professor-brain-juniper - Tumblr blog

[professor-brain-juniper]

my dash fucking broke and now i can't see new posts except for like 10% of them literally 14 hours later

thanks tumblr

// ic and ooc :/

[professor-brain-juniper]

who fucking knows! Probably not the kid! But maybe he does and won't say anything cause you're being a DICK!

[A picture is attached, of a Zorua being held by the tail. Xe looks completely terrified.]

This is Norman, gym leader of Petalburg City.

This Pokemon was posing as my son.

Where is my son.

[professor-brain-juniper]

put the zorua down jesus fucking christ

Zoruas literally just pick random people to look like. That kid HAS NOT done anything with your kid. They most likely saw your son in a crowd and thought "oh cool!"

Consider asking the zorua directly instead of torturing him

[A picture is attached, of a Zorua being held by the tail. Xe looks completely terrified.]

This is Norman, gym leader of Petalburg City.

This Pokemon was posing as my son.

Where is my son.

[professor-brain-juniper]

// Hi! this post is based off of me starting a randomized Kalos playthrough and roleplaying privately with my friends about it. If you would make a blog about it, give me a moment to elaborate on the lore here

obviously, the universe is in such disarray that when v1 killed v2, v2 simply teleported somewhere else as an ultra space faller

kalos has recently been having a lot of fallers, both pokemon and human because of the recently "failed" firing of the ultimate weapon

the ecosystem is absolutely fucked because of this

Using this lore, I plugged a Pokemon X rom into a pk3ds and randomized wild Pokemon, but not trainer's Pokemon. To support that the ecosystem has been messed up.

The point of picking Pokemon X was that V2 goes through a post-storyline Pokemon X world, and meets Xerneas, eventually learning the value of life and death.

Obviously you can do whatever the hell you want because it would be your blog, but I just wanted to elaborate on why my V2 was in Kalos and what my intentions were. I have, however, no intentions to make a blog. The story is for me and my friends.

So we have a group chat for Pokemon professors and students, right.

I wake up one morning, and I decide, hey, why don't I check that group chat for once! It's been a while!

The first thing I see. Is that the "What the fuck, Kalos." channel has been updated.

I think. Oh. Maybe it's just another issue with the recent environmental shift. Or maybe an Espurr got loose.

No.

Professor Sycamore himself posts in that channel, what can only be described, as a six foot tall humanoid war machine with angel wings and a shotgun.

It is apparently. A faller.

I am sat, still in bed, still being crushed by my Liepard, and I say, in the chat, "what the fuck is that."

Professor Sycamore says the robot identified itself as "V2" and had recently been in a battle, wherein it's opponent had "Hit it so hard it clipped through the floor."

I then ask. "What are you going to do about this?"

Professor Fucking Sycamore, Bless His Heart, then says "I'm giving it a Pokemon."

I close Discord.

[professor-brain-juniper]

So we have a group chat for Pokemon professors and students, right.

I wake up one morning, and I decide, hey, why don't I check that group chat for once! It's been a while!

The first thing I see. Is that the "What the fuck, Kalos." channel has been updated.

I think. Oh. Maybe it's just another issue with the recent environmental shift. Or maybe an Espurr got loose.

No.

Professor Sycamore himself posts in that channel, what can only be described, as a six foot tall humanoid war machine with angel wings and a shotgun.

It is apparently. A faller.

I am sat, still in bed, still being crushed by my Liepard, and I say, in the chat, "what the fuck is that."

Professor Sycamore says the robot identified itself as "V2" and had recently been in a battle, wherein it's opponent had "Hit it so hard it clipped through the floor."

I then ask. "What are you going to do about this?"

Professor Fucking Sycamore, Bless His Heart, then says "I'm giving it a Pokemon."

I close Discord.

[professor-brain-juniper]

I sleep with it closed because my liepard is an annoying little shit

Excuse my language but what the fuck.

[Video ID: Darkrai is just gardening, “Some people can’t sleep with the door open as they fear something is outside. Others can’t sleep with it closed, as they fear the something outside is in the room with them.”]

[professor-brain-juniper]

You know how there are Pokémon out there who refuse to eat treats shaped like themselves? Like that one Blaziken that went viral for refusing to eat Torcheeps?

Well, there's that, and then there's Appletun.

[It's a photo of Ringogo the Appletun, snout deep in an apple pie decorated to look like an Appletun. The guy's absolutely covered in pie filling, but deeply satisfied.]

Can't even blame him... not his fault he evolved to look like a delicious dessert.

[professor-brain-juniper]

get the archen to

1(priority): a vet

2: an archeologist

Already getting to vet, but I do not know an archaeologist. Other than being a fossil pokemon, why?

[professor-brain-juniper]

nerd spotted

get the archen to

1(priority): a vet

2: an archeologist

Already getting to vet, but I do not know an archaeologist. Other than being a fossil pokemon, why?

[professor-brain-juniper]

Yeah Elesa is just like that.

Brycen looks like he'd be like that but i think he's just autistic.

Actually, wait. I know a lot of trainers in Unova register with the League to get their first partner Pokémon.

But what the hell do the Striaton triplets do for someone who just picked up a Lillipup the route before and called that their starter? Do they, like... play Rock-Paper-Scissors for who battles the trainer? Evaluate the Lillipup's moveset thoroughly?

[professor-brain-juniper]

Already beat you to it

Hey rotomblr

why proffesors trees?

[professor-brain-juniper]

ren. time travel and forces of nature are normal here. having a random ass fairy with no bearing on the world steal your teeth is irregular to us

I have been informed of both the Tooth Celebi and the fourth force of nature, Toothorus

SEE, THE WHOLE TOOTH THING BACK IN MY WORLD WAS CALLED THE TOOTH FAIRY. A VERY NORMAL ENTITY, NO TIME TRAVEL OR FORCES OF NATURE INVOLVED

[professor-brain-juniper]

Honest to god sometimes I just turn into a Zoroark during colder months just so I don't have to deal with heating bills. Fuck the loopiness and hunger that comes with it, we be cozy in our own fur.

As much as I hate vacuuming all of the fur in spring… gotta say, full-blooded humans don’t know what they’re missing when it comes to growing winter coats.

Best, fuzziest base layer you could ask for. And besides, looking like a puffball makes me at least marginally less intimidating. Even if I wind up needing looser pant legs in the winter just to accommodate all the fluff. Definitely still worth it.

[professor-brain-juniper]

Yeah, definitely not a western thing to eat most Pokemon. But most Electric types aren't exactly edible, either.

You've got Flaaffy, which are livestock, Lanturn, which may be fished up, and I know people used to eat Raichu long before the Pikacraze. That's about it though.

Do people eat electric types?

I don't think it's common in Unova, and I'm peskiterian so I wouldn't know

If so- which ones?

[professor-brain-juniper]

Oh you did that on purpose

The issue with being this funny on a site with this bad of a search function is i have no way of knowing if i already made a joke or not.

[professor-brain-juniper]

dragon: past or future? truth or ideals?

[They post a picture of Reshiram, seemingly enjoying some appropriately sized sashimi.]

Hey the whole fucking point of everything that happened in Unova is that these are two inseparable values and you shouldn't really hold one over the other. Truth and Ideals are damn near almost the same fucking concept and that was THE WHOLE POINT OF WHAT HAPPENED AT THE POKEMON LEAGUE 8 YEARS AGO.

[professor-brain-juniper]

poison: what's your favorite genre of music?

I'm gonna be That Guy here but I'm really not sure. I listen to a lot of shit that it's hard to give you a concise answer

Last year, Spotify gave me 'Otacore' if that helps.