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So, it's been a hot minute since I've posted.

A quick review of the last 6 months: Basic sucked. Bad enough that I'm not qualified for the military. Which is a good thing now.

For those of us not paying attention to the news (understandable), two things: ICE protests and Iran is joining in against Israel.

Iran is also, apparently, posturing against America. It's a lot "this is technically your fault, so you're next."

I'm about to ruin my day. Again.

So, if I were an aspiring authoritarian with a militant populace and a war brewing elsewhere, what I do?

Pick a fight. It would be easy. They're already making threats. Maybe have a supply plane fly over—disguise it as a passenger plane, fill it with god-fearing, red-blooded Americans and wait for the rockets to fly.

Even better... Incite an attack. Hell, a false flag attack. Not at one of the financial buildings, no. Good old fashioned terror. Maybe an especially... urban part of those protesting cities.

Oh no. Now I have an excuse to shut down any protests, because of the war—not that anyone would protest the war for a while because they killed our sons and daughters.

And while we're here... just a few wartime acts. You've got to understand. We need to end this war before any more damage happens and for that, I need some extra powers. C'mon, just like Afghanistan.

Of course, the true test of skill is dragging some other great power in on the side of Palestine. Now, I can pin any civilian good issues on the war while gaining a way to weaken an enemy.

And so on and so forth.

There's a part of me that goes "It won't happen". There's another part of me that goes "Let it happen, because I fully doubt the ability of anyone to actually pull this off at the moment."

A small part goes "Did I dodge a bullet or miss my shot?"

....

Uh... go protest, I guess? Juneteenth is coming up, that's a perfect opportunity to burn a confederate flag. Or something.

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Here's to another long, long, four years. Despite everything I'm feeling good.

Not great.

Not bad, by any measure.

I don't think I can feel bad. Not until I feel the world tighten, see it for myself.

It's more...

Water into a hot pan of oil. Invisible, roaring heat, not yet gone. And it feels good.

Like stepping out into an open field. Staring into the open sea. Driving on a desert road.

Here's to another long four years.

I expect to see all of you still here then.

(This video is more for comedy, rather than an actual statement.)

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My bike was stolen. I'm so pissed about this. Y'all need to understand that this is Doof levels of pettiness—I want to fucking walk around the block and spot the slimy bastard that took my bike and beat him with it—despite the fact it's probably already been broken into parts and sold for drug money or something.

My mom knows this. She's complained about there being signs of gang activities and still has the fucking gall to pull that one comic almost word for fucking word on me. Y'know, the one about some else being happier about it?

Fuck that. I'm ready to fucking gut someone over ~$130 plus taxes and I won't forget this. I'll write into my will or something just to let the world know how petty I am about this.

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And I'm back after a short break and some study. Learned to use Musescore and learned how to actually voice chords and melodies (not that I used that for this piece. There's a weak allemande sitting in my file explorer now that I'll just ignore)

So, take this... oddly French duet?

I'm thinking of posting music to Youtube, but I don't know what imaginary bar sits in my way. Maybe when my music passes that "Hey, actually, that's above not bad—it's good!" line.

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I work faster some days. Especially when I don't feel like mastering audio. Today is one of those days.

Yes, D Locrian. It worked, I think. It sounded a lot sweeter before I remembered to put a pedal tone.

This started as a way to wait for the internet to come back.

"Write a canon" I said. Ostinato bass, and a repeating melody—

Wait. Ostinato. Strings? Put in D minor! Yes, 4/4 string ostinato in D minor!

No. D Locrian. That'll be fun.

And it was.

Except for the fact that I still access to a book which could help me with modal harmony.

But, it's Locrian, so... What help? Eh. Make D a pedal tone. Timpani hits on A flat. And it... doesn't sound horrid. And it sounds... Locrian, maybe.

Look, it's very hard to find songs in Locrian, so I don't have a "sound" that I can aim for and replicate.

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A quick-ish ramble to sort out some feelings.

So... It's only the fifth of February. I don't usually keep to the larger internet, mind you, so I tend to be late to things. But, the fire has spread to my little spot on the internet where I take comfort.

What fire? The fire. That fire. You know the one. The fire of things ever changing, too fast to rest or to even understand. As soon as one thing settles in, it hits you with another and you're left just lost for a while.

I woke this morning a little later than usual. I've been composing or rearranging music in part to make my own, in part to understand music better. It's a struggle, one worth taking, but it eats time—

Anyways. I wake up and check the internet. See the news. Check my mail for rejected job applications. See something on reddit and—

I watch vtubers, of course I do. I'm an out and out weeb, struggling to learn Japanese alone. Anki discourages you within a week of study, though I blame myself for not immersing enough.

I didn't watch Selen. I guess she's Dokibird, now. I'll have to watch her next stream to show my support.

Nijisanji EN is burning. Has been a while, I guess. It's just game to see who's next. Live content is fast at making parasocial connections.

That's the word of post-quarantine media. Parasocial. Creators versus the audience. I say it like it's a fight, because it seems to be. Creators against themselves, trying to keep up good content. The audience, demanding but loyal. The sense of friendship watching the same person for years, though they may never see your comment.

We're all lonely here, in our own ways. Hear someone friendly enough refer to you as "you"—English lacking a plural you to differentiate. Even the streamer's lingo of calling the audience "chat", has this —effect of them pointing at the you behind the screen.

——

Later, as I was working through some backlogged videos, I learn Matpat is quitting. You too, huh? Thanks for all the early Youtube videos, though I fell off after FNAF 3. Feel a bit bad now, since the appeal of the lore has clicked in for me.

I don't know if Youtube/Twitch is a job in the same way accountant is. You know, that boost in popularity and in money. The unease of not knowing how much your next paycheck is.

But, retiring? That isn't quitting and finding a new job. That's... just not working anymore. And I get that he's not really quitting, but you know what I mean—he's not making this his thing anymore.

That's out there. Like, I know Matpat's a dad now. But, I always figured that these folks would retire 20 years or so before me. Like, we'd be balding, guts lapped over our belts when some youtuber had their 40th or so anniversary. Then, they say: "It's the last year for me." And we'd all cheer—we would have proven that internet media production is a life vocation. That with some luck and skill, we could live all our lives as Creators.

But Matpat et al aren't retiring because they've had a full career. They threw themselves into the fire and got tired of it. They're backing off from the internet for health and personal reasons, not because they're too old.

Better this, I suppose, than being asked to leave. Better this, than "selling out" and making worse content.

——

Speaking of "being asked to leave".... I get it now. I get what you were talking about when your favorite creator got cancelled. Because I just learned what my favorite creator has been up to—it's not great.

Compound that. What, for about 14 years? I'd say about that much. 14 years of quality, consistently improving content, near daily. Then, it hits that your favorite creator just did the fuck up of a lifetime and now—

Well, I have to come to terms with it. How am I supposed to feel about this? I'd say disappointed, but I... think I saw this coming.

I won't name names here. Dokibird deserves better, so she gets a mention. Matpat will have fanfare seeing him off—when we cry for him, it'll be out of respect.

This guy? He asked for quiet time, time to do better.

But at the same time, I know if I sit through the old content... I'll hear it. The things that pointed this way. I had the sense that he wasn't just going to put his foot in his mouth, but both his legs in there before long. And he did, massively.

I hope. That's hard word to say. Hope. I don't think I've had much of that a while. I want for him to do as he promises and be better. Apparently, other people have done the same.

—

Apparently, the drama tubers have gotten their mitts on the guy. Vultures, the lot, and so are we. But I don't watch drama tubers. I do watch people who interact with that bubble.

Last month or so, my newest favorite video esssayist—and while I haven't decided to drop the name yet, it's very obvious—decided to take on the legal basis of some youtube drama.

I was there for the section on the American financial system, like a good nerd.

That went... well, Icarus moment, for the guy. I don't think any of the fans were really there for the drama section, just for the legal analysis. Like, I've seen legal tube before. I'm sure you have. I was full on expecting for the rest of the legal analysis to drop, like he'd pull out a different case entirely to examine what had happen before.

I think the video's gone now. But, internet. Do check out his stuff. There's more than law in there. I think I'd call it anthropology, or just the analysis of how culture came to be. Is that the same thing?

—

I don't feel better. This was supposed to make me feel better. I was supposed to confront my emotions and process them until I was happy(er). And I'm not.

Do people still do these? A strange little diary of the moment? It's very Tumblr to me. Carve out a little place for yourself. No one will see what you make. No one will care. Freedom, at its best and worst. Too much to do and too little at the same time.

There's a sense of welcomed imperfection here. I won't likely get much love for what I do on here, nor will I get any critique. A diary made public, for no one to see. Wonderful. That's exactly what I wanted from my social media.

Odd. I don't want to interact or others to interact with me much. Here I am, just shouting into the void because the beach is closed.

—

Some other notes before I let you leave.

Palworld exists. It's in odd space, seemingly trying to step on toes. But it's really not the better version of Pokémon I was looking for. It doesn't have better story or gameplay.

I have SMT and Persona (which I like less than mainline) for that.

The Apollo Justice trilogy finally dropped, saving some wonderful games and stories from rotting on the 3DS. Citra, of course, exists, but those games refuse to run on there.

I'm playing around with other hobbies. Maybe I should try daily writing. This time, I might actually post it. I think my creative writing is more structured than this, but probably not. Every once in a while, I think up a decent phrase and wonder if I should try again.

Honestly, this here is out there for this blog. This is a post whatever, whenever I just made blog. I guess this counts.

I think it's time. I need to touch grass. I need a job.

And I'm very tempted to hit the Enlist button.

Thanks for reading.

Bye.

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So, I wanted a better sense of melody. How did I end up arranging Ravel? I don't know but... I'll put some notes down below.

What did I do to this?

Pavane here has three sections. ABA, you know. Switches between G major and Eb minor.

So, instead, I reharmonized it as C Lydian and D Mixolydian. It's an odd sound. Lydian gives the A sections this heroic sound and Mixolydian gives a dramatic feeling to the B section.

2. Why as a septet?

Two reasons.

A) It seemed like a good idea, and would let me play around with instruments. Furthermore, my intuition ended up with me putting in counterpoint everywhere. Counterpoint counts as melody, I think.

B) Please recall the rest of the original song's title. If you actually read this, you might be hearing that part anyways.

3. Really?

You would do the same. I saw the original title and went "Well, guess I know what's taking my week."

4. Is this jazz?

Kinda?

Ravel has many jazzy chords in the original piece. I even saw the Rhythm changes. It has jazz covers all over the place. If I had heard a better cover of "The Lamp is Low" before I had fun counterpoint written into the DAW, this might have been a swing song instead.

That said, the cello and double bass have a sort of swung eight note feel to them. It's really subtle at the tempo this song calls for, but I think that's a tempo thing and not me knowing how to swing.

There's no improv, except for the whole... rest of the joke. I don't even know if slapping on these modal chords make it more jazz.

I want to call it jazz, because the genre I want to write in, but I'm not sure if I can call it jazz. Yet.

5. What are you talking about?

This song has enough to it for another go around or three. Though, I leave that for future me, or someone else. Besides, I feel a bit obligated now to go the opposite direction.

6. What else?

Mixing is hard. Arranging is fun. Why did I write this as an FAQ, anyways?

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So Gumi Synth V dropped. Or is it Megpoid Synth V?

I'm not the biggest vocaloid fan, but when I heard her, I just... I knew that I had to something with her voice.

But 1, I don't know much about music production.

And 2, Gumi is 60 bucks.

So instead of doing something very stupid, I did something less stupid.

I spent the last month or so learning theory and eventually threw this together.

I don't know what I am doing. But the only thing I can do is try to do more.

Back to theory, I guess?

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Day 100

Eh...

Well, 100 days!

If I don't post tomorrow, it's because I'm actually going to plan for once and...

Make a design doc? A half-baked story to draw to, at least.

Because really, I do need more guidance than whatever feels good today.

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Day 99

I should really figure out what I'm doing with these.

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Day 98

Hmm... I still don't get attack animations. I'd do more generic animation practice, but what would that even be?

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Day 97

Eh? Nah.

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Day 96

Eh... maybe? I really should plan attacks, but that means... the dreaded storyboarding and actual writing. Heavens, no.

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Day 95

Thinking? What's that?

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Day 94

Animation is hard. Though, I should really look up actual attack animations.

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Day 93

Animation is hard. Unsurprising.

I'll probably have to actually plan animations. After I figure out what to animate.

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Day 92

Why did I make a font (and kind of fail) when I know nothing about typography?

It's kind of good practice, I think. 8 by 8 pixels are limiting...