pickle-wiggler

[pickle-wiggler]

Random person in my class was talking about how pretty they looked when they were crying and now I’m wondering if femme beauty standards are set by how miserable you can look or if the misery came first and the yassification afterward. Chicken or the egg at it again.

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So. I’m losing my goddamn mind. What the fuck just happened. What was that. What even- what?

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ALSO!!! Michael Crawford’s voice was high key gender goals for me for so long. I wanted to play the phantom and sound like this guy SO BAD. I wanted that haunted basement dweller with a million candles energy. He just sounded so victorian boy child who needs to be fed soup and I was like: this sounds like a job for me. His voice is just so… ghostly and yet angular if that makes sense? Its like hes a figment of your imagination but he also sounds so stabby. Like he is dying but is going to make it a problem for everyone else

Okay so personally I think the phantom from phantom of the opera is so cringefail and pathetic 99% of the time and I also hate All I Ask of You as a love song 99% of the time because its just so sweet it makes your teeth hurt but its not earned because the relationship is not built up at all and consists entirely of Raoul gaslight gatekeep girlbossing Christine until she enters a secret engagement with him but like. That one part at the end of The Point of No Return where phantom does his little reprise of All I Ask and his voice is just so light and fragile and he’s just asking to be loved and seen by another human being really does fucking GET my ass

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Okay so personally I think the phantom from phantom of the opera is so cringefail and pathetic 99% of the time and I also hate All I Ask of You as a love song 99% of the time because its just so sweet it makes your teeth hurt but its not earned because the relationship is not built up at all and consists entirely of Raoul gaslight gatekeep girlbossing Christine until she enters a secret engagement with him but like. That one part at the end of The Point of No Return where phantom does his little reprise of All I Ask and his voice is just so light and fragile and he’s just asking to be loved and seen by another human being really does fucking GET my ass

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Two sides of the same coin

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I don’t think people understand how much I love that Aziraphale does the wrong thing. Like as someone who struggles with perfectionism it means so much to me that the “good” character is a fucking idiot sometimes. Like it is so important to me that he fucks up and hurts people and that his actions have consequences but that he still tries and feels and hrrrk. Please please PLEASE make your moral paragons fuck up in ways they cannot take back. Please have them hurt people they love. Please have them lose things because of their actions. Please have your “good” characters have objectively bad takes. Have them learn.

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Literally just the lyrics to “Promise” with me making some lines bold below the cut. Imagine me crying in the background, really adds to the vibes.

“I made a promise

To distance myself

Took a flight through aurora skies

Honestly I didn't think about

How we didn't say, "Goodbye"

Just, "See you very soon"

It hurts to be something

It's worse to be nothing with you

Mm, mm-mm, mm

So I didn't call you

For sixteen long days

And I should get a cigarette

For so much restraint

No matter how long I resist temptation

I will always lose

It hurts to be something

It's worse to be nothing with you

I've done the math

There's no solution

We'll never last

Why can't I let go of this?

So I broke my promise

I called you last night

I shouldn't have, I wouldn't have

If it weren't for the sight of a boy

Who looked just like you

Standing out on Melrose Avenue

It hurts to be something

It's worse to be nothing with you

It hurts to be something

It's worse to be nothing with you.”

Btw aziraphale would love laufey. Like the jazzy slow sadness of so many of the songs.

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actually reworking this for the 1000th time :'''((((

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Tbh I dream of a world where people are normal in the a:tla fandom about shipping. Like. Why does my following the a:tla tag immediately drown me in the ship wars. Why are we ship warring over characters who were literally like 11-16 in canon.

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And I sway between believing that Aziraphale is naive enough to believe he can change things to him knowing he wouldn’t be able to but still trying anyways (probably because I also bounce between these) but like. It would work either way. He would still try because that’s who he is. He wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t try. Like that’s just a feature of his character. I know sometimes we can flatten him into just a Lil Guy but he is also a guy who will fight so hard for what he thinks is right when he isn’t bullied (BY THE SYSTEMS HE IS IN) into thinking he’s wrong. And Crowley would be exhausted either way. Because you can’t make someone wake up to a truth they aren’t ready for, and because you can’t change who someone is.

Is Aziraphale stupid? Yes. Is he also incredibly smart? Yes. Is he also heavily indoctrinated in heaven’s belief system? Yes. Like I understand why everyone’s mad at him, I really do. I also hurt about it. But like. Idk. Imagine being 6000 years into a way of life you were born into and told was the right way to live. Imagine slowly having the flaws in its veneer shown to you. Imagine having hope for the place that continually excluded you and made you feel little. Imagine wanting to change the fucked up system you were born into. Imagine being given the chance to make real change- someone at the top of the system seeing you, seeing the way you are, and saying that that system needed you and the changes you wanted to make. And yes, your friend, your… something, your everything, wants to run away with you, somewhere outside of the reach of the fucked up system, but you know, god, you know the system will keep hurting people. People like you. People like the person you care about. It will keep passing judgements on them long after you escape. Even if you did manage to escape, you would never escape the weight of those still trapped in the system, trapped in the hell you were trapped in. Could you live with that?

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Is Aziraphale stupid? Yes. Is he also incredibly smart? Yes. Is he also heavily indoctrinated in heaven’s belief system? Yes. Like I understand why everyone’s mad at him, I really do. I also hurt about it. But like. Idk. Imagine being 6000 years into a way of life you were born into and told was the right way to live. Imagine slowly having the flaws in its veneer shown to you. Imagine having hope for the place that continually excluded you and made you feel little. Imagine wanting to change the fucked up system you were born into. Imagine being given the chance to make real change- someone at the top of the system seeing you, seeing the way you are, and saying that that system needed you and the changes you wanted to make. And yes, your friend, your… something, your everything, wants to run away with you, somewhere outside of the reach of the fucked up system, but you know, god, you know the system will keep hurting people. People like you. People like the person you care about. It will keep passing judgements on them long after you escape. Even if you did manage to escape, you would never escape the weight of those still trapped in the system, trapped in the hell you were trapped in. Could you live with that?

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ALSO crowley would find her through “Let You Break My Heart Again” (Philharmonic Orchestra version obvi).

Btw aziraphale would love laufey. Like the jazzy slow sadness of so many of the songs.

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And to those of you thinking of how unlikely it would be he would listen to anything released in the last hundred years… Crowley would find it and recommend it to him. And buy him the vinyl.

Btw aziraphale would love laufey. Like the jazzy slow sadness of so many of the songs.

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Btw aziraphale would love laufey. Like the jazzy slow sadness of so many of the songs.

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Laufey’s Promise coming on in the middle of them being gay as hell. Watch me melt into the floor in 4k

It has been WAY too long since I read a fanfic that wasn’t sacrifices… I am currently reading emergency leave by theeerealpunkin and life has never been more beautiful. I love when my boys (thousands year old beings in the bodies of middle aged men) be suffering.

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ALSO I’m sure everyone is already done thinking about this but. I am still thinking about the implication of the bentley turning yellow meaning it could be aziraphale’s favorite color implying that his favorite color is like. Very near the same as crowley’s eyes. So.

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It has been WAY too long since I read a fanfic that wasn’t sacrifices… I am currently reading emergency leave by theeerealpunkin and life has never been more beautiful. I love when my boys (thousands year old beings in the bodies of middle aged men) be suffering.