complaints of a thief. Knowing this would be good for me, I decided to take the lead in the investigation. Little did I know I’d find you so quickly.” His eyes opened and he looked at Kali. “I had a friend of mine frequent this area for a little bit and I watched him every time he went through here and guess what?” Leios pointed at her. “You’re the only little rat to have encountered him when his gold and emerald ring went missing.”

Kali stared at him. Her grip tightened and she started to eat the inside of her mouth as she stared.

“You can’t prove I have it.” She managed to keep her voice from shaking. “You can’t even search my house because you have nothing on me except some coincidence.”

Leios smiled at her. “That’s true. You’re a smart rat; which is why I took the liberty of following you around more and I kept track of everyone you encountered and spoke to them only to find something of value was missing. That at least warrants some questions. So let me ask you, do you have an alibi for these occurrences?”

Kali kept her mouth shut and at her silence Leios sighed. Kali could tell he wanted her to simply confess, but she wouldn’t crack that easily. She couldn’t tell how old he was, but he seemed to be around her age which made it easier to just wait things out and see how they went.

“Come on, you’re not giving me much here.” Kali still said nothing. “You know, you’re a very pretty girl, it doesn’t suit you to lie.”

Kali’s eyes narrowed. “Pretty girls don’t lie?” She scoffed.

“I’m serious! A girl like you—and especially your age—shouldn’t be doing things like this. Just make an honest living, okay?”

Kali felt her initial anxiety fading. Her grip loosened and she relaxed. “You’re telling me this, but I don’t even know why I’m worried at all. You’re a kid yourself and it makes no sense that you can even arrest me even if I did something wrong.”

Leios looked off at her words, she felt like it was true then. He probably couldn’t arrest her and was just trying to get her to admit to something.

“Also, if I’m so pretty, then why are you keeping me here? Shouldn’t I be treated with some respect as a ‘pretty girl’?” She couldn’t help the laugh that followed those words.

Leios’ gaze snapped back and all he could see was Kali’s smirk. He stared at her for longer than he needed and he shrunk under her presence.

“Then…” Leios thought for a moment, “Who’s your sister? I’ll need to confirm your story here?”

Kali slightly rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. “I’m not telling you her name. My sister is an eighteen year old mom with a kid who’s one and half right now and the ‘police’ showing up to her place isn’t gonna ease her load.” Kali then went to walk past him and Leios made no effort to obstruct her. “If you want though, you could buy some flowers from my mom’s flower stand, you know, that’ll help me make the honest living you were talking about.”

Kali, with a small smirk, started to descend down the stairs. Leios remained on the roof a while longer and he sighed before sitting down.

“That was a bust huh?”

[path-to-the-dead-end]

September 12, 2012

Kali watched as her sister drove off with her kids, as they left her, she felt a weight fall on her shoulders. At least when her kids were around, she didn’t have to think about all the strange things going on. However, she needed to focus on it for now. Just one day so she could find out what was going on.

Once the car was gone, she eventually returned inside her house and immediately went up the stairs to her husband’s study. She wasted no time and went over to his desk where she retrieved the object she had found the other day.

“What was he studying…?” The rod shaped object was smooth to the touch, appearing to be some kind of metal, she couldn’t begin to understand what it was. However, she had found some notes left behind, she figured to try and piece things together. She sat down at his desk and read the paper…

With my luck, there’s no chance this won’t blow up in my face. In fact, there’s a higher chance this WILL blow up, so I’ll expect the worst. After countless days, I’ve discovered that magic does indeed exist, but it seems this object—the Forever Glass—contains some power. Now, how am I to unlock said power? It seemed trapped and didn't make any response to physical damage, ex. from a hammer or dropping it. So, perhaps the object isn’t from this world?

I should research more, I feel I'm close to a discovery! Once it’s unlocked the-

The note seemed cut off, but Kali couldn’t tell how old the note was. There was no date and his handwriting was rather sloppy, so she assumed he must have been in some kind of rush to jot down whatever he could. She couldn’t remember him in any rush the last time she saw him. She sighed and looked back to the object.

“Forever Glass?” She shook her head, “this might just be some toy.”

Despite her skepticism, she still examined the object, trying to find out if it could be opened. That’s when she noticed an oval on one side—it was shaped like a thumb. Cautiously, she brought her thumb to it and the object began to glow and it opened up!

From its back, handles popped out and the metal cacing opened to reveal multi-colored glass. The inside shimmered with a bright ever changing light that swirled about the object. Then words began to take shape.

“…release… into… a… non-human vessel!” Could this be the way to unlock it?

Kali felt a small worry that she may be going to something dangerous. If it was true that magic really existed, then who was to say she wasn’t releasing something terrible into the world?

“But…” there would be no other lead to finding her husband. He would just be gone if she left this alone. She took a deep breath and got up to leave the room. On accident, she stumbled over a plush toy of a rabbit. Recognizing it to be Cassie's, she made a face. “Sorry Cassie, I’ll get you another one.”

Kali examined the object trying to see where exactly she was to “fuse” the non-human vessel. She set it down, the handles acted as a stand, and she placed it on top where the toy thankfully easily rested. Instantly, the light inside scrambled for the top and Kali saw the toy glow before it changed shape.

Instead of looking like a toy, it looked like a real rabbit! It touched the ground and looked at Kali. Amazed that it actually worked, Kali had no words. The rabbit then stood on its hind legs and pointed at Kali.

“Intelligence is a trait most valued! Kindness is the soul's way to connection! You, along with your other traits, exhibit those two the most. So, remain steadfast and awaken!”

With those words, Kali felt a strange surge of energy from within herself. She looked to her palms and saw them glowling a faint green. The world around her distorted and the room changed around her, Kali wasn’t in control and felt herself expelling the energy that quelled inside her.

Being released from her body, it wrapped around her figure; stripping her down before covering her again. Kali felt a warmth from her shoulders to her elbows, her knees to her feet and her chest to her hips. Once the warmth faded, Kali was released from the strange sensation and the room returned to normal. She collapsed to her knees and took deep breaths.

“Now, what is your name, holder of the Forever Glass?” The rabbit spoke.

Kali eventually looked at the rabbit, “K-kali.”

“Good my name is-”

“Wait!” She yelled, “what just happened to me?” Kali then looked at herself and saw that her clothes had changed. Instead of her normal clothes, she was now in clothes she didn’t recognize and could barely even describe.

“What do you mean what happened? You unlocked your powers!”

“P-powers?"

“Yes, what I said,” the rabbit seemed impatient, “your intelligence and kindness are traits you’re the most promising in. That turned into your powers when you released me!”

“This is crazy…” Kali got up and ran to her bedroom. She went to her mirror and looked at herself seeing the strange clothes she was in. She touched those parts of herself and couldn’t believe it was real. The rabbit joined her in the bedroom.

“I need you to-”

“No, you don’t need me to do anything. I didn’t expect something like this to happen!”

“Then why'd you have the Forever Glass?”

“My husband had it. I just thought if I found a way to open it, I’d be able to have a clue about what happened to him.”

“Husband? That strange man had it?”

“Yes, he was researching something. Magic or something like that.”

“That is strange then, that he wasn’t able to unlock it. However, the Forever Glass is never wrong! It chose you for a reason.”

“Choose me? What, like some kind of prophecy?”

“No, it just felt you were the right choice to inhabit its energy!”

“While sentient glass is weird enough, I think my real question is why would this thing be concerned about giving away its power?”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you!” The rabbit fumed, “my name is Mika, and I’m in charge of the inhabitant that gains the Forever Glass’ power. When magic power is out of balance, it’s up to me to teach a new wielder their role. You have to help us get our power back!”

“It’s gone?”

“Yes, that is what I mean by the magic power being out of balance. The Forever Glass can be opened by anyone who can figure out how to release it. That person can then gain that power.”

“Why aren’t you there to stop it then?”

“Because I don’t awaken until the last of the power is almost out. It disturbs my slumber.”

“Seems pretty useless then.”

“Useless! How dare you! Without me, who knows who could just get their hands on this power!”

“Okay, I get it.” Kali sighed, “so, somehow, I’m supposed to get the thing’s power back?”

“Yes, and I’m here to help guide you!”

Kali couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Not that her husband was running around researching this stuff and not that he held something this important in his study. Kali looked at the rabbit before looking back at herself in the mirror.

“I guess I’m curious, but what will happen if I don’t?”

Mika started to clean their fur, “magic is very unstable, unless used correctly, whoever currently had the other magic may be abusing it as we speak. Like, have you noticed any changes in anyone around you?”

Kali thought intently, trying to remember if anything like that had happened. That’s when she recalled Thomas.

“Maybe… My nephew's acting a little strange. He’s usually very talkative and even though he does get seriously into his work, he doesn’t ignore people. Today though, he wouldn’t even look up from the book he was reading.”

“Then it’s possible he’s being entranced. Entrances are a passive form of magic, and very easy to be influenced by. This child, if he’s unchanged tomorrow, try using the Forever Glass on him. There may be something surrounding him.”

“If only I could wrap my head around that…”

“There’s no need to!” Mika hopped, “for now, you should get familiar with these powers of yours! Dangers are beyond these walls and you have to be prepared for them!”

Kali looked at Mika feeling uneasy about the whole situation. How would it be possible that this happened? How is it even true? However, it was staring her in the face and if her children would be harmed from this, then she felt she had to at least see what was to come.

[path-to-the-dead-end]

December 30, 2015

Cassie stood tightly gripping her necklace. The key dug into the skin of her palm as she waited for Akihiko to show up. She looked around the empty sidewalk, hoping to see any sign he was here; a sigh escaped her lips and she rested more against the wall.

Perhaps she was right to feel the way she did. Akihiko would be leaving the country along with the four years of their relationship going with him. It hurt to know he’d be leaving her side, but… she was happy for him. Happy he’d be getting to spend time with his parents that he missed out his whole life, but the feeling was bittersweet and she didn’t exactly know how to respond.

She wanted to tell him not to leave. She wanted to stay by his side thinking that she couldn’t handle even a day away from him. Their life had become so regular that the change was jarring and something Cassie didn’t know if she could handle.

Despite that, there wasn’t a single bone in her body that would actually voice this to him. She couldn’t force Akihiko to stay with her and she didn’t want to be the reason he didn’t go and do what he wanted.

Once more, she gripped her key necklace.

“Cassie!” She looked up and saw Akihiko running for her. She pushed out a smile and he got to her. “Sorry, I’m here late, I was trying to get out as soon as I could, but…”

“Yeah.” Cassie interrupted. “It’s fine, it always happens like that.”

Akihiko caught his breath and took her head, moving them over to a bench to sit at. The entire sidewalk was empty, save for them—the silence was deafening.

“I’m here now and that’s all that matters.”

Cassie smiled. “Yeah, it does.”

Akihiko smiled down at her and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “I guess though it won’t be for long huh?” Cassie soberly nodded and said nothing else. “Hey, but don’t look so sad. We’ll talk every day and I’ll text you if I can’t for some reason. Then when everything’s over, we’ll be back together.”

As much as Cassie wanted to believe that, she couldn’t. Not because Akihiko didn’t love her, but because of how Akihiko was. He was a kind individual who gave everything his all and then would give another hundred percent to the one he was helping. There was no shortage of passion in his heart for all people and if he was given the chance to help people forever or stay with her… well, Cassie feared the worst.

She looked into his eyes. “Aki… what are you and your parents going to be doing once you’re together again?”

“Well, they said we’re first gonna just travel together, see my family for one thing. After that, they said they wanted to take me to the places they’ve been to, all the archeology spots I mean.”

Cassie smiled softly. “What about school though? I know it’s gonna be a long time before you guys are back, so what’ll you do in the meantime?”

Akihiko put their hands together. “Not only are my parents some teachers as well, they said they didn’t mind putting me in homeschooling for my last year. I’ll still get to graduate and who knows, maybe I’ll come back here for college.”

Cassie felt her free hand tighten, as to not alarm Akihiko she just listened intently with a proud smile on her face. Deep within her heart, however, her world crashed at the sentiment of Akihiko’s excitement. It was obvious no doubt lay in his heart. Perhaps she was too pessimistic, but the sound of his joy caused her grief. She wanted Akihiko to miss her so say he didn’t want to go but that he’d make it as quick as possible so they could be together again. Her life was plummeting, but it sounded like Akihiko’s was looking up; no matter how much it hurt her, she wanted nothing but the best for him.

“I’m so happy for you, Aki.”

He chuckled. “But I’m really gonna miss you.” He took her other hand now. “That’s why I was trying to get out here as soon as I could!”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Cassie said.

Akihiko let out a relieved sigh. “As much as I’ll worry about you, you’re friends with Jess now and I know Ren will always have your back. Mari too, since they’re finally official, I know neither of them would let anything happen to you and they’ll keep you company when I can’t.”

Cassie nodded. “I know they will… Ren even told me he plans on taking us all out before you leave. He wants to have a final hang out with all of us.”

“Wish he would have told me sooner, I would have helped if I could.”

Cassie giggled. “I don’t think the point is for you to help, Aki.”

He chuckled. “Sorry, force of habit.” His shoulder relaxed. “But anyways, let’s not talk about leaving. Let’s talk about our last few days together.” Akihiko got up, dragging her along with him. “We can do whatever you want and I’ll probably end up staying over at your place. Making sure every second is spent with you before I leave.”

Cassie followed behind him without saying much. She was a little glad Akihiko was always pulling her behind him because she didn’t have to keep up the smile she had no strength to maintain. Though, she knew she should at least be happy while they’re still together, for his sake and hers—to distract herself from the thoughts she had.

“Hey, Aki?” He stopped and looked back at her. “Do you mind if I open your lock real quick?”

He smiled. His hand went up to the lock necklace that hung around his neck and he removed it, holding it out to her.

“Thanks…” Cassie then took her key necklace and tried to stick it into the lock.

For a second, she worried it wouldn’t open as the key wouldn’t even go inside of the lock, but she managed to jam it inside and she unlocked the lock, only to see their initials etched into the back. On the other side, there were the words ‘Only One Key to My Heart’ inscribed on the other side. The moment Akihiko got the lock made and gave her the key to it was a moment she would never forget.

Even if she couldn’t forget it, she would never get the feeling back again.

Cassie looked back up to Akihiko after a second and found him smiling down at her fondly. It pained her to even suggest the idea of him taking the key back, but she didn’t want to keep it either knowing eventually it would only be a painful reminder of a future she could never have with him.

“I just wanted to see it again, who knows when the next time will be and I’ll get to see it.”

“Yeah, me either, because there's only one key and it’ll be with you.” Akihiko’s smile finally faded and he retrieved the lock back. He rested his hands on her shoulder and leaned down to see her face better. “I’ll really miss you Cassie.”

A bitter smile made its way to her face and she resisted crying. “I’ll really miss you too…” Her hand went to his face. “Can I kiss you?”

Softly, he nodded and spoke with a quiet voice. “Of course, who knows when we’ll get to do this again.”

[path-to-the-dead-end]

Unknown date, 2015

“Seriously? Why?”

“Well, I know you guys don’t keep up with the weather–or the news–but there’s a hurricane headed our way and I’m not risking it. We’re driving right now away from it and we’re just gonna wait out the storm. They said it should be over by next Tuesday, so that means we won’t be back for another two weeks.”

“Oh okay, we did hear about a hurricane, but I thought you guys were already headed back,” Cassie said.

“I wish, but I just wanted to let you two know. You’re okay right? Got enough food and everything?”

“Yeah we’re fine. I’ve been getting food so we don’t have to order out,” Ren said.

“Okay, that’s good. I’m glad you two are okay, but call if anything happens, alright?”

“We will,” they said together.

“Alright, well I love you and Dad says he loves you too.”

“Love you too, bye.”

Ren hung up the phone and the pair looked at each other.

“I think we’re too used to talking like that.” Ren stuffed his phone away.

“Facts, but old habits die hard huh? They always had us talking like that to relatives and stuff.” Cassie recalled.

“Guess so…” Ren scratched behind his head. “Anyways, how’d you get here? I didn’t see Jess’ car.”

Cassie looked at him. “What does that matter?”

“Uh, ‘cause where the hell have you been this whole time then? Again, if something happens to you it’s on me.”

“You’re worrying for nothing, because I was at the same place I was before.”

“Right, Jess’ place.” Ren paused. “You know, I wasn’t gonna say anything ‘cause you guys are starting to get along, but it’s mighty strange you two are close enough to stay over for so long. Especially you, it’s not like you at all.”

“Maybe I’m changing.” Cassie gave a dismissive shrug.

“Or maybe you’re lying.”

Cassie scoffed. “Okay, assume what you want then.”

Ren sighed. “Cassie, seriously, I know you’re not telling the truth because if you were you’d be telling me about everything you and Jess were doing together.”

A part of Cassie knew she should have come up with something… that or returned to her quiet self. Cassie faced Ren, seeing the frown on his face.

“Ren, I swear, if you get mad I’ll kill you.”

“Fine by me.”

Cassie held her hands and spoke soon after. “I’ve been… staying over at Brayleigh’s place.”

His eyes narrowed. “Really?”

“Yeah, I didn’t tell you because I knew you were going to tell me some bull about not dating him. I wasn’t in the mood to hear that from anyone, much less you.”

“Oh, you didn’t wanna hear the truth?”

Cassie narrowed her eyes. “Let me guess then. You were gonna tell me that dating Brayleigh’s a bad idea because he’s a playboy taking advantage of a vulnerable girl?” Ren gave a matter of fact look. “Well, have you thought for a second that I already know that?”

“Doesn’t seem like it, you still did it.”

“I know, but you have to realize this weird perception you have of Brayleigh is one of the reasons I decided we went out. We’re both so… screwed up in our own ways. For me, going out with him has been a huge wake up call and I like that I’ve been able to feel like a normal person for once in my life.”

“How could he possibly be giving that to you? You’re just being played by a guy who wants some ass.”

“Right, ‘cause he’s gotten some and you know that as a fact?” Ren stared silently at her. “Ren, this whole time I’ve been trying to bounce back completely on my own. It sucks and you have no idea what that feels like. Mari’s always been there for you and when you’re trying to feel better about yourself, it is hard, unlike anything else.”

“I’ve been helping you.”

“It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Then what is it like? Is it seeing you repeat the same thing again?”

Cassie felt her breathing increase. “What are you talking about?”

“I told you this thing with Akihiko, but you still did it and you were happy; but Cassie, you’re too caring. Everyone knows that and they use you to get somewhere then dump you on the curb eventually. You shouldn’t want that to happen again!”

Cassie took a deep breath and her eyes shut. “I know… I thought of that too, and it really felt like it was happening again. Brayleigh seems to be much happier now because I’m so eager and willing to help him.” She let out a bitter laugh. “But I told myself if that was going to happen, then I was at least going to be happy as well.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s difficult to explain, but when we first started… dating, me and Brayleigh worked out that we didn’t really like each other; not in a serious kind of way. I figured Brayleigh was just playing me and he knew I was using him as a rebound. With that, we decided to help each other. I’m getting to actually be myself in a relationship because I don’t feel pressured to be Ms. Perfect.”

Ren scoffed. “Like you were with Akihiko?”

“Yeah… like I was with him.”

A silence fell over the room and the twins felt no more urge to speak. Cassie eventually went over to her brother and looked at him.

“You know I’m not stupid right?”

Ren's eyes rolled. “More like you are stupid, but you always fix your problems.”

Cassie smiled. “See? So have some faith in me. I have no idea where this thing between us may head, but so far I’m actually having fun just being a… girlfriend.”

Ren’s face soured. “Even hearing that is weird.”

Cassie laughed and she sat on the floor. Ren joined her and they sat together looking at the wall. Their bodies began to turn towards one another and they sat closer.

“Remember when we used to just sit and play games together?” Cassie recalled.

“Yeah, but Akihiko used to always have you out of the house and you just couldn't say no to him.”

“I sure did. Honestly, I don’t think Akihiko was a bad guy, we just weren't the right people for each other. Aki wanted things I didn’t truly want and I wanted things I was too afraid to say.”

“All it took was realizing that… I’m happy you at least loved him. Otherwise, highschool would have been a lot worse.”

“It would have huh? I would have been bored out of my skull.”

“Stuck in the house all the time.”

“And never have had any fun.”

They looked at each other as they finished the sentiment.

“Everything happens for a reason right?” Cassie asked.

“Yeah, and whatever’s gonna happen between you and Brayleigh, please just don’t make yourself so damn miserable again.”

Cassie shook her head. “I won’t. Man, you act like I stole your whole summer away or something.”

“Pretty much. You moped around for the whole of June, and didn’t start feeling better until now, it’s almost the end of July, Cassie.”

She shoved him and laughed, Ren did the same and they playfully fought with one another until they relaxed again.

“Anyways, are you gonna go back to Brayleigh?” Ren glanced to Cassie.

“Yeah, I really wanna help him with something he’s doing so I’m probably gonna stay with him until they get back, like I was planning.”

Ren nodded. “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll wish you good luck with this guy. Just know though, the next time I see him, I want an apology for lying to me. I knew he only cooked for you because of some relationship bull.”

Cassie burst out in a laugh. “You sure can hold onto a grudge.”

“I’m serious Cassie.”

“I’m sure, I’ll let him know when he’s free.”

Ren let his sister laugh as they rested on the floor together…

[path-to-the-dead-end]

August 12, 2016

“Protective? What, like you were jealous?” Jessica tried to clarify.

“No, I wasn’t jealous. I just felt like…” Cassie bit her lip and gripped her fists tightly. “Like I wanted to show him off or something. It was almost like I wanted people to know I was in a relationship with him.” Cassie said nothing after that and neither did Jessica as she listened to her. “I just grabbed his hand without even thinking and now I guess he wants to know why I did it.”

“Cassie?” She looked up at Jessica’s voice. “I’m not sure if you know, but that’s a totally normal feeling.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, take it from me, I’m not trying to show off Seko to everyone I meet, but there are totally times I wanna be affectionate with him in public. It’s a little thing called PDA.” She said with a small chuckle in her voice. “You pretty much just said you wanna be known as a couple. Not because you’re worried someone will take him, but just because you care about him so much that being together as much as possible is what you want the most.”

Cassie’s eyes were wide as she listened to the explanation. Cassie had only realized what that meant, this meant Cassie actually did like Brayleigh more than she expected. But how? She couldn’t understand how she could fall for someone so quickly.

Even with Akihiko she…

“Like, did you not get this feeling with Aki?” Cassie looked at Jessica, snapping her back into the conersation. Cassie then shook her head. “Seriously?”

Cassie confirmed it with a nod, “It wasn’t like I didn’t like him. It was just that, there were some things I wish I could have done, but couldn’t because of the kind of person Aki is. He wasn’t the overly affectionate type, I couldn’t act… you know, like me when we were together considering he was such a straight and narrow type of guy. So I never thought I had to do much of anything.” She paused. “I guess I should have been worried, but it’s a different feeling with Brayleigh.”

“You feel like you have to show your affection huh?”

Cassie lowered her head. “Just because… I want him to know how much I care about him.”

Jessica couldn’t hold back the laugh that built up. Cassie just watched as she got out her laughter. It was almost as if Cassie had told a joke, Jessica was holding onto her stomach, but eventually calmed herself.

“I can’t believe it, you’re actually just a regular person after all!” Jessica gave Cassie a sly look. “I guess this’ll be something you’re not prepared for.”

Cassie looked off thinking the worst of this situation. Not only was she falling for some guy again, she was experiencing something she had never felt before.

“Cassie?” Jessica got her attention back. “I can tell you’re overthinking this, and no matter how I feel about you being with Brayleigh; if you like him, I think you and him should try this.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, I mean that weird contract thing you said you two worked out, it actually sounds like a good thing for you two. Brayleigh can learn to stop being a loser and you can learn to be a regular person. It’s kind of strange, but you two kind of fit each other’s issues perfectly.”

“So… you think I should keep dating him?”

“Honestly, I think it’ll be good for you both.”

Cassie let out a small breath. “I’m getting a headache just thinking about this.” Jessica smirked, Cassie looked back up at her. “Still… I wish things weren’t this complicated.”

[path-to-the-dead-end]

August 1, 2015

With the empty school being them, the pair stood underneath the cloudy sky. Jessica stood with her arms crossed staring at the girl in front of her, Cassie Ann. Taking a look at her outfit, Jessica made a mental note that Cassie often looked as if she didn’t care for her appearance. A smirk grew on her face.

“I can’t believe you showed up today wearing that. Come on, if you’re gonna act all high and mighty, at least dress like it.”

“High and mighty? I don’t care and I’m not sure why you care either.”

“Because you’re an eyesore.”

Cassie sighed. “Jessica… Why are you picking a fight with me?”

“Who said I was picking a fight? Or is that something you’re gonna tell everyone so they side with you. Pathetic.”

“I’m not and stop putting words in my mouth. Why don’t you speak for yourself for once.”

Jessica’s eyes narrowed. “You mean like telling you you’re a worthless excuse for a girlfriend? You and Aki have nothing in common and yet somehow he puts up with you.” Cassie stared at Jessica without speaking a word. “Or would you rather me talk about how you kiss up to everyone around you because you’re desperate for attention you never got and don’t deserve now.”

Cassie's head dropped and for a second, Jessica smirked feeling as if she got the upper hand.

“You know.” Cassie trailed. “You say that, but why don’t you look at the damn mirror glued to your hand?”

Her face scrunched. “The fuck did you say?”

“Maybe it’s hard to realize, but you’re just as desperate as you think I am. All day you worry about your face and how you look, the people you’re around and you wonder why Aki has never been interested in you despite that. Being a beauty queen can’t hide that desperation you carry around.”

Jessica stepped closer to her and grabbed her shoulder. Cassie pushed back and shoved Jessica to the ground with some effort.

Cassie stepped back. “I’m not fighting with you and if you want a fight, pick it with the person you should be mad at. Be mad at Aki for not liking you, that has nothing to do with me and never will.”

“Says the bitch who took him from me!” Jessica scrambled to her feet. “You don’t care at all about anything you do and yet Aki likes you! The fuck is up with that?” Jessica took deep breaths as she yelled at Cassie.

Cassie stared at her and soon found herself frowning. Slowly, she approached her and reached to touch her shoulder. 

“Get off me!” Jessica slapped her hand away. “There’s nothing more I’d want than for you to-”

“Disappear?” Cassie finished.

Jessica's mouth hung open and slowly she noticed Cassie’s expression. There was a bitter smile on her face and Cassie continued to speak after a second.

“There were plenty of times I felt like my life is nothing but a hassle for others, that’s why I could never get too mad at you… or anything you ever said, because I felt a bit of it was true.” Cassie sighed. “If I never moved here, you and Aki could be dating.” Cassie then shook her head. “But even if you did, seriously, do you think it would really happen?”

Jessica said nothing for a long time. The clouds moved above them and there was a sliver of light passing them. Jessica’s eyes began to water and she hid her face.

“So what? It could happen and that’s all that matters.”

“Yes it does… Jess, would you really want a guy who doesn’t actually like you… or would you want someone who treats you how you deserve? You shouldn’t settle for some fantasy when you can have a much better reality.” Cassie got closer to her and this time she was able to rest her hand on her shoulder. Carefully, Cassie’s hand moved to her other shoulder pulling Jess into a half hug. “I tell myself that maybe I don’t deserve happiness, but deep down, I know I do. We all do and if we can’t see that, then why are we even here?”

Jessica’s body shook as Cassie held her, but she sniffled while choking back her tears. “Why… does it feel so bad?”

Cassie shrugged. “I don’t know, and if I did, I wouldn’t feel like it too. We both want people to pay attention to us, but I’m willing to accept when people don’t care about me… Jess, you have to learn that too and find people who do care for you.”

A single tear rolled down and it was followed by a soft wail from Jessica as she cried into her hands. Cassie let out a small sigh and rubbed her arm, attempting to comfort her in her time of need.

[path-to-the-dead-end]

May 3, 2016

The airport was busy as always and Brayleigh casually looked around for his parents. Cassie stood beside him searching as well, but she couldn’t help but notice how alert Brayleigh was. It was strange to see him so anxious for once, his usual easy going attitude was all but gone at this moment.

“Hey.” He looked at her. “What’s up with you? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Like what? I’m the same as always.” Brayleigh repeatedly flicked a strand of his hair until it fell just right as he said that.

“Even you don’t believe that lie by the looks of it.” She stood in front of him and grasped his hands. “Are you worried about telling your parents about all the work you’ve done?”

Brayleigh stared at her. The noise of the airport seemed to quiet and he let out a sigh. “That obvious huh?” Cassie simply smiled. “And I’m not sure why, I mean I’ve told them worse things and for some reason I’m nervous now.”

“Maybe because it’s the first time you’ve ever done something with so much effort. I saw how hard you worked on your songs, stayed up for hours developing the music and lyrics, and now having sent something off to a producer, who wouldn’t be worried?” Cassie touched his cheek. “I think this is the first time you’ve had something serious to worry over.”

He took a deep breath. “So… you feel like this all the time?”

Cassie giggled. “Yes, more or less. I constantly worry about what I should be doing and how others are going to perceive it and especially about telling others about it.”

Brayleigh seemed to take comfort in that and squeezed her hands tighter. “What do you do then… to calm down I mean?”

“Well, I’ve had years of experiences stressing the drive-thru, so I’ve developed some things that help me. You need to remember that whatever happens isn’t a bad thing, it’s just something that happens. Remind yourself that this is life and there will be a tomorrow. You life isn’t over if you parents aren’t happy with what you’ve done, and it’s not the end of the world if you get rejected by the producer.”

“That part still hasn’t sunk in.” Brayleigh walked them over to sit down. He clasped his hands together and went on. “I never thought I’d be worried about much of anything let alone something related to my music.” His head shook. “I’ll never understand how you live every day with this feeling.”

Cassie’s eyes watched him move with an adoration unmatched. “Just that you understand that it’s difficult to reason with it is a really good start. You can’t truly understand this feeling unless you experience it for yourself, but being a support system is all anyone needs.”

Brayleigh has a half smile to her. “So you mind huh?”

Cassie found herself smiling at that. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

Brayleigh leaned over and rested his forehead against hers. Their eyes closed and no matter everyone around them, they relished in the moment of being together.

“You know, sometimes it feels like we’re-”

“Brayleigh?”

He was interrupted by someone calling him, they separated and looked up seeing the tense expression of two adults looking down at them. Brayleigh shot up and dragged Cassie along with him.

“There you two are!” He approached them, his parents, and stood beside Cassie in front of them.

His mother, Mrs. Blasé, looked to Cassie for a quick second before speaking to her son. She spoke in a foreign language that Cassie assumed to be French. This only made Cassie retract a bit as it felt like those unknown words were about her.

Brayleigh, however, understood his mother and furrowed his brows when she finished.

“Is that important right now?” He responded.

Mrs. Blasé nodded. Brayleigh’s father made no attempt to even speak and said nothing while his wife spoke.

Brayleigh stared at his mother, unsure of how to respond. Having been asked who Cassie was, caught him off guard, and he wasn’t expecting his parents to be worried about her. Glancing back to her, he saw how uncomfortable she looked. He sighed a bit, and answered his mother.

“This is Cassie, mere, she was nice enough to come with me to pick you two up.”

Mrs. Blasé continued to speak in French. Eventually, Cassie let go of Brayleigh’s hand and stepped back a bit. Brayleigh’s head snapped back to her and she gave him a shy smile, politely turning her head down.

“Brayleigh!” His mother snapped.

“I’m sorry, just… just wait a second.” Brayleigh turned back to Cassie. His mother let out a huff and started talking to her husband. “Cassie, what’s wrong?”

She softly shrugged. “I shouldn’t get in the way. This is your business, so I don’t mind leaving you guys to talk.”

“I do. I can’t tell them anything about what I’ve been doing without you.” Cassie’s eyes widened slightly, but before she could say anything, Brayleigh looked back to his mom. “Guys, could we speak in English?”

Mrs. Blasé gave a dismissive point to Cassie as she responded to the question. From what Cassie did understand of French, was that his mother declined the request.

Once again, Cassie felt out of place and started to step away a bit. Brayleigh looked to his father, hoping to have him vouch for his idea. At his son’s glance, he sighed and spoke to his wife softly. The soft conversation quickly turned heated as they began to argue.

“B-brayleigh?” Cassie pulled on his shirt. “I… I can just leave. I don’t mind.”

“No. I don’t know why my mom is so agitated right now, but you’re important to what I was going to tell them.” Brayleigh reached for her hand, which Cassie allowed to be grabbed. “Please, just… don’t leave. I’ll work this out okay?”

Looking up at him, Cassie had almost blocked out the heavy feeling she got from his parents. However, their conversation stopped and both his parent’s eyes were on them. Brayleigh turned around seeing Cassie looking back at them.

“I hoped it wasn’t true. You have another girlfriend.” His mother finally spoke in english and it seemed this comment was aimed at them both. “What did I tell you?”

“What? There’s nothing wrong with me having a girlfriend.”

“There is.” His father began. “We told you this break from school shouldn't be wasted. We hoped you’d do good work if we let you stay with ton oncle, but seeing you with a girl…” He didn’t finish that.

“You’re always fooling around with girls. Getting too many girlfriends and here’s another one.” His mother fumed as she spoke. Eventually, she let out a sigh. “You spend months of your life playing around. It’s too much now and we hoped you would stop playing around if we let you take off from school.”

“I wasn’t fooling around while I was here. That’s why she’s with me!”

“For what? To be introduced as your girlfriend? I’ve seen that many times before.”

Cassie lowered her head. Despite these comments being hurled at Brayleigh, she felt them within herself as his mother went on. Brayleigh attempted to defend his position, but it seemed his parents weren’t interested in hearing him out. At their dismissive looks, Cassie sighed and tugged on Brayleigh’s hand, which silenced him as soon as he felt it.

“Cassie, please just-”

“I’m not gonna leave, I wanted to say something.” Brayleigh looked at her as Cassie looked to his parents. “Would you please allow me a second to speak with Brayleigh? I want to tell him something and I swear to be out of your way after.”

Brayleigh opened his mouth to speak, but Cassie glared at him. Their eyes met for a second and Brayleigh turned his back to her. Cassie looked back at his mother, awaiting her response.

She let out a long sigh, but eventually nodded, holding her hand up in slight compliance.

“Thank you…” Cassie then started to pull Brayleigh away and they spoke behind a column. It was quiet enough for them to hear one another and the irritation on Brayleigh’s face was hard to miss. Cassie grabbed a hold of his shoulders and tried to get him to look at her.

“Brayleigh!” He glanced at the sharp tone of his name. “Stop acting like this. If you knew your parents would see me as a distraction, then you should have told them about me sooner. You’re putting them in a difficult position and right now, I shouldn't be here.”

“You’re only saying that because they’re-”

“I’m saying that because it’s true.” Brayleigh stared at her, his eyes welling with tears. “Why are you so worried about letting me leave?”

He looked off. “You don’t know my parents. They’ll twist things around until they hear what they want to and I’ll… they’ll get me to leave Cassie.”

Her breath hitched. “You mean, going back to France with them?”

Somberly, Brayleigh nodded. “They’ll just tell my uncle I’m fooling around and he’ll kick me out, forcing me to go back to them or stay here with no way to support myself. They’ve always wanted me to just finish up university, but they allowed me to spend the summer working on music. If they think I wasted that on you then…” Brayleigh shook his head. “No, I didn’t waste it on you, but they’ll think that.”

“But Jess’ dad knows me, there’s no way he’d assume I was just some random girl fooling around with you.”

“They’ll find a way,” Brayleigh said softly.

Cassie closed her eyes, her breath was shaky and her hand trembled, but she slowly reached for his face and made him look at her.

“Brayleigh, do you think, if you leave it’ll repeat what happened to me before?”

Having no way to avoid her eyes, he slowly nodded with a bitter frown. “I’ll leave and we’ll… break up. Now I know why you worry about stuff like this, it could happen and I don’t know how to handle it if it does.” His own hands went to her shoulders. He leaned closer and spoke in a harsh whisper. “I don’t want to lose you, Cassie.”

At his words, Cassie grew a bitter smile. “Then let’s promise to stay together. Let's assume it happens... we’ll talk whenever we can and no matter what happens, we’ll be doing everything so our lives can join each other again.”

Brayleigh choked up and grabbed Cassie in a tight hug. “You think… it won’t happen?”

“There’s no doubt in my mind.” Cassie’s eyes began to water, but she managed to pull back and saw Brayleigh's tear stained face. “I know we’ll stay together what happens. A thousand miles of ocean may separate us, but our love can make the distance.”

Brayleigh’s eyes shook as he tried to hold back any more tears from falling. His head dropped and he rested his forehead against her as Cassie held him, rubbing down his back. Her hands shook while doing so, but she tried to give him all the comfort she could give him.

“Okay… okay Cassie. Not even a thousand miles… can separate us.” His voice was soft as he repeated her words. They naturally fell against one another picturing the world where the best happened.

[path-to-the-dead-end]

April 2, 2016

This world was made to introduce love in a loveless existence. For one who had never received it.

Only a Devil could love one such as her…

The Demonic Repentance

There wasn't a lot for me here. It was hard to belong anywhere that wasn't… away from everyone. Nothing but the unfortunate followed me and it only made sense to be isolated.

"Akuma?"

Hearing that voice, I looked over and saw the troubled expression from the only person who could deal with me. The only person who didn't care much about the past and only lived in the present.

"Hey, when'd you get here?" I quickly moved to her side, resting my arm on her shoulder. "You're kind of cold… oh wait."

She seemed unamused at my comment. "I'm always cold, Akuma. Is that a joke?"

"Yes, I'm glad you're able to get jokes better, Cassie. They don't just go over your head as much." I patted her head as I said that. Her hair was softer than the last time I touched it. "Did you wash your hair today?"

"Yes, but I wanted to ask you something."

"Forget that, you should tell me when you wash your hair so we don't ruin it, your hair just eats humidity." Taking a frizzy strand between my fingers, I smiled. "Not that I mind, it looks better natural anyways."

"Akuma." She stepped back and stared at me with a stern look in her eyes. "You always do this when you don't wanna talk."

"What makes you think I want to talk?"

"I'm an Ice Angel, Akuma. Did you forget that somehow?"

"Of course not." I reached behind her and touched the near silk feathers that gathered in the shape of wings behind her. "These are kind of hard to miss."

She stepped closer. "Then why are you trying to distract me?"

Looking in her eyes, there wasn't a way to miss how serious she was. These eyes of hers were something else, able to show a range of emotions with a simple look. While I stared, my hands went to her cheek, my palm warmed at our skin touching.

"You know… it's always like you to pry into things. What if you hear something you don't like?"

"That's a part of it. We're meant to hear the deepest secrets locked away in the Human soul." Her hand went to mine. She pulled it from her face and reached for my other hand that dangled by my side. "It's harder to hear the words of a Demon's soul, so I have to ask you instead."

Looking in her eyes wasn't good and she most likely knew that. She let out a sigh and dropped my hands. She turned her back to me and crossed her arms.

"I wish I could get more out of you. It's almost like you don't want me to hear anything you're going through."

I sighed and came up behind her. "What if, the things I'm going through aren't meant for your ears?"

She turned back and her face held back some very visible hurt. "What is meant for my ears then?"

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and fell against her body.

"Happy things… romantic things… nothing to bring up the reality we live in."

"Akuma… this isn't like you." She tried to push me off her, but I gripped her tighter.

Strangely, I felt like if I let go of her she'd disappear from me. That's when it started to feel cold. Pulling away from her, I found her palm on my chest and saw a thin layer of Ice spreading.

I sighed and backed away. "So, what's that intuition of yours say?"

Cassie held her hand and the Ice started to disappear.

"You're worried about something happening to us… why? No one has any reason to bring harm to us."

"I'm glad you can feel that way, but personally, I'd only feel better if we never returned to either realm. Here, Heaven or Hell." My head shook. "Just imagine it, a place where no one would bother us and we could finally-" My breath hitched.

"Akuma, it's not helping you to think about this. I've never seen you so worried. Why are you thinking about this in the first place?"

These words held more weight than she could have assumed. My whole world now revolved around the lips that spoke those words, those eyes that stared into mine, these hands that touched mine. It was hard to say this, but Cassie became my whole world when the world I came from locked me out. Knowing it was entirely possible for this new world to be taken from me again wasn't something I was willing to chance.

"Wouldn't you want to live with me forever?" She nodded. "Then that means we should think about a scenario where that's possible. With how beings are, it's entirely reasonable that someone may rip us apart."

Cassie stared at me for a second, but her head dropped, her hair blocking me from seeing her face.

"This crosses my mind too… I-I just try not to let it take over and it does when it shows up." A shaky breath escaped her lips, it's then I noticed her entire body was shaking now.

"Damn it." I pulled her into my chest and heard her breathing and felt her shoulders rise and fall as she tried to calm herself.

"This is why I try not to think about it. It's hard to imagine a world where something happens to you." Her head shook. "Happiness isn't something I usually get, so I try not to imagine the world where that comes true."

I looked down, trying to look in her eyes. "I didn't mean for you to think about this…"

"Akuma, if you would stop bringing this up, I would only worry more. My world revolves around what others refuse to admit. So if you don't say anything, I'm forced to think of what could be the problem." She started to shake again. "And my mind is scarier than anything we could face."

I held her in my arms and she continued to tremble. "Angels are supposed to see good in the world, but my mind's always seen the worst possible future. I try not to consider it, but it's so loud." She hid her face in my chest.

Helpless. This was a hopeless endeavor and I at least wanted to stop her from thinking about it.

"Cassie let's-"

"No, wait." Her hands crept up my chest and she looked up at me. "My mind eases when I know you're at ease. No matter what, I see a positive future when you're happy."

Our eyes never left each other's gaze. “Do you… see this world with yourself in it?”

She looked off and I knew her answer from that. My grip on her only got tighter as I realized I began to tremble. “It doesn’t matter who wants to attack us, who wants to hurt us, we’ll find a way and we… you can be happy.”

[path-to-the-dead-end]

October 1, 2008

Despair.

When despair felt like the best alternative to happiness, it was easier said than done to try and improve. The world was how it was going to be and there was very little I could do to change it… let alone the circumstance I was put inside.

Assistance was something I could only hope for.

Friendship wasn’t likely.

Love isn’t common.

Life never played in my favor. Almost like some story being written as the days went on—nothing was planned, just improvised for someone else’s enjoyment.

All the despair I feel from a life not lived has caught up. This life should have control, maybe I should try after so long.

Today will be the day