potions-and-kindness - Tumblr blog

[potions-and-kindness]

"i would kill for you" "i would die for you" okay but would you forgive me if i forgot something important for the 51204th time in a row even though i tried my best to remember

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if you are scared you’re faking it, then you probably aren’t faking it

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if you are scared you’re faking it, then you probably aren’t faking it

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if you are scared you’re faking it, then you probably aren’t faking it

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on colors and being different and not being enough for yourself

(please reblog instead of liking)

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random, but I think the way people talk about abusers as hypercompetent, calculating manipulators that Know exactly what they're doing makes it easier for people to get into abusive relationships

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sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

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i love you people with Dermatillomania and yes i mean the person who’s relapsing yes i mean the person who doesn’t pick anymore, yes i mean the person who picks til their bloody, yes i mean you, you are loved, i promise

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a friend's system's perpetrator fake claimed us due to some of our system's traits, so let me just say this:

having a perpetrator in your system does not give you the right to be a plain asshole.

not all systems experience blackout amnesia

not all systems have extreme typing quirks

not all foreign alters carry the accent of their country of origin

some systems are capable of living normal lives

some systems are capable of being students

some systems are capable of having complex careers, while some can't work at all

just because your system experiences something does not mean you have the right to fake claim others for being different. a system is a system

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this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it

buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell

leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist

put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.

when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!

plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.

if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge

if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.

its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.

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the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right

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"you're so delulu" "#schizoposting" "narc abuse" "the intrusive thoughts won" "microdosing on delusion" "when the voices tell me to" "she's definitely dissociating" oh my god please shut up please shut the fuck up

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The most punk thing you can do as a disabled person is love and value yourself and not push yourself past your limits for the sake of other's approval

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you hit the mail on the head. for me intrusive thoughts are either violent or they go against everything i am. i’ve been growing out my hair for all of my years on this earth and to cut it off would be horrific making that an intrusive thought

as a person with OCD, when people are like “intrusive thoughts aren’t ‘i should cut my hair’ they’re violent and horrific” i roll my eyes cause yeah, you still don’t understand intrusive thoughts.

an intrusive thought could ABSOLUTELY be “i should cut my hair” IF cutting your hair is something that is contrary to who you are for whatever reason. it could absolutely be something that people view as “minor” or “trivial” because they don’t understand how that effects you. i’m begging other people with OCD to stop universalizing their experiences. i’m also asking you to not fakeclaim. like, ever. no, seriously, never.

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Happy disability pride please stop calling every disorder under the sun “neurological.” Autism is not a neurological disorder. OCD is not a neurological disorder. DID is not a neurological disorder.

But what are neurological disorders, then? Neurological is a category for disorders dealing in the brain and nervous system. They bridge the divide between “mental” and “physical” disability as a somewhat unique category. Neurological covers things like epilepsy, migraine, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis—things that are physically occurring inside of the brain.

Autism/ADHD/learning disabilities/etc are neurodevelopmental. Other disorders pretty much name their categories directly—GAD? Anxiety disorder. DID? Dissociative disorder. BPD? Personality disorder. OCD is a little special, it’s placed in the anxiety disorders section but typically just has its own category of “obsessive-compulsive and related” disorders (related including things like hoarding, BFRBs, etc).

So please for the love of god stop saying everything happening in your brain is neurological because it definitely isn’t.