peculiarrian - Tumblr blog

[peculiarrian]

Hello, Tumblr!

[peculiarrian]

A start of a new era. 🎂 All I want is to be more carefree and consistently happy. 🙏

[peculiarrian]

This year broke me down in ways I cannot imagine.

I got out of a toxic and emotionally draining relationship and as a giver in the relationship, it hurts more that your efforts are for a naught. I may get over the person for months or even a year or years but the wound would be something I’d probably carry for the rest of my life.

I also cut off friends because of trust issues and I'd like to keep it that way. I normally have a strong exterior but those few who really know me know how much I care for the people I love that I would be willing to go for lengths just for them.

I spent the latter half of the year, focusing on my self. I didn’t realize how much time I lost for myself because I was too busy taking care of others. I appreciate the time I have all to myself just now.

And I swear to myself, that all those lost years — I’m gonna bring back and devote to myself alone for the next year and I will start being selfish again and rebuild my walls up.

I can’t wait for this year to end and start anew. I hope the Lord grants us peace, contentment and happiness in the coming years.

[peculiarrian]

I’m drowning in sadness.

[peculiarrian]

I’m back here again. And I think I’ll be writing more often. Simply because I am sad. Well, I think sad is an understatement.

[peculiarrian]

29 on the 29th. Thank You, Lord for another year! 🙏

[peculiarrian]

Cheers to new beginning!

[peculiarrian]

Thank you, 2022!

[peculiarrian]

Had an 11-day adventure to Dubai and Egypt last October. Follow me on Tiktok and click on the “Travels” tab to see more deets about our trip! ❤️

http://tiktok.com/@rianrucio

[peculiarrian]

I’m not getting the same energy. It’s hard when you do a pulse check with your joint heartbeat with the one you love. Yours throb so hard and his/hers faints. You can feel it even if supposedly, you’re attached to the hip. And if his/her pulse dies, so is yours.

Sometimes, I ask, why can’t we be the same person we were before entering a commitment? Why parts of us shared to lovers can’t seem to go back to normal, back when your love is not yet awakened? Sometimes, I wonder, if I’m getting my parts back or if we interchanged it or if we get it in mixture, albeit having ours meshed with it, why is it unfamiliar anymore?

Sometimes, you hold your candelit love in the palm of your hands — all with a firm grip but you can also feel it can slip away in any moment. You let it shine and guide your pathway, but sometimes, you touch it too hard, entrusting it’s not gonna consume you. But fire is passionate that it consumes anything it holds.

We should be the ones controlling the flame, together. My fire didn’t seem to ignite your love for me.

And your fire, with its icy burn —

Consumed me.

[peculiarrian]

I’m spiraling.

[peculiarrian]

Always remember that even if you have a complete family, a partner or a best friend, only you can understand what you’re going through and it is tough to accept the fact that you only have yourself to console and comfort the feelings you will never be pacified of. It’s exhausting and you’d just let it be part of you.

[peculiarrian]

Two weeks ago, we flew for our trip broad and I watched Doll House on Netflix, starring Baron Geisler while on the plane. The movie really touched me and I just welled up at that. But after the movie, I can’t stop crying. Luckily, the lights were dim as we were on an evening flight so I cried freely. If only these lights could see me, they probably could’ve comforted me. But no, I guess I should stop depending my happiness on people and stop expecting to be consoled everytime. I am still sobbing beside someone who I dearly love who’s currently asleep that time and doesn’t have an idea where these emotions whipped me.

And I just realized that no matter how strong I put up with my exterior, I am too afraid of being left behind.

Even with reassurances, I am still worrisome. I look forward to the day when I wake up with a peace on my heart, not haunted by my past traumas and hope that finally, the anxiety will subside. Or will it really?

[peculiarrian]

Today, on a cold rainy weather, I decided to write for you and it’s been since I have written anything. It’s been awhile since I made you some written love. As the water pours, my tears also gush inside — it swells with the love you’re giving me, the hurt of my past you’ve been tending to and the hope for more moments we’d share together.

In times when you feel like I don’t show how much I love you enough, know that I am trying my best to show them in bits and hand them to you, piece by piece. It may not look like it’s as much as the sum of its parts, but believe me when I mean it more when I share my shards than my entirety all at once. Shards not to bruise you, but shards with smoothened edges not by my own resilience but with your endless understanding.

Our love is like fire ranging from sparks to flame at times. Your hand is wind that dries my tears. Your cradle is water that makes my soul ebb and flow. And your chest is earth, founded to make me still.

In all of these, I always spare a thought of you — in between pauses, in my habitual spacing out, in between breaks of everything that I type, and even when I flinch out of a dream.

You are everything I could have ever wished for. Today, I celebrate not our love. Today, I celebrate you. I love you.

[peculiarrian]

Never ever settle for less, even in friendship. As they say, if they don’t reciprocate the same energy you’re giving, stop wasting your time on them.

[peculiarrian]

Hello Tumblr peeps! We’ll be giving away these cakes for free! Just follow the instructions here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CeBN1ATpsQI/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Would also appreciate if you reblog/share this post. 💜💜💜

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Aide’s Food Blog (@foodaideals)

[peculiarrian]

Matatapos din itong ating laban.

Magwawakas din itong sinimulan.

Uuwi rin tayo sa ating mga minamahal.