pepperyhoney

[pepperyhoney]

ORV gives you a main character who is so detached and suicidal and never gets better

But more importantly it gives you all the people who would tear apart reality itself for one more chance to be with him

As someone who has struggled with depersonalisation and derealization and suicidal ideation for pretty much my entire life this book, even when deeply painful, is the most uplifting and convincing DO NOT KILL YOURSELF treatise I have ever read

Because it's easy to convince yourself that no one will miss you

That no one actually cares about you, because how could they? You're a monster

That you only have worth in what you can give

But then you see Kim Dokja who believes about himself all the worst things you have thought about yourself and who has arguably done worst things then you could ever do...and you see how he doesn't see the love and care and devotion that is right in front of his face

You are begging him to stop and see it

To recognise that he doesn't have to do everything alone

That he is loved so so deeply

And maybe, just maybe you can get yourself to open your eyes. Or just believe that maybe you're just as blind as Kim Dokja.

I know some people will see this book as despairing or that the message is that you can never actually cross that divide. But for me it's a push to say you can cross it.

That there are people in this world waiting for you to extend your hand and they will hold you close and never let you go

It's hope in the despair

At least for me

[pepperyhoney]

ORV gives you a main character who is so detached and suicidal and never gets better

But more importantly it gives you all the people who would tear apart reality itself for one more chance to be with him

As someone who has struggled with depersonalisation and derealization and suicidal ideation for pretty much my entire life this book, even when deeply painful, is the most uplifting and convincing DO NOT KILL YOURSELF treatise I have ever read

Because it's easy to convince yourself that no one will miss you

That no one actually cares about you, because how could they? You're a monster

That you only have worth in what you can give

But then you see Kim Dokja who believes about himself all the worst things you have thought about yourself and who has arguably done worst things then you could ever do...and you see how he doesn't see the love and care and devotion that is right in front of his face

You are begging him to stop and see it

To recognise that he doesn't have to do everything alone

That he is loved so so deeply

And maybe, just maybe you can get yourself to open your eyes. Or just believe that maybe you're just as blind as Kim Dokja.

I know some people will see this book as despairing or that the message is that you can never actually cross that divide. But for me it's a push to say you can cross it.

That there are people in this world waiting for you to extend your hand and they will hold you close and never let you go

It's hope in the despair

At least for me

[pepperyhoney]

[pepperyhoney]

practice drawing with izuku

[pepperyhoney]

i always thought of him as a late bloomer who will become very popular amongst the bisexual crowd due to his certain nerd-who-had-a-glow-up charm

[pepperyhoney]

drew this helpful diagram for mha fans who don't understand what a character arc is

[pepperyhoney]

i don't necessarily have an unbreakable preference over dynamics in ships but i love the notion of izuku being this unreachable, distant and detached yet kind that just lures katsuki — the brash, straightforward and pining end. The one's having difficulty to understand their own feelings are not katsuki. Katsuki is just bad at expressing, not feeling. he's always been selfish afterall.

[pepperyhoney]

COLLEGE END TERM EXAMS ARE KILLING MEEEE but

I saw someone saying that he is blaming himself for something that is not his fault completely because he always does (re: AM retirement), and that katsuki is showing how much he is a soft person at heart. And how he is not to blame for this. But i have a slightly different interpretation from this.

i think Katsuki was not a soft person. and I think that here was not a show of how much he loves to blame himself. it is stated again and again how much of him is brash and callous and arrogant, and like his mother and himself said, he is given too much praise and never really tasted rejection or failure—except from himself. and even then, he never dwells too much on it and just keep having the mindset of improving and one upping everyone including himself. the sigma grindset, if you will. Even though his outward theatrics shows how explosive he is and how he gets so agitated at many things, he has shown that he has more emotional control in battle than even Midoriya-I-Will-Go-Berserk-Over-My-Endangered-Lover-Izuku. like he even has to remind Izuku to not dwell on things lest it kills him.

Then he came back from the dead.

The death itself is a significant factor. "Can I still catch up to you?" as one of his last thoughts, was something he now consider his reality, his acceptance of himself and Izuku. He reframed the way he tasted failure and rejection of what he thinks the way he is - of how he perceived Midoriya and that what he rejects about him in the first place then came to reject him in return-into something that once again motivates him to win and to always have a goal, his newborn northern star.

When All Might retires, he blames himself because all might is the symbol of peace and people around the world now lost it and there's a new imbalance that he feels are a part of his responsibility. But truly, regardless of anything, all might will retire anyway due to his injury. It is not his fault. He just hates the feeling of "failing" to save himself, that he needed to be saved. He doesn't want to accept that.

Then we get a narrative of how quirk is viewed by the world, the sides of it, and the darkest part of it. Izuku is shown to be affected by this too, while relying on his own belief that stems from all might idealism (the vigilante era). But then his class shows how much that idealism is no longer sustainable, and repeating the same things aren't going to do anyone any good. Katsuki, despite the lack of narrated inner thoughts, is a part of crowd who instill it to izuku as well. Then he apologized. He knows that Izuku is this self sacrifical because of him. That he thinks he can't truly save anyone without giving a part of himself. Which circles back to how he accepted izuku as a rival and a partner. He now see him as he is and accept the part of it was his fault. Katsuki went on with life because he thinks that now Izuku can always change for the better, like he always do, and he will be there on his heels, to be with him and to accept his hand, and i quote, "for the rest of their lives".

When izuku has to give up OFA to try save Tenko, when he really showed how much he is willing to give up anything- even the greatest gift and his raison d'etre that is propelling him to this point along with Katsuki himself (because you know, izuku extend his hands to everyone and that starts with his extension to Katsuki), That is really what hits home to him. That they're so interwined with each other, that izuku has always been a hero to him as much as he is to Izuku, that the extended hand he swatted all those years ago, is the same hand that still give a part of himself away to tenko shimura in an attempt to save him. Izuku was always a hero because he will not hesitate to save anyone.

Now that he saw Izuku as a rival, and saw izuku as what he is, he truly sees how much saving is tied to the act of being saved, that everyone has to help each other to truly win, that to protect someone, you have to be willing to be protected to save yourself, too. Now, the hand he rejected all those years ago, the person he rejected again and again, is unable to save himself from fate, and the worse part, he can't protect him from fate and himself. He saw how much his actions truly meant, he saw how apology only grazed the surface wound of the consequence of a childhood ignorance. Now he truly understands that all he wanted was to protect Izuku; that it was all a misdirection of what he truly wants, to be a hero that protects people. that misdirection in turn bites him in form of losing his hero that saved him from himself. So, with tears of realization too late, "no... just what the hell did i do to you?".

the despair he feels is because he has so much respect for izuku and that bittersweet feeling of knowing that izuku choice is going to change everything, as well as knowing he has a part on it. He can't take back anything, and izuku has to live with it, and how does it truly feel to see the one you now saw as your equal, goal, northern star, to rise and dim because of you?

Katsuki was not a soft person. he is, now. Because he is saved by the people around him. Thats why his wish was to save izuku, too. He wishes there was another way, he wishes that the fate izuku has didnt have to enforce izuku's already self sacrificing beliefs. He wish that he is saved from the fate. He cries because he knows he is inseparable from it all-even if it wasn't truly his fault. He loves and respect him and knowing he is inseparable of what makes him love and respect him is making him realize the gravity of the situation. He changed so much from the brash and arrogant kid he was, that now instead of being angry and challenging at fate not going his way, he yearns for them to change so that the person he truly cares about is saved. His admittance and heartfelt confession is one hell of a leap and show how much he changed, and reducing it to him blaming himself for something not his fault is kinda redundant and insulting to his character development.

[pepperyhoney]

Snippet from A Short Pause by je_te_veux

[pepperyhoney]

The Sillies

[pepperyhoney]

COLLEGE END TERM EXAMS ARE KILLING MEEEE but

I saw someone saying that he is blaming himself for something that is not his fault completely because he always does (re: AM retirement), and that katsuki is showing how much he is a soft person at heart. And how he is not to blame for this. But i have a slightly different interpretation from this.

i think Katsuki was not a soft person. and I think that here was not a show of how much he loves to blame himself. it is stated again and again how much of him is brash and callous and arrogant, and like his mother and himself said, he is given too much praise and never really tasted rejection or failure—except from himself. and even then, he never dwells too much on it and just keep having the mindset of improving and one upping everyone including himself. the sigma grindset, if you will. Even though his outward theatrics shows how explosive he is and how he gets so agitated at many things, he has shown that he has more emotional control in battle than even Midoriya-I-Will-Go-Berserk-Over-My-Endangered-Lover-Izuku. like he even has to remind Izuku to not dwell on things lest it kills him.

Then he came back from the dead.

The death itself is a significant factor. "Can I still catch up to you?" as one of his last thoughts, was something he now consider his reality, his acceptance of himself and Izuku. He reframed the way he tasted failure and rejection of what he thinks the way he is - of how he perceived Midoriya and that what he rejects about him in the first place then came to reject him in return-into something that once again motivates him to win and to always have a goal, his newborn northern star.

When All Might retires, he blames himself because all might is the symbol of peace and people around the world now lost it and there's a new imbalance that he feels are a part of his responsibility. But truly, regardless of anything, all might will retire anyway due to his injury. It is not his fault. He just hates the feeling of "failing" to save himself, that he needed to be saved. He doesn't want to accept that.

Then we get a narrative of how quirk is viewed by the world, the sides of it, and the darkest part of it. Izuku is shown to be affected by this too, while relying on his own belief that stems from all might idealism (the vigilante era). But then his class shows how much that idealism is no longer sustainable, and repeating the same things aren't going to do anyone any good. Katsuki, despite the lack of narrated inner thoughts, is a part of crowd who instill it to izuku as well. Then he apologized. He knows that Izuku is this self sacrifical because of him. That he thinks he can't truly save anyone without giving a part of himself. Which circles back to how he accepted izuku as a rival and a partner. He now see him as he is and accept the part of it was his fault. Katsuki went on with life because he thinks that now Izuku can always change for the better, like he always do, and he will be there on his heels, to be with him and to accept his hand, and i quote, "for the rest of their lives".

When izuku has to give up OFA to try save Tenko, when he really showed how much he is willing to give up anything- even the greatest gift and his raison d'etre that is propelling him to this point along with Katsuki himself (because you know, izuku extend his hands to everyone and that starts with his extension to Katsuki), That is really what hits home to him. That they're so interwined with each other, that izuku has always been a hero to him as much as he is to Izuku, that the extended hand he swatted all those years ago, is the same hand that still give a part of himself away to tenko shimura in an attempt to save him. Izuku was always a hero because he will not hesitate to save anyone.

Now that he saw Izuku as a rival, and saw izuku as what he is, he truly sees how much saving is tied to the act of being saved, that everyone has to help each other to truly win, that to protect someone, you have to be willing to be protected to save yourself, too. Now, the hand he rejected all those years ago, the person he rejected again and again, is unable to save himself from fate, and the worse part, he can't protect him from fate and himself. He saw how much his actions truly meant, he saw how apology only grazed the surface wound of the consequence of a childhood ignorance. Now he truly understands that all he wanted was to protect Izuku; that it was all a misdirection of what he truly wants, to be a hero that protects people. that misdirection in turn bites him in form of losing his hero that saved him from himself. So, with tears of realization too late, "no... just what the hell did i do to you?".

the despair he feels is because he has so much respect for izuku and that bittersweet feeling of knowing that izuku choice is going to change everything, as well as knowing he has a part on it. He can't take back anything, and izuku has to live with it, and how does it truly feel to see the one you now saw as your equal, goal, northern star, to rise and dim because of you?

Katsuki was not a soft person. he is, now. Because he is saved by the people around him. Thats why his wish was to save izuku, too. He wishes there was another way, he wishes that the fate izuku has didnt have to enforce izuku's already self sacrificing beliefs. He wish that he is saved from the fate. He cries because he knows he is inseparable from it all-even if it wasn't truly his fault. He loves and respect him and knowing he is inseparable of what makes him love and respect him is making him realize the gravity of the situation. He changed so much from the brash and arrogant kid he was, that now instead of being angry and challenging at fate not going his way, he yearns for them to change so that the person he truly cares about is saved. His admittance and heartfelt confession is one hell of a leap and show how much he changed, and reducing it to him blaming himself for something not his fault is kinda redundant and insulting to his character development.

[pepperyhoney]

katsuki...<3

[pepperyhoney]

can't help but share my WIP for a brainrot i will finish after these goddamned exams. wish me luck

[pepperyhoney]

i have exams like 12 hours from now, but because my poor choice of catching up to 300 chapters of MHA that i neglected since 2015-ish, i am now consumed with so much love over katsuki and izuku that i can't shake off. Katsuki development is so stellar that I can't recognize the character i once hate. He loves, loves, lovees deku. like i think all of his issues stem from that friendship. that damned friendship. Katsuki's life is interchangeable with izuku's, without each other, they would probably be in a very different place. Katsuki learns to understand where to direct his emotions, how to frame it, because izuku stayed despite all. they love each other—however you want to interpret it—to the point of changing for the better.

and the revelation of how kudou— the second OFA user, and yoichi's relationship mirrors theirs is so fate like. how izuku saw katsuki as his own hero, as his own personal idol, the compass of his actions and dreams. Katsuki, much like kudou, only ever wanted to protect them—izuku's and yoichi, respectively. Katsuki's dream is quite literally be a hero to protect people like izuku, so because katsuki is a child, he feels conflicted that izuku, despite being quirkless, wants to help him. "is my motivation wrong?" he once ask him, because he can't quite let go of the idea of protecting izuku (at least the concept of it).

He knows izuku is self sacrificial because of that. he knows what he has done to his self worth that now izuku has a deep rooted issue with his self worth, tied with his heroism and quirk, and he's sorry. his apology is like saying, "sorry, izuku, i only wanted to protect you in my mislead ways" AUGSJSN im so insane over them they care for each other so much :(

[pepperyhoney]

katsuki...<3

[pepperyhoney]

kofi request: budding romance 🍀