plural-confessions

[plural-confessions]

im the frontstuck always present host of a median sys and its the funniest thing in the world to watch my only headmate freak out over something that's bothering us both...

his response is the most insane fight reflex i've ever seen and he tries to hype me up to yell or argue or fight sometimes but instead i just sit there and zone out while he tries to snap me back to reality every 5 seconds..

(can i claim "-🪆🎚️🎭" ?)

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[plural-confessions]

being fictionkin in a system SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:( im not a fictive i just AM that guy! >:(

(/nsrs /hyp)

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[plural-confessions]

i don't know if we're polyfragmented or just low split tolerance or something in between and at this point im too afraid to ask

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[plural-confessions]

One of our alters is so very obviously fallen in love with a man they barely know and it's not even funny. It started off with them sending in an ask or two to his blog, but soon they became enamoured with him, every time they takes front it sends in an ask, this man it's in love with freaks me out a bit quite frankly, but I can see why our alter likes him, they have similar interests and tastes. It doesn't know how to act on these feelings, or if they should, but they're definitely going to send in some more asks, that's for sure.

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[plural-confessions]

posting yourself to systemscringe is actually really fun. yes i am the same anon as last time. Like, let's see what narrow-minded people say about you!

It's actually so funny to see them whine and whine over small words and details, and automatically compare every system to textbook DID and the experience of a random Gary that posted to a forum on 2017.

Watch them have a meltdown over the word "little"! Or someone saying something other than "altered state of consciousness" like that's all people can view them as! Because Gary's experience is the only experience, riiiight?

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[plural-confessions]

All of our alters are older than the body.

Except for one.

We have an alter that actually ACTS like how we're "supposed to" for our age.

Why do you send everyone that "oh hi Levi!" video? Do you only want cruel things in the world?

And I can't even tell you to "grow up" or "be mature", because if we weren't plural, this is how we'd be anyway!!

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[plural-confessions]

sometimes when were trying to think of current headcount our brain instinctively goes to the hundreds and if we question that our brains like yep thats accurate and it keeps happening and weve had our brain just drop system lore on us before but like.... this ones genuinely kinda scary to consider we only discovered the system a few months ago we went from 5 to 60 and counting (both discovering already existing headmates and new ones forming) and usually when we poke at it like hey is this personal information correct itll sorta give us a vague yes or no like hmm thats not quite right and its giving the not quite right feeling to saying we have only have about 60 and the yes towards 100s and like not only is that scary to consider i also dont wanna jump to that like we know we have a lot in here but were trying to be careful and only track headmates we know for definite exist and can recognize themselves should they front again so its slow going but while wed normally trust our brain im worried about doing it here and just idk its just making us pretty anxious we keep trying to ignore it but it just happens more where our brain tries to subconsciously convince us our headcount is super high

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[plural-confessions]

what is it with coining posts and using formatting to get that weird typewriter font? it's hard to read imo I have to copy and paste it to my notes app or focus REALLY hard

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[plural-confessions]

our endogenic monoconscious median ass is NOT coming out

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[plural-confessions]

Plurality is still so wild to me because I woke up one morning and a DJ was there. no warning, just a hyperfixation and a dream.

like ah yes life has been stressful, we should commit Mitosis about it. ...hey remember that artist we used to really like?

and what do you mean his songs have billions of streams but his proudest achievement was the time he mass-rickrolled one of the world's biggest EDM festivals? what do you mean we have New Memories that never happened? what the fuck is "source guilt"?

This is the first time we've had a factive; I'm trying to be normal, but the whole situation is just hilarious when you think about it

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[plural-confessions]

do any other systems feel like their front/conciousness is its own entity, independent of the system? we're pretty new to this but like... we can explicitly talk to (what we believe is) the current fronter and it feels like they respond seperately from our conscious mind, the same as any headmate out of the front? is this... normal? are we monoconscious? do we have a frontstuck host? maybe this'll work itself out in time... idk we're just confused

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[plural-confessions]

i kinda freak out if i have too many emotions but one of the few ones im fine with is affection for my headmates. idk. plural joy forever adn ever 👍

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[plural-confessions]

TW: Forced dormancy, mention of bad parenting

.............. I um....... I know who forced my "dad" (he's biologically my dad in source, but I don't consider him my dad, not anymore) into dormancy a few months ago. No one else knows.... And... I'm glad they did it..... I know that sounds awful... He just hurt some many people.... both here and before being in a system.... he hurt the person who forced him away, too.... so much.... I tried to get him to change... to be better.... but every time I tried, he'd just....... hurt me more........ the person who made him leave made it a lot quicker than some would have, too.... I hope no one finds out who did it.... I don't want them getting in trouble for it...... they saved me.... and if I could thank them.... I would.... I'm sorry that sounds so awful....... -[📚🐾]🍏

(Can we claim this Anon tag? "[📚🐾]" being like the system tag as a whole and whatever coming after it - "🍏" for me, for example - is the individual headmate Anon tag? /nf)

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[plural-confessions]

tried to use one of those plural codes and accidentally spelled the f slur

it isnt wrong i guess?

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[plural-confessions]

ive always been fascinated by systems and plurality and i would periodically do research into it from 2021 onwards. but every time i would be going through some awful things in real life and not have the time to digest anything or properly think about it in relation to myself. recently, i got into the best place mentally ive been for a long time and finally had the time to research again

and holy shit, theres so much that is explained. my gaps in memory, someone else taking control, political opinions changing so radically, theres a lot more but i wont go into detail here

at the same time, im sure im going crazy and making it all up. what if its just me in different mental states talking differently? what if its all just in my head... i have no trauma, at least not in early childhood. i know endogenic exists but... ugh. i did all the research before but ive forgotten it all since

as far as i can tell there are two other alters/headmates other than me and they've both fronted, posted on the blog, wrote to me and still i feel like theyre just me but different. idk... they feel so different from me, i want to believe ive cracked the code and that im really plural. because that explains so much. but i know to veer on the side of caution... there is a high chance im maybe faking it... i dont know.

i cant remember much, like im still there but just watching. and they feel so distinct from me, one of them left me a written note and it was so jarringly different from my own handwriting ??

im fortunate enough to have access to professionals i trust and the money to pay to see them. im working with them to try and get a diagnosis, but its very slow bc im seeing the doctor for an entirely different reason.

if i get a solid answer ill come and update you all

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[plural-confessions]

The experiences we have been looking answers for all our lives is plurality and no one can take that away from us WE ARE PLURAL!!!

^

[plural-confessions]

As much as I know we should respect all new headmates, and try not to be stressed or unhappy when a new one appears (everyone prefers a different term, so I just say appear), but at the same time, I think systems have a right to at least be a little unhappy.

Not everyone has the privilege of being able to organize themselves, or to have a headspace that people can go into to relax, as opposed to just... always being there. New headmates can easily make previously existing issues (ex: for us, our processing issues) worse (for certain systems, not all)

Systems are allowed to be unhappy that there's a new tenant in the building, even if it's not that tenant's fault. Things get crowded.

Being a system can be complicated, with so many people living in one singular body. I think being unhappy that there's yet another person that you have to share your autonomy with, is understandable.

(We would like 🌳🍎 if that's ok)

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