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peanutbutterwrites · 1 year ago

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desperation - part two

warnings: drug use, depression, trauma, angst, eluded sexual trauma summary: after the embarrassment that was your first true crush, you realize the truth of people's feelings. the bitch always wins after all. word count: 3.0 k -disclaimer- this is in no way representing people in real life, I respect enhypen as artists and simply wanted to use them in a story. all circumstances are fake.

part one

a/n - sorry this took literally forever. I know it's not super long nor is it the ending that the anon in my ask box asked for, but I just couldn't bring myself to write a happy ending for this one. it just didn't flow well with the characters I had developed and I really love angst for this one. I hope you guys still enjoy this highly anticipated part two and thank you so so much for the support!

THE DAYS FOLLOWING WERE UNEVENTFUL TO SAY THE LEAST. stagnation. that was the only word that could come close to the immobility you found yourself rotting in. phone left unanswered with dozens of text messages and missed calls. ironically, this was the most tangible evidence of attention you could ever remember receiving. you would have been over the moon under any other circumstances, but you had no place for joy in your numb mind.

the only positive that had come out of your horror story was the apparent courage you had gained against mina. though, that perceived courage of you finally ignoring her was better described as an all encompassing apathy you had gained against the world itself. the days and nights melted into each other and even giselle had learned to leave you alone. one person, however, had not.

“hey, what the hell you can’t be in the female dorm!” outcries could be heard from outside your room that you had finally taken full control of. a good thing to note for the future was if you let your side of the room get even more disgusting than giselle kept hers, she would leave in favor of studying in the common space or library.

“whatever, like you’re gonna do anything.” the second voice rang with an ache of familiarity that had you hiding your head further into the covers. the door to your room swung open with protests coming from giselle before a scoff and multiple complaints of disgust rang through. “geeze, how you can live like this I don’t understand.” your comforter was violently tugged and was met with the first signs of life from you in a while, cries of gripe. “oh come on, this is pathetic.” with one large and final tug, the comforter came off with a sweep causing you to whither into yourself. your eyes were shut tight in attempt to block out the very sudden and very bright intrusion of the sunlight. “I’m serious girl, get yourself together.” you peeked your face out to make eye contact with a very irritated looking sunoo.

“huh.” was the only sound that you could produce. you had known of course that that voice could only belong to one person, but the fact that he had come all the way here in person, for you, was still dawning.

“really? huh bitch, what have you been doing?” sunoo said with a scoff. “I think we’re all good and then you don’t text back, or pick up my calls, just leaving us high and dry?” your eyes were wide and unblinking, still putting together than someone was genuinely worried for you. “well?” he crossed his arms and plopped down on the end of your bed, clearly waiting for a response.

“I,” you began, wondering how you were going to explain what happened to sunoo without sounding insane, “I was tired.” you finally settled on, turning back onto your side. sunoo sighed, making his frustration with you apparent, but you still weren’t in the mood to care.

“did something happen? you left really suddenly with only sunghoon that night.” you froze, the embarrassment of your behavior still fresh in your mind. but the embarrassment wasn’t what sunoo was focused on evidently. “OH MY GOSH,” he jumped abruptly, grabbing your shoulders and forcing you upright, “did he hurt you?” the genuine concern in his eyes that you were now forced to look at rocked you. it shocked you to your core and brought forward all the emotions you had been suppressing for an unknown amount of time at this point. to your endless mortification, tears flooded your vision and you clutched sunoo’s arms. “why didn’t you tell me?” you shook your head violently, not caring that you could suddenly see giselle’s presence from this position. you allowed sunoo to hold you and pet your hair, shushing you quietly as he patiently waited for you to finish. “goddamnit, you got me going soft on you now.” you couldn’t help but let out a pitiful laugh and attempt to clean your face of salty tears. “tell me whats going on, now.” you took a deep breath, attempting to explain out loud what had happened.

“it wasn’t sunghoon,” still reeling from sobbing, you had to take another breath, “it was ni-ki.” sunoo’s eyebrows shot up and he froze.

“really? look, I know he’s an asshole, but he’s really not the type to force himself on someone. I’d never doubt you, it just seems out of character.” sunoo explained carefully, as he took a piece of your hair and moved it away from your face.

“no, he didn’t force himself on me.” you explained with some difficulty what you had witnessed between him and mina that night. you had expected sunoo to be there for you instantly, but he was always surprising you after all.

“I’m gonna be honest with you right now,” he said coldly, and you paused uncomfortably, “that’s ridiculous.” your heart and rising hopes dropped immediately.

“you wouldn’t understand.” sunoo let out a boisterous laugh at that making you shrink back into yourself.

“understand why you like to torture yourself? yeah that’s right, I don’t understand that.”

“I can’t control who I like sunoo.”

“that’s a bullshit answer to all this.” you angrily snapped your head to quip a comeback, but the words died in your throat when no anger or harshness was present in sunoo’s appearance at all. “I mean seriously, look around. you’re a mess, your room’s a mess, I had to physically drag you out of bed. I mean come on, have you even been eating?” like a bucket of cold water, you were snapped out of all your fiery emotions. “that’s what I mean. sure I feel bad for you for liking that guy of all people, but the way you handle it is pathetic.” with your mind still moving slowly, most likely due to the lack of nourishment and sleep, sunoo only sighed and began working on your room. he picked up clothes, got laundry together, and even forced giselle to help him collect trash all while you sat on bed. eyes staring forward, unmoving, you allowed your mind to churn while sunoo went on and on with his motivational speech. “you know what, you’re getting out tonight.” your thoughts snapped back to sunoo and your eyes focused once again. you looked around, your room was clean. “just come hang out with us, you need to leave this room.” your eyes remained wandering as you took in the new condition of the dorm room, it hadn’t been this clean since move in day.

“I’m not sure I have a choice.” with that sunoo gave you a sweet and smile and pushed you towards the shower, giving you the time you needed to wash up. it was soothing, taking a hot shower after disregarding that need for a while. it made you feel more human. your hair routine took time, but you did it meticulously for the first time in a while. sunoo watched as you applied your makeup and picked out your outfit silently, he offered words of encouragement and expressed his opinion on different outfits, but that was about it. “you ready?” all you could offer was a nod before you began to follow him, waving a quiet goodbye to giselle.

“where are you going?” you had to admit her voice had a bit of a grip on you. you hadn’t spoken a word to her since the incident. it caused you to pause momentarily before sunoo gripped your arm gently.

“nowhere.” she scoffed.

“what do you mean nowhere?” you took a deep breath before focussing your energy on sunoo’s support.

“it’s none of your business mina. I’m going out, with my friend.” out of the corner of your eye you saw sunoo smile affectionately with approval. mina looked shocked, she had yet to witness this side of you. but you didn’t give her any satisfaction of an apology or any more of your time. grabbing sunoo this time, you pulled him towards the door and signaled it was time to leave. once you had left the dorm completely, you were met with a tight warm hug from sunoo and a warmer feeling in your chest.

------------------------------ + -------------------------------

on the drive to the beach you were apparently going too, you and sunoo sat in silence. you were deep in thought about mina and your friendships in general. at the end of this whole mess, at least you knew you had a friend in sunoo. when you had arrived, there was already a sunset and a bonfire being started in the distance. you could make out the six figures of the other boys, meaning the whole friend group was already here.

“are you sure it’s okay to barge in like this?” sunoo scoffed.

��you aren’t barging in if you’re my friend.” you offered him a small smile and he gave you a pat on the head. making your way to the group, you wiped your sweaty palms on your t-shirt and gulped down the last bit of nervous bile. you could hear tumultuous laughter ringing throughout the beach and couldn’t help but smile when you could distinguish jake’s boyish laughter from the others. the only give away that something had occurred was the slight silence of some of the boys, but most of the excited reactions you got distracted from that. jake, of course, jumped up and tackled you with a large hug.

“where have you been? you disappeared for a minute.” he said, jokingly while punching your shoulder. you laughed a little awkwardly, stating you just fell into a funk. they beckoned you into the circle and brought out beers and blankets. you ended up sitting curled up next to sunoo and jungwon, ni-ki going completely ignored. truthfully, you didn’t know how to handle him. so despite the daggers he was glaring at you, you remained eyes trained on all six other boys. you guys fell into a casual conversation with lots of laughter, save for ni-ki, still sending a stone cold glare your way. you shivered uncomfortably under his gaze, with sunoo noticing.

“you cold?” you couldn’t think of a good alternative, so you nodded in agreeance. sunoo simply opened his blanket and helped scooch you into his lap. shaking away the initial uncomfortableness of the position, you relaxed into him and began to laugh with the other boys again. despite your comfort, ni-ki’s glare continued to to pierce you and make you shift in your seat.

“okay dude, just stop.” everyone went silent as sunoo suddenly interrupted. his voice was irritated and you tensed up immediately, never hearing this tone from sunoo before, even in your dorm room. he glared back at ni-ki and you knew the subject of his sudden outburst.

“something wrong?” he responded with that cocky, deep voice. sunoo scoffed.

“just leave her alone, you got what you wanted didn’t you?” ni-ki took a deep breath out of his cigarette, and kept that cold face. the only sign of movement was his heel unconsciously bouncing on the sand. it unnerved you, but sunoo didn’t seem fazed.

“i'm serious ni-ki, take your problems out on someone else.” he froze at that and instantly put out his cig. he dusted his pants off and stood up quickly, everyone else seemed rooted in place.

“come on.” he said offering his hand to you, but you stayed still. he let out a frustrated huff and grabbed your wrist harshly, hauling you up and out of your seat. sunoo was quick to your aid, but ni-ki brushed him off pulling you farther down the beach and towards the water. the other boys seemed to jump up but were hesitant to do anything to actually stop ni-ki. as he dragged you down the beach, you stumbled behind him kicking up sand and scratching your feet on the occasional rock causing tears to spring to your eyes. finally fed up after minutes of him lugging you around, you yanked your arm out of his hand.

“okay what do you want? what did I ever do to you?”

“what did you do to me?” he asked in a threatening voice. the scene reminded you of a lamb wandering into a wolfs den and had you retreating into yourself. “you exist. that’s enough. the way you walk and talk, like you constantly need validation, don’t you know how infuriating that is for everyone around you?” trying to back away from the harsh words, you moved to get away, but he grabbed both of your forearms and held you tightly in place. “no, you don’t get to ignore this and act like its another thing I’ve done to you. you may have sunoo fooled but I know you. you act like everything is everyone else's fault, when its yours. its your fault.” at this point tears were streaming down your face and hiccups were beginning to get caught in your throat. your biggest fears were being shouted at you and you couldn’t pretend like they didn’t exist.

“why, are you doing this?” you managed to get out between hiccups and sobs. “why waste your energy?”

“see there it is!” he yelled exasperated. “till the very end you’re acting like this is my fault, its yours goddamnit! you make yourself such an easy target, grow up!” at this you completely broke down. sobs racking your body, your knees buckling causing you to fall into the sand and bring ni-ki down with you. snot ran down your nose and your breathing was completely uncontrollable. “hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry. look, it's okay.” his movements switched to frantic and tried to pull you into a hug despite your constant shoving. eventually, he overpowered your weak last bits of strength and wrapped you into his arms forcefully. pinning you to him, he rocked you back and forth and hushed you softly. petting your hair down, he mumbled apologies over and over.

“i’ll make it up to you okay.” your sobs turned into sniffles and you all you were left with was confusion.

“ni-ki” you said softly to make him stop talking. “I just don’t understand, why are you doing this?” at this he froze and you felt his jaw tense up.

“I’ll fuck you okay, will that make you stop?” you twisted in his arms and tried to look at his eyes, but he turned his head quickly and looked out towards the waves instead. “it’s how I know how to make things right okay, so don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you, okay?”

“why are you angry?” he ignored you question and tensed his jaw up again instead of responding. “ni-ki, just help me understand.” his head snapped angrily towards you and you watched a flash of anger but also hurt pass through his eyes.

“there’s no point. either fuck me and leave, or just leave.” speechless, you were moving before your brain could comprehend your emotions. shoving him off of you, you jumped up abruptly and walked away, leaving him sitting in the sand. you had finally realized, none of it actually mattered. you could be as sweet as possible and still no one would like you. you could try as hard as you wanted to make everyone happy, but in reality everyone, including you, hated you. as you made your way back to the group, tears were still wet on your face but anger and understanding solidified your decision.

“hey, you okay?” sunoo was the first to ask, but you ignored in favor of grabbing your stuff and forcing his car keys into his hand.

“take me home now or I’m driving your car.” shocked, sunoo jumped to run after you as you stormed away and unlocked the car. jumping in, you turned to him.

“you know what, I’m tired of being fucking quiet. It’s better to just run my mouth like mina and be a bitch, at least people shut the fuck up then.” quietly, stunned, sunoo shifted the car into drive and peeled away from the curb. looking out into the almost completely snuffed out sun, your mind was made up.

so what if you aren’t special, just act like it.

#enhypen #ni ki #ni ki x you #enhypen x you #enhypen niki #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #ni ki imagines #angst #gross reader #x reader #reader insert

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