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Progression of Sobriety

Source: imgur.com

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me: i literally couldnt care less about what people think about me

also me: 

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Menő

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wtf people…

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when will Ted himself.. finally show up to the Talk ?

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I’m eating this Russian chocolate and it made a rattling noise when I shook it and there’s a horse magnet inside???

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honestly missionaries are evil. the idea of traveling the world to tell people Who Didnt Fucking Ask that their beliefs are wrong in the hopes that theyll adopt your beliefs seems sinister

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rt for 10 years of good luck

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Black and White painting  by Bob Ross

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me: immune system why do i have a fever

immune system: well the bacteria can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long so i thought i’d raise the temperature to kill them off!

me: 

immune system:

me: 

immune system:

me: we also can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long

immune system:

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every single negative stereotype about women was dreamt up by men who were projecting. fight me about it.

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You know what else fucks me up? Algae.

This is a single-celled organism.