pink-elefantz - Tumblr blog

[pink-elefantz]

A slowly collapsing prairie home.

[pink-elefantz]

a little diary about trying to find a middle ground between being spiritual and being a schizophrenic

[pink-elefantz]

i grew up in an old house and i think some houses are like magnets or spiderwebs that can trap almost anything in them. a 6 year old version of me lives in my childhood room and for a long time when i went and and slept in that bed they climbed in under the covers with me and stared with their face about an inch from mine. and i asked them to stop even though it's not rly fair because this is their room and i am a ghost sleeping in their bed but they did they stopped. and i felt how sad they were when i asked and im not tryna be like trauma aesthetic or anything saying this i just think that counts. i dont think the fact that thoughts and memories and emotions and sillouhettes being trapped in houses can be explained away by like. gas leaks or drugs or mental illness or some other flaw in perception means anything, because if all we are is perception then why wouldn't our echoes be. my dad and the man who lived in the same house before him were haunted by a little kid who skipped and sang behind the fence in the early morning, every morning, and over decades their voice never changed. when my dad tells me that story he tells me a lot of ghosts are vinyl etchings that the wind has to blow through or the sun has to hit in just the right way for them to start playing music. i believe that

"most allegedly haunted houses turn out to have gas leaks!"

no they don't. you are merely skimming the surface of mundane shit that can be wrong with old houses with your one puny little explanation that only fits a very small number of cases. try harder

[pink-elefantz]

[pink-elefantz]

[pink-elefantz]

Andie MacDowell as Paula Langley in Maid (2021)

[pink-elefantz]

when it rains by paramore you are ALWAYS on my mind

[pink-elefantz]

this photo from the "Fleeted Happenings" series by Andrew Lyman is soooooo VAL

[pink-elefantz]

[pink-elefantz]

every day wake up & remind yourself you are an animal

[pink-elefantz]

Growing.

[pink-elefantz]

sometning something if my mother spent all her time raising me wishing i would never grow and now im grown and wish i was spared the terror of connection and the strain of a back that carries and a mind that carries and a sense of morality so damaged i am repeating im sorry im sorry im sorry to an empty room like a broken doll is it logical to wish i never grew up too. to give her what she wanted. if i just stayed a baby she could hold, sustained by food and warmth and farmiliar sounds id never know what she had the capacity to do to me. and does it even matter how much sense that makes when given the chance to go back i'd rather die than take it is it selfish to deprive her of her baby when being a baby would fix all my problems too i dont care i dont care i dont care i want to dissolve into the earth and belong to no one

[pink-elefantz]

Miller's Girl (2024)

[pink-elefantz]

we sentence you to trying to get your mother to admit she's been wrong before

[pink-elefantz]

[pink-elefantz]

*booking an mri* what if I accidentally have a pacemaker. what if I got secret bone surgery and forgot about the pins

[pink-elefantz]

I love Matilda because it's a story about a child who sees injustice around her and gets mad about it and questions why things aren't fair, and instead of the ending being that she learns how the world works and that life isn't fair, she catapults one of the adults who abused her out of a building with her mind