prompts-in-a-barrel - Tumblr blog

[prompts-in-a-barrel]

"Tomorrow's your birthday."

"Is it."

"You want to do anything?"

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"What are you going to do? Fire me? We both know you're not going to do that. You need me."

"You're not nearly as irreplaceable as you think you are."

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"Stop asking if things can get worse. I'm tired of being jinxed."

"It's not a jinx. The universe just hates me personally."

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"What are you going to do?"

"Don't you already know?"

"What am I, a mind reader?"

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"Are we going to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not."

"Did he hurt you?"

"I just said I don't want to talk about it."

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"You'll get it. You just need to try harder."

"I am trying. I'm trying harder than anyone. Do you know how humiliating it is to struggle with something everyone else can just do?"

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"How could you betray us?"

"You betrayed me first."

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"How's your maid of honor speech going?"

"Great! I'm starting with humorous anecdote about how you were so nervous on your first date you didn't realize your nausea was from food poisoning until it was too late."

"I'm uninviting you from my wedding."

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"The guy you're looking for isn't here. If you do find him, tell him to go fuck himself, alright?"

"You know him?"

"Sure. But he hasn't been here in, oh, over a decade. That all?"

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"How's the self-destructive spiraling going? It put out your burning fire of self-hatred or quench your desire to punish yourself for being a human person yet?"

"Can you not psychoanalyze me this early in the morning?"

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"I really admire your courage for going through with this."

"Courage has nothing to do with it."

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"People are asking questions about where you've been for the last three years."

"PR's not my department. I'm sure you'll think of something."

"Not if you don't give me anything to go on."

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"You're no hero."

"Who's trying to be hero in this economy?"

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"She left you alone again? After what happened last time?"

"Not like she has a choice. I'm not the only one who needs her these days."

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"Your ambitions aim too high."

"For a coward like you, maybe."

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"Okay, this time, I really didn't do anything."

"Now why don't I believe you?"

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"I was abandoned in the forest as a baby. Some forest spirits saved my life and raised me."

"And that's why you're so..."

"What?"

"Nothing."