pursuingenlightenment

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I just wanted to tell you that I think you're amazing.

Oh my. Well, thank you :). God bless you.

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Senior Recital snapshot!

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This is what Bach rehearsal and an overly talkative colleague will do to you! Ahhhhhh! (Taken with instagram)

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Giant breakfast. Love it when family is in town. (Taken with instagram)

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My house guest for the next fortnight. (Taken with instagram)

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Can't get there soon enough! (Taken with instagram)

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I normally don’t go all political on here but I have terrible news.

Amendment One in North Carolina will be official. It is a very sad truth that a group of ignorant people voted to pass.

Let me tell you about Amendment One. Most people think it is the first constitutional amendment for North...

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http://www.facebook.com/naeemcallaway

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I know this seems random, but God is revealing himself in powerful ways to us. He loves us in inexplicable ways and he wants us to accept that love. He wants us to know that we are never alone and we are always going to be filled if we are obedient to his will.

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Confession is a lot easier in an environment in which you understand that Christ is for you, not because of you.

Matt Chandler, on confessing sin in light of Christ’s propitiation (via solideogloriaa)

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"Remember that I'm eternal and that I've created you as an eternal being. Your ability to worship and honor me not only built into you, but it's the essence of your fulfillment. I'm preparing you in this life for the worship experience you will have in Heaven. Seek my glory now; worship me, embrace me, love me, yearn for me and I will give you a taste of Heaven right now that will last forever."

-God to me tonight during worship at Lifegroup. 

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God sent a beautiful Word through me tonight. Thank you, God! Now to study, read, sleep. Hopefully in that order. Pray saints!

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You've got to read this! It's an amazing set of responses from Pastor Jonathan Martin on Rachel Held Evans' blog! Just read it. It will give you a new view on Pentecostalism. 

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“I have one reason why you should walk away from that temptation right now. One reason: God. Is. Better.”

Francis Chan (via restore-renew-revive)

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Today is Good Friday. I thought this picture would be suitable for this day.

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Purpose Beyond the Pain: The Strangest Story Ever Told

So, the first portion of Purpose Beyond the Pain was an introduction to my personal testimony. It's taking the form of a narrative, but I'm ready to share it all. Here's the next part: 

It's a strange day when you have to tell your parents a secret you've been holding in for almost ten years. Before you jump to conclusions, let me lay the groundwork for decent storytelling. In the end, it was the strangest moment of my life, but one of those freeing moments that I'd like to experience more often.

So, here we go.

April of 2007 birthed an accelerated period of growth in my life. On many levels, I was unprepared for what was to come, but it was a moment where my spirit and conscience both said "This is a MUST." I really didn't want to reveal the most embarrassing and deeply humiliating part of my past to anyone, but especially not my parents. I know they love me, but this was not a matter of them continuing to love me but what they were capable of because they love me.

So, I guess I need to tell you the secret. For a period of my life, I was a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of a family member. Of course, this person was particularly close to me, so it hurt worse. The things that make this complicated are far beyond the comprehension of most people I know. I've only told a handful of my closest friends and most of them still can believe that it actually happened. Most days, I'm still not convinced that it happened either, but sleepless nights and issues of self-worth always help me remember.

There's always multiple sides to every story, but telling my side would prove to be difficult and open a massive door for ridicule and more self hatred. In the end, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I had to say it. I knew people wouldn't believe me and that's always a risk with a story like this and I was determined to defeat my victimization once and for all. That was a really lofty goal for a guy who'd been battered by this for more than ten years; yet, I knew that I needed to do it to save my life, my faith, and my hope.

April 2007. After a visit with another family member, I was informed of the whereabouts of my abuser and how he was living. He apparently was living with a young lady who had three children. That was an alarming fact. It was beyond alarming and piqued my interest in this relationship. While visiting this family member, the young lady (in jest of course) made the statement that he was spending more time with the kids than her. Whether she was serious or not, it scared me. I knew what he was capable of and I was determined to it let him do it again.

Of course, I had to come up with the courage to tell someone. I chose my father. Before I could begin to rustle up the gumption to take a stand, I was conflicted on the inside. I loved this person because they were family, but deep in my heart, I knew I hated them. Hated. I hated him just enough to want to make his life miserable for his remaining days, but a voice of reason prevailed. I was reminded of why I wanted to speak up in the first place. Finding a middle ground between anger and trying to do the right thing was beyond difficult. I didn't feel like I had time to pray about it; I just had to do it.

In the car on the way home, I was unusually quiet. I was thinking about what this decision could mean for the rest of my life. Even in that moment, I was being selfish. Or was I? I'm sitting there and I'm trying to formulate the best possible presentation of this information in my head. I knew there was no good way to say it, but I had to just find the words. At that moment- for the first time in months- I prayed. I sat there and I uttered words. I asked for help and courage, knowing that I couldn't do this on my own.

When we arrived at my house, I asked my dad to step outside with me for a minute because I had something important to tell him. For some reason, I could feel the fear that gripped his heart in that moment. I'm sure he was not expecting what I was going to say, but he was terrified that one of his worst fears may be coming true.

I couldn't look him in the eye. I was ashamed of who I was and what this could mean for our family. I was scared he wouldn't believe me and that he would laugh in my face and call me a liar. I was terrified that the trust I'd built with my father would be demolished in a matter of seconds and have no hope of being rebuilt. Of course, I was wrong.

I told him my story- only part of it- and he seemed to take it in like it was old news. I know now that he was trying to not show his anger so that I wouldn't think something was wrong with what I'd said. He calmly listened and assured me that the conversation was not over and I needed to tell my mother. That was another mountain to climb and I wasn't sure if I could take another trip.

I, unlike so many, was one of the lucky ones. Not only had I survived long enough to tell my story, but I actually had parents and family who believed me and wanted to seek justice. Even though I felt a sense of freedom after opening up about my life, I still had a horrible time trying to reconcile my shame and my relief. I was traumatized and an emotional cesspool that was growing deeper, darker and more destitute by the minute. Suicide never crossed my mind until after I spoke up, but it seems that the freedom came with more shame. I had doubts about my life. I had doubts about my future. I had doubts about my family. I had doubts about God.