probablenotabsolute

[probablenotabsolute]

Ah, aspirations... I haven't thought about something like that in a long time. ... I've been so stuck in my past that I might as well still be living in it, and rarely give thought to hopes for the future. Guilt, regret, pain- they all hold me down, but I never try to reach up either. I'm... not certain I have any aspirations, all that considered. Nothing is coming to mind. The other ex-Flare scientists are fairing a lot better than I, hah. They take things slow with me, though. They... are aware of most of this. They are considerate in that way. They all have dreams and goals to work towards still, unlike me. They've got nothing holding them back, at least, not in the way I do.

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

Team Flare here was awful. The plan hadn't been fully detailed to me when I was recruited. He glorified it, made it sound as appealing as it could be- especially to a woman down on her luck, disillusioned with the world he wanted to uproot, hurt by and bitter towards it all. A beautiful world without pain sounds lovely, doesn't it? Especially once you leave out all the murder the majority of the population parts. Mmm... I think I do like how it's connected me to others. My only real friends are the other scientists that had been involved in Team Flarer. We've stuck together, since they've all renounced their history in the team and things they'd done during it as well. Their intelligence is of a similar caliber to mine, so I feel as if we understand each other better in that way, and they are very important people to me. It's also led me to my current job, I specialize in data science now and I enjoy it greatly. I think of it as one of the few things in my life right that truly makes me feel happy. ... Whenever I'm not thinking about all the terrible parts of life as I do it, anyway.

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

It's nice to know the one helping me is able to understand at least one of my many problems, hah! It's truly an awful feeling, isn't it? It's helped me in many ways, certainly. But sometimes I think it also harmed me. After I'd fully thrown myself into my studies in belief it was all I could rely on in the world... I naturally climbed the ladder of success quickly. I believe... that is how he- Lysandre- found me. That is why Lysandre wanted me to be one of Team Flare's head scientists. That is why he waited until I was easy enough to... persuade. Convince. Take advantage of. Manipulate. There's many things you could call what he did. None are good. And joining that blasted organization ruined my life. So have my smarts helped? Yes. ... But sometimes I wish I lacked them, as the way I see it, they were only a flame that served to draw in the moth. If I lacked them... I likely wouldn't have ever joined Team Flare. Who knows, maybe my bullying would've been lessened too... So I suppose in the end, the best way to sum up how I feel about it is... complicated, and regret I surely do have.

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

Ha, it is, isn't it? So many things have gone wrong for me! I'm content to take it one thing at a time. Now, to that I say... Children can be surprisingly cruel toward each other, really. Especially towards someone that is different than them- oh, how they hate difference. If you are not one of them, then your feelings are as meaningful as the dirt they walk upon, or so that was how I experienced things. I spoke flatly unlike the rest of them, rarely if ever showing emotion through my voice, only my expressions, and even then, the intensity I would express was limited. I did not play like them either. Instead of playing with dolls or dress-up like all the other little girls in school, I would sit reading books- and commonly ones more advanced than they would; I was notably above their reading level- or solve math problems, the kind they'd stick their tongue out at and find awful to do, but they were fun to me. I didn't want to go outside and run around the playground with them, I preferred staying inside and researching whatever subjects interested me most that day. And they berated me for all of it. I think they were also jealous of me, honestly. As hinted at, I was much more intelligent than they were. More capable, more willing to learn, more beloved by the teachers. I was "gifted". I was not only different than they were, but I was better. So they tried to make me feel like I was less. And they did, even if I did not outwardly show it. I still think about it all, sometimes...

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

I suppose to categorize all the horrible things that have happened in my life... There was the incessant childhood bullying, that caused me to close myself off from everyone and rooted in me the beliefs that I will never be good enough or worth anything, there will never be anybody on my side in life, that everyone was awful and society had forsaken me! From then on, my only friend was my studies, academics became my life.

Then there was when my parents died! The only people I cared about because they were the only ones to care about me. That left me feeling right awful, to put it mildly.

And then there was the part that came right after- this one is fun- the Team Flare part, where I was taken advantage of at my most vulnerable, desperate state and became part of an organization that wanted to commit mass murder of anyone that Lysandre did not deem fit for what he considered a perfect world! Now I've been left trying to reintegrate into society while being socially inept, all while haunted by the things I did help make happen and what I nearly did- and drowning in my own guilt and regret every day.

And the latest installment of my misery, the social ineptitude! It truly feels as if me and everyone else I talk to are worlds apart, like there is a gap that cannot be crossed between me and every other person in this world, and no matter what I say or try to do, it is always wrong.

... I suppose that's the briefest rundown I can give of the... 'main categories', to put it one way. ... It somehow feels both better and worse seeing these things realized on a page before my very eyes typed by mine own hand...

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

Ha, my life is a mess, in every way imaginable, and it's been for as long as I can recall. But for now, to put a long story short, I... have a lot of... issues and trauma... that were never worked out. I was adamant before that I could solve things on my own but it hasn't quite worked out that way.

My... friend recommended this for me, and I finally relented as, well... it's hard to ignore that nothing is getting better on its own here. Just... Finally accepting that I need the help of someone else.

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

My name is Bryony Bara. Thank you very much for accepting me.

Hello. Me again. I've elected to preemptively resubmit just in case, ah... could I please have an appointment arranged....? (@probablenotabsolute)

[ THIS IS A CLOSED APPOINTMENT BETWEEN B AND THE USER. ]

Of course!

First, I need your name for the record. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

Oi... I swear that I'm seriously trying my best here...

[probablenotabsolute]

How is it that every time I return here, I do something stupid or wrong that makes me feel worse than I began? And here I am each time thinking 'maybe this time it'll make me feel better!' ... Celosia says I need to be more optimistic, so... Hey, maybe one day it will?

[probablenotabsolute]

Very well. Does it have to be through ask messages specifically, or would me just asking in reply like this be fine? I can ah... send in one again, if that's preferable? Apologies if there's been any inconveniences here... Never was skilled in the realm of interaction with others...

I'm editing this post, needn't worry of replying, I figured it'd be best to simply resubmit anyways and done so. Thank you for your time either which way.

... Hello. How... Would I go about obtaining an 'appointment' with you ...? (@probablenotabsolute)

Check the help guide for more information. ^^

[probablenotabsolute]

[GET THAT WOMAN IN THERE]

(OOC: Hiiiiiii I had an idea!)

(Reblog this post with an image of your muse and I'll add them to B's therapy line!)

(Note, the first few get to be in the office, the others will be edited into a waiting room.)

(Edit credit: @hisuianrecluse :D)

[probablenotabsolute]

Do not let it happen, no matter what. It has ruined lives.

It ruined mine.

Team Flare is a vile, vile thing that some were either fooled into believing was beautiful, or went into knowing what it truly was and not caring. Those people don't suffer the way they should, really.

It's been many years since it happened where I am. Nobody who isn't probably evil themselves misses them or wants them back. I've been trying to piece my life back together every year since, to what I wish was more avail than there truthfully has been.

The entire world could have been irreversibly ruined had nobody stopped them at the last moment.

Should it be an option for you there, I would say do not repeat what has occurred here- stop it before it begins instead.

... That is all I have to offer, for now. If you need more... Simply ask, I suppose.

Hey does anyone know anything about the Team Flare thing? It hasn’t happened in my world but it might and I wanna know what I can.

I mean it’s the internet and maybe no one’ll believe me but I wanna know anyway.

[probablenotabsolute]

I really wish I had my wake up call much sooner than I did, that I could've realized just how much harm they intended to cause, and that none of it was going to 'fix the world' the way I dreamed of it- and that something like that was impossible from the start... But that's all over now. I'm better than that now, or I'm at least putting all my efforts into trying.

Correct, I am still in the sciences, just no 'evil organization' strings attached this time. As of right now, I'm specializing in data science. I do love my statistics, as Celosia likes to put it...

Ah... greetings, Bryony... It has been a while since I last saw you...

...Good for you for leaving Team Flare. I wish you well in your future.

- Xolo, from @shadowshock094

... A while it certainly has been. Surprising to see the actual Yveltal in my inbox. I thought I'd never be seeing any legendary pokemon ever again, let alone for them to be able to do it via messaging me on social media... but what is life if not full of surprises, I suppose. Even if not all of them are good. Okay, for me almost none were good, but let's just say the point still stands and move on. I'm sure leaving Flare behind would feel much more freeing if the rest of the world would actually let it stay behind, ha! Don't know what else I expected to happen, but I think it'd be a little bit wrong of me to not preface my account with the fact that it was something I participated in... Still, it's far nicer to have someone actually giving me their good wishes instead of asking me to recount various facets of my biggest regret to them. Even if that someone is literally Yveltal.

[probablenotabsolute]

Ah... greetings, Bryony... It has been a while since I last saw you...

...Good for you for leaving Team Flare. I wish you well in your future.

- Xolo, from @shadowshock094

... A while it certainly has been. Surprising to see the actual Yveltal in my inbox. I thought I'd never be seeing any legendary pokemon ever again, let alone for them to be able to do it via messaging me on social media... but what is life if not full of surprises, I suppose. Even if not all of them are good. Okay, for me almost none were good, but let's just say the point still stands and move on. I'm sure leaving Flare behind would feel much more freeing if the rest of the world would actually let it stay behind, ha! Don't know what else I expected to happen, but I think it'd be a little bit wrong of me to not preface my account with the fact that it was something I participated in... Still, it's far nicer to have someone actually giving me their good wishes instead of asking me to recount various facets of my biggest regret to them. Even if that someone is literally Yveltal.

[probablenotabsolute]

Okay, Yveltal's curious about this app-

Please, my dear chosen, they can call me Xolo.

Oh. Okay well Xolo is curious about Rotomblr, so...

Reblog to get an ask from Xolo, my Yveltal. Be nice, or else.

[probablenotabsolute]

... I bother you enough. But please don't drag this into public, Celosia, I will beg if I must.

How did the uh. Yelling into a pillow go? If you tried it, at least.

It... went, that's for certain. [She did try it ... and spent over an hour hugging it while sobbing her eyes out into it. She could make an entire list of things she'd rather do than admit this publicly, however.]

[probablenotabsolute]

How did the uh. Yelling into a pillow go? If you tried it, at least.

It... went, that's for certain. [She did try it ... and spent over an hour hugging it while sobbing her eyes out into it. She could make an entire list of things she'd rather do than admit this publicly, however.]