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look at my kitty, Doduo

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trying to keep that 'it is what it is' attitude is so hard to hold onto, especially when I'm constantly broke, and trying to get an apartment.

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My current job is starting to stress me the fuck out.

so, i just got off, when i was supposed to be off 23 mins ago. I don't normally mind bc extra time is extra money. but today, most of the servers seemed to have an issue with how i worked today.

which is fucking dumb.

i work in a restaurant, and normally i seat people based on which server is next up to be seated. unfortunately, everyone wanted to sit in the fucking bar or outside. and because I'm not allowed to tell customers no, i had to double seat ppl sometimes. i can't control that.

so, the bartender goes to my manager and bitches. yay.

then, one of the servers who was on the patio was out smoking. i skipped them to let them smoke, and sat the other server on the patio, who'd not been sat in about an hour due to business slowing down around this time.

he immediately asks why it wasn't sat in the other servers section.

the girl is fucking smoking. let her have a goddamn break bro.

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Trying to find people to play w in splat 2 is almost as hard as getting my dad to tell me he's proud of me.

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i went to an apartment tour today.

for a bit of context, i've been planning on getting an apartment as of late, and the opportunity arose to move in with a friend and their husband. and due to the fact that i have found a pretty decent job, i thought i might as well, right? I've been longing to have my own space outside of my parents', so i took the chance and jumped.

well, today, after two or three weeks of house hunting, and discussing things with my friend and their husband, we finally found a place that we could all agree on. now, i only had a quarter of a tank of gas after my father kindly gave me 10$ to put into the tank, which was why I had a quarter. i had to work today as well, by the way. that's kind of important.

so, my friend, their partner, and i all get into my car after i drive the 30 mins to their current house at about 1. we make the 30 min trek to the apartment. we tour the place, agree that we like it, and we make the 40 min drive to a little restaurant for some food. we eat, leave and i take them to their place that's 10 mins from the restaurant.

by this time, it's roughly 3:30 and I'm almost at E. a tick away. i knew i wouldn't have enough gas to make it to work by four, and still have enough to get home. i had made that connection when we were at the tour. i thought that because i didn't want to get stranded on the way to work, or on the way back, i just called my job, and told them the truth. they seemed okay with it.

therefore, i figured I'd tell my parents rather than doing the usual and pretending i went to work to avoid getting yelled at. but, I've been trying to be more honest with them, even though I shouldn't have to tell them anything, because I'm 21. anyway, now that i had told them on my way home, I'm being accused of blowing my job, and i know I'm going to get bitched at/talked to over a decision I thought was right. but who knows. i guess it is what it is.

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I hate being alone but i don't wanna have to be chained to someone who needs constant attention.

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To the man that came into my work with his ex; I hope everything is okay.

i know this guy probably will never see this, but i just wanted to say that I've not really stopped thinking about our interaction. You did overshadow just a bit, about how you and your ex came in to try and talk things out. don't get me wrong, i cared a bit, because i just tend to feel for strangers. but, i hope you two ended up on good terms after you left.

i saw that you two were arguing when you left, so that may have not been the best thing in the world to leave off at, but still. I care, and i hope you don't have many boy problems after this guy.

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I've had a headache for the past month.

i have never been in more pain than now. I've had a throbbing headache for about a month now, and have only been able to fight it off with pain meds and water. I can't see a doctor due to having no insurance n idk what to do. My head hurts and i just wanna fuckin sleep all day.

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I've been looking at checking myself into a hospital for the past couple hours due to my mental health getting worse and worse every day.

the only reason I haven't is because I'm afraid of losing contact with my boyfriend. I would hate to disappear on him, then find out when I'm released that he's found someone else.

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I really don't want to have to go back to my dad's.

so, for some context, my father and step mother hate any religion other than Christianity, which is understandable bc religion can be messy and confusing.

I usually try to respect them and their beliefs, as a Norse pagan and as a generally nice person. They tend to ask that I don't bring my tarot into their home or similar items, and I've respected that since I've moved back in with them.

but, they didn't say I couldn't bring in books discussing folklore and the history behind witchcraft. Or at least, I figured it wouldn't be an issue since it's just a book.

I'm very wrong.

don't get me wrong, I may have misunderstood what they had said but they still had no reason to take the book, which was not mine, and supposedly 'burn' it. I get being upset but, I'm not too sure what the point was in the actions taken to get the book out of the house, that wasn't theirs to take.

and, mind you, I hate confrontation, and I'm supposedly going to get sat down to have a talk. which I don't want to do. I'd rather just have the book back to return. simple as that. but it is what it is, I guess.

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my ex is a fucking psycho bro wtf

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I don't tend to understand why people get so possessive and clingy. like, I understand wanting to spend time with someone bc you love them and enjoy their company, but there are certain times where you can't have the attention or company of said person. like, if you're at work. you are there to work. not be on your phone.

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Carcow Monsters on Netflix is nice.

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I had a nightmare the other night. I can't seem to understand why though. I know why a certain part happened, or I have a general idea at least. but that still doesn't change the fact that the happenings before I had initially woken up and/or leading up to the point that makes sense, doesn't, in fact, make much sense.

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I've never personally cared to clean up bathrooms and such as long as I'm given the supplies. but when I'm not given those supplies, I can't really clean anything.

so, I love the fact that I'm suddenly a gross individual when I come home from my mother's, to find my step mother cleaning my bathroom for me. I appreciate it, I do, but I'm also getting bitched at by her?

she acts like there isn't myself and two other adults that use the bathroom, one of which being elderly. I've been busy up until today, and have genuinely been asking for the cleaning supplies, which she or my father would never give me.

so, I'm not entirely happy that I'm getting bitched at when they wouldn't give me the supplies to do what I was asked to do. I don't exactly see how it's my fault. and I know some may say, "oh, op, just go buy it yourself."

I could. but I make very little money in the serving industry and I can't really afford anything outside my phone bill and car insurance. but yeah. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

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my anxiety has been bad lately and I'm not too sure what to do...