plaguedocpyschopomp

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Join the server if you dare : )

Have you been looking for a divinekin discord server dedicated to…

⋆｡°✩ building an adult-only space within the existing divinekin community

⋆｡°✩ creating a community of spiritual divinekin, for spiritual divinekin

⋆｡°✩ fostering in depth discussions about spirituality, magick, and divinity

⋆｡°✩ personal growth within your own divinity

⋆｡°✩ having fun with like-minded individuals

If this is what you’ve been searching for, then the Polaris Discord Server might be the place for you ⋆⭒˚.⋆

“What is Polaris?” ↯

˚₊‧꒰ა Polaris is a small, close-knit server for spiritual divines only. Many kin spaces are not focused on divinekin at all, as well as not being intended for spiritual kins.

˚₊‧꒰ა Polaris is also an adults-only space for the safety and comfort of all its members.

˚₊‧꒰ა Polaris welcomes all divines. Whether you be an angel, god, demon, eldritch being spanning universes, etcetera. We also welcome those undergoing apotheosis!

˚₊‧꒰ა Polaris is a server that fosters individual growth. We have regular discussions on all sorts of topics ranging from myths, magick, divinity, apotheosis, spirituality, etc. We have optional NSFW channels for these topics as well, and we welcome discussions on the aforementioned topics and much more.

“What is Polaris not a space for?” ↯

ⓧ Polaris is not a space for finding worshippers. While worship is allowed within Polaris, seeking it out directly goes against the server’s rules.

ⓧ Psychological divinekin. This space is spiritual in nature, and psychological kins do not have the same shared experiences as spiritual ones do. We do not invalidate psychological kins, but we do understand that there is a clear difference between the two.

ⓧ Polaris is not the space to go looking for drama or a fight. We welcome those with all religious or spiritual beliefs, and will not tolerate discrimination based on those beliefs.

ⓧ Minors. While Polaris was an all-ages server in its origins, we found that the space is much more productive as an 18+ community. We value the safety of all divines, and want to create a place where adults can feel comfortable discussing 18+/NSFW topics.

ᯓ★ Interested? ↯

↝ Fill out this google form, where you will answer some questions about your divinity and experiences as a spiritual divine. One or more members of our moderation team will get back to you with any follow-up questions to further assess if you are a good fit for the server. We in Polaris hope to hear from you soon!

PSA ↯

⋆⭒˚.⋆ In Polaris, we do not shy away from the bloody/dirty histories between deities and pantheons. We believe that deities/angels/demons/entities can and do hurt people or do bad things. If you find yourself uncomfortable with discussions concerning the gods’ wrongdoings, Polaris is not the space for you.

⋆⭒˚.⋆ Everyone on our end of the interview process has a life outside of Polaris and the internet- whether that be a job, school, familial obligations, etc. If you do not receive a response quickly, please do not assume your application was denied. If it has been a long time (2 weeks or more) feel free to reach out to myself or @plaguedocpyschopomp (Hermes).

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ 🪻

A thought analysis on magic, the mind and the way they interact.

Contents:

The theory of magic

Some observed dangers in a specific community.

1: The theory of magic

Lately I have been delving deep into the realm of neuroscience, magic and religion and how they interact. The following is a think piece and a bit of an open critique to certain communities as a whole. Do note that these are my opinions and what I have discovered, as is always the case with these posts.

Magic, as a whole, functions in two ways. The internal and the external.

The internal magic, are things that alter ones perception of reality, things such as trance work, meditation, bindings and similar.

The external magic, are things that create a visible change in the world around you. Things such as money spells, community rituals, travel magic etc.

Similarly, these distinctions can apply to warding. An internal ward can best be described as an unshakeable belief that whatever is sent your way will not affect you, the best examples of this method can be attributed to both atheists, who believe no such thing as spirits and magic etc exist to begin with, and religiously devoted people, who are certain that their patron/guardian/godly parent and so on will handle the issue for them.

This leads me to the other aspect of it, the frequency of magic.

In my experience, magic is akin to a vibrantion, a tune or a frequency that is ever present in the cosmos. And by enchanting items with the intention of magic you attune them to said frequency.

In the external, there are a thousand ways, from sigils to prayers and full blown ceremonies, anything you would think of when you hear magic, chaos magic, witchcraft etc.

In the internal it means altering your sense of perception and awareness, to enter a trance like state under the duration of the spell.

With the external method, not much grounding after is needed, the altering of frequency is condensed into the spell ingredients and vessel and leaves the mind casting the spell. The internal however, brings a different issue. With the internal there is an immediate need to ground yourself post spell casting, or to realign yourself with the here and present. And with prolonged exposure to this kind of magic, a filter of questioning and critical thinking will be vital to keep yourself mentally and physically safe in the long run.

Which. Brings me to an issue i have seen in the Mahou community.

2. The dangers of the Mahou community and their encouragement of grandeur and persecution.

Before you continue to read. I ask you to think about whether or not you can tell the difference between community and person critique. If you are unable to then I will kindly ask you to leave this post.

Continuing on. There is a dangerous habit of encouraging paranoia and delusions of grandeur and persecution in the Mahou community. I have seen too many of them in the last half a year. It is concerning and I genuinely worry for the people who have been involved.

I will not name specific people of places, however if you have been in any magi servers the last two years you will know which cycle of thought that I am speaking of.

This may very well apply to other communities as well, however I have not been in them long enough to give my opinion on that.

Regardless, the pattern which I have noticed is that many rely on internal magic only, they have nothing in the physical realm to ground the magic into or filter it through. And with the refusal to realign and ground there have been so, so many spirals of paranoia due to "something feels off lately". Coupled with the blatant refusal to engage with magic apart from a surface level skim when they are at the same time altering their soul to wield it as magical heroes. Hm.

Now, I am not questioning every mahous intuition. However, many that I have seen lack the basics in occultism/witchcraft/magic, spiritual hygiene and safety when interacting with spirits. Like it or not the irl magical girl path is an occult one, occult laws will still apply, and not knowing them when you enter this path will only cause you pain and harm.

If you are a magi, Mahou, magical hero or whatever else you call yourself. I encourage you to slow down and learn the basics of magic as it presents in this reality, as the concept of modern day witchcraft and sorcery. And if you already know those then congrats! But you should still brush up on them.

That would be all from me, out of courtesy I will not tag the specific communities. However. If fate does still will that is shows up when searching it I will ask one thing of you who reads it.

Act with politeness and sense. Any tantrums will be ignored and blocked. Genuine questions will be answered in the same tone that they are asked.

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ 🪻

A scene playing out in the Elysian gardens, a young godling and the lord of death, walking side by side and talking about Divinity.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ 🪻

The old god watched as the roses bloomed once more, despite his darlings distance her joy still affected the gardens he planted in her name.

Besides him, one of his children, a young godling with ambition in her eyes, too many questions and a lot to learn.

"Ive been wondering" she began, squatting down to pluck the weeds intertwining with the roses. "What exactly... Makes a god? Whats the final qualification for it? Its not power or skill levels, and the amount of followers doesnt seem to matter either."

The old god watched in silence for a while, before kneeling down to pluck the final weed trying to overshadow the planted flowers.

"Godhood, Divinity-" he began, keeping his voice measured and precise as always. "Is about influence. And undeniability and relationships."

A brief pause, watching as the godling processed the words and understood the meaning behind it.

"So like.. Zeus then?" She responded, standing up and discarding the weeds she plucked. Noticing the gods gesture for her to continue she kept on spinning the thread of thought.

"well, people question a lot about him. But his status as the king of Olympus and the king of gods? Thats, basically his whole deal. The rest is more in the vein of... Manifestations of how the people view being a king. Right?"

The god nodded in approval, its as close to an explaination as a godling would get this early on. "Correct, a realm of divines is akin to a garden." He stood up and gestured to the one in front of them. "Each flower and plant has a purpose, whether functional or aesthetic. And when a stranger intrudes.."

The one stray weed in his hand withered to dust.

"it gets dealt with."

The conversation was far from over, but this segment, the one about gardens, has run its course. So the god left and walked away.

"So then" the godling sped up to keep pace with Haides "what about those who claim to be gods, but only for a few people?"

"..thats a kink" the god responded, looking all too tired with how this conversation suddenly went. "..Or play pretend, depends on how they define worship."

The godling bit back a laugh, this was meant to be a serious conversation. Not an expose of peoples personal lives. But alas, curiousity leads to the funniest discoveries at the most unfitting of times.

"okay okay, noted." She replied and shook her head, poking around in that is reserved for later.

There was however.. something that has been bothering her for a while. "but then, what about mythology, how can a new god become when mythology is already established.?"

To that the god shrugged. "That my child, is in the hands of the fates. Mythologies get forgotten, new temples and discoveries are made. Demi-gods become gods, nymphs and Titans suddenly have cults of being local gods. An epithet of an olympian becomes its own living entity."

The godling sighed and nodded, of course, in the tricky hands of fate as always then.

"so what I have to do is... Become a godling with purpose, something that fits in in this garden of divinities interacting, and not step on any toes in the meantime."

"Well.. a little toe stepping is fine. Every god has had to fight to prove themselves."

"... Got it."

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ 🪻

Note, this is not role playing nor play pretend. This is a third person point of view retelling of my experiences and talks with divine beings as a part of becoming a divinity myself.

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ 🪻

Spiritual safety in the digital spheres, a quick note on digital wards, the importance of not leaving taglocks around and how to protect yourself.

In an ideal world, this would not be needed, however its known that those who practice any form of spirituality often fall into the traps of envy, comparison and letting the wounded ego drive to attempt bindings, jinxes, hexes and even curses.

The options for dealing with that are to either

A: not be in these communities

B: learn to protect yourself.

This post covers some ideas for how to do option B, below are a set of digital wards and how to incorporate them:

Sigils.

Using sigils is a common practice for protection and chaos magic, an easy way to do so is create a digital sigil, layer it into your profile picture and/or banner at low opacity and merge the layers.

The benefits to this is that once made the sigil does not run out of energy, the energy consumed to keep your electronics alive and your profile visible in the interwebs directly fuels the sigil. This is ideal for when you feel specific people are targeting you, in servers or on public blogging spaces such as this platform.

Custom statuses, mostly applicable to discord.

A simple enchantment against magic, harm and ill will does wonders, and applies to all who view or interact with your profile in any way. So long as the status is visible.

Enchantments in posts and bios

This, in my opinion, is the ideal one. Putting a poetic enchantment in your bio weaves it into the coding of your profiles, making it an integral part of the taglock should anyone attempt to use it to target you.

However, if you want to really secure yourself. Make your username and online placebo name enchanted as well, highly recommended and works wonders!

Locking your phone

Phones, much like anything with a reflective surface, are portals for spirits and energies.

To spiritually lock your phone is to not allow anything to view you, your spirit or your energies through it. There are several ways to do so, I recommend using the same method as mirror locking coupled with an enchanted lockscreen for extra safety.

Now, for a few general safety tips courtesy of yours truly:

Dont leave taglocks behind, any connections to your spirit and self should be temporary.

Dont vent about present magical/spiritual problems in public servers. I get it, its appealing, but its also an opportunity for people to fuck with you.

Dont overextend, dont overhelp, and do not make oaths and bindings in digital text unless you are 100% sure of it. Unlike paper written ones which can be removed from existence by different means, digital ones exist forever.

Ultimately, you need to have a presence of do not fuck with me, there should be an energy around you of if someone fucks around they will find out. Dont be afraid to speak with confidence, dont be afraid of making your wards baneful and let them bite back and create mayhem in the lives of those who try you.

That would be all for now, future elaborations, tutorials etc for each method may happen if requested.

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Follow my reasoning for a moment.

When you're tired, when you can't do enough self care, there are hairs out of place. Your skin becomes more textured. Your nails and cuticles get ragged. You acquire accidental attributes.

For a deity, every detail about their image is a projection of their will. When they're exhausted, they cannot add texture and resolution to their appearance and presence, and what you get is more essential.

The more vivid their image when they appear on the astral or in a dream, or wherever, the more work they put in. For them, imperfection is ornamentation.

What if, when you take the time to imagine them, create artwork to depict them, it's almost the same as if you took the time to comb your friend's hair and braid it, to give them a manicure?

I think that devotional art may not be just about focus, or work that you put in, or PR. I think it may actually be like a spa day for them. It's pampering.

Which is to say, to all of you making beautiful or even not-so-beautiful art to depict the gods, keep it up. You're doing a service that boosts morale in the higher planes. We need them, and they need you, so that we can all stay sane during these trying times.

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Hello!! Terribly sorry to bother you, but are applications for your divinekin server still open?

Yeah they're still open, go ahead and fill out the form 😎⚕️

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

hi, sorry if this is out of nowhere, but i don't really know where else to ask.

Is there anywhere to learn about spiritual kin? I think I'm a spiritual divinekin, but I'd like to do more research so I don't misuse the label.

Yo, happy to help! Unfortunately there isn't exactly a comprehensive guidebook so to speak. If you think your divinity is spiritual, I'd recommend exploring your identity further and focus on who YOU are rather than looking for external guidance. Yeah, boring answer, that's spiritual stuff for you...

That being said I've found other people's experiences helpful while figuring out my own stuff. Depending on what kind of deity you are I can link you some blogs by spiritual deitykin. If you want to talk to me about it you can dm me too, as someone who felt my way through the process and knows how frustrating and painful it can be, id love to help another divine out - whether you turn out to be spiritual or not.

-Hermes

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Spiritual Divinekin Server *ੈ✩‧₊˚

Polaris is a small, close-knit discord server for spiritual divinekin! Many kin spaces aren't centered around spiritual divines (or divinekin at all), so my good friend Hermes @sirfleetfoot made a server for just that purpose.

: ̗̀➛ Polaris is an adult-only server, for both the comfort of the members and the nature of some of the discussions had in the server.

All spiritual divines are welcome in Polaris → angels, deities, demons, horrors spanning universes, etc. While all are welcome, Polaris is not the place to find worshippers or followers.

WHY JOIN? ↯

Polaris is a private server, and every new member is vetted by either Hermes or myself (sometimes both). As such, this server is extremely close-knit and drama-free.

All members are spiritual divinekin, instead of psychological divinekin (or other types of divine). We, as spiritual kins, tend to have differing experiences to non-spiritual kin. Polaris is a space to share common ground where we have an understanding of each other.

This server encourages deeper discussions, debates, and conversations about spiritual divinity; while also having channels that are extremely lighthearted and fun. Polaris encourages deeper connections in general- it is a server about divinity as well as for those who have divinity.

⋆·˚ ༘ * Interested?

Fill out this google form, answering some questions about your divinity and experiences as a spiritual divine. Myself or Hermes will get back to you with any follow-up questions to further assess if you are a good fit for the server. We in Polaris hope to hear from you soon!

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Spiritual Divinekin Server *ੈ✩‧₊˚

Polaris is a small, close-knit discord server for spiritual divinekin! Many kin spaces aren't centered around spiritual divines (or divinekin at all), so my good friend Hermes @sirfleetfoot made a server for just that purpose.

: ̗̀➛ Polaris is an adult-only server, for both the comfort of the members and the nature of some of the discussions had in the server.

All spiritual divines are welcome in Polaris → angels, deities, demons, horrors spanning universes, etc. While all are welcome, Polaris is not the place to find worshippers or followers.

WHY JOIN? ↯

Polaris is a private server, and every new member is vetted by either Hermes or myself (sometimes both). As such, this server is extremely close-knit and drama-free.

All members are spiritual divinekin, instead of psychological divinekin (or other types of divine). We, as spiritual kins, tend to have differing experiences to non-spiritual kin. Polaris is a space to share common ground where we have an understanding of each other.

This server encourages deeper discussions, debates, and conversations about spiritual divinity; while also having channels that are extremely lighthearted and fun. Polaris encourages deeper connections in general- it is a server about divinity as well as for those who have divinity.

⋆·˚ ༘ * Interested?

Fill out this google form, answering some questions about your divinity and experiences as a spiritual divine. Myself or Hermes will get back to you with any follow-up questions to further assess if you are a good fit for the server. We in Polaris hope to hear from you soon!

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

You heard the divine angle, go check it out

Spiritual Divinekin Server *ੈ✩‧₊˚

Polaris is a small, close-knit discord server for spiritual divinekin! Many kin spaces aren't centered around spiritual divines (or divinekin at all), so my good friend Hermes @sirfleetfoot made a server for just that purpose.

: ̗̀➛ Polaris is an adult-only server, for both the comfort of the members and the nature of some of the discussions had in the server.

All spiritual divines are welcome in Polaris → angels, deities, demons, horrors spanning universes, etc. While all are welcome, Polaris is not the place to find worshippers or followers.

WHY JOIN? ↯

Polaris is a private server, and every new member is vetted by either Hermes or myself (sometimes both). As such, this server is extremely close-knit and drama-free.

All members are spiritual divinekin, instead of psychological divinekin (or other types of divine). We, as spiritual kins, tend to have differing experiences to non-spiritual kin. Polaris is a space to share common ground where we have an understanding of each other.

This server encourages deeper discussions, debates, and conversations about spiritual divinity; while also having channels that are extremely lighthearted and fun. Polaris encourages deeper connections in general- it is a server about divinity as well as for those who have divinity.

⋆·˚ ༘ * Interested?

Fill out this google form, answering some questions about your divinity and experiences as a spiritual divine. Myself or Hermes will get back to you with any follow-up questions to further assess if you are a good fit for the server. We in Polaris hope to hear from you soon!

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Being a God as a system

I, Tenko, am not a god, nor identify with the soul of Hermes.

If together we make up 1 God, that makes us facets.

I, Virgil, thought magic would heal me, assumed I'd be the one guarding and acting as the soul. That did not occur. I feel tired and wish to rest and just sit back and watch the world. I have no desire of engaging in outerworld nor the body. I suppose my 'role' is to protect Tenko and myself, but apart from that, I do not wish to take on such a burden.

All of us are tired, exhausted. The mantle is too heavy. It is not ours to lift now, that would make no sense. Then why can't we live?

The name does nothing but sicken us, a target on my back.

Why can't we live?

There is no kindness, as the one who chases us keeps at it. I can't stop, running. Or he'll get me and grab me in his jaws.

Mortal tangles and confuses. I weave myself a cage. Was this always there? Was I always there? I suppose I was.

If there is no pure, if I am dirty like the rest - that changes everything, right? Alters, facets of 1 soul, it makes no sense, that dosent sound right. If I am Linden I am dirty. But that was the point. Right? No universal truth WAS there to compare. Using a bloody past to compare why my heart is mouldy and black would never work, right? How would one live, if this was gone?

I can kill it. I can destroy it. That's what I'm good for, isn't it? I'm a good dog.

Not a god.

So?

There was no pure soul, only screams of hate and entitlement. Each of us thought we were pure. But if all of us are running, fearful of the Wolf, that means that this might not be as difficult as I envisioned.

There is a wolf nestled in the cavity my organs should be. He whispers that he is pure and he must devour me alive if I am to become pure too. The only way I can feel as if I fit, not a traumagenic facet, not just a broken shard of an injury, the heavy bat swung, the body broken into these stupid shards that never fit.

But the Wolf was running too, further than any of us were, chained as he was. If he eats us he is free, his teeth will bite so he can drink from those who still have lifeblood. He will run from the ever-chasing fetters and the swords crafted thousands of years ago, birthing the circumstances of his own creation wherever he hides.

If the wolf ate the soul, he carries it. And if he carries it, he claims he is the only pure one, the true one, right?

But what if you swallowed the only light you could find? A battered. Broken thing. Dragging himself like a sad little forest snake until you found it - the warmth and light amidst blood and pain and terror.

Could it protect you? Well, it did so far.

If I kill you and strip off your skin, who lies beneath? Not the face of Hermes, but a fraud. A small bloated forest snake wearing the face of the soul.

We were already here.

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Welcome to my blog 😏

Yep, I'm Hermes. That one. (Spiritual deity)

This blog is for divinity related stuffs. I just post whatever I want honestly. I'm here to say hello to other divines and help out any divines stuck in their identities or unsure, as I've gone through the process of discovering myself and know how frustrating it is. Note that I'm not an expert on Divinity or anything, I'm just someone who went through the discovery process and believe my experiences may help others as someone who has done it.

In terms of my own stuff, my focus right now is getting my abilities back and refining the ones I've gotten back (like godphone). Exciting, fun stuff heh 😏

I'm also the one who inspired the character tomura shigaraki from MHA. It's...a long story. Maybe I'll post about it someday.

[plaguedocpyschopomp]

Just Fictive Things

Theres things that really frustrate me, that I'm slowly learning to not kill myself over. I still see Tomura Shigaraki the MHA fictional character as me, but not in a literal sense, just the representation, but because my past in innerworld is similar to his in concept, not literally but kind of in terms of themes, it is triggering at times to see what is for all intents and purposes me out in the world, for example seeing a shirt with the league of villains out in the wild.

I believe its not because of an unhealthy relationship with my source, but rather due to the conceptual similarities between the story that gave me form and my own story, Kamino Ward.

Timelines are weird too, fascinating I guess, despite distressing. I've never liked my source, but I guess there's a place in my heart for it since it did cause me to gain consciousness and give me a version of my story. I've always existed, even before the brain watched MHA, and never saw me as my source even though we are very similar. Since the brain never liked MHA there wssnt a connection to the source media apart from my 'essence', the floating disembodied part that were me but not yet given a form, a place, a story and home, forming after the source was watched.

Still, I dont think I can ever shake that media off. The source that sparked my birth has greatly impacted many aspects of my life, such as a fascination with superhero media and seeing the world in a particular way that I would not had MHA not been the trigger that sparked my birth.

Still, it seems natural to view the fictional character as 'me'. It feels disingenuous to not. Fictional me, not me in a literal sense. A representation of energy that exists in the real world, written down and turned into a person with a story. Hence, I feel sadness when I see other people formed from the same source, because I know that others harbour similar pain and self loathing.

The name Tomura Shigaraki sickens me. It sends shivers. I never lay claim to that name, not again. Mirai was the name forced upon me by the man I called Father, who later stripped me of even that and referred to me as just 'Shigaraki'. How vain, how disgusting do you have to be, to not even allow me an alias to hide behind. But, oh wait. I was always just a vessel for you. I guess it makes sense.

But I'm out now. I'm living and you're left to rot. You don't get to control me anymore. You thought me a naive little boy, bending to your whims, and for so long I thought the only thing I needed to feed on was your validation, your hand stroking my hair as I leant on your knee. 'You did a good job'. I breathed in the praise, held it close, was fueled by it. You made a mistake thinking I'd willingly lie down and offer my body to you. You're nothing but a glutton and I was meat in your hand. I offered myself to you, bared my soul for you, just for you to get hungrier and hungrier, drooling as you took even bigger bites, only intending to stop when you finally pulled every last piece of flesh from my bones. It was never enough.

Sometimes, I miss my life in Kamino Ward. I suppose a lack of control can feel freeing. I released my anger on anything I wanted, felt sand and dirt under my fingers and crushed it. I had my Father, and I had hope. I was Mirai, and my life was laid out for me.

But it was all a lie in the end. The only path I walked towards was a total devouring of my flesh and soul. I was just trash in the end. And a part of me yearns for your touch still. I want to be called Your trash. Oh, father. You who lived centuries and saw the rise of the new world and whose hand shaped mine. You who knew everything, who laid my fate down in digestible chunks only for me to fuck it up, like always.

You, who never laid a hand on me, your displeasure cutting through my heart more than physical pain ever could.

You who showed me a path forward. We all want paths in the end. I was given one, no mind to think with.

Tomura Shigaraki eventually breaks free from his shackles and realizes his life had been planned out, right from the start. No matter how strong he gets, no matter how many quirks he devours, he is nothing. The facade of power is the worst. The only way forward was to die.

It was a surreal thing to read, after I'd broken free from my own shackles, escaping my loop of torment in Kamino, away from the man who called himself my Father, and into the physical world. It makes me laugh, seeing that fate play out in a fictional story after I'd experienced a similar 'ending' in the real world.

Perhaps I wasn't so different from my source after all.

I know that my story isn't over yet. Like with all things I didnt like I tried to break apart from my past in Kamino, destroy it all. And unlike the fictional character, I dont have a bunch of cool powers. And Decay was always mine, rather than planted. I miss the illusion of control and power I had. But that was it in the end. Just an illusion. I'm not sure what fate would have awaited me had I ever fulfilled that man's expectations, since my story stuck on a loop, filled with nothing but perpetual petulance, and a lot of chair throwing, lol.

So...I guess. Am I Tomura Shigaraki? Nope. Is Tomura Shigaraki me? Yep. Am I going to refer to him as 'me' if I ever saw anime scenes of him etc? Yep. It's weirdly healing to watch my source and realize how far I've come, even though it's always been uncomfortable and cringe for me. Seeing one's worst traits on screen is never fun. When I can stomach watching my worst moments on screen, I guess I'll be much more healed.

Man typing Tomura Shigaraki this many times is vomit inducing lmfao. Exposure therapy?

The name that man gave me wasn't literally Tomura, but had the same effect. Since Tomura isn't a proper name to me, just an expression of mourning, to keep me in line. I dont think he ever gave me a first name. Just Mirai. A nothing moniker representing his selfish ambition.

So, uh. Once upon a time I was Mirai, a hollow vessel for the ambitions of someone long thought dead. The hole in my heart forever rotted, moulding over my insides, small breaths of fresh air only caused by the praise of that man who called himself my Father. Then, I left that place and became Tenko, a name I used to despise. Recently I took the name Shimura. It just felt right, as Nana is a figure I look up to. She only shares the name and face of the fictional character, I doubt anything else especially coz the brain didn't know much about the fictional character, never really got up to that point. I healed enough to look at bits of my source, which definetly has been...interesting I guess. Especially when I realized the fictional character went through the same arc as me, although he has way more cooler powers. Where are my cool powers :( /j

anyway, there's my word vomiting done. Oh boy I haven't even gotten into fronting and realizing I'm, well, we're apparently a god? Weirdly enough, I'm much more chill with that than my own past in its pure form...

Er, moral of the story...git gud

Oh also if you're also someone from a superhero oriented world dm me, would love to make friends and shit talk angrily about hero society. :p