personal-to-the-public

[personal-to-the-public]

there were a lot of scenes where I thought Rust Cohle looked like a spider. He has really spidery eyes, real glossy and kinda all one color.

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what character am i?

lmao. my answers could change on any given day or circumstance but heres some characters i am supposedly like. (picking out of the list of only ones i knew)

sailor mercury was by number one

lexi howard (euphoria)

brian "brain" (breakfast club)

rory gilmore

harry (mamma mia)

NEEDY FROM JENNIFERS BODY

ARMIN ARLERT OMG

rei ayanami

hermione granger

artie and emma (glee)

cameron frye (ferris bueler)

esme and carlisle cullen

charlotte york

[personal-to-the-public]

getting political

after a really long life of being purposely uneducated in the hope to hear, see, and speak no evil, i have ignored people's lives. I am finally drawing the line at what is going on in Alligator Alcatraz right now. I can, and never will stand for a president, or the side he's on, to support internment camps.

In another life, that could be me or my family in there.

I feel bad that while I get to work, have nice things, and live in a nice home, normal people are struggling.

[personal-to-the-public]

06/18/25

wow guys i am back. imagine how active i could be on here. i also wonder how active everyone else is on their accounts and how nobody really sees it. i feel like tumblr is a hard app to go viral on, but lowk that isnt what its for. for me, tumblr is a release, cuz i know no one will see this and know it's me

anyways. i am so depressed its not even funny. this depression is different than the one where i was losing all of my friends though. It's summer and i am alone living at my grandparents house, and I have a job which i love and can make good money from. living with grandparents is not for the weak though, I have never been more miserable in my entire life and i hate that i am. i have no friends here since its summertime and they went back home, and all i do when i come home is watch love island, watch anime, and play videogames. my alone time is SO VALUBLE to me and i cannot get an ounce of peace in this house due to my grandparents constant nosy-ness.

My favorite thing to do is blare music throughout the house when no-ones home and dance while I make a snack and run along in the kitchen. I am full of energy and soul that nobody has and WILL never see when I am doing that. I doubt my future husband will ever even see that side of me. that is my favorite alone time activity. my grandparents are always home though, so i can never do that.

when i think of this blog, i think of my crazy losing my friends depression, and one time i wrote in the library of my high school because...i had no friends. that was my favorite place to sit, but i never sat there a whole lot. i remember one day when i didnt go to first period because i was too scared to face them, and ate an uncrustable alone in the corner by the window, typing stuff on my laptop and playing on my phone. that summer, i binged anime, and deleted snapchat as i didnt want to talk to people i already knew, and knew nobody yet since i hadnt gone to college. that is probably the most free and simultaneously alone ive ever been technically, i can never unlearn the people i have met this year, and it will be everchanging now for as long as i live. mayeb when im 25 or 40 that will not be the case cause there is a slump that mothers go through and i know it will happen to me.

im gonna make a dream life pinterest board but let me brainstorm first.

i think about me in an office job maybe in advertising. I am not a director, but I am on a team that bounces ideas off eachother freely, and i when someone proposes an idea, i tell them what i think and how i could do it differently. idk if my work is in commercials, visual design, social media, or what, but that is what i want to do and what i feel like i am good at. maybe that is a job for someone judgemental but its okay, it has to be done.

I am unsure about kids, i cant even think about my dream man so im just gonna skip those for now.

my home - i cant pick between boho/eclectic styles or ralph lauren home/classy rich simple types. ill put some photos for reference

CLASSY

COOL FUN GIRLY ECLECTIC

i love both so much. over christmas break i was staying in my moms apartment, and id take the best shower of my life and then lay in my comfy bed, and the decor was so simple and classy. I'd put on a Lollia honey lavender hand lotion i got from a perfume set, put my hands real close to my face and just smell it. I would imagine myself as a mother, with my financially stable life, nice house, and that i'd just taken a bath. My mom was a lot like that, real into baths, luxury items, classy clothing. sometimes she acts classless but she taught me what it means to look presentable.

I often find myself thinking like my family, or understanding little things they've told me over the years that didn't stick. baggy clothes, slouching, walking with grace, smiling, being friendly. in middle school i told my mom that i was petty, she told me that it wasnt something to be proud of, and i never said it again. it is NEVER a good thing to be mean, or unfriendly, or a gossip. it's easy to brag about because sometimes it's relatable, but it will never get you anywhere. I have always lived by that.

my love language i think is gift giving. I have always loved making little avatars of my friends on apps and sending them what i made. It's not their reactions that I enjoy, but i think it's making things personal to them, and hoping they feel seen and loved by having something that is "them". when i first got a job, i splurged on christmas gifts for each of them, and wrapped them so nicely. i loved to look at it, and see that what i picked out for them was just to their tastes. I can only hope they loved whatever i got for them, but its the act of seeing them, thinking about them, and doing something kind for them.

i also enjoy words of affirmation FOR me and i think i crave validation and reassurance because im constantly in my head thinking about patterns that have connected to that very moment in time and why i am the way i am, and then decoding things about myself until i hate myself. ANYWAYS. i enjoy being told i am doing a good job, but i dont actively seek out doing a good job, so it's my own fault. i like being naturally good at whatever it is, so i know that being myself is enough.

okay i think avtually for the next couple days im gonna work on a pinterest board for my family (mom and sister)

[personal-to-the-public]

ANTM

SPOILERS DO NOT READ IF U HAVENT FINISHED FIRST SEASON

okay i've finally started america's next top model ,i'm probably gonna have to pirate the other seasons that hulu skipped.

FIRST SEASON REVIEW SO FAR: Elyse is my spirit animal, besides the fact that she is a med student, which i am not. Adrianne shows a great deal of improvement every episode, as well as Elyse that i just love to see

Not to be a christianity hater, but Robin is the epitome of the bad reputation that christians get. Shannon has no backbone but shes sweet for sure.

THAT EVIL JUDGE I FORGOT HER NAME!! she is actually close to the devil I think, she must've sold her soul or something a million years ago because she is a horrible, evil woman.

[personal-to-the-public]

im sad

i have no hoes at all, none. i really miss the second guy that i talked about in earlier posts, we spent a solid week and a half together and now its just not the same. im not over him or that time. ive basically been wasting my time since then and that was over a month ago

[personal-to-the-public]

The First Boy

I met this boy September 4th, it is now November 5th. i swore he was the cutest boy i've ever seen, and god did i make an effort to talk to him. I landed that hoe. We talked all night, then i got his number, blah blah blah. he said goodnight to me almost every single night for about two months, and inbwteeen that, we shared the same twin XL bed whenever we could. I taught him how to kiss, he met my friends, spoke everyday, whatever.

background: he has 100 liked songs on spotify, isn't too well versed in media, didnt really drink before college, hadn't done much sexual stuff either. which is fine, i never mind learning with someone. I just knew it wouldnt last forever, as i prefer my boys a little more television/movies/music oriented.

basically, i smoke weed ONCE!!!!!! ONCE!!!!! AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT!!!!!! I NEVER HAVE!!!!

that just sent this man over the goddamn edge and on one specific wednesday, he sent me this long ass paragraph saying he wouldnt wanna talk to me anymore whether i liked weed or not (which i made very clear i didnt). i told him "please talk to me in person idc what time it is, i just don't wanna do this over text". NOTHIN! he still texts me evil stuff!!

please tell me why i would wanna take a chance on a pussy when i already have my own, bitch. anyway. one thing led to another and now i will never speak to him again. i cried for a good long bit, more than a girl like me should, and i would rather not do that ever again.

END OF STORY!

[personal-to-the-public]

when one door closes, another one opens

hi everybody, i feel bad because now that im in college. i turn more towards technology. That means that my diary writing is coming to a quick halt. I LOVE MY DIARY but really it was in its prime my junior year of high school, i havent really gotten out of that slump. This halloweek/weekend, i went on a 5/7 day bender, which is the most i've done this year. IT WAS CRAZY. It's hard to imagine anyone would ever find this so i'll tell the story of what happened in a later post.

basically though, the last boy i liked was a dweeb, and he was super salty about something he shouldnt have been salty about. The SECOND i ditched him, another boy popped up. he's cute, strong build, and has more aligned interests. what more could I ask for. id like to see where this goes

[personal-to-the-public]

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no because did i fucking call it or WHAT.

that fucking bitch texts me today calling off literally everything because of morals that have NEVER existed in his heart. it's like he is actively trying to get rid of me and i have no idea why. i actually liked this guy, and i will literally not let this happen to me if i can help it.

frat boys are never safe, even the nice ones i swear to god.

[personal-to-the-public]

it’s finally time.

i’ve reached #1 best friends with him on snapchat.

this is the part where everything burns in a fire and my love life sinks.

[personal-to-the-public]

being unreliable is funny because it is reliable

you are reliably unreliable

there is a reliableness in being unreliable

want me to say it a fourth time?

[personal-to-the-public]

things i ate today that somehow did not make me full (i’ve been hungry the WHOLE day)

pot roast for breakfast

protein smoothie from smoothie king

pot roast with potatoes and okra

a banana

another banana

ramen

a couple of pickles

another banana

every single time i ate these things my stomach rumbled after, im so mad. why am i so hungry today? is something wrong with me?

[personal-to-the-public]

CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN CHAINSAW MAN

[personal-to-the-public]

Mappas animation for haikyuu was so bad it actually makes it hard to watch the show

actually in season 4 episode 15

WHAT HAPPENED

[personal-to-the-public]

This is like 8 songs in one, but some are better than the others so i have to wait like 3 minutes until my favorite parts.

[personal-to-the-public]

andrew vanwyngarden

everybody. i have an ultimate crush, andrew vanwyngarden, lead singer and guitarist of MGMT!!!!!! I have had a crush on this one guy since 8th grade at least, so it's kindof important. He makes up the entirety of my type, he started my type in guys. If i could mix his features with every perfect feature in my type in men, you would create andrew. I am so thankful that someones parents made someone literally my type to a T.