penitentdrifter

[penitentdrifter]

I write with the air of pretentiousness. I can't seem to shed it, probably developed the habit out of a need to contribute something profound (or at least try my hardest appearing to) growing up on the internet, consuming media and discourse from people I perceived to be intellectual juggernauts. I looked up to them and wanted to fit in and have something meaningful to say.

now, after having consumed something intellectually provoking, I feel the need to say something, and all I feel are cloudy thoughts that don't seem like they have anything useful to say, and I mask them underneath slightly-less-than-everyday words and slightly-less-than-everyday syntax.

but I'm probably being too hard on myself, and am filtering the act of achieving personal emotional catharsis by expressing how I resonated with something even without anything to add on as a purely negative thing. but I do feel stupid when it does happen, and I wish I didn't try so hard to appear as though I'm NOT stupid. and that maybe I'm even very, very clever after all. I know on an intellectual level that I'm not stupid, but convincing myself of it on a subconscious, emotional level is a task I feel the need to go to needlessly frequently. like what am I trying to prove, and whom to? it's annoying chasing after the self-image that I know does not fit in with who I really am, which would is: clever, but not that clever.

[penitentdrifter]

how can I perform tasks with my left hand that I only ever learned to do with my right

how does my brain know

HOW DOES IT KNOW

[penitentdrifter]

what's that really yummy looking salt(?) buildup on UPS battery terminals????? does anyone know

[penitentdrifter]

i love pretending that im quirky. but i AM quirky. but i'm not as quirky as i think i am