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[pitchface]

Don’t Give Me Some Wetness (direct download)

How many batteries can YOU eat?

Put a bullet into 2017 with Adam and Dave, as they wheel out the excellent ideas which will launch them into next year! A kids book about rock pigs! A graphic novel about town criers! A reality food show to beat all!

Plus: was anything good this year? What does it cost to birth an American child? How can you, the listener, stop Adam hate-reading 4chan? And the big question: who's picking up Pitchface for their podcast lineup?

This episode brought to you by the modems in my garage.

SHOW NOTES

In this year’s crop of new ABC comedy shows, three whole shows are produced by the ABC comedy department (though one is a clip show)! So shut up Dave.

Feel free to Google Blair Cottrell yourself if you would like an idea of the kind of person who’s not likely to be allowed into the country of Nordberg.

Get yourself along to the Squishface 6th Birthday/Coaster Show in Brunswick!

FM Clarity blogs by Adam: facilities management told like it is.

Here’s what Dave’s Hamfist looks like:

And here’s a bit of Cryer!

Oh, and here’s an excellent gig you should attend at your local rock club:

[pitchface]

Transmedia Vamp (direct download)

Adam and David sniffle their way through a mid-winter episode, braving the conditions in the Pitchface studio to bring you a hot bowl of pitch!

Adam discovers an idea he pitched in episode 1 has already been done by people with the gall to have the rights to do it! We pitch how to ruin your childhood memories by making them MGTOW-compatible! A new Pitched Battle brings the worlds of Seinfeld and Parker Lewis together at last! And we sign off singing Peabo Bryson Songs for Current Movies!

This episode brought to you by Adam’s Mid-Winter Anticol ASMR Channel Extravaganza On YouTube and Meditation for Bigots.

SHOW NOTES

Injustice: Get Gods Amongst You

Transmedia (vamp)

The first comment in this board refers to ruined childhoods

"They call themselves Men Going Their Own Way and they dislike feminism so much they are grabbing their balls and going home."

"Crazy Joe" Davola v Larry Kubiac

Peter Dutton has his own super spy ministry now, is like some bizarro-world Paul Keating, but cross-bred with a fucking pig

Peppermint, Spearmint and Cinnamon. That’s it. There is no cherry Binaca

Hey! Ho! Pea-bo!

K-9 apparently came out three months before Turner & Hooch!

David misremembered: there was an episode where Parker Lewis lost, which was renamed to "Parker Lewis Can't Win". Later on, the whole series was renamed to just "Parker Lewis".

Agro: a chocolate lollipop dropped on a carpet

Meet the Feebles, a filthy Muppets

"bracket bracket bracket", in case you're not aware

Tetris the movie will be a trilogy

Adam and Dave sing to you Peabo themes for the following movies: Antman 2, Baby Driver, Transformers: The Last Knight, Cars 3, Baywatch, The Dark Tower, Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales, Spotlight, Alien: Covenant, Blade Runner 2049, The Beguiled

[pitchface]

Glick In The Matrix (direct download)

Are you getting that Yitzhak Moully feeling?

Join Adam, David and their special guest Sarah Jansen for an hour of pitch action! Sarah's communications powers help us solidify our podcast's marketing push! We workshop Sarah's nascent TV series, SAFE SPACE! Adam unveils his non-starter startup idea, Skipr! Plus: The Pitchface Pitch Perfect cartoon team! Singing rabbis! And our eternal nemesis The Pitchface returns to envelop a man's soul in his jar of horror! This episode is brought to you by my belt and Temp.re!

SHOW NOTES

Here's Sarah Jansen

The Small Press Network's Independent Publishing Conference

Get along monthly to the Melbourne Lit Salon

We're not sponsored by FastMail, but we are generally supportive of billboard-headed people

Morgan Spurlock's film is called POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

Yitzchok Moully is a Pop Art Rabbi now!

Blackberry's "Be Bold" Superheroes. Clearly a set of internal personas that shouldn't have escaped

Adam's article about the Blackberry idiocy

Melbourne Webfest is over for the year. But our friend Warwick Holt won Best Screenplay for his series BRUCE! Congrats writers Warwick and Mat Blackwell

For Exposure, the Twitter feed run by cartoonist Ryan Estrada. Curates idiot requests for free work from artists

Demolition Man!

Emily Browning is, in fact, Laura Moon on American Gods

Amanda Palmer: architect of a safe future? Also, she likes not paying artists because collabs, etc

Travis Kalanick argues with an Uber driver

Subscribe to Pitchface: RSS | Apple Podcasts | Google Play

[pitchface]

Lozenge Men (direct download)

We start with a pitch for Cardinal George Pell and only go up from there!

Why is a woman named Katt selling her harmonica on Facebook Marketplace? What are some great ideas for prequel TV series (like Better Call Saul)? And who would win in a battle between Deadwood's Al Swearengen and Back to the Future's Mad Dog Tannen? We pitch you the unarguably correct answers.

WARNING: this episode contains just a little too much discussion of The Second DeLorean Theory. It's brought to you by a vest and Little Red Badge!

Cardinal Pell is coming via Singapore!!!

Get your harmonica on Gumtree instead.

Feel free to get involved in The Second DeLorean Theory even though it's a bit dumb and who cares really.

No, DeLoreans don't have sunroofs. Don't send letters, please.

Haven't been listening to the Better Call Saul Insider podcast but the Breaking Bad one was great and Vince Gilligan and co always showed up to talk about each episode.

Clark Duke

I'm Dying Up Here -- the book

Make a potato pie with Peter Russell-Clarke.

Then, listen to Peter swearing.

Why did nobody tell us (1) that the singer from Toto sang the theme from Gummi Bears and that (2) he's the son of Star Wars composer John Williams?

Subscribe to Pitchface: RSS | Apple Podcasts | Google Play

[pitchface]

Then You’ll Appeal To Everybody (direct download)

This feature-length episode (code for “it’s too long”!) is crammed with ideas for wonderful actor Richard Kind! Want a Kind romantic comedy? A Kind road caper? Kind horror? We've got 'em all!

Special guest Katrina Mathers pitches her projects Girl Mechanic and There's Gunna Be Poo, and Adam and Katrina discuss their very different experiences working on the sketch comedy program The Wedge.

And David pitches his treatment for Police Academy 8! Plus: does John Deeks really sit at the kids table?

What a bounty! This episode is brought to you by mint and moo.la! Show notes at http://www.thepitchface.com/.

Show notes:

The Gallant Captain, by Graeme Base and the Lampshade Collective

The Wedge

The TAC

There's Gunna Be Poo

Richard Kind

The Game (Michael Douglas)

Make your money back on Tugg screenings

Could you really be stabbed with a kishka?

Art for Girl Mechanic

Tony Barber can speak at your function!

John Deeks is doing fine despite having to sit at the kids table

N for Nelly is on Dailymotion

Ian McFadyen on satire

I Asked Sandra Sully What it's Like Being Sandra Sully

David goes on and on about Police Academy

Angelyne

Find our excellent guest Katrina's work at katrinamathers.com

Bum Glue Club is on Facebook too

[pitchface]

Where We're Going We Don't Need Jobs (direct download)

Can Fairfax leverage their expertise in hamburgers and mobile phones to successfully stave off the Barbarians at the Gate? Would journalism work more good if it were drawn? And what will the Jobs of the Future be? Adam and David pitch all this to you!

Also: Colombian terrorists! Labrador jealousy! A special "Kind" of love! This episode is brought to you by work and Latham Toyota!

Show notes:

Australia’s Real Estate Boom Has Wall Street Wooing a Newspaper Publisher

The Nib

Comics journalism by Sam Wallman, Safdar Ahmed, Kate Moon and David Blumenstein

David longlisted for Walkley Incubator with his stirring tale of the lives and loves of Charles Darwin

Sadly, David didn’t make the shortlist.

R. Sikoryak’s Terms and Conditions -- published by Drawn & Quarterly

Victoria didn't steal Formula One grand prix, claims Jeff Kennett

Hey Pay Up

The New Right Wing "Anti-GetUp!" Has Been Launched On A Private Farm

Universal Basic Income: Evil or Very Evil?

Workaholics, the show that’s not The Pit

Toy Soldiers

Michael Danischewski, an excellent cinematographer

The wonderful Richard Kind!

For next episode:

Pitch us your Richard Kind starring vehicles by email or @nakedfella!

[pitchface]

Winnovation! (direct download)

Time for some Winnovation! How will corporations screw you next? Let Adam and David pitch you some of their evil, penny-saving ideas! Ever wondered why you can buy a Prince Albert tea set "designed" by model Miranda Kerr? David will explain co-branding to you -- and there's plenty of pitches in tow.

Plus: news of Vince McMahon, special guest Vladimir Putin, more Arnott's Shapes than you can handle... and The Pitchface himself, pitching for a new job! This episode is brought to you by carbon and HelloDeath!

Show notes:

Pushing Loans on Small Business

Vince McMahon Biopic

Marketing Science

Everything is Pro Wrestling

Dame Edna Ice Cream

The Burger Armistice

Emperor Norton

The Sydney Ducks

The Shapes of Things to Come

[pitchface]

Sexpisode.

The world is run by fat old bastards and dumb young jerks, all expecting women to put out for their garbage crotches. This episode we're visited by Sam Jones, sex blogger, who allows us to pitch her on sexy TV dramas and sexy web domains! Also: internet-enabled vibrators, orgy etiquette, santorum, steam cleaning and eye-frost!

This episode is brought to you by sex and Dickflowers.edu!

SHOW NOTES

Sam's blog, Smut Buttons

Fat Leonard’s orgy

David's lady pic on Faceapp looks like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror Picture Show, not Riff Raff the reality show dropout and rapper

WeVibe court case

Ivan Pavlov

Free domains for you

Santorum/sprog

Stephen Tobolowsky, performer, writer, Texan Jew, Ned Ryerson in Groundhog Day

Kärcher 1200W Handheld Steam Cleaner

Satisfaction (Australian TV series)

[pitchface]

Climb That Molehill.

Conservatives are looking to faff around the edges and play to a base that's essentially dead already. Adam and David pitch their best pathetic hills for conservatives to die on! Then: what will Aaron Sorkin's new show be about? And new uses for old comedy ideas, featuring Cereal Tiger, Steven Spielberg and Stanley Kubrick!

This episode is brought to you by cigarettes and David's new solo podcast, Celebpathy!

[pitchface]

Make Your Own Hole.

Pile the "meat" high! Adam and David pitch new scientific food innovations, a brilliant update to the almost-perfect chicken yakitori and Adam's fabulous Cleveland-themed homestyle eatery, Euclid Avenue.

Plus: anodised aluminium balls, cockroach milk and New Uses For Tom Waits!

This episode is brought to you by meat and The Book Delivertary.

Send your Pitch Challenge to pitch@thepitchface.com!

[pitchface]

Pitchface, episode 4.

Shhh.

Shhh -- Adam and David are bringing the volume down. They discuss which candy bars they'd recruit for a heist and their great ideas for "mystery" podcasts (a la Serial and Missing Richard Simmons). Then David attempts to save the education industry by suggesting some explosive new ideas for universities.

This episode is brought to you by the Fuckbed by Sealy and Jews.

Send your pitch challenges to pitch@thepitchface.com.

[pitchface]

Pitchface, episode 3.

Opened Up The Hard Way.

In this episode, Adam and David Pitch 5™ Objectivist hero names. David pitches animated films for the alt-right. And in our “Wrestlemania edition”, Adam takes the layman through the colourful world of sports entertainment, a roped-off analogue for the political world we live in today, and workshops his version of an HBO-style wrestling series. Plus: which wrestlers should Emperor Fuckface appoint to his cabinet?

This episode is brought to you by sand and Qlipce.

Send your pitch challenges to pitch@thepitchface.com.

[pitchface]

Pitchface, episode 2.

Deals You Can’t Find In Nature.

In the second episode of Pitchface, Adam and David discuss the return of the Nokia 3310 and Pitch 5(tm) old pieces of tech that should return and have tie-in movies released alongside them. In a scorching Pitch Challenge, we learn what brand-new episodes of Columbo and The Golden Girls would be like. Finally, Adam pitches his app/service, Simpletrade.

This episode of Pitchface is sponsored by Bayswater and The Thinger.

[pitchface]

Pitchface, episode 1.

Ideas Are Worth Nothing.

Ideas are worth nothing until you pitch them. Adam Wajnberg and David Blumenstein will convince you that theirs are worth slightly more than that.

Fix your tie. Check your breath. Put on your Pitchface.

In the first episode: meet your hosts. Space powers. Plans for how the media should tackle Donald Trump. Which action star would play your penis in a movie? The Marvel/DC HBO series to end all. Plus: Natalie Portman and Gordon Shumway.

This episode is brought to you by plopl.box and bats.

Send your pitch challenges to pitch@thepitchface.com.