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@ ALL autistics

The way you express yourself and your autism is valid.

How you feel about your autism and your experiences with it are valid.

Your struggles are valid. Autism is very disabling for some people.

It’s also ok if it’s not very disabling for you.

It’s ok to talk about autism. Talk about it as much as you want. Those who silence you are not worth changing for.

It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about your autism. It is your life, and you get to decide what you want to share and what you don’t.

It’s ok if you diagnosed yourself. Self diagnosis is a valid choice that is preferable to many people for many reasons. Those who are against it are ignoring the masses of people who can’t afford a diagnostic assessment, who don’t have resources in their area, or would not be able to get a diagnosis because they are a person of color, or perceived as female, or because their autism presents atypically.

You are not a Special Snowflake. Your experiences are real. You are not making it up for attention. You deserve accommodation, respect, support, and love.

You are not alone. There is a huge community of us. You aren’t going to relate to all of us, and that’s ok. Some of us are assholes. That’s unfortunate but pretty much unavoidable.

You are loved, and I welcome you with open arms

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This is from the American Chronic Pain Association Quality of Life Scale.  The pdf is here: http://theacpa.org/uploads/documents/Quality_of_Life_Scale.pdf It’d be beneficial for someone in the community who is both time rich and spoon rich to create a text copy of this for copy/paste and printing purposes.

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One of the cruelest tricks our culture plays on autistic people is that it makes us strangers to ourselves. We grow up knowing we’re different, but that difference is defined for us in terms of an absence of neurotypicality, not as the presence of another equally valid way of being. We wind up internalizing a lot of hateful, damaging, and inaccurate things about ourselves, and that makes it harder to know who we really are or what we really can and cannot do.

Julia Bascom, Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking (via thebespectaclednerd)

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Eviction day is tuesday

So, found out that they had court without me, and yeah we’re getting evicted.

I had a horrid meltdown once I got home. I hate it, I end up crying so hard and my sinuses get so full that I get a wicked headache afterward.

We have to be out by Tuesday. Can’t afford to file an appeal.

On the good side: we were able to find a cheap place, and my dad can cover most of it, except we’re still short $300 for the utilities deposits.

So, we’re doing a crazy quick move this weekend. (Ugh.) And no idea how we’re covering that.

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Possible Traits of Aspergers in Females

This by no means a comprehensive list, it is simply a reference point, not a diagnostic tool. If you identify with a majority of this list and wish to receive a diagnosis, consult a medical professional, preferably a specialist in autism spectrum disorders who has had experience diagnosing women.

Tends to analyze everything constantly

Often straightforward and practical in nature.

Often gets lost in own thoughts and zones out (may display a blank stare)

May appear naive or innocent (despite not being so)

Prone to honesty, has difficulty lying

May struggle to understand manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior and retaliation.

May be gullible and easily taken advantage of, misled, or conned.

May have feelings of confusion and isolation in relation to others

Escapism frequently used to relax or avoid overwhelming situations.

Often holds fixations, obsessions, and extreme interest in specific topics.

Finds comfort in escaping through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming.

Often has slower reaction times due to need for mental processing.

May have had imaginary friends as a child.

Frequently imitates (takes social cues from) people on television or in movies.

May obsessively collect, organize, count, categorize, or rearrange objects.

Often highly adapted to social imitation.

May find math and numbers easier to deal with due to logic and lack of objective answers.

May struggle to relax or rest due to many racing thoughts.

Often has comorbid conditions, such as OCD, anxiety, ADD or ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.

Often has sensory processing disorder (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)

May have dyspraxia (Poor muscle tone, lack of coordination and depth perception)

May have dyslexia

May have an eating disorder or food obsessions

May have been misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness or possibly labeled a hypochondriac.

Tends to drop small objects

May frequently engage in “stimming” (self-stimulation) i.e., flicks fingernails, flaps hands, drums fingers, rubs hands/fingers, tucks hands under or between legs, clenches fists, twirls hair, taps foot/shakes leg, sways side to side, spins in circles, bouncing up and down, rocking, etc.

May use various noises to express herself rather than using words.

May have a tendency to over-share with friends and sometimes strangers

May have little impulse control when speaking

May accidently dominate conversation at times.

Often relates discussion back to self (sharing as a means of reaching out)

May be incorrectly seen as narcissistic

Often sounds eager or over-zealous at times.

May feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.”

Often struggles with and is confused by the unwritten social rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation.

Eye contact often takes extreme focus, which may lead an individual’s eye contact to be darting and insufficient, or over-the-top staring/glaring.

May have difficulty regulating voice volume to different situations. Is frequently observed as being either too loud or too quiet.

Conversation, specifically small talk, can be exhausting.

May have trouble focusing on/engaging in conversation that is not centered on one’s primary interests.

May observe and question the actions and behaviors of self and others continually.

May have difficulty with back-and-forth conversation

Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people.

Visualizes and practices how she will act around others and before entering various social situations.

Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others.

Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations.

Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others.

As a child, it may have been hard to know when it was her turn to talk, may still be true as an adult.

Often finds the norms of conversation confusing.

Tend to say what they mean. Are often brutally honest, coming off as rude when they do not mean to be.

May feel misunderstood and tend to over-explain/ramble in an attempt to compensate for possible miscommunication.

Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house.

Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar.

Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up.

The steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about.

Must prepare herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments.

Question next steps and movements continually.

Often needs a large amount of down time or alone time.

May feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, or dressing rooms.

Tends to dislike being in crowded areas.

Difficulty sleeping due to sensitivity to environment

May be highly intuitive to others’ feelings, although may not appear to react to them ‘correctly’ in social situations

May take criticism and judgement very personally

May frequently adapt her viewpoints or actions based on others’ opinions

Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people.

May have had a desire to collect or rescue animals, usually in childhood.

Often holds great compassion for suffering.

May try to help, offer unsolicited advice, or formalize plans of action.

Imitates others without realizing.

May exhibit codependent behaviors.

May frequently reject or question social norms.

Chameleon-like in social situations. Often switches preferences and behaviours based on environment and other people.

May outwardly appear to have little investment in hygiene, clothes, or appearance, often prefers fast and easy methods of style.

Clothing style is likely more focused on comfort and practicality, especially in the case of sensory issues.

May possess a youthful appearance and/or voice.

May have trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces).

The emotions of oneself and others may seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable.

Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest.

Often speaks frankly and literally.

Certain kinds of humor, such as sarcasm and metaphors, may be difficult to understand.

Can be confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray.

Often has trouble identifying feelings in others unless they are extreme.

Trouble with the emotions of hate and dislike.

May have feelings of pity for someone who has persecuted/hurt her.

Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white.

The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality).

May notices patterns frequently.

May be fascinated by words or song lyrics.

Tends to best remember/learn things in visual pictures (visual thinkers).

May have a remarkable memory for certain details, i.e., may find it surprisingly easy to remembers exact details about someone’s life.

Executive function is often a challenge

Learning to ride a bike or drive a car may be rather difficult.

Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic.

The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety.

May have a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are.

May frequently second-guess oneself and ask a lot of questions before engaging a task or situation

This list was compiled from various personal accounts and symptom lists. It is subjective and does not include every identifiable trait. Nor is it entirely medically accurate. Please do your own research into AS before self-diagnosing. 

When reblogging, feel free to add additional traits you believe to be common in AS females that will be useful for others to know.

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Reminder

Some autistic people hate others touching them.

Some autistic people are clingy and can’t understand personal space.

Some autistic people are very intelligent.

Some autistic people have severe learning disorders.

Some autistic people are mute.

Some autistic people do not know when to stop talking.

Some autistic people do not represent the entire community.

And lastly; It’s okay to be the stereotype. As long as you’re happy with it.

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You know something we don’t get taught often?  Why bodies with uteri often have a slight pouche. You wanna know why? Because the uterus leans against the outside wall of the abdominal cavity. The uterus is literally making that little pouche, the belly that we call fat all the fucking time, and that’s why it’s so fucking hard to get a absolutely flat belly! And thank fuck for having a female anatomy professor who is old enough and feminist enough to not give a damn and cheerfully tell us all the details that a male professor might have thought unimportant.  Cause fuck this society that ignores organs in order to fat-shame us.

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So, in an effort to not suck in life in general and to make some holiday cash, I present to you my new Redbubble Store! *trumpets blazing* My first design is up! “Autistic and Proud - Rainbow Text” for all of us amazing autistic and ND people. Nothing fancy, but as I improve my skills I’ll be adding much more. I plan on adding at least 1 design per day. While my focus for now is on cool autism stuff, I’d be happy to add other designs as well. If you have any suggestions or requests, let me know.

Please share and reblog so I can make this a great Christmas for my kiddos. Thanks in advance!

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I feel so old

I was at the store today and was checking out the Christmas stuff.

I kept oohing and ahhing over the foot massagers and heating pads & blankets.

They have one that wraps around your neck and goes down your back, like a cape almost! How cool is that??

But it made me feel so old! I’m only 32, body, quit betraying me!

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🌠 After much debating, I made a personal blog, finally. I’ve been on and off Tumblr but I think I’m officially here to stay. With that being said, I’m giving away a New Nintendo 3DS console, brand new, it will be purchased from Gamestop. This is a Christmas (kind of) giveaway!

Prizes include: One new console and one new game.

Notes: If the winner took a picture of the console and game they got, I’d be really happy!

How to enter / Rules:

You don’t have to be following me. If you like video games, go ahead then.

Only reblogs count, you may like for bookmarks. Feel free to reblog as many times as you want.

I don’t care what kind of blog you run, feel free to enter.

You have to give me your name and address, also this is open internationally, I could always buy from your country!

A random generator will be used.

You will have 72 hours to reply after you get announced as winner!

This ends December 21st! The winner will be announced the 22nd! Good luck everybody!

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Yes to all of this. My man is a Type 1 Diabetic, and we’ve been together for 17 years now. Also, those who “don’t take care of themselves” are highly stigmatized, even when it may not be their fault. (See: expensive copays, access to health insurance, and especially when child-onset, incorrect diabetes care by caregivers/parents.) I also read a study where there were links to T1D and mental health issues, thereby complicating the issue. As those with mental illness know, it’s hard to even keep up with basic grooming & self-care needs, let alone proper diabetes management. And I could rant for hours about doctors and other medical professionals, but to sum up: more bad/detrimental than good/helpful. They either don’t listen, or give conflicting advice, or would rather chide about your life decisions than try to maximize your health.

The stigma of physical illnesses

I just read this awesome post by @realsocialskills and wanted to contribute to the conversation without hijacking the thread (bc this is p much a tangent.)

The original post details different types of stigma that mentally ill ppl face, using the phrase, “Medication for mental illness is just like insulin for a diabetic,” to illustrate their examples. It’s a great post so go so go read it now :)

So, here’s my tangent/addition: The constant comparison of mental illness and diabetes is rly interesting to me, bc people don’t realize what an accurate metaphor it is.

(For context, I have multiple mental health issues, and my partner, who proofed this, has type 2 diabetes. We’re not experts, but these are our experiences.)

When people say “Medication for mental illness is just like insulin for a diabetic” they’re vastly oversimplifying both diseases, and simultaneously making a far more accurate comparison than they realize. Bc here’s the thing: diabetes is every bit as complicated, individualized, and hard to treat as mental illness is. It’s also low-key stigmatized or ignored, in ways that you don’t see when you’re not a diabetic (or living with one.)

So here are some misconceptions about diabetes, and the reality behind them. If you pay attention, I think you’ll see quite a few similarities to the way mental illness is treated by society and the medical community.

Misconception #1: Diabetes is 100% understood, and straightforward to treat

We know that diabetes involves pancreas malfunction, but it’s much more complicated than that. My partner is on multiple meds that play different roles, and they all work together to keep him in balance. Like me and my journey with psych meds, he went through a major rough patch to find the right balance of meds for him. And every diabetic (like every mentally ill person) is different, and will need a different treatment plan for them to be at their best.

Saying that we comprehensively understand diabetes, bc we know it’s related to insulin, is as silly as saying that we understand depression, bc we know it’s related to neurotransmitters. The medical community may be farther along in understanding the pathology of diabetes, but they are far from having it figured out.

Misconception #2. Diabetes is 100% respected as a “real” illness by the general population

-I know plenty of diabetics who don’t take care of themselves because they don’t see the immediate effects of their actions. Diabetes can be every bit as invisible as depression, and people often don’t realize how bad it is until they’re in a deep pit that’s hard to climb out of.

-People will willfully ignore my partner’s diabetes, and try to guilt him into eating things that will harm him. Alternatively, people assume they know what’s best for him, even though they don’t understand diabetes, or his individual needs. They end up explaining his disease back to him, complete with recommendations for miracle cures (“Have you tried yoga?”)

Misconception #3: “Natural” is always better

-My partner often hears things like, “well, fruit/honey/agave is natural sugar, so it’s totally fine for you, right?” (The answer, btw, is: sugar is sugar, no matter the source. He can eat it mindfully and in moderation, but he can’t gorge himself on fruit simply because it’s “natural.”) 

Misconception #4. Diabetics have an easy time accessing care

Just like counselors and psych doctors, endocrinologists can be hit-and-miss. You might get a great one, or you might bounce around for years trying to find one who takes you seriously.

Co-pays for diabetic testing supplies can also be high, so you might pay through the nose every month just to stay alive.

Sound familiar, mental health peeps? 

Tl;dr Diabetes management is actually rly similar to mental illness management, bc neither is straightforward, and neither disease/condition is precisely understood by the medical community. Treatment of either involves a lot of trial and error, as both are complex and multi-systemic issues.

Also: People with physical illnesses are also often treated like shit, so before we go saying that physical illnesses are treated better than mental ones…we might want to actually check in with people who have those illnesses.

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my winter self-care giveaway!

hello everyone! my last self-care giveaway was really popular, so i’ve decided do do another one, especially as it’s getting really cold where i live again, and winter depression can be tough. 

here’s what two lucky people will win:

3 Lush items of your choice

one “Happy Light” (for depression/Seasonal Affective Disorder)

handmade hat/scarf/gloves (matching set)

2 books of your choice

one medium sized stuffed animal

one pair of fuzzy socks

a bag of your choice of candy

one bag of your choice of tea (choose from herbal, black, etc.) from Adagio

if you’re following me, you’ll get 50 dollars in addition to everything else! (this is going to be from my birthday money, so you better not unfollow me after ;n;)

rules:

ends christmas day, 11:59 pm (12/25/15, my birthday, incidentally!)

there’ll only be two winners at first, but if i get enough notes, i’ll add more winners!

reblog as many times as you want, but don’t spam your followers.

likes and reblogs count.

when the giveaway ends, i’ll randomly choose and message the winner. if they don’t respond within 48 hours, i’ll pick another winner.

if there’s something on the list you don’t want, just let me know!

if you like this giveaway or have suggestions about anything i should add, i’d love to hear from you! i’d like to be able to do smaller versions of this giveaway more often, so feel free to message me!

good luck!! <3

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Probably getting evicted idk

So I need to vent, sorry in advance. My landlord is [insert your choice of bad language here]. I have been having difficulties paying rent. So he filed to have me evicted, I filed the response paperwork to go to court. Then I didn’t hear anything at all. Today I get paperwork from the court, mailed 11/3, that the court date was 11/30. So now I don’t know what happened, what I can do (if anything), and where we’re going to live. At the moment I have no income and also have two kids to give a decent Christmas season to. I’m trying not to panic. Halp? Seriously running out of options.

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I need to do this!

So your SCHOOL LOANS are in DEFAULT and you are too scared to do anything about it

ON GOVERNMENT LOANS: 

Things have changed.

When you call your loan servicer, they  won’t treat you like shit anymore. They won’t threaten you or harass you or insist you pay half your paycheck to get out of default. Here is what I’ve experienced while dealing with defaulted government loans. 

1.  Find out who owns all your debts right now. It may be early enough that your most recent loan servicer could still be the owner. If it’s been over a few months, or years, it will be a collections agency or several agencies. Check your snail mail. Their policies usually dictate that they send paper mail. Once you find the collections agency, ask for “proof of debt.” By law, they must provide you proof that they own your debts so they can’t scam you.

2. Once you establish that this agency owns your debt, tell them that you can’t afford much but would like to “rehabilitate your loans.” This means you will make a payment for 9 consecutive months. The agency, by law, must use a government formula to figure out how much you pay each month. If you make around 40K, you will be asked to pay somewhere around $100-150/month. If you are unemployed, you can rehab for as little as $5 a month. Ask them to autodebit so you don’t accidentally miss a payment. If you miss one, your 9 months starts over. 

3. Once you finish your 9 months, call the collections agency to make sure they won’t autodebit anymore. They will hand your debt back over to the loan servicer you worked with before they got the loan. Most likely, you have Great Lakes, Nelnet, Navient (formerly known as Sallie Mae), or one of these loan servicers. Then go to this studentloans.gov website and make an FSA ID and PW. 

4. Begin a consolidation through the student loans website. The consolidation form will ask you to write in every loan. It might be on the website already, but check this NSLDS.gov site to be sure. This website has an up-to-date account of all your outstanding loans. Consolidating is a tedious and boring process. Make sure you have a few hours free to do this. 

5. When you consolidate, the form requires you to fill out a payment plan. You want an IBR plan, or Income Based Repayment Plan. This plan will allow you to make minimal payments according to your income for 20-25 years. Then, the government will forgive your loan. Consider it 25-year mortgage for your college education. Also, the IBR will re-evaluate your income every year in order to adjust the monthly payment. If you lose your job, your monthly payment will reduce dramatically, and if you find a better paying job, you may have to pay a bit more. 

6. Also while consolidating, you must choose which loan servicers you’d like to work with. I work with Nelnet. Nelnet was difficult to work with for years, like not allowing you to email in documents–only mail or fax. You can email scanned documents to them now. Remember, you can download free scanning apps to use with your smartphone camera. Remember to keep a log of every time you call, whom you talked to, and what you talked about. This is an important lesson I learned while calling companies for my immigrant parents. Anyway, because of government regulation, they are actually nice to you and available 24/7.They can’t pull their bullshit anymore because they use government calculations. I’m sure it’s the same with all the other loan servicers. As I said before, I work with Nelnet, but it really doesn’t matter which one you choose. 

7. When you finish with consolidation, wait a few days and call your loan servicer. Ask them if they’ve received the request for consolidation. Then, check in with them every week for the next six weeks to hear the status of the consolidation. They are not good about emailing you updates, i.e. never. I did my consolidation wrong the first time, and they just rejected it and never notified me. I found out when I made my weekly Monday night call. Had to fill out the damn form all over again. It’s finally been accepted. 

8. They will then set up you up with an IBR plan. Your payments will most likely be the same as what you payed the collection agency because they’re using the same government calculator. Autodebit those payments. 

This is all I know so far. This is far better than defaulting and having the government garnish your wages. And once you begin the IBR plan, there is an end in sight!

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ON PRIVATE LOANS: 

I don’t know much about these, but I know private is much harder to deal with. 

1. It’s not great to default with these loans either. Defaulting and declaring bankruptcy does NOT absolve you from the loan. Your wages can still be garnished if the collections agency sues you and wins. 

2. If you make regular payments, the loan servicer will not settle your debt with you. Because they’d rather have your interest payments. If you default in order to settle with the collections agency who buys your debt, you’d better have enough cash to pay them off in one lump sum. They will bargain with you to get you to pay between 50-60% of your loan. If you own 100K, do you have 60K in disposable income? If so, you shouldn’t ruin your credit!  

3. You can now refinance your loans! Due to new legislation (I think it’s Elizabeth Warren’s doing), you are allowed to consolidate all your private loans under one bank and get a lower, fixed interest rate. I’m willing to bet your interest rates are at 8% or higher. You can consolidate all these to under 5%, or even as low as 2%–the better your credit, the better your rate. I would consider perhaps working with the credit unions instead of a bank.

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I hope this helps you. If you have any questions, please send me a message and I’ll do my best to help you figure it out.

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This blog is so thoughtful and well-written. If I could, I would contribute. So please reblog. <3 Thanks!

Pledge drive

Hi All,

I’m writing this blog by myself as the sole moderator, and I need your support to be able to keep doing this.

This blog takes a lot of time to create. My current level of posting usually takes me around 8-12 hours a week. (Writing takes a lot of time; so does background research).

When I’m able to write daily, it takes a lot more time than that.

My Patreon currently gets me $150/month to support the blog. That’s not enough to make it sustainable long term. If I’m going to keep doing this, I need more support.

There are currently over 13,000 of you subscribed. If even 1% of you pledged $2/month, that would put me in a much firmer position.

If this blog is important to you, please consider supporting it. The best way is with a recurring Patreon subscription, even if it’s for a small amount. There are a lot of you, and any amount at all helps to make this sustainable.

(If you prefer to make a one-time contribution, you can do that via PayPal to realsocialskills@gmail.com, or an Amazon gift certificate if you don’t like PayPal.)

Thank you to everyone who has contributed or boosted this.

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Thanks for clarifying that bit! Yeah, that makes it worse. It was such a weird story, that tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if it were fake or something.  Another weird thing, to me, is that had the store trained the autistic bakery worker properly, she might have been able to decorate the cake nicely. They didn’t even give her a chance to learn. *sigh* 

Please stop sharing the Meijer cake story.

It’s a load of inspiration porn and it’s garbage.

You don’t need to feel better about yourself because you see an autistic person as an acceptable excuse for something less-than-perfect. Autistic people are as capable as anyone else and if they happen to not be good at something–which neurotypicals also tend to be at times–you don’t have to have them do it.

I wrote on cakes all last summer in cursive made perfect by drills from my grandmother as soon as I could hold a pen. Am I to receive some special award now, too?

Oh, wait…it’s never the disabled person who gets the recognition. They’re just a prop in the story, almost akin to an inanimate object. It’s the abled/NT person who takes so much goddamned PITY on that POOR LESS THAN A HUMAN who gets the gold star, A+, pat on the back.

Now, see why this is a load of crap?