pureheartthorn

[pureheartthorn]

Rand al'Thor by zookie_art

[pureheartthorn]

ooc. I would like to have more people to write with.

[pureheartthorn]

There was a time when I believed that I had the ability to be in love with her.

It was not in the exact way she wanted, not as Lews Therin, not as the same man she mourned across the ages, but as the boy I was. I was occasionally stumbling into a world too huge for me to understand. Naturally, she possessed beauty. That was certainly never in question. However, it was not beauty that just grabbed your attention. It was the kind that ensnared, that wrapped itself around your ribs. It squeezed until you mistook it for complete devotion.

Somehow, I did love her. Not how she was required to, but like a man values a storm before understanding its destruction.

She was clever. Steadily in front, steadily setting her trap. And may Light be my aid, sometimes I questioned if she could have truly felt something for me—not just for Lews Therin, but for the man I am now. That’s the most cruel part of it, isn’t that right? That I’ll never know.

Lanfear was more than just a woman.

Her loveliness and gentle speech concealed a hunger for sway and dominance. She desired me, not as a companion, but as a completely subservient someone. Maybe I wondered, at a quiet moment long ago between battles, if giving up might have been easier. If what I was carrying had gone from my shoulders to her hands that were open.

However, that was absolutely not what I was specifically meant to do. And ownership never rested with her.

Now, I acutely see her in definitive edges of my dreams, in particularly specific places where shadows constantly linger. Her name lingers softly in my mind, similar to a blend of wariness and optimism. I wonder if she is actually gone. Lanfear cannot be killed so easily.

As well as should she come back—should she emerge from the shadows displaying that identical knowing smile, with affection and retribution twisted in her grasp—I will not feign that I do not sense something.

Regret. Longing. Fear.

The truth is, maybe in a different life, in another turning of the Wheel, I think I could have loved her.

And, on this occasion, I remained capable.

[pureheartthorn]

Rand watched the steam rise from the cup, the soft scent of tea curling in the morning air. It was an ordinary moment, yet something about it tugged at him, stirring thoughts he rarely let himself linger on. His real mother.

Did she drink tea like this? Did she have quiet mornings, waiting for the water to steep, hands wrapped around a warm cup? He knew almost nothing of her, just a name, a story passed down, a life cut short before he could ever know her. But sometimes, in moments like this, he felt the shape of her absence more keenly than usual. Not as a sorrow, but as something gentler. A question without an answer. A presence that had never been there, yet somehow still lingered.

[pureheartthorn]

Rand sat just beyond the fire’s glow, his hands resting idly on his knees, his gaze fixed on the flickering flames though he did not truly see them. The camp's quiet sounds, along with the many muted conversations, a few metallic clinks, as well as the constant crackling of all burning wood, drifted all around him. The day's weight pressed heavier on his bones as time passed.

A single person stayed at the camp's border, past the fire, not fully with all the assembled people, but not entirely separate from them. Their decision to hold back, opting to watch rather than participate, made their presence quite noticeable, even though their presence wasn't at all disruptive.

Rand’s fingers curled almost imperceptibly, appearing to search intently for something that was missing. His tone was measured when he spoke. It was neither welcoming nor dismissive, and he paused for a moment before talking. “Not many actually choose the quiet when there’s such incredible warmth to be had; there must be a truly important reason for it,” he spoke, his eyes flickering toward the completely unreadable figure in the particularly dim light.

[pureheartthorn]

[pureheartthorn]

"Maybe you were always that one where my heart wanted to settle. Maybe after all these 3000 years you were the one I wished to come home but if you had show your true face in the beginning I would not have say yes to you... But maybe now I know you were always on my side. "

[pureheartthorn]

"And I realized not all was fake, there was something very pure between us two monsters who found each other. I can't deny it and she does love me the only way she knows and maybe that's what I have to embrace."

[pureheartthorn]

“People think "monsters" are born without origin. But it is the monsters that have the greatest stories to tell...”

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