pixie-chimpunk

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Guess who's crying. Me. Fuck the English rail system

I missed my train and had to buy another ticket for the next one and now it's running behind schedule so I might miss my connecting train and if that happens I'm probably just going to cry.

[pixie-chimpunk]

I missed my train and had to buy another ticket for the next one and now it's running behind schedule so I might miss my connecting train and if that happens I'm probably just going to cry.

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Why is my tolerance so high for everything except alcohol? Also they're upping my sertraline so my alcohol tolerance is about to tank it into the fucking ground.

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I've been packing my stuff up for six hours and I'm still nowhere near done. I have another few things to pack before the kitchen is done and then I have to pack the other half of my clothes and literally everything else in my bedroom, and then I have to do the bathroom and then I have to learn how to use the university printers to print out labels for the boxes and then I have to bring the boxes to reception to be picked up and I have three hours to do all this in and also I haven't slept yet so this is an all-nighter and the sun is now up and I feel like a zombie. So yeah. Procrastinating packing my stuff wasn't a good idea, and also someone saw me in my weird as fuck outfit at 2:30am while I was doing my laundry and I felt quite embarrassed. I've been at this for six hours straight so far and my plan is to sleep as soon as the boxes are in reception and get at least a few hours in before I have to get on the train.

[pixie-chimpunk]

TRICOLOUR PASTA FOR BREAKFAST 🇮🇪 🇮🇪☘️🍀🇮🇪🇮🇪🍀🇮🇪☘️☘️☘️🇮🇪🇮🇪🍀☘️🍀🇮🇪☘️🇮🇪🍀🇮🇪

[pixie-chimpunk]

I'm gonna be so gay on the beach this year in my mens swimming trunks and bikini top. Also my cuts will be covered but most importantly, sexy gay masc

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Tried to hit beans again but only got deep styro. It hurt like fuck though. I don't know how I managed to hit beans two sessions in a row tbh, but hopefully I'll hit it again before I go to my brothers house

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Tried on jeans in a shop today and now I feel disgusting and huge. Oh well. I need to lose a few more kg and then I'll be a UK size 6 and not between a 6 and an 8

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Playing a risky game of smoking while my sister is here bc she would give me so much shit for it but I feel terrible and I can't sh while she's here and also I'm a bit tipsy so fuck it, smoking outside it is and hoping she doesn't smell it on me

[pixie-chimpunk]

Hiding in the bathroom currently because my social battery is dead and I want to smoke but it's raining and also dark and I also don't want to get judged for it but it's either I smoke or I cvt so. Take your pick I guess.

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Does it count as harm reduction if I smoke instead of sh?

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I'm beginning to give up hope that sertraline will work for me. It's been 8 weeks and I feel exactly the same except now I have vivid unsettling dreams and I sweat more. That's it. My brain fog is also a bit worse but it's always been bad so it's hard to notice a difference. The GP did mention upping the dose if it continues to not work so that'll probably happen next time I have a medication review, but yeah. Not very fun.

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I need to cvt but I can't have open wounds at the moment because I'm going swimming in the sea in a day and a half and can't get out of it but the urge is so strong. I need to bleed. I need it I need it I need it I need it. It makes everything go away so there's only blood and that's so much easier to deal with than everything else. I could maybe get away with just styros and not beans but I know I'll only keep going if I start and I'm out of steri strips so I can't bandage them and I can't have proper wounds but I want to sh so badly it's all I can think about. Please can I just do beans and have it close immediately. .

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I walked 27k today. If I can find a cheap one I'm going to get a fitness watch so I can count my steps and kcals burned and then I really will be unstoppable

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Whyyyyyyy are my cuts itchy when they haven't even fully closed? And why are they taking so long to close? Only one of them has so far and it's like. I know they're deep but surely this is taking the piss. I have two days until I have to go in the sea and I would rather not have semi-open wounds on my leg for that, thanks. Also this trip is legitimately the only reason I'm not sh'ing at the moment but I fear Sunday night might be a different story, especially because I always feel like shit after trips.

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Had to pick my favourite song on any club playlist and I picked one I put on because my music taste is fucking incredible. Who doesn't love a hyperpop metal combo? I almost chose a trashy pop song tbf because I'm a sucker for fun sounding silly songs but nah, metal has my heart, and so does hyperpop, and the two combined is incredible. My soul ascends every time I hear it. The vibes slap so hard I almost got whiplash.

[pixie-chimpunk]

W1e1ad 4th June

Yoghurt with stewed fruit - 195

Chocolate hazelnut croissant- 310

Apricots - 70

Fishcakes - 520

Total - 1095

Yeah, not good, but the croissant was free and the fishcakes were reduced and I did 2hrs of walking so it's whatever. I'm just happy I'm staying in a deficit and leaving my flat again tbh. Tomorrow I've also got a 4hr walk planned so that'll help counter today, but I'm gonna be honest I think the next couple of days will be quite high kcal because I have a trip this weekend and I'll be doing stuff all day and spending time with people constantly so I'll be eating more because of that. So yeah. As long as I don't gain it's fine.