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The Pope and the Hope

It has been six days since the death of Pope Francis, and every single day since then, both of my parents have religiously set the TV to play every video related to the late Pope—jumping from documentaries to news updates to live coverage from the Vatican. I've had no choice but to get immensely invested in every video, which led me to revisit The Two Popes.

While everyone seems eager to watch or rewatch Conclave—which is a great choice for anyone wanting to understand how the conclave works—I felt something different. I found myself longing to feel the presence of Santo Padre.

When I first watched The Two Popes, I wasn't very familiar with Pope Francis due to limited exposure. Back then, we only saw him on screen during Christmas and Easter blessings. But watching the movie again, especially after his papal visit to my country, felt entirely different. It reminded me how he was a human being just like us, but he was full of compassion, humility, and a progressive way of thinking. He wasn't just the Pope, he was a man of simplicity, always favoring it from day one. His humility endeared him to billions.

In the movie, Cardinal Bergoglio (Pope Francis) expressed frustration with how the Catholic Church was becoming too rigid and resistant to change. He felt the Church wasn't adapting to the world, and he believed it needed to be more inclusive—a view Pope Benedict initially found ridiculous. Benedict wanted the Church to focus on dogma and its historical role, seeing the current challenges as a threat to its core values. But as the movie progressed, Benedict began to reconsider, acknowledging the need for the Church to evolve. He realised he wasn't the right fit for that mission—Cardinal Bergoglio was. In real life, I think we can all agree Pope Francis left behind a legacy that transformed the Catholic Church for its billions of followers.

Pope Benedict brought up the story of Saint Francis during their conversation, who was asked by God to restore the Church. Saint Francis took this literally, bringing stones and bricks—believing it referred to the Church's physical structure. But God was speaking to the spiritual and moral decay within the Church. The true call was for transformation, a return to the Gospel's core values of love, service, and humility. This scene sparked the moment in the movie when Cardinal Bergoglio chose the name Francis, which tied back to a real-life moment where Cardinal Cláudio Hummes whispered to him, "Don't forget the poor." This deeply moved him, reminding him of St. Francis of Assisi, a man of poverty, peace, and creation. The name, and the legacy behind it, became the foundation of his papacy, centered on renewal, compassion, humility, and outreach.

I also began to notice just how much Jonathan Pryce bears a striking resemblance to the late Pope. It couldn't have been just an optical illusion, I thought.

This week, I came across a narrative asking, "Why mourn a person as if you're losing your God? He was just a human being, like us all." I am well aware that after all he was just a human being, clearly fallible, absolutely wasn't perfect because he was no God. He acknowledged this just six months after becoming Pope—an act of humility. But, to us Catholics, he was more than just a man. Elected through the guidance of the Holy Spirit during the conclave, he was the direct successor of Saint Peter, whom Jesus called the "rock" upon which the Church would be built. We're mourning our spiritual father—a tireless advocate for the marginalised, a light in a darkening world, and a voice of conscience in a complex society.

Pope Francis often spoke of hope—not as mere optimism, but as a steadfast, active force. It's something we must carry, even in uncertainty. He once said, "Let us not allow ourselves to be robbed of hope." That simple line stayed with me. For Pope Francis, hope wasn't just for the fortunate, it was for the weary too. He believed, "Hope opens new horizons, making us capable of dreaming what is not even imaginable." In his words, his actions, and his simplicity, he showed us that hope isn't naive; it's courageous. He encouraged us to recognise hope, so we could marvel at how much good exists in the world and light up our hearts. Holding onto hope, we become the quiet light others follow through the dark. Maybe that's why his absence feels so heavy now—because, in so many ways, he was hope, embodied.

I remember how 2024 started with the anticipation of his papal visit to Jakarta, Indonesia. It began as a rumor, with no official Vatican statement. But a couple of months before September, it was confirmed. The enthusiasm, not only from Catholics but also from non-Catholics in Indonesia, was immense. The coverage about the Pope was massive, and I started becoming more familiar with him as every national TV channel broadcasted updates. The excitement only intensified when he arrived in Jakarta.

Every hour, we kept the TV on, tracking his entourage through familiar streets. On the second day of his visit, we decided to wait for him in front of the Cathedral, where he had an agenda. We waited about an hour until his entourage became visible. There he was, in the car he personally requested—a simple car, commonly used by ordinary people. The window was completely down—nothing fancy, nothing flashy—just him, with his simplicity and compassion.

I couldn't believe my eyes. THE POPE was right there in front of us, even if just for a split second. He waved his hand with a broad smile, breathing the same air as us, feeling the same heatwave, and driving down the same roads. It was such a special moment, one words will never do justice. Little did we know, it would be our first and last time meeting him.

The Church is losing a leader committed to making it less conservative and more inclusive. A leader who stood up for people the Church often overlooked. Here's a snippet from an interview with Pope Francis back in 2013, when asked about the most urgent need facing the contemporary Church:

“I see clearly that the thing the Church needs most today is the ability to heal wounds and to warm the hearts of the faithful; it needs nearness, proximity,” he said. “I see the Church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and about the level of his blood sugars. You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else.”

Pope Francis took that warmth to billions of Catholics worldwide. His influence was so profound that even those who don't believe in God feel his loss.

At a time when the world is full of harsh, authoritarian leaders, Pope Francis showed a gentler kind of leadership. His transformative communication style made the Church more approachable. He didn’t live in sovereignty—he walked alongside marginalised people, those living on the peripheries, where he was most deeply touched.

I hope we get a pope who is as good as him, or even better, one who will stand up for refugees, victims of war, those threatened with genocide, immigrants, LGBTQs, the poor, the sick, and care for the environment. We need a light in the darkness now more than ever.

Thank you Papa Francesco, throughout your papacy, you have shown us what it means to live with true humility, compassion, and unwavering faith. Your words and actions have inspired countless individuals, regardless of their background or belief, to seek a life of kindness, justice, and peace. May you rest in peace, knowing that your work has touched the lives of so many and has forever changed the Church and the world.

May we keep walking in the light of his call to "never remain on the sidelines of this march of living hope."

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26th birthday: somewhere between gratitude and spiral mode

🥳🥺☠️💐🥹🍵🤔cheers, tears, and all the feels🆘😢😭💃🤪🍰🤲😵‍💫

April 11 just started, I welcomed her by myself and my thoughts (maybe too many of them) with less excitement and more uneasiness. Not to sound ungrateful, I am truly thankful to be granted another breath of life and to be surrounded by my family in good health. Even with all that, I can't shake the heaviness. Tbh, the gratitude is real and so is the fear. At every turn of the year, I have always prayed and hoped that the next year would be different, even the slightest bit. That maybe life would be a little gentler with me. That things would finally fall into place. The truth is, they haven't. While I don't want to jinx anything, I can't deny that I'm terrified. Scared that this year will be just another year of hoping for something that never comes. That no matter how much I try, no matter how badly I wish, I will still end up here — aching, exhausted, empty. Not to mention, I am starting to believe the whole "your frontal lobe finishes developing at 25" thing was a scam — at least in my case, because it's been a year and I still don't have anything figured out.

To make myself seen a little less pessimistic, I did experience and learned quite many things last year that encouraged me to be a better person (still a work on progress though ehe, but we'll get there soon enough I promise).

I don't know, I just find it ironic how something that supposed to be a celebration, but most of the thing I feel is grief for the person I thought I'd be now, I'm mourning for the life I thought I'd be living. All the voices inside my head won't stop listing everything I should've done by now. It feels like every version of me that I never became is standing in front of me, silently asking: Why? Why are we still here, still haven't moved. Why are we still waiting?

Despite the sadness and the weight of it all, I know one thing for sure, that I did well. I believe my younger self would still recognise me. She wouldn't count the unfinished goals or ask why I'm not further along. She would count the ways I showed up when I wanted to disappear. She would hold my hand tightly and say, "You held on. You stayed kind. That means everything." And maybe, for now, that's enough.

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come with an empty cup, they said...

it comes from a Zen proverb that says, if your cup is full, you can't pour anything more into it without it spilling and going to waste. this phrase or metaphor serves as a constant reminder for me every time i was put in a condition where i need to learn about something, even a thing that i feel my skills are at a comfortable level. i always try my best to leave plenty space for corrections, new perspectives, and growth.

if i approach things as if my "cup" is full, i am set in my ways or like i already know everything (which i clearly don't) and there is no room for new knowledge. this idea can trap me in a losing state, i would not realize if i was wrong, if my ideas were outdated, or if there was something better to discover. but when i show up with my "cup" empty, there will always be something new to learn and wows me.

that's why i like to keep my cup empty, always ready for a refill of fresh knowledge. even when i think i've got it figured out, there is always more to learn—because real growth happens when you stay curious and open. YEAH BIG AMEN FOR THAT.

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Palestine Masterlist 

Introduction to Palestine: 

Decolonize Palestine:

Palestine 101

Rainbow washing 

Frequently asked questions 

Myths 

IMEU (Institute for Middle East Understanding):

Quick Facts - The Palestinian Nakba 

The Nakba and Palestinian Refugees 

The Gaza Strip

The Palestinian catastrophe (Al-Nakba)

Al-Nakba (documentary)

The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017 (book)

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine (book)

Nakba Day: What happened in Palestine in 1948? (Article)

The Nakba did not start or end in 1948 (Article)

Donations and charities: 

Al-Shabaka

Electronic Intifada 

Adalah Justice Project 

IMEU Fundraiser 

Medical Aid for Palestinians 

Palestine Children’s Relief Fund 

Addameer

Muslim Aid

Palestine Red Crescent

Gaza Mutual Aid Patreon

Books:

A New Critical Approach to the History of Palestine

The Idea of Israel: A History of Power and Knowledge

Hidden Histories: Palestine and the Eastern Mediterranean

The Balfour Declaration: Empire, the Mandate and Resistance in Palestine

Queer Palestine and the Empire of Critique

From Haven to Conquest: Readings in Zionism and the Palestine Problem until 1948

Captive Revolution - Palestinian Women’s Anti-Colonial Struggle within the Israeli Prison System

Palestine: A Four Thousand Year History

Except for Palestine: The Limits of Progressive Politics

Before Their Diaspora: A Photographic History of The Palestinians 1876-1948

The Battle for Justice in Palestine Paperback

Uncivil Rites: Palestine and the Limits of Academic Freedom

Palestine Rising: How I survived the 1948 Deir Yasin Massacre

The Transformation of Palestine: Essays on the Origin and Development of the Arab-Israeli Conflict

A Land Without a People: Israel, Transfer, and the Palestinians 1949-1996

The Iron Cage: The Story of the Palestinian Struggle for Statehood

A History of Modern Palestine: One Land, Two Peoples

Where Now for Palestine?: The Demise of the Two-State Solution

Terrorist Assemblages - Homonationalism in Queer Times

Militarization and Violence against Women in Conflict Zones in the Middle East

The one-state solution: A breakthrough for peace in the Israeli-Palestinian deadlock

The Persistence of the Palestinian Question: Essays on Zionism and the Palestinians

Fateful Triangle: The United States, Israel and the Palestinians

The False Prophets of Peace: Liberal Zionism and the Struggle for Palestine

Ten myths about Israel

Blaming the Victims: Spurious Scholarship and the Palestinian Question

Israel and its Palestinian Citizens - Ethnic Privileges in the Jewish State

Palestinians in Israel: Segregation, Discrimination and Democracy

Greater than the Sum of Our Parts: Feminism, Inter/Nationalism, and Palestine

Palestine Hijacked 

Palestinian Culture:

Mountain against the Sea: Essays on Palestinian Society and Culture

Palestinian Costume

Traditional Palestinian Costume: Origins and Evolution

Tatreez & Tea: Embroidery and Storytelling in the Palestinian Diaspora

Embroidering Identities: A Century of Palestinian Clothing (Oriental Institute Museum Publications)

The Palestinian Table (Authentic Palestinian Recipes)

Falastin: A Cookbook

Palestine on a Plate: Memories from My Mother’s Kitchen

Palestinian Social Customs and Traditions

Palestinian Culture before the Nakba

Tatreez & Tea (Website)

The Traditional Clothing of Palestine

The Palestinian thobe: A creative expression of national identity

Embroidering Identities:A Century of Palestinian Clothing

Palestine Traditional Costumes

Palestine Family 

Palestinian Costume

Encyclopedia of World Dress and Fashion, v5: Volume 5: Central and Southwest Asia

Tent Work in Palestine: A Record of Discovery and Adventure

Documentaries, Films, and Video Essays:

Jenin, Jenin

Born in Gaza

GAZA 

Wedding in Galilee 

Omar

5 Broken Cameras

OBAIDA

Indigeneity, Indigenous Liberation, and Settler Colonialism (not entirely about Palestine, but an important watch for indigenous struggles worldwide - including Palestine)

Edward Said - Reflections on Exile and Other Essays

Palestine Remix: 

AL NAKBA

Gaza Lives On

Gaza we are coming

Lost cities of Palestine 

Stories from the Intifada 

Last Shepherds of the Valley

Voices from Gaza

Muhammad Smiry

Najla Shawa

Nour Naim

Wael Al dahdouh

Motaz Azaiza

Ghassan Abu Sitta

Refaat Alareer (murdered by Israel - 12/7/2023. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un)

Plestia Alaqad

Bisan Owda

Ebrahem Ateef

Mohammed Zaanoun

Doaa Mohammad

Hind Khoudary

Palestinian Voices, Organizations, and News 

Boycott Divest and Sanction (BDS)

Defense for Children in Palestine

Palestine Legal 

Palestine Action

Palestine Action US

United Nations relief and works for Palestinian refugees in the Middle East (UNRWA)

National Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP)

Times of Gaza

Middle East Eye

Middle East Monitor

Mohammed El-Kurd

Muna El-Kurd 

Electronic Intifada 

Dr. Yara Hawari 

Mariam Barghouti

Omar Ghraieb

Steven Salaita

Noura Erakat

The Palestinian Museum N.G.

Palestine Museum US

Artists for Palestine UK 

Eye on Palestine 

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wanna know something funnier than 24? 25!!!

a twenty-five first timer's piece of mind

turning 25 was never something i look forward to nor felt excited about but still feel damn blessed for it because growing older is a privilege denied to many. if fortune favors me, i will get to see plenty more birthdays after this one, and hitting the big and heavy 25 will eventually become ancient history. getting older is just a natural part of life's journey, something we can't avoid. but why do we often define ourselves by numbers? they really don’t mean anything other than the significance in our own minds. especially 25, why does it feel like a landmark age, something so anxiety-inducing for some people? imagine rolling with life without worrying about how many candles are on the cake or without blurting out our age every time we meet someone, simply without having the weight of age on our shoulders.

on the first day of being 25, i woke up feeling the same as i did the day before. hitting the halfway mark between 20 and 30 didn't suddenly make my life different. everything was still the same, even now, on the third day of being 25. despite the initial feeling of nothing changing with the arrival of being 25, the idea of a quarter-life crisis is still frightening that i found myself caught in a whirlpool of "should be, would be, could be," questioning every decision and comparing myself to unrealistic standards. sometimes, we ourselves are imposing unto our very selves a timeline for what we should achieve by the end of this year or before we get to a certain age (don't get me started with social pressures) when we should just be, having the capacity to live in the present moment and experience it fully, acknowledging the emotions and processing it, giving ourselves the time and space we need before moving forward.

reaching the age 25 often deemed a symbol of true adulthood, but when your inner child is still running the show, it can be tough because i still find myself getting upset over trivial matters. i read somewhere that as we get older, we tend to have fewer friends. it's a hard pill to swallow for me because compared to last year, the birthday wishes i received this year were lackluster. i know i might seem petty for this, but it's something that means a lot to me. i've always cherished birthday wishes and enjoy putting effort into making others feel special on their special day, so was it wrong of me to expect the same level of effort in return? 👉🏼👈🏼 well yeah, note to my sisters and brothers from the future: it's not about the length or extravagance, just something that feels sincere and personal. let's make each other feel truly special on our birthdays! 🥰

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save me jacob elordi as felix catton save me by marrying me pls

Jacob Elordi as Felix Catton SALTBURN (2023) dir. Emerald Fennell

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salut, bonjour, guten dag, ciao!

get to know me and le château of my mind (っ˘ڡ˘)っ♨

⍣ i never get caffeinated even after drinking two cups of coffee in less than 10 minutes time gap (i feel like i can pull five cups of coffee in a day and still feel nothing, haven’t tried it yet but i’m pretty confident). it is probably because i have been having lattes, not that tiny yet deadly shots of espresso or proper drip coffee. i normally have one instant coffee and low-calorie sweetener dissolve in small amount of hot water, then put some ice cubes, and at last, pour the pricey-but-hard-to-resist oat milk on it cause we need to balance that less than a dollar grinded coffee with a five dollars milk. believe me, this simple recipe creates a decent typa coffee. it does taste so good and addicting but it doesn’t kick in, i need something stronger which means more acidity and bitterness that i don’t think my tummy is ready for a level up yet. i’m saying this all as if i’m in a person who needs a specific dose of caffeine per day to get their busy business life done lol wrong person *cough cough*. but no, i adore coffee and its caffeine on behalf of dopamine and antioxidant. i also do have a very special coffee buddy whom i cherish the most. we have paired our lattes with an interesting range of food, we went from cakes/cookies to instant noodles. we literally have everything with our lattes. i wish we can go out more and do cafes hopping to explore all the coffee recipes that exist. anyway, y’all better drink water more than coffee, we can’t deny the fact that it’s 100000 times healthier and more important than that colored drinks. 

⍣ i am an aries, yup, “the leader” of all the signs, the hard to get, the dominating, the chaser, the independent, mr/ms. confident, the headstrong type of personality, and the list goes on. frankly, i don’t always feel like i own those natures, it feels like i lean more toward the soft and emotional kind of aries. i can be as indecisive as a libra, sometimes confidence doesn’t seem to be my strong suit, i can’t always say what’s on my mind like most of the aries i know seem to be really good at, i tend to put myself on other’s shoes, i think too much than i act, there were numbers of argument i lost because i chose to breakdown and cry rather than defense myself, i can be as gossipy as gemini. just like many aries, i do have a perfection side but it often leads to me being angry and depressed about it. they said, aries is the type of person who is strong and reliable, i might seen as one with my appearance and how i am in my daily life. can’t deny the fact that people see me as a joker, i always make them laugh in any occasion with or without a purpose. i often wonder, am i doing it because they expect me to do so or is there even a possibility that i am a natural joker? hate to break it to you, i don’t think so, it is true that deep down, i am a wreck, i am lost, i am scared, i do not know what to do. the future i once had a clear vision of seems blurry right now. i need someone to wake up the real sleeping aries in me, she must know how to face a situation like this with such grace and poise. anyway, sorry for turning this into a journal but it will eventually just so you know ;)

⍣ let’s get into the real business, i will use this space to post reviews about movies and tv shows (mostly on netflix and disney+) have watched that leave strong impressions on me. it actually will be rewritten from the reviews i have done on my instagram. most of them posted in close friends, and please note that i have a really really small circle, that’s why i’m planning to re-post them on this platform so it will be more accessible. since i am a full-time fangirl, i will also be liking, re-blogging and might be posting everything about my favorite artists, be it holywood peeps, kpop or cpop idols (mostly wang yibo and xiao zhan)!! 

thank you for coming to my ted talk. please check out my blog regularly for the new updates! take care my loves and be happy! see you latte(r)! <3

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LITTLE WOMEN 작은 아씨들 (2022) Wi Ha-Joon as Choi Do-il

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Le Bonheur, Agnès Varda, 1965

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Although I hadn’t seen him in more than ten years,  I know I’ll miss him forever.

STAND BY ME 1986, dir. Rob Reiner 

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pierre boncompain still life paintings

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From Eden by Hozier but you’re sitting in a field by a small river. It’s a nice sunny day & the birds are chirping.

(best with headphones)

Masterlist

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Julia Fox for Bloomingdales

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point Y

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Audrey Hepburn by Mark Shaw for LIFE magazine during the filming of Sabrina, 1954

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Irving Penn, Flowers (1988)

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. “They can cut all the flowers but they can’t stop the coming of spring” “Podrán cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera” Pablo Neruda. . This image was taken last Spring in Japan. Spring is here again but we are now in the middle of a storm. Paraphrasing Haruki Murakami, this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with us. This storm was created by us. All we can do is walk through it, step by step. Be optimistic, remain curious, and stay at home. Quoting Murakami: “When you come out of the stom you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” More springs will come, and we’ll be there. . ことり ことりは そらで　うまれたか うれしそうに　とぶよ なつかしそうに　とぶよ ことりが そらの　なかを . ことりは くもの　おとうとか うれしそうに　いくよ なつかしそうに　いくよ ことりが くもの　そばへ -まど・みちお . Little Birds Little birds Were they born in the sky? They fly so happily They fly so longingly Little Birds In the sky . Little birds Are they the little brothers of the clouds? They go so happily They go so longingly Little birds To the clouds -Michio Mado .