poojamarwah21

[poojamarwah21]

Is It A New Beginning?

We are starting a new year with the pandemic’s wings spread across our heads. But this time, instead of fear, optimism seems to be playing its round of Chinese whispers! This new normal is going to be a way of life, so what is the point of fretting and fuming? We have to keep ourselves safe but despite all the precautions, we may still end up getting the dreaded Covid; delta, omicron or whichever name it decides to adopt! So, is it a new beginning?

Every year defines us in some or the other way. Either we learn and grow or we continue in its nonchalant journey, as mere leaves that move aimlessly in a river. The thing here to remember is that despite all the obstacles the river has, it stays focussed on its path and eventually reaches the ocean. But, the leaf gets lost somewhere in the midst!

When we speak of evolving, it implies a continuous growth of one’s perceptions. It leads to better handling of circumstances and projects a more mature outlook on life itself. The comparisons stop and in place, meaningful moments take over.

Yes, it is all in the mind. Everything begins and ends with the flow that you allow in your brain. What you fuel, gets lit and what you douse turns into ash. A small change in your outlook has the capacity to induce life-defining changes to your own life.

The pandemic taught us to embrace the impossible. It forced us to break habits and form new ones. It pushed us beyond our comfort zones and shook us, individually and as a community. It stood as a boulder on our track whilst we sped like a freight train and bought us to a standstill at its own whim.

And now what?

The human mind is a mental phenomenon that gives birth to perception, emotion, desire, pain, guilt, and ego. In varying forms, it is in this occurrence that we become nonpareil actors of our own life. The high of believing that we are unrivalled further enhances ego and takes us to a point of no return. On the other hand, if we looked at situations long sightedly, more often than not, we would bask in the comfort of being a calmer version of ourselves.

The beauty of a mindset is that it is never fixed. It evolves with time, judgement, and reasoning. And rightly so, for giving yourself a mindset that is devoid of assumptions, deceit and malice will churn out a more positive and vibrant you!

The idea is to be able to control the thoughts that we feed our minds with. It isn’t easy but instead of focussing on the obstacles if we just kept our vision fixated to our goal post, wouldn’t we be overcoming a defeatist mindset?

A minor shift in your attitude can make major changes to your life. So, how about we begin this year with a note to self – Improvise the script.. add a dash of prayer, subtract a bit of judgement, multiply a lot of humour and divide the chunk of pain.

Read More

You never know… your life may just equal to the Phantom of the Opera! And that is the longest-running Broadway Show, that still can entertain and bewitch us with its melody.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

New Chapter, Old Story

Why does the end of a year always inspire us to sit down with pen and paper and make a new wish list? The things we did or didn’t do. The places we missed seeing. The people we added or subtracted.. The achievements we earned or the failures that taught… Why is it that only the end, signals or coerces us to rethink, reinvent and reframe our next path?

Perhaps when you know something is going to end, you are compelled to give it one last thought before writing it off. You want to carry with you a little of the past and take with you a lot of your present. You want to rework and rewire the things that didn’t quite work for you and savour the ones that did.

And that’s the beauty of a whole new year. Yes, this one was definitely much better than 2020, which a lot of us had written off, for reasons personal. And as we gear up to get into the next, we are doing so with a glimmer of hope and are trusting it to be even better than the year we have had. And why not? After all, we are in the business of promoting happiness and motivation, aren’t we?

If there is one thing I would want to leave behind, it would be judgement. I have seen people behave in the most shallow way ever, seen them say and do things I would never imagine a person do to another but surprisingly, this time, it didn’t so much as even cause a flutter inside me. It almost felt as though a mature version of me was staring back at the well, regular me, and that on its own said a lot.

And, if there was one thing I would want to take ahead with me, I’d go for love – in all its forms. We spend far too much of our time on frivolities that don’t even matter. We overlook the small gestures while looking for the big ones, least realising that it were the small ones that would have eventually indicated the largest! I am not a hopeless romantic for romance can never make you hopeless. What I am is a girl who believed, still does and probably always will look for the twinkle in everyone she loves. For, what the world really needs is more of empathy. We are so attuned into staring at the best bits of people’s lives on screen that we tend to overlook one minuscule but vital fact – reality is a long cry from whatever we see there. It’s a world that is coated and sugar coated with drama, deceit and an impression.

I feel as though I am at a fork on the road. And the difference between the two paths is not based on which one has been more travelled upon but on the one that is not fringing on superfluousness or pretence. I don’t want to be something or someone I’m not. I don’t want to hide behind a façade of duties and responsibilities. What I do want is to be free to choose the road that I want, as me.

And that is the beauty of a whole new year. Somewhere inside of us, we all make promises that we want to keep but they don’t always pan out the way we want. And that is okay for no matter which road you take, there will always be choices and it is at those forks, that your next story enfolds.

As I sign off to a year that has been kind and generous, I’m doing so with a spring in my step. I’m doing it with the knowing that I am happiest when I am me, not a version of another’s perception of how I am to be. Also Read

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

A Thing Called Life

There’s this thing about life – some say its too short and some crib about its longevity. Some call it unfair while others mask up behind flaws to project a fake air of joyousness! Some say make the most of what you have and some prefer to leave behind the complacency and run behind their dreams.

So, what is this thing called life? How does it have the ability to take us from happy to sad in less than ten seconds? How does it give out dollops of confusion, regret, fear and anxiety? How does it decide when to turn course?

I’ve grown up being told – treat life as a journey, as a holiday more precisely. For, when you travel to new cities or countries, however well the itinerary is planned, sudden changes occur which compel you to improvise and change plans. Don’t take it too seriously but understand where it’s trying to take you and trust its path.

But how does one trust something that is beyond scope of sight?

Life moves in a linear line and has with it time as its companion. Neither waits for anyone or anything, no matter how grave or how subtle the situation may be. And, neither stop either. They move consistently, as though focussed on something which is oblivious to the naked eye. They stay connected to each other for both understand that if they stop, everything around will come to a standstill. And then chaos will reign. So, no matter how bare or lush the terrain is, life and time clasp each other hard and keep going.

Sometimes, in this journey, you may have to take a leap of faith and yes, it scares and unnerves because you are apprehensive about trusting something you can’t see. And, it is at this very moment when miraculously, all the inspiring stories you’ve ever read about mankind, stream in and out of your thoughts. But, the big question looms up – Should I trust life and its relationship with time?

I am at that juncture. I do have sweaty palms, a heartbeat that’s literally pushing against my ribcage, a mind with a zillion warped ideas and breath that simply refuses to slide down the nasal passage to my lungs. Life and time seem to be on a mischievous path with reference to me and given its latest track record, I am searching eagerly for one reason to trust it.

And the only way to do so is if I stop questioning it. But in the same breath, I do have another question – Should we just sit back and give up control over our own life?

I can almost see life mocking a smile at this one and saying – When were you ever in control? That was just a mere perception you had.

There are times when each of us have looked at our own lives from the periphery. We’ve gauged it, analysed it and even been brutally dishonest about dealing with it, but it’s still not given up on us. It’s kept its rendezvous with time and ignored us on the sidelines. Its primary focus was its companion, Time, and they kept moving, as they still are.

Read More!!

And, if this dedicated compatibility is not an indication of learning to trust them, I really don’t know what is.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

A Jigsaw Called Life

Puzzles have always been and shall continue to be a complete entertainer for those of us that love finite solutions. Life, often meanders its way through meadows and valleys before giving us closure or something definite. And sometimes, sitting to work on a 1000 piece jigsaw not only calms you down but also re-ignites feelings of motivation, of being able to balance life.

The hilarious part of dissecting a jigsaw piece was when I was researching it and came across the terms that identify its shape. The part that juts out is called a key and referred to as male whereas the indent part is called a lock or female! How something so inanimate can identify with us humans at a procreational level not only makes me laugh but also gives me another perspective to ponder upon.

When you sit huddled over a table trying to ascertain the pieces into piles of familiarity, aren’t you also doing the same in life? You put the pieces that have probability of syncing in together in different lots and then make the outer framework. Once the structure is ready, you start with one lot and work at it until the part is complete and ‘locked’ in. The beauty of this game is that only one male and one female will have the perfect sync and you have to keep trying until you find that match.

Sudoku is another interesting part of puzzling! The mind works at various permutations and combinations of all the nine numbers but there is only one right number for one square block. And, as much as you try, it needs to be a perfect match to balance the equation of the puzzle. Think of it as a complete life. There are nine aspects that help make it complete, and the only criteria is to find the correct balance and give it a dollop of teamwork.

If I could broadly classify the nine most important aspects of life, I’d put them as love, integrity, empathy, confidence, family, health, faith, career and relationship. This list of nine features in everyone’s life in varying degrees of importance but it is a constant. The key to making this eclectic combination work to give you the life of your dreams, is as simple as finding the perfect lock to fit it in. By no means do I negate theories of self love here, but even if you choose to remain just a key or just a lock.. at some point in life, you will require an indent that will give you a feeling of complete satisfaction.

To be able to strike a correct balance of the nine key aspects of life are where most of us falter and that’s ok.. It is human to err. The only thing to remember here is to keep trying different ways, to find new solutions, and to give yourself room to breathe when you don’t.

A sudoku is not just a mind game but a game of life. By using different combinations for the same solution, you are also tuning yourself to look for answers instead of focussing on the problem. You may complete it at one go or you may want to take a break and come back later. And that is okay because life is very forgiving and extremely patient at that.

It isn’t just a series of events that happens, but a calculated path that you yourself chalk out when you choose to put the nine elements of life in an order of importance. To me, it may be love and to you it may be career but that puzzle will only be a complete success when you use the right number at the right spot!

Also Read: Dotting It!

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

Omicron- The Inside Edge

The Omicron is here – to stay or to wreak havoc we can’t say yet! But it’s made its official touchdown in one of our southern states. Just when we chose to believe that the sars covid was a distant dream, it choked up again – as an omnipresent version, making us bolt right up and bring back our guard!

So, what really changed? We bore the brunt of a virus that shut down the world, we promised ourselves to focus on life’s smallest pleasures like family, love, and passion. We made assurances to create deep meaningful memories and to make peace with the things that hurt us in the past. We stayed in, cooked, cleaned, and indulged in frivolous activities to pass time. We worked from home and the ones that had the luxury.. partied from home too. So, what really changed?

The truth is that nothing changes until you find a reason to induce change. People, least of all! When you face death at close proximity, as most of us did at some point earlier in the year; I would think that we would begin to appreciate life but sadly, we don’t. We often take things for granted as though they were slated for someone else, least realising that one day it will be us! It’s a hard-hitting fact but one we all know subconsciously. We are all in the line and the one thing about this final queue up, is that you can’t change your spot, nor can you give it to someone else. And, the only thing that matters is what you do while you remain in that line.

A friend posted a very powerful image on social media, with just a two-line caption. It was the image of a large spacious room with bay windows and parquet flooring. The caption read as such – “To the person who worries about what people think or say about you. Here is a room full of them, the ones that bring you a cup of coffee on a rainy day, or the ones that stretch out a hand every time you need one. This room has the people that genuinely love you for who you are; who never say anything ill about you and stand by you, no matter what.”

I stared at the image as though trying to look for these so called people – But the room was empty! And that is what needs to sink in.

Society as a whole craves acceptance from each other. There is a burning desire to fit in which leaves a paralyzing fear if you don’t. Fear of other people’s opinion (FOPO) as Gen Z terms it is causing more harm than good. More often than not, it stops you from even taking the first step because you start to fear failure. No one’s coming to wipe that tear, but there are many standing to wipe out that smile. And more often than not, it’s the people closest to you. But what changed – nothing!

Right and wrong are two sides of the same coin and have a common circumference that may or may not get blurry. But if you try and balance on the arc, you are going to lose your footing at some or the other point.

When the virus first hit, in all my naïveté, I believed that this had come as a lesson to mankind. I believed that we would change as people, as a social network that was physically entwined with each other. I believed that the seriousness of the situation and the helplessness we felt would in fact bring us all together as one. Hadn’t we all learned at school that Unity is better than diversity?

But that was a naïve me. Momentarily, it felt as though the breeze that kissed my face was unadulterated with gossip, lies, and deceit. It felt as though maybe, this would bring all of mankind together to fight off an invisible enemy but what I failed to realise was that each of us was guilty of harbouring the enemy inside of us! It’s Okay

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

It’s Okay not to be Okay

The latest words trending are Positivity, Focussing on yourself, feeling happiness but in the real world, are we really supposed to always be chirpy and positive even though we are at rock bottom?

Toxic positivity is being channelled towards us at a pace faster than a raging tsunami. It forces us to dispel thoughts and feelings of emotional pain and trauma and to feel gratitude. It teaches us to channelize the positive energy inside us because we alone control our happiness… But isn’t this itself a toxic waste of energy?

It is okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel the hurt, for grief can only be overcome if it is allowed to be dealt with. There are moments in life when you find yourself grappling with things that hurt and instead of pretending to be fine and moving along in a zombie state, wouldn’t it be better if you allowed yourself to feel the hurt and then learn to manage it, instead of pushing it under the rug?

Emotions aren’t permanent. They are momentary fleeting glimpses that we pass through in our life. So, no matter how you feel, the only thing you truly have to believe is that it will pass by. So enjoy it or cry it out.. both are mere temporary feelings. You need the negative to balance out the positive just as you need the weeds to enjoy the flowers.

As a parent, I too relied on pretence so I could appear to be strong in front of the kids but what I did was send out an incorrect message – No matter what happens, you have to be strong.

As a spouse, I chose to shove my feelings under the duvet instead of showing my vulnerability and what that did was – tell the love of my life that I didn’t consider him worthy enough, of helping me through my low days.

As a woman, I opted to hide behind my false ego as I didn’t want to be seen as weak… And what that did was simply take away my free-spirited will to live!

Life is not going to go according to plan but we still scribble away on our planners. We schedule meetings, dates, and holidays and give ourselves something to look forward to. And when it doesn’t pan out as expected, we put on a face and say – It’s ok, Things happen for a reason! Read More

But it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel let down or sad. It is normal to feel emotions that make us anxious or add to our wrinkles for, in the end, the only way to feel truly alive is to be able to grasp what you feel and let it flow through you.

Medically, toxic positivity is regarded as an obsession with positive thinking, no matter how dire the circumstance. It is considered to be an addiction that feeds the human mind with fake reassurances. It puts undue pressure on people to always remain positive when inwards they may be grappling with severe depressive streaks. This confuses the mind and the body for where they generally work in sync, the mind is under pressure to feel the pain, and the body is under duress to show it’s fine! Eventually, the imbalance happens and that’s when mental trauma seeps in.

Life doesn’t come with a direction manual but it does give us another day to retry and to rework on our journey.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

To Know The Truth

A monologue by India’s leading comedian caused a furore in the country, with netizens quick to take sides between right and wrong. Needless to say that they left no scope for any room for grey, should it have been necessary to know the truth.

Nothing that oration had was a lie, no part of it misrepresented the vibrancy of India. In fact, what it did, was list out stark candid depictions of the country we live in. And I am going to candidly say, that it is a sad truth each of us is guilty of hiding behind!

How many times in life have you chosen to support something you know is wrong simply because it’s the easier thing to do? How much of your value system did you have to bend just so that you could accommodate another’s falsified image?

It takes nerves of steel to stand up in front of hundreds of people and openly state the truth but Vir Das did it single-handedly. It didn’t matter if the crowd jeered or clapped. He was already aware of the wrath he would face back in India, but that didn’t come close to averting his decision to speak. He wanted to portray reality and bare he did, irrespective of anything or anyone! And he did it, standing alone.

In life, we often are faced with lies that are sugar coated as truth. They are presented to us in ways that we know are wrong but for popularity’s sake, believe it as the truth. And over time, as the popularity increases, the coating appears to be an inherent part of the lie, oops.. truth!

Why do we prefer to hide behind a lie? Why don’t we have the guts to call a spade a spade? Why is that a fake air of hypocrisy descends, when inwardly you believe the truth but outwardly stand up against it?

India is what it is and there is nothing incorrect that was said and yet there are undercurrents of his fate! So basically, we now gearing up to be a society that prefers to harbour deceit and watch the show rather than stand up for the right thing.

Having been on the other side, I have absolutely no holds barred as I say this – It is easier to sail where the winds blow, for only a select few will have the strength to manoeuvre a yacht in the eye of the storm! And it is those few that come out of the storm, probably a little scathed and bruised but victorious! Read More

To quote Murakami, “When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. … When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Knowing the truth is one thing but standing up for it against all odds, takes integrity! I believe that there are always shades of grey just as there are two sides to a story but taking the one that enhances your beliefs as an individual is what makes you stand apart. Integrity indeed helps you tide over every storm and emerge a better person.

Stand up for the harder right instead of the easier wrong, even if you have to stand alone for no matter how much you try and twist the truth. The truth is, that it will always bounce back, as truth!

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

Chasing Happiness

Are you the sort of person that wakes up each morning with a pre-planned to-do list ready? Do you meticulously plan your day to as minute a detail as you possibly can, even throwing in pre-empted hurdles that may arise?

If the answer has been yes to either of the two questions, it is safe for me to assume that you also have had feelings of absolute confusion and regret when things didn’t pan out as planned!

So, this brings me to a few other questions – should we plan or should we just take it as it comes? Is there a science behind happiness or are they mere words of encouragement?

Until very recently, I was a victim of frustration. When things didn’t pan out the way I envisioned them to, it bothered me to the brink of insanity. It almost felt as though I was engulfed in a flame of exasperation and helplessness. Mental health and well being seemed to take a backseat as I got so entangled about the things I couldn’t control that I lost sight of the ones I could. My entire focus was spent scrutinizing and dramatizing the insignificant until it left me feeling unfulfilled and lost.

But, the Universe always gives us a sign and I got mine when I crossed an ambulance on the way to work one morning.

Here I was cribbing about the inconsequential things in my life, and on the whizzing white van, someone was fighting hard for another day! Another day to live so he could probably play that game of cricket with his son, another day to love so he could take his wife out to her favorite place for dinner…

So how does one live a happy life?

I could list down a hundred different ways based on personal experiences and memories but for now, shall put down the top three I swear by.

Each of us goes through experiences, and it is through these moments that we decide on the next course our life should take. And more often than not, even though it may be a calculated risk, it still may not turn out the way we want. And the only way to deal with it is – Take a deep breath and stop worrying.

As we grow older, we grow quieter. It isn’t because we have less to say but because we have realized that 99% of the things we worried about in our youth simply featured in our life as brief spots of advertisement. The thing to remember here is – what you focus on grows. So, if you want more joy in your life, the trick is to just keep fuelling the happiness you have.

Often people say and do things because they have been conditioned to live a certain way. But life was never meant to be lived according to norms and rules. It was a gift to be lived as you want. You may or may not agree but it’s an interesting point of view. A friend I met after decades, gave me a new perspective on marriage. “Marriage, especially in India, is society’s way of trying to control you. It sets rules and regulations of how you should be. But I’ve seen people live together simply because it is convenient. Love is often not even in the picture.”

On this, all I will say is that  – be in a relationship that makes you want to wake up each morning with a smile. For life is too short to waste it on anything that doesn’t make you happy from your soul. Here read More

There is a lot of calmness that comes when you learn to detach yourself from another person’s beliefs and behavior. The things they believe or the way they behave is their choice, but learning the art of detachment is yours.

Life can be kind if you learn to understand its bends and extremely brutal if you don’t.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

Don’t Dim Your Light

With the festival of lights just about fading into the shadows, it seems apt to say that ‘fading’ does not imply disappearance. It’s merely taking a backseat so that the other festivals can get their due, until it’s time for its shimmer and shine to resurface. And in the time that it is away from the limelight, it doesn’t cast a shadow upon the prevailing joy another festivity brings about.

Such is also the truth about relationships. For one to succeed, pulling down another cannot ever be part of the plan for there is ample space for both to co-exist! Lighting up your world by dimming another’s power supply isn’t ever going to get you far, for someday, there will come about another that will light their world by casting a shadow over yours.

We live in a world where knowledge may be easily attainable but maturity is scarce. Like you can’t buy happiness or love, you definitely cannot purchase wisdom and empathy. When everyone around is trying to influence your thoughts, it becomes important to believe in your own instinct. It gets critical to stand out when the rest of the world urges you to stand in. Instead of getting swept away by the wave, what if you learnt to ride it instead? Hold your own ground, perhaps? It wouldn’t entirely be such a bad thing now, would it?

When people around you are clawing their way to get their hands on your power supply, it becomes increasingly vital to stand up and ensure that they don’t get a chance to dim your light. For that light is yours to use, at as high or low a wattage you like it to be. Diwali used to predominantly be a Hindu festival. It came year after year and lit up our skies and our world on the darkest of days. And today, after being declared as a federal holiday in the United States, it stands above all of the rules and regulations of people, who tried to dim its sheen. Hundreds of thousands of houses were lit up across North America as people the world over celebrated it. It didn’t see caste or creed, it didn’t see a salary graph. All it focussed on was on its own light.

If there was one takeaway from this article, it would be this – When you become a part of a coterie that focusses on bringing down another, you also open the windows for someone else to repeat the favour! There is enough room for everyone to co-exist in the ways that keep them happy. I mean, you wouldn’t ever understand the value of an angel until you met the devil, would you?

There are no custom made people in this world. But you have to look for the ones that bring out the best in you. The ones who truly have your back, not for climbing up the social ladders but for running up and down them to burn calories!

As our festival of light steps in the shadows for its peers to shine, perhaps it is time we learn that taking a step back helps you accelerate to take a hundred steps forward! Read More

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

The Art of Happiness- Pooja Marwah

Inspiration, I believe, hits us when we expect it the least. It is in the most mundane, random things that we do or say when something suddenly lights up inside.. A Eureka moment! Streams of beautiful thoughts align themselves.. just for us. The art of happiness presents itself as life advise and is easily available at a click or perhaps by a random visit.

One of the many things I absolutely love about India is that every and each one of us is a Life guru, me included! I mean which other continent on earth would have the neighbourhood aunty, the old uncle next door, the local kirana store owner, the occasional postman, visit you with a new perception of life, reiterating their mantra for a happy life!! Where else would you find everyone around you offer you a guide to finding happiness.. like it’s as easy as finding Nemo?

It is actually entertaining to listen, for they each come with their own set of experiences and what amuses me is that they propagate and emphasise on their point of view as though it were the only right way to live! So, what is the right way to live? How do we know when we fall in love? Why weren’t we ever told on heartbreaks? Where are all the sermons and ‘gyaan’ about life when we need them the most? What is the art of happiness? Read More

If there is one thing I have grown to realise, it is that there is no wrong way to do the right thing. Right to you may differ from its connotation to me, but then that is entirely up to your thought process. A criminal will always justify his crime, with as much ease as a judge will hold him guilty for it. Seema Aunty next door will stand by her belief that married women should behave in the 1960’s way she did when she was married to Khanna Uncle. Does it really matter that no one ever asked Khanna uncle if that was what he wanted? Did he want his wife all dolled up for him in Indian attire, fussing and pampering him or did he want a partner in crime as he drove into the open air movie theatre, wanting to munch on popcorn and coke!

With the advent of social media engulfing our lives, life advise is available to all of us at the simple type of a keyword #life advise or #how can I stay happy. The internet is streaming with daily doses of motivation and positivity and yet somehow with all the jargon of words, deep inside we are still trying to figure – what makes us truly happy.

Happiness is a feeling you feel when you can be the person you want to be. There is no allowance or ration for doing the things that you wish. The only limits set are the ones you set for yourself. You can’t be coerced to feel happy just because the occasion demands it, nor can you stay happy at the behest of another’s wish. Life is a series of experiences that define us. As we crossover from one to the other, something inside us changes and it is this change that leads us to grow as individuals. Nothing is ever written in stone and it really is okay to want something you may not have wanted at 20.

The inability to accept this changing you is what causes you frustration and angst. It isn’t the kirana store owner’s words nor Aunty next door. The incapacitated feeling you feel when you see yourself losing control over a partner or a relationship are the triggers that lead to you Google’s search console. Life wasn’t meant to be lived on reins, self-imposed or forced upon. You don’t need anyone to tell you how to live a happy life.. for that answer lies right within you.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

You Can’t Win Them All

As a parent, there is often a chance that I end up using words the millennials of today disagree with, and they are as quick as a fiddle to point it out.

We were watching a show on Netflix and as soon as I pre-empted the couple kissing, I asked my younger one to shut her eyes. Perkily both the girls laugh and in unison say, “Would you rather have us see girl on girl?”

I am not the old fashioned sort. I didn’t break out into a sweat neither did my palms fly up to close my gaping mouth, which by the way wasn’t really gaping, in my defence! Yes, I did have arched eyebrows but that was purely a reaction my facial features made!

“Please Mom, you can’t be homophobic now.” They study my controlled expressions and simply state. “Gays make the best friends, besides we are safest with them as they have no interest in us whatsoever!”

I am still trying to process my thoughts which are swooshing in from every side, attempting to assimilate my next words. I am unable to decide which is more apt – my nod at socially approved opposite sex love equations or my nod at homosexual friendships. After a few minutes of deliberation, I decide on neither and state – “That, I would have to agree. My closest friend is also gay, and he is the reason I have more laugh lines on my face than wrinkles!”

If there is one thing the kids of today find daunting, it is having to hear that their parents also have a life as exciting as theirs! Almost instantly, the attention focused on me and the gay best friend. We chatted until past our ‘Cinderella’ time and as they snuggled into their duvets, I couldn’t help but smirk at the uncanny twist of fate.

The idea is to have an open mind about people, things and places. Every experience you have, is one that is unique to the time or moment you have it in. Even your reactions would have variations that are dependent on your own mood. The fun of having a no holds barred conversation with these young millennials is that they often overlook the fact that the apple doesn’t really fall too far away from the tree. They feel they know it all, are cool enough to be it all.. but the exciting part is that as a parent to them, we feel exactly the same. For sure, we have it all. And the cool quotient is most definitely a few degrees higher, for we have the one thing they don’t – experience!

The elder one sleepily murmurs as I switch the light off – “I bet you are going on the ‘Experience’ angle, but hey Mom… you’ve got to admit.. growing up with us is giving you a chance to relive your youth too!”

Relationships at every stage requires a constant kick of conversation. The ability to listen and understand another person’s strengths and fears puts a lot of things in perspective. It also brings to surface age old societal norms that need to be done away as soon as they begin to crawl inside the mind. To a child, one of the most comforting things is the freedom to express their opinions.

I kiss her goodnight and leave the room with a smile plastered across my face. My youth had me painting the city red and my middle age has me slaying it with words.. And it can only get better.. Who is to say that we can’t win them all? But as far as the millennials go or is it Gen Z now… I’m more than content to sit in the by-stands and smirk, as I watch them live their carefree uninhibited lives.

Cheers

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

This and That

There is a thin line between passing judgement and silently observing and for all purposes – practical and intellectual, I’m going to put myself in the latter category. Things may not always be what they seem, but if you were to visually see something for yourself; you wouldn’t put it past me, if I too joined the “It is believable” mob, would you?

In India, our VIP – the bureaucratic ones, consider themselves a notch above the rest of us civilians. Needless to say that we are the mass that gives them the power in the first place. I’m going to unapologetically give the analogy of the Dominant and the Submissive here. While it may appear that the former is the master. The power wholly lies with the latter! She is the one that has the immunity to use the safe word and put an end to the play in a matter of minutes. Likewise, the power actually lies with us, mere civilians.

At the airport, just as I was boarding the flight, a pot bellied kumkumadi oiled gentleman brushed past; his wife and daughter in tow. Security forces made way for the VIP, while the Missus struggled with the luggage which had yet to be checked in. Now, he may be who he is but isn’t his primary responsibility his wife and child? The flight wouldn’t have taken off without him had he stood a few minutes beside his family and organised the process. It was actually hilarious, not to forget stinky, to see him whiz past when none of the other passengers even gave a rat’s a#$ as to who he was.

Interestingly, in the same flight, after the boarding was complete, a black car drove upto the tarmac carrying the Consulate General of a European Nation. I watched through the window with a smile pasted across my face as he stepped out, fit and fab and made his way to his wife’s side. He gave her his hand and helped her out as his security organised the luggage. He shook hands with his driver and then helped his wife up the stairs as he followed, two steps behind her.

Is it in India that our Men have this air of superiority? Or am I incorrect to generalise? This was a scene that played out in a matter of a few minutes and I noticed the Yin and the Yang of it. How difficult it must have been for our Indian VIP to smile at the airline security or wait a few minutes with his wife?

Relationships are built with love, trust and respect and it sure is a two way street. It isn’t a question of how powerful you are but of how you are as a human being that really matters. It was a twist of fate to have seen two sides of the bureaucracy unfold together but one that put pertinent questions into my over thinking mind. I’ve never heard a woman say of her future husband – Sure, I can allow him to work after marriage! So, why then, do we as women not show our solidarity and ask for basic empathy, in the least!

I did want to shake Mr Kumkumadi’s wife and wake her from her falsified slumber.. Being whose wife she was, she too was equally responsible in being a role model for the rural women of this country. Is this the patriarchal display we want to showcase?

A perfect union can only be one where both partners view each other as equals – in mind, in character and in career. Equality is what strengthens the foundation of a relationship and it is in this egalitarianism that a partnership shines through.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

Success and Failure

The need to be constantly visible, on an hourly basis, somehow is beginning to identify with triumph.

The fame that a paid award or media representation brings is, somehow drilled into being popular.

The need to look for aesthetically beautiful pictures of food, hotels, clothes, accessories and even people, is putting out a false sense of appreciation out there, wouldn’t you think?

For the real world consists of normal people who have bad hair days, who may have freckles or acne. Not everything is perfect and it was never intended to be that way. It is a strange world that we are living in. A world where real life issues and concerns like geo-political news or climatic crisis tend to have a few seconds of fame as opposed to trivial social media antics. Every little achievement gets highlighted and broadcasted. There is no question of putting up failure! For failure even today is seen as a sign of weakness, of not being good enough!

Our former President APJ Abdul Kalam said it best – ‘Don’t read success stories, for you will only get a message. Read about their failures so you will get some ideas about success.’

It is in a person’s ability to bounce back that shapes them on the path of success and that is the story of grit that I would want to know about. I would want to know what their fears were and how they overcame it. It isn’t about a mere number that follows you across the band, but about you as an individual. What is it that makes you, you? What is the fear you have? How did you reach where you did?

The truth is that we need more stories about failure than we do about success that rides on paid gratifications. We need more reels about the importance of #nofilters than about layering up and projecting versions of ourself that aren’t even true. We need a certain sense of truthfulness and honesty that the youth, most specially teenagers are privy to across the various social media platforms.

Am I being paranoid or is it a concern that you may have too?

What happens if one day – social media, with all its followers, likes, comments etc disappears? What happens to the ‘influencers’ who have a huge fan base based on their gift of the gab? What happens if there is nothing for us to aimlessly scroll down to? In a world where being seen defines us, what if we disappear? What do you think the silence will do to us or for us?

There is a quote that I read that incited this blog. “In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves. And to, in turn, feel the need to be constantly visible, because visibility these days somehow equate to success.

Do not be afraid to disappear.. and see what comes to you in the silence!” (Michaela Coel on her Emmy acceptance speech)

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

A Basic Instinct of Survival

For all of you who believe in God, or for those who rely on a supernatural power that set this world in motion – this quote is for you. “Some of God’s blessings arrive by shattering everything around you.. which is dangerous, for you never know what might happen next!”

As much as we would like our life to be documented and planned, more often than not, things happen, that sway it a little off course. Calamities or difficulties are a part of life as much as joyfulness and exuberance are. But when we are faced with the former, our sensory and reflective perceptions seem to freeze momentarily making us question, more than act.

In Joseph Murray’s Power of the subconscious mind, he writes about the innate ball of strength that we are all born with, but only a few manage to capitalise! When push comes to shove, a lot of us stop due to fear, superstition or even lack of will. We succumb to pressure, mostly self-yielded and the first weeds of ‘giving up’ begin to grow!

So, how does one keep the resilience when all you want to do is stop? How do you keep motivating yourself to keep walking when you find no reason to push yourself out of bed in the morning?

There are a few universal things that help in making that decision for us.. For example, most of us have been told that if we are ever lost in a forest, try and locate a water body and keep walking near it.. If you lose your way on concrete, keep going straight and you will reach somewhere! When you are out of a job, keep looking, for chances are that the minute you are about to give up, that one last application was all it would have taken!

We all have a basic instinct for survival, and it is that spirit that acts as a beacon in life. What you have to understand is that the beacon is stationary and shows you the way, but you have to reach it, no matter how many obstacles come! You don’t necessarily have to break down every wall that forms. Sometimes, it helps to walk around, take a detour but keep your goal fixed!

A book I recently read by Juliane Koepcke – ‘When I fell from the sky’ reiterates this very belief. The 17 year old girl literally fell from the sky when lightning struck her airplane. It killed all 91 people on board and she was the sole survivor who crash landed on a canopy of leaves in the Jungle. Inspite of her concussion, and her maggot infected injuries, all the young teenager knew was one thing – “I want to get out of here. I want to survive!”

And she lived to tell her tale with this one sheer determination.

It really isn’t easy to push yourself to keep walking when day after day, the setbacks cumulate. You begin to question yourself if this is even worth it.. you get ‘self doubt’ onto the panel discussion your mind seems to chair but where does that take you?

The most basic instinct of survival, most specially in the Post Covid world is to first.. give yourself a goal or dream to chase, and second.. to keep going after it like a horse with blinkers!

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

What is Your Why?

The question seems incorrect, doesn’t it? Two questions in a question that makes little or no sense. Like a piece of art, wherein the viewer has to look closer to understand the artist’s mind, this question too has infinite possibilities to it. What is my “WHY?”

Why do I say the words I do? Why do I dream the things I am? Why do I laugh when all I really want to do is something totally opposite? Why am I feeling the emotions I feel? Why is my mind so questionable? Why do I value and prioritise the way I have? Why on earth do I need a “WHY?”

Most of us know what we want from our life and we continue to walk towards that. In the midst of walking however, some of us stop to smell the roses or play with the thorns, cliché as it may sound! And then we continue on, only to question our own selves.. Why do I want this in the first place? Is it really worth it?

A friend once gifted me a small cactus and it was a pretty angel wing one, the opunta albispina for those who are into botany. But it still was a cactus! Sensing my alarmed expression, he was quick to clarify that he chose a cactus over a flower as the latter withers away and dies. But the cactus stays on. “It symbolises endurance and withstands the test of time. Also, Native Americans believe that cactus are a symbol of warmth and motherly affection.”

The reason I mention the above story is just to show a different perspective. At any other time in life, I’d look at a cactus as a sign of cold heartedness, but another’s perspective towards it, simply helped alter mine too. Or perhaps, it helped me in looking for something where I thought was nothing!

In our own individualistic way, we all feel that we know our why. I mean it is absurd to think otherwise, isn’t it? But the reality here is that not even a handful of us are aware. Most of us know what we are supposed to do, but not the why we do it. And being able to understand and accept the why is what adds the purpose or meaning to our life. It makes it really simple and uncomplicated if we know why we do what we do.

We can develop our personality, climb the ladder as high as possible, multiply our income, and so on.. But all of it will seem insipid if it isn’t fuelled by a burning desire that answers the ‘Why.’

To live an abundant life, is to be able to live free and uninhibited. It is to channelise our energies into doing what we love. It is to be able to redirect how we think. And to know when to act. It is something we all learnt whilst at school. The who, what, when , where and why sums up our whole life, if only we have the ability to energise them in sync.. in the right direction.

It is the Why that motivates me to keep prodding the other four, and it is in this light nudging that I find most of the answers I’m seeking.

Cheers

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

Upward Trend in Life Lessons

When you aren’t looking for something or yearning for it, more often than not, it falls right into your lap. Such is the thing with life lessons. It is rather intriguing to walk into a bookstore and find tens of hundreds books that offer an insight into life, into positivity and meaningfulness. Lessons learned in life, valuable life lessons, short stories for adults with moral lessons… Makes one wonder though, doesn’t it?

Why is there such a sudden spike in self help books? Where there used to be friends or family sitting around finding solutions, we are now headed straight to audio books or kindle in a search for answers. We are looking for that one twig to hold onto in a gushing river of overwhelming emotions. Perhaps, someone else’s experiences may help resonate with ours. Maybe the writer’s perspective could open doors we never knew existed.

What are life lessons really? Are they a means to a content life or is it a way to be? How do we magically find answers when we had no inkling that the question even existed?

If I were to cite the most recent debacle on television surrounding a super star’s son, I’d say we have one important life lesson staring at us right in the face. Yes, he pays the price of being born into privilege, but there are far greater criminals than him that deserve to be caught and put to task. Where is the 3000Kg heroin bust at the Adani mentioned Mundra port.. or the Lakhimpur Kheri brutal murder?

Where we let our rapists and murderers go scot free, we sit back and allow for a spectacle like this to feature all over prime time television! And for what? At a David Letterman show, his father had said of his success, “I was lucky for I was at the right place at the right time.” And for his son, it was a classic opposite of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. The ship did sail, with a lot of contraband drugs in tow, but they were mere mortals. Catching them or jailing them wouldn’t cause a flutter across the Country and bring to limelight the Officers in charge!

The lesson to take from this is a simple – if you add to fuel to fire, it will explode! We as a society give our eyes and ears to anything that concerns fame. We are the ones that are hungry to keep up with the Kardashians or get behind the scenes with Ellen DeGeneres. Life often gives us a chance to stop and re-configure ourselves, but more often than not, we tend to overlook it.

A lot of celebrities have used the lock down period to bring out the writer in them. They speak of the challenges they faced, the trouble and the turmoil they went through to achieve what they have.. And it is a brilliant guideline for those of us who aspire to be like them. For every writer brings to the table a lot of his own personal experiences.

If you look around you, it in the minutest things that you find meaning. Ants always touch each other while crossing, showing mutual respect as a greeting. Children today have a far better sense of the world than we did when we were their age. I think they have made us more accepting of norms we didn’t believe in earlier. Life teaches us in myriad different ways, but like everything else that works, we have to be open to understanding the point it is trying to tell us.

Cheers!

Pooja

[poojamarwah21]

Mental Health

Seeking help does not reveal incompetence. It reflects bravery to recognise a problem and look for solutions.

Feeling low and being able to talk about it does not show weakness. It’s a sign that you are mature enough to respect another person’s insight.

In today’s world, good mental health is of equal importance if not more, than physical health. The thoughts we breed is the fuel we give our mind and body to function. It is impossible to think positive, when all we feel is as though our world is falling apart. But the one important thing to understand is that no matter how tough the situation may be, we have to be able to identify it.. and then move ahead and tackle it. After all, tough times don’t last.. it’s the tough people who do.

I find it very strange when we look at therapists or psychologists with a wary eye. “Why do I need to go to a third person and talk about my personal life?” “How can a random stranger help?” I too have shrugged them off in my younger days saying we have friends and family that we can turn to, to talk.. But the stark reality is – Sadly.. no one has the time nor the inclination.. And if they do.. there is some or the other vested interest. And I am taking the liberty to generalise here for barring a small number, even parents have some or the other motive in their child’s decisions.

Right from childhood, mental health needs and should be given its due. It helps us understand the responsibility of choices we make, determines how we handle stress or even relate to others. New age words like therapist, life coach, mental awareness coach have all surfaced due to the increasing trend in behavioural problems. Depression, another cherry on the cake isn’t even identified with the seriousness it should. Mental illness is like being trapped on a rollercoaster ride. When the highs come, it feels thrilling and as the low hits, the feeling gets suffocating and nauseous.

And the thing to remember here is that there is nothing wrong in seeking help. It has to treated as a physical ailment wherein we go see a doctor to get medicine. Likewise, if you find yourself going through sudden mood swings or bouts of insecurity, you have to be able to push yourself to ask for help. It takes a lot of strength and a whole lot more of empathy for the ones you love. But it’s a decision that only you can take.

People the world over are people. Some leave lasting impressions in a good way and others leave their imprint negatively. For too long in life, I’ve seen them give a lot more importance to the latter than the former and that is where the first weed seeps in. I’ve seen people break down in ways that it seems daunting to even try and pick them up, I’ve heard of suicidal contemplations and I’ve seen good people deteriorate merely due to lack of acceptance that there is a problem!

Therapy sadly comes with a stigma attached to it – ‘Its for crazy people!’ And all that will do is prolong your road to recovery. If you find yourself feeling low or going through long lapses of time daydreaming about depressive thoughts, you must step out and ask for help. And, if you can’t do it for you… do it for the ones that light up your world.

Cheers!

Pooja