phase112

[phase112]

🩷

I find it so ironic how many stereotypes about narcissists aren't just inaccurate, but are actually the complete opposite of how the average narcissist thinks.

"narcissism is excessive self-love" when most narcissists feel shame more easily than non-narcs do.

"narcissists don't work hard" when most narcissists are prone to perfectionism.

"narcissists are abusers who only pretend to be victims" when most narcissists were abused in childhood and are often on the receiving end of abusive relationships in adulthood.

"narcissists don't try to fit in" when most narcissists are constantly watching for signs of respect or criticism, constantly adjusting our behavior so those around us will see us as competent and pleasant.

and then when you describe what narcissism is actually like, they insist that a narcissist would never act like that, that anyone who fits that description must just have post-traumatic stress or one of the "good" PDs (if they believe there are good ones, that is).

[phase112]

🩷

Btw people with Autism aren't the "good" people with low/no empathy, and people with ASPD or NPD aren't the "bad" people with low/no empathy. Stop demonizing personality disorders for the love of god.

[phase112]

🩷

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

[phase112]

"narcissistic abuse" believers are more obsessed with pwNPD than i am with myself. if ur gonna be so obsessed with pwNPD could u guys at LEAST do some research on the disorder you're stigmatizing? probably not, since that takes effort whilst being ableist and sanist does not. but oh well! they'd rather scroll the npd tag and pick on pwNPD who aren't masking

[phase112]

Okay, deep breath first.

I don't think you get it nor people like you are worth fighting with for long so I'm gonna make this as short as I physically can to save energy for all parties.

The thing I'd like to mention first is your last sentence actually.

"You should be embarrassed of your own behavior instead of flaunting your disorder online like it's an achievement."

Being embarrassed of my behavior. It's a personality disorder. A personality disorder coming from childhood abuse. I'm not flaunting my disorder online like its achievement. This is not an achievement. I'd rather not have this disorder, I'd rather be living my life as a normal person with everyone else without having to constantly struggle to try and convince people that me with this personality disorder is no different from if I didn't have it. I'd rather not had been abused, but things don't go that way, do they?

Enough about me since that's apparently another problem

I'm sorry your mom abused you. And I apologize that her impact on you happened to lead into... this. But your experience with ONE (1) pwNPD doesn't equate to every pwNPD. I'm not saying that NO ONE with NPD is an abuser. I admit that pwNPD can in fact be abusers just like everyone. Literally ANYONE can be an abuser, my problem is when people SPECIFICALLY focus on pwNPD being abusers, because we're not. If a woman was a murderer that doesn't make ALL woman murderers. If a man was an abuser you'd argue that not all men are like that. The first thing you do when you meet a new person is treat them like a normal human being (however you treat normal human beings). So why is it suddenly when you learn someone has a personality disorder is it wrong and they're an abuser? Why is it suddenly the person with a mental illness is a horrible person? That mental illness there as a LITERAL TRAUMA RESPONSE against people like YOU constantly against them

The "not all of them do that" defense is completely valid in this case. It is valid in EVERY case. Because it's what any person would say about any group of people being accused of doing horrible things/fitting a stereotype etc.

Speaking of black and white. What makes you think that YOU can criticize ME for thinking in black and white (literally a question on one of my diagnostic criteria) when YOU'RE thinking in black and white and saying that narcs MUST be abusers because blahblahblah?

"You must've done something to get diagnosed" ???? what.?? what do you.. okay...

"Someone who thinks they're better than you, is entitled, arrogant, lacks empathy, interpersonally exploitative, wouldn't be potentially abusive?" I'd like to start out again by saying empathy ≠ compassion, understanding, or respect. You can have a lack of empathy and still put in the effort to listen and understand someone along with actually treating them with basic respect. The only reason I started talking about myself in that section was to give a better example, if you actually read it you'd understand that. I honestly think this potentially abusive thing is so funny because you know who has the same traits, a good amount of empathy and STILL abuse more than pwNPD? Neurotypicals. Normal people. These traits don't determine whether you are an abuser or not. You can be an asshole and it doesn't mean you are an abuser. You can have NPD and it doesn't mean you are an abuser I know from experience. Not just from my own, but I know so many other pwNPD who just aren't abusers and don't want to abuse and it's genuinely depressing to see people genuinely believe (most often through pop psychology, or their friend saying their ex boyfriend was a narc (usually isn't, just self centered, big difference between narcissisism and selfishness)) that all or most pwNPD are evil abusers out to get you and your attention.

Alr, I'm out with the paragraphs and I'm dont repeating myself 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

baii :33

"narc abuse is real" WRONG!!!! HAMMERS!!!!!!! 🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨

i need everybody to know, people with personality disorders have their own personality as well. we are individuals who differ from each other.

explanation by a pwASPD after the cut, if you're not an idiot you don't need to read it unless you want a rant about common sense

narcissistic abuse is NOT real!! :D

"my parent is a narcissist and they abused me"

now before i explain this, did they actually have NPD or are you just calling them a narcissist? if they did have NPD then they are an abuser. not a narcissistic abuser, simply an abuser!!! just because somebody you knew with NPD was a horrible person does not mean every single person with the disorder is also an evil manipulator! (common sense) following this logic if a person with ADHD abused someone that would be "ADHD abuse". except it isn't. they are just an abuser!!!!!

"NPD isn't real!"

??????????????????????? what. honestly... yeah the narcs just brainwashed the entire medical field into adding it to the DSM. i actually have no response to this. how can you be this stupid.

"NPD isn't caused by trauma."

except it is. same response as the section above. you're just wrong. trauma and abuse can cause NPD, genetics can also play a role.

extra note, "narcissist", "sociopath", and "psychopath" are not insults. sociopath and psychopath aren't real medical terms anyway... your ex boyfriend is not a narcissist. maybe the word your looking for is selfish or anything similar.

all of this was written by a person with SZPD & ASPD. i have a friend with OCPD & NPD traits, possibly NPD. i can say for sure he has been abused his whole life, i can also say for certain he has never abused me. i don't know how else to break this down because it's really simple... allas, i am but a psychopathic murderer of course.

[phase112]

Hey, pwNPD here. I completely support the OP and I'm here to state my opinion (wanted or not) to hopefully inform you and if not some others on NPD.

Before I begin I'd like to mention that I'm not invalidating your experience of being abused and I understand where you're coming from, I'd just like to clear some things up.

Argument below cut.

1. You're correct, narcissism CAN influence the way people treat others, but this doesn't mean that pwNPD don't also have personalities beside that. Yes as a pwNPD I do say I fit all of the basic criteria of "self centered" etc etc but along with that comes genuine care for people I deem close to me and despite me having NPD never in my LIFE would I think to abuse or mistreat these people. On the other hand I believe your mother isn't an abuser because she has NPD, but an abuser because she is an abuser. She just happened to have NPD with the abuse that influenced the severity of the abuse.

2. Yes, you are also correct. NPD IS a personality disorder that affects the empathy levels and personality. But heres a really REALLY shocking thing I'm about to tell you: empathy ≠ compassion and understanding. Like I said in #1 though I do not understand the emotions of my friends or the people around me much I still try my best to comfort them in my own personal way even if it doesn't seem the most empathetic. I enjoy listening to their problems and attempting to solve them even if we never find a solution. I have another friend who lacks empathy and I couldn't care less whether they respond to my weird vents or not, it's just the matter of them existing that comforts me. It's enough. There is no "fundamental" or "needed" emotion for any human being to be a human being. Everyone feels in their own way even if it is a lack of feeling and I can say that as a pwNPD I strive to treat people with respect first even if they're not the most likeable for me because empathy isn't what matters to me, it's respect.

3. I will admit that the ADHD thing was probably a bad example. A better one is if a person with autism were to abuse you. You wouldn't say it was autism abuse. You'd say someone abused you, and that person just happened to have autism. They still had a personality outside of autism, and that personality was an asshole. If you were abused by a man you wouldn't say you were abused because he was a man, you were abused because he was an abuser. That's what abusers do. Abuse.

4. "I have met many other diagnosed narcissists, and while not all of them were abusive" stop there. None of them were abusive. You did mention later that they had the "perfect set-up to be abusive" that's just not true. Because guess what. They weren't. If someone had the "perfect set-up to be abusive" what does that even mean? Do they have abuser potential? These alleged pwNPD apparently had the perfect set-up to be abusive yet they still acted like normal people, yes? They were not evil monsters manipulating you, yes? How would you even know that these people had "a perfect abusive set-up"? I'd genuinely like to know more about your thought process and reasoning behind that because that is honestly probably the stupidest thing I've ever read and it probably made me the most angry out of anything in your entire post.

Anyway I'm done here for now and must continue on with normal life as should all. Moral of the story people with NPD are people just like everyone else in this world and are probably just as traumatized and frustrated with the constant fight to live normally without people instantly thinking they're an abuser or trying to manipulate people. It's extremely annoying trying to find out information about yourself on google or any other source and all it tells you is how much of a horrible person you must be, and even in safe spaces defending you like here on Tumblr there are constantly people trying to claim that we really are just horrible evil beings that shouldn't exist. I'm just here to try and break down that misinformation...

"narc abuse is real" WRONG!!!! HAMMERS!!!!!!! 🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨

i need everybody to know, people with personality disorders have their own personality as well. we are individuals who differ from each other.

explanation by a pwASPD after the cut, if you're not an idiot you don't need to read it unless you want a rant about common sense

narcissistic abuse is NOT real!! :D

"my parent is a narcissist and they abused me"

now before i explain this, did they actually have NPD or are you just calling them a narcissist? if they did have NPD then they are an abuser. not a narcissistic abuser, simply an abuser!!! just because somebody you knew with NPD was a horrible person does not mean every single person with the disorder is also an evil manipulator! (common sense) following this logic if a person with ADHD abused someone that would be "ADHD abuse". except it isn't. they are just an abuser!!!!!

"NPD isn't real!"

??????????????????????? what. honestly... yeah the narcs just brainwashed the entire medical field into adding it to the DSM. i actually have no response to this. how can you be this stupid.

"NPD isn't caused by trauma."

except it is. same response as the section above. you're just wrong. trauma and abuse can cause NPD, genetics can also play a role.

extra note, "narcissist", "sociopath", and "psychopath" are not insults. sociopath and psychopath aren't real medical terms anyway... your ex boyfriend is not a narcissist. maybe the word your looking for is selfish or anything similar.

all of this was written by a person with SZPD & ASPD. i have a friend with OCPD & NPD traits, possibly NPD. i can say for sure he has been abused his whole life, i can also say for certain he has never abused me. i don't know how else to break this down because it's really simple... allas, i am but a psychopathic murderer of course.

[phase112]

Intro Post

BASIC

Call Me: Kira, Kora, Jax, Forrest, Artemas, or Phage.

Pronouns: She/Hxr, They/Thxm

Gender: Faeflux

Sexuality: Aroaceflux, Omnisexual, Omniromantic, Demisexual, Demiromantic. Taken.

DNI

Zionists, Nazis, Rascist, Trump Supporters, Anti-Abortion/Pro Life, Iran Bombing Supporters, Russia Supporters

Biphobes, Aphobes, Xenophobes, Racists, Pedophiles/MAPs, Zoophiles

Comshippers, Antishipper, Noncon Supporters

Body Shamers, ED Enablers, Fatphobes

Abelists, Anti Self DX, NPD Abuse Believers, AsPD Abuse Believers, Any PD Abuse Believers

PS: I also block freely.

Intrests

Special: My OCs

Content Creators: Film Cooper, Blue Ryai, Kenji, Charlotte Dobre, Freddie Chen, Nina Lin, Samantha Lux, Jimmy Here, Rotten Mango, OneTopic, Josh Johnson, Smosh, Rebal D, Steven He, Why Suda, Liam Donovan, Quen Blackwell, LARRAY, Dorisxchi, Kwite, Kubzscouts, Ranboo, Tommyinnit, Jack Manifold, Slimecicle, Roly West

Music: Joji, Tyler The Creator, Sia, The Weeknd, Mitski, TØP, AJR, Girl in Red, Jon Bellion, Kendrick Lamar, MARINA ATD, Miku, Will Stetson, Halsey, SZA, STOMACH BOOK, GRLwood, Beyoncé, Jack Stauber, Doja Cat, ABBA, AURORA, Ashnikko, Billie Eilish, Glorb, Lemon Demon, Olivia Rodrigo, Paris Paloma, Lil Tecca, Bibi nosemoney <3

Games: Dead Plate, Cold Front, Little Nightmares (all), Minecraft, Roblox, Sims 4, GTA, FNAF

Shows/Movies: Baby Reindeer, Arcane, JJBA, JJK, BB/Kuro, LOST, Moral Orel, ASOUE, Squid Game, Stranger Things, DanDaDan, MHA, AoT, FF, Link Click, Ace Attorney, Blue Exorcist, Solo Leveling, Demon Slayer, DHMIS, Helluva Boss, TADC, Uncanny Counter, Queen of Tears, Tomorrow

Hobbies: Drawing, Writing, Reading sometimes, Collecting Cool Stuff, Organizing Stuff (??)

Disordered Stuff

DX: GAD

Self DX/Suspected: OCD, OCPD, ASD, NPD,

possible HPD + BPD traits and possible ADHD

Extra Notes: GAD Was most likely a misdx and I identify better with OCD