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Experiences

    When you grow up gay in a straight society, you miss out on some pretty important events. In some cases, you can’t go to prom because your school doesn’t allow same sex couples to go together. Or, you simply experience different, more awkward things, like coming up with different excuses as to why you haven’t found a boyfriend yet (this is your reminder with Thanksgiving coming up to get your excuses ready now).  Here are some of the unique experiences people in the LGBT+ community go through living in a predominately straight society.

Realizing that you’re the gay cousin

    There’s a joke that everyone has a gay cousin. I don’t know why or how it started, but almost everyone knows the joke. Eventually you hear it and start going through your cousins like, so which one is gay. Then you realize, you don’t actually have any gay cousins. And then you realize its you. Depending on your situation this can be funny, I joked with my brother about it when I realized it. But if you’re not out, or your family is homophobic, this joking thought can be kind of scary. As someone who isn’t out to all of their family (some of whom are homophobic) I’m terrified that I have some sort of “tell”.

Giving a vocab lesson when you come out

    Coming out is a uniquely LGBT+ experience. Sure, almost everyone has had to share a secret, or come clean about something, but coming out is different. The likelihood that you could be disowned afterwards is far more likely when coming out, and usually doesn’t involve a vocab lesson. Not a lot of people know what pansexuality is, so when you try to come out to someone as genderfluid, you usually need to go through a few key vocab words like sex, gender, nonbinary, cisgender, transgender, and genderfluidity itself , and more.

 Being the model gay person

    When you’re stuck in a small town high school with one or two other gay people, you become everyone’s go to gay person. You have to be perfect, or else everyone will assume that because you’re a jerk, all gay people are jerks. You also become the gay expert. People will ask you questions about all facets of the LGBT+ community are like. If you’re a cis gay man, someone will probably ask you what it’s like to be asexual, is if you just know. Granted most people in the LGBT+ community know of and are supportive of the other facets, but that doesn’t make them experts.

 When your doctor asks if you’re sexually active & how likely you are to be pregnant

    This is always a fun one. Your doctor asks you if you’re sexually active and you say yes or no. In my case it’s always no, so I haven’t gone through this particular experience, but boy have I heard some great stories. Your doctor asks you if your sexually active, and you say yes. Then if you are someone that can become pregnant, they ask you how likely it is that you are. Which, if you’re gay, is zero.  It’s usually just an awkward moment where the doctor assumes your straight, and you spend a few minutes explaining that you’re not, and you move on. However if you live in homophobic areas, you won’t be able to tell your doctor you’re sexually active, so you can’t be tested for STDs.

 Sitting through homophobic shit when you aren’t out

    Three of my family members know I’m gay. Three people out of my six siblings, two parents, one step parent, aunts, uncles, grandparents, everyone. Three of them know. So, I sit through a lot of homophobic debates and discussions. I hear most of it from my father, but my step father and his kids get in on it too. I already talked about this at length here, but it’s still worth mentioning how awful it is to sit through. To hear the people you love talk about how much they hate you, and how you should go to hell, without even realizing that they’re talking about you.

 Searching desperately for gay content

    If you’re gay, you will basically watch any show with LGBT+ representation in it. Even if you don’t watch the show, you know about it. Not all the shows I watch have LGBT+ representation, but I’m more likely to watch something with LGBT+ representation in it. I got into Brooklyn Nine-Nine because I heard there was great representation in it, I got into Black Mirror because of the episode San Junipero that is about two women falling in love (for more shows/ movies to watch with great representation read here). I play the video game Dragon Age because of the well written gay characters, I listen to the Dungeons and Dragons Podcast, The Adventure Zone, because it has awesome trans, gay, and nonbinary representation.

     These are just a few examples of (mostly) little things that make our lives as LGBT+ individuals different. We struggle for acceptance, keep major parts of our identity hidden, and are told “it’s okay to be gay”, as if we don’t already know.

    Are there any other ways that being a member of the LGBT+ community has changed day to day life for you? Comment with your experiences, I’d love to hear from you!

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Dealing with Dad

My father is homophobic. Or, as he puts it, “not against it, but not for it either”, claiming to be indifferent, except he isn’t. Whether he realizes it or not, he is actively against the LGBT+ community. Just the other day he mentioned the LGBT+ community in his area (he’s down in Austin, Texas), saying something along the lines of “it’s not for me to judge, they’re going to hell either way”.  Which is fun since I’m, you know, gay.

I sit there and force a smile, and nod, and pretend I’m not uncomfortable/dying on the inside. I let him go on and on until his girlfriend finally tells him to shut up (god bless). He plays it off like it’s no big deal, like he didn’t just condemn millions of people he doesn’t know to hell (one of which he does know, and is his own daughter). And I sit there awkwardly because I can’t say anything because I’ll get a “Why do you care so much?”, and knowing my ability to emotionally restrain myself, I’d scream and yell about how I’m gay and he’s an asshole, and hang up the phone fuming and crying.

I find myself wondering, would he stop if I came out to him, and people have asked, well why don’t I? I could, I only see him once a week on facetime, what’s the big deal? The deal is I’m terrified of him. This is the man who tried to strangle my sister to death for playing her music too loud- what would he do to me if he found out I was gay? Even when I came out to my Mom (which went as well as you’d expect, and you can read about here) she specifically told me not to come out to my father.

But that was four years ago, maybe he’s changed. Maybe. And every time I work up the nerve to tell him, or think they he already knows, he must know (honestly at this point I’m astonished by how oblivious he is), he says some homophobic shit and I keep my mouth shut. I tell myself it’s no big deal.

Then I find myself wondering why I even bother. How do you have any semblance of a relationship with someone you can’t be honest with, someone you can’t be yourself with? I think about cutting all ties to him. About not answering his calls. About feeling some sort of freedom, of control. Of putting my foot down and saying it’s my way or the highway, before he can tell me to pack up and leave. And it would feel good. I wouldn’t have to listen to his homophobic ramblings anymore. I wouldn’t have to be afraid of him anymore, I could just be done.

But then I think about my sister, and my brother. And I think about how much they love him, and how hard it would be for them. I wonder what they would do if dad rejected me. Would he still be invited home for Christmas? I think about cutting him out of my life, but I can’t cut him out of theirs. So either we all cut ties to him, or I see him every year at Christmas dinner.

I think the worst part is that I still don’t want to. Despite all the shit my father’s done, I still care about him. I still love him, he’s my dad. It’s hard to say now, you know? It’s easy to love him from inside my closet. I know he loves me, but the thought still sits at the back of my mind, would he still love me if he knew?

How do you guys deal with homophobic family members? Have you been through similar experiences? Leave a comment and tell me what you think!

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My Journey of Self-Discovery, Alternatively Titled “Extreme Repression”

             Have you ever read the Odyssey? You know, some big shot Greek hero (Odysseus) is sailing home after the battle of Troy and gets blown around the ocean? He goes from island to island, stuck sailing stormy seas for years before finally making it home. That’s what discovering my sexuality was like for me, stormy seas, denial, repression, and heart ache. So here it is:

Middle School

Everything started in middle school, somewhere around 6th grade. Up to this point I hardly even knew what being gay was, other than it was bad. I remember someone saying “GAP” stood for “Gay And Proud”, and I never wore anything from their store again. I didn’t even know what being gay meant, I just knew from the girl’s tone of voice it was bad.

               Up until then I was straight. I didn’t think I was straight, I was. I was into boys, and boys only. I had a huge crush and this kid named Dominic that lasted until around 7th grade. I “dated” a guy named Mark in 3rd grade (it was third grade, it wasn’t dating in anything but name), and a guy named Josh in 7th (again it was really only in name, and also lasted for a day).

               But middle school is when I first noticed something was up. I couldn’t stop staring at boobs. I didn’t even really notice I was staring for quite some time. I told myself “You’re just jealous” over and over again. “You just want what they have”, and as a flat chested kid, it was true. I mean, I remember waiting for the day where I would just stop doing it. I told myself it was a phase, and I’d grow out of it eventually. But in the back of my head I knew it was more than that. Something in me knew that what I was feeling was wrong, or at least different.

               So what did I do? I repressed it. I sent those thoughts about girls and boobs to the very back of my mind. I stopped staring, I stopped looking anywhere but my feet as I walked through the halls. And it worked.

               Then I moved. New home, new school, new friends. Friends that had already finished their journey, and pushed me to think. I was a self-proclaimed ally, and problematic as hell. I was walking to school with one of my new friends in 8th grade when she asked me what I thought about lesbians, and like an oblivious, dumbass, jerk I told her I was fine with them, “but I wouldn’t trust them because they could secretly be into you”. Like, I actually said that, to her, as she was about to come out to me (not that I understood that at the time)!

               All in all middle school was a time for repression, internalized homophobia, and complete obliviousness. Which brings us to:

High School

               High school. My first two years of high school were god awful. Okay well they weren’t that bad, but they had the worst moments of my high school career, if that makes sense.

               I went about my life unaware of my sexuality until the middle of my freshman year. That’s when I developed a crush on my friend Abby. I struggled with it for a few months telling myself I just really liked her as friend, until I finally came to a sort of terms with it and decided to tell her how I felt.

               It was one of the worst days of my life, but not for the reason you think. That day I went into school ready to profess my love, only to have a lockdown the block before the class we had together.  Which was fine. It was fine. I was a little nervous, and this gave me time to think. Too much time. The lockdown ended up going on for three hours, and no one knew what was happening. We were cramped in the work-out room waiting, not knowing what was happening. The teachers didn’t even know what was going on and we were all terrified, thinking there was a shooter in the school.

               I spent those three hours crying, thinking I was going to die, and going to die without telling Abby I loved her. Eventually we got let out and it turned out to just be a surprise drug sweep. I didn’t end up seeing Abby that day at all because we were in lockdown during the scheduled class time. I ended up talking to her best friend Amanda and asked her if I should tell her how I felt. Which was when she told me that Abby is Aromantic, meaning she doesn’t feel romantic attraction.

               I spent the next year or so bottling it up. Laughing a little too hard for too long at her jokes, fawning over her, and according to one of my friends “making gooey eyes” at her. Time went on and I went on rejecting my sexuality. I remember being in a band for like 2 weeks, and one of the other members (who happened to be there for my breakdown during the lockdown) pointed out that all the band members were gay, and I objected, telling them I’m straight. I could not accept the fact that I was gay. I spent so long suppressing it, staying up all night crying thinking there was something wrong with me.

               Eventually I worked up the nerve to tell Abby over text. She was chill about it, but didn’t feel the same way. I don’t think I went to school the next day. That was when I started coming to terms with everything. I owned up to my feelings, and saw that there were other people like me on tumblr. Actually, I owe a lot of my journey of self-discovery to tumblr. People were gay, and vocal about it, and how awesome it was. I gained a lot of self-love, acceptance, and confidence from being on here.

That was also the year I came out to my mom, and regretted every second of it. I talked about it here if you’re interested. It didn’t go very well. Which lead back to self-hatred. To thinking I was “wrong”. Everyone told me it was just a phase (except my brother and sister who were chill about it) and that I would get over it. Like it’s a flu that’ll pass, like it’s bad.

My junior year is when I really started to own it. I just all my hair off and rocked the shaved sides, rocked my flannel shirts. Went through constant changes in what genders I was attracted to. There were times when I liked girls exclusively, times where I liked boys exclusively (much less frequent), times when I was chill with both, times when I wanted nothing to do with either. Eventually I settled on the word “demisexual”, meaning I was only attracted to people I was really close with. Demisexual panromantic.

Senior year I did an hour and thirty-minute-long presentation on sexuality and what it all means. I skipped no detail. I talked about sexual attraction, romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, platonic attraction/love and what the differences were. I went into gender verses sex, and how that plays a part in sexual attraction. I was out. I was making other gay friends. My senior year was by far the best school year I’ve ever had. I knew who I was, I accepted myself, I had friends who were like me, and I was care free.

College

So here we are. All caught up. I’ve made new friends here at my college, joined the LGBT+ club on campus, and have been having an all-around great time. I’ve not only come to terms with my sexuality, I’m proud of it! It’s of course changed again, (which is part of the reason I don’t use specific terms. I usually just use gay as an umbrella term, or queer) the best way to describe it being just Pansexual (attracted to any one regardless of their gender/sex). It’s weird to look back you know. I used to cry about being broken, wondering what’s wrong with me. Now I just make fun of myself because I’m gay and can’t drive.

I hope hearing my story helped you in some way! Just know you’re not broken, or wrong, and you’re certainly not alone. Let me know in the comments if you went through anything similar, or you if you just want to say hi!

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Allies

Allies. Just typing the word makes me nervous. Whether or not allies belong in the community is a long, and heated debate. So, here are some of my thoughts on the matter. If you disagree, I encourage you to comment with your thoughts on the matter. It’s always good to hear another point of view.

I want to start off by saying I have nothing against allies. I think as an oppressed minority we need people in the majority to help us get a leg up in the world, and that’s where allies come in. I have a lot of respect for allies, having seen plenty of posts on tumblr actively bashing them. Allies are people just like anyone else, fighting for what they think is right. It’s admirable.

My first problem lies within the word ally. An ally is someone who’s on your side, supports you, and fights for you. Which, is what allies do, granted. I think the issue I have with it, is it makes it sound like a big deal. Like it’s the most admirable thing on earth to think, “we should treat other people- like people.” I guess my real problem with it is it makes what every human person should do anyway sound like something only a martyr would do. Ally gives a word to people who are just people as people should be, kind and empathetic.

My main argument against having them in the community specifically is this: they’re straight. They’re straight, why would they want or more importantly need a place in the LGBT+ community. It quite literally makes no sense. Being gay is essentially the opposite of being straight. So why would you want to belong to the opposite community, let alone a community that is actively hated by society?

What is there to gain by being part of group that is actively demonized, bullied, or worse? What’s there to enjoy about being a butt of a joke? What makes being stereotyped seem so inviting? What about being rejected by your parents, kicked out of your home, evicted, fired, or killed is so appealing? If you’re straight relish in the freedom you have. Genuinely. Think about your family, your home, your job, and how secure you are. Appreciate that. There are parts of the world where my existence is punishable by death. I’ve spent my teen years looking into the best places to live if you’re gay in the U.S. You can live where ever you want.

Allies are not a part of the community. You might be rejected by your family, or maybe your church if your religious, that’s true. But you don’t get fired for being an ally. You don’t get kicked out, bullied, or as the TV show South Park suggests, tied up, then hung from a truck is it drives around, pulling you across the street behind it. Allies are kind hearted people, but they’re not oppressed, or a minority. They are members of the majority with bleeding hearts, but they don’t need a safe space.

Imagine if Black Lives Matter allies were trying to be a part of their community. It would be ridiculous. You can stand with them and fight for equality, bit at the end of the day, you aren’t a part of the culture. You don’t go to a rally and suddenly your entire life changes and you’ve experienced systematic racism, only seeing white people as protagonists, only seeing white girls with straight blonde hair on beauty magazines. You can fight by their side, but cannot live their struggle. (Side note, the LGBT+ struggle and the BLM struggles are two completely different struggles. I’m not trying to say the LGBT struggle is as difficult as the BLM struggle. LGBT+ people have never been enslaved, so you kind of can’t compare them as equal struggles.)

               The point of the LGBT+ community is have a place where gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, genderfluid people (to name a few) belong. A word that brings us all together as a community. These are people who have been through the same shit we have. These are other people who have come out, been bullied, lost someone to AIDS. We are people with unique experiences that can relate and support each other. We are a community of “others” who are there to say you are not alone, you are not “wrong” or “broken”. You are another human experiencing this crazy thing called life, and you’re just like us.

               Which brings me to another point, LGBT+ safe spaces. Gay cafes, gay bars, and other things of the like are for LGBT+ people. They are safe spaces for us to exist comfortably away from a society that wishes we didn’t exist. Gay bars are for gay people to meet and flirt with other gay people, or just relax comfortably among people like them knowing they won’t be harassed. It’s not a place for allies. You can be invited along by an LGBT+ friend sure, but going by yourself is a no. This is a gay space.

My own mom went to a gay bar with her (gay) friend David in college. She said she loved it because it was the only time guys didn’t try to hit on her, and I understand why she would want to get away from that, but that should be a different place. A safe space for women specifically. This is our safe space, you know?

Another reason I don’t want to completely alienate allies is because a lot of gay people start out as allies. Not to say we’re being subtly converted over or something, but it’s the first step in a lot of people’s journeys. I started as an ally. I was all like “Yeah LGBT people are people why aren’t they being treated like it?” (the “Q”, “A”, and “+” weren’t even a thing yet, which makes me feel old as hell) and I spent a lot of time getting over internalized homophobia I picked up from society and my father.

I grew up thinking I was straight, hell I was straight (turned out to be just a phase). My point is being an ally was my first step. I was an ally from seventh grade until freshman year of high school when I got a crush on one of my friends. I’m not saying all allies are secretly gay. I’m just saying for some of us, it’s step one on a long, and very interesting journey.

So, then what do we want allies to do? It’s a tough question honestly. We need people who have privilege, that other members of their majority will listen to. But we don’t want you to speak for us. We need help, but want to retain our agency, to tell our story. What we need allies to do is get others to listen. To tell our stories as we share them. We need you to be our loud speaker, our leg up, without taking away our voices. We need a leg up, and a helping hand. We need you to use your agency to help us get some of our own.

I’d like to hear what you guys think too! Comment with your thoughts and feelings, and stay tuned for next week’s topic, a look into my journey of discovering and accepting my sexuality!

[queernhere]

STEREOTYPES

I went all out in gym class. It was an easy class and I enjoyed it. I liked competition, I liked getting to run around for an hour, rather than sit in a cramped desk. Did I get a little too into it? Oh yeah. I genuinely enjoyed testing myself, seeing if I was up to whatever challenge our teacher had for us. 

Apparently, my love of sports was why no one was surprised when I came out in senior year. But why weren’t my friends seen as gay? They tried in gym too, they enjoyed it. Maybe because I was good at it, maybe because I was on the varsity swim team, maybe because I had short hair, maybe because I never wore make-up. Because no one thought Jordan, or Cyan, or Brianna were gay, just me.

These are stereotypes. A stereotypical gay woman has short hair, no make-up, is good at sports, and wears masculine clothes (specifically flannel). For gay men, it’s a feminine voice or lisp, a love for fashion, an appreciation for theatre, and generally being flamboyant. So, if you exhibit traits that are associated with the “opposite” gender, people assume you’re gay. (Because someone has to be the “guy” in a lesbian relationship. Even when you’re gay you have to have a “straight” relationship with one feminine partner and one masculine partner.)

I was fine with it. I was lucky enough to go to a high school that was accepting, or at least polite. Kids called each other faggots in the hallway (always fun hearing that as you walk by a group of rowdy boys and being terrified for a second, thinking they’re talking to you), but if you were gay, or trans, no one bothered you about it. There was one year a drag queen transferred over, and they quickly became the most popular person in school. If teachers gave them a hard time everyone would get pissed and call the teacher out on it. I was lucky.

While no one bullied me for it, I was (and still kind of am) bothered by it. Everyone just assumed I was a lesbian, which isn’t true. I’m into all genders, and assuming I’m only into one based on how I look is detrimental. How many guys at school refrained from asking me out because they thought I only liked girls? How many girls didn’t want to talk to me because they thought I would hit on them (which, by the way, is a stereotype)?

We hear time and time again not to stereotype, that it’s damaging, and often untrue, but what do you do if it is true? I do like playing sports, I do like wood shop, and flannel, and having short hair- and it’s true, I like girls. I am perpetuating a fucking stereotype. When people from my high school go out into the world they’re going to think all girls with short hair are gay, all girls who takes sports seriously are gay, and they’re going to cite me as a fucking example and I hate it!

I’m so much more complex than the stereotypes I exhibit. Hell, I’m a living butch lesbian stereotype, and I’m not even a butch lesbian! I’m not a lesbian or butch! I try hard in gym because I’m the youngest of seven and hyper competitive! I have short hair and don’t wear make-up because I’m lazy! I wake up to my “get to class” alarm every morning and I just don’t have the time! I love flannel because it’s warm as hell and it makes my lazy outfits look a little more put together! I fucking love make-up, and dresses, and art, and sewing, and flowers, and other “girly” shit. I also love ciphers, and comics, and podcasts, and videogames, and music, and so much more. I’m so much more than my short hair and baggy clothes.

Stay tuned for next week’s topic: “Allies- are They Part of the Community?” and comment with any other insight or personal examples!

[queernhere]

Gatekeeping

Gatekeeping. What does it mean? Gatekeeping is when members of a community, in this case, the LGBT+ community, are extremely exclusive about who is considered a member of said community. 

Gatekeeping is unnervingly common in the LGBT+ community in multiple ways. This isn’t to say that every member of the community acts this way, but the community in general does, or is perceived to. What makes gatekeeping unique is that it’s active exclusion. 

Rather than people simply realizing they don’t have a place in the community, it’s members of the community saying that they don’t, often to people that do belong. This kind of exclusiveness reflects poorly on the community, and causes a lot of resentment.

           So who’s gatekeeping, and who’s being excluded? Any member of the community can gatekeep and exclude others from the community. Individuals who are most often excluded are bisexuals, as well as transgender individuals, and those that are asexual or aromantic. Anyone who could possibly be in a “straight” relationship is excluded from the community is excluded. 

I’ve seen so many instances of bisexuals being actively bullied at pride events I’ve honestly lost count of how many I’ve read. If you’re at pride with your partner of the opposite sex, you will be excluded. Seeing “straight” relationships (one male and one female) at pride can be seen as a spit in the face. 

That being said that doesn’t mean that either of the people in the relationship are straight. They could both be bi, one or both of them could be trans. Plus, what’s so wrong with straight people coming to pride events? Allies are not members of the community, but we should not turn our nose up at their support (though seeing two straight allies kissing at pride would be kind of weird).

           In my own experience I’ve seen and been a target if gatekeeping, but never in person. As an active tumblr user who follows a lot of LGBT+ people and blogs, you see a lot of posts. To preface this, I used to identify as demisexual (meaning I did not feel sexually attracted to anyone unless I was very close with them). Demisexuality is a type of asexuality (not being sexually attracted to anyone), and asexuality is hotly debated.

 Thus, people gatekeep, and exclude them from the community. I came across many posts on my dash saying they don’t support asexuals and don’t want them to be part of the community. I spent a lot of my time trying to validate myself. I do belong to the community, I’m romantically attracted to girls! But when you just say you’re demisexual people turn up their nose and say “you don’t belong”. 

Now of course I identify more as pansexual (attracted to anyone regardless of gender) and it’s like a weight off my shoulders. I don’t have to constantly stress about not fitting in in the LGBT+ community, or the straight community. But I remember those posts. I remember screaming in frustration, crying, and a lot of unfollowing. “What do they think the “A” in LGBTQA+ stands for?” The B is for Bisexuals, stop excluded them from their own community.

           So why is gatekeeping so detrimental? Excluding people from anything is often harmful, and can even be seen as bullying. For bisexuals, transgender people, and asexuals/aromantics it can be extremely damaging. To know you don’t belong in straight society, or the LGBT+ community can leave you feeling isolated and alone. 

The LGBT+ community is meant to be a safe, loving, and welcoming environment for those who don’t fit in with straight society. Because bisexuals who are dating members of the opposite sex aren’t suddenly straight, they’re bisexual, and they belong in our community too.

To learn more about gatekeeping, check out these articles on what it is, and how it harms us here.

[queernhere]

LGBT+ Representation in TV/Film

Representation. Something so simple, so easy, that the media gets wrong time after time. How hard is it to add an LGBT+ character to your show? We push for representation and we get it, as stereotypical butches, and ridiculously flamboyant gay men. Or we get queer baited. Or the representation we get is still made for the enjoyment of straight people. Sure, we’ll see two girls kissing in a movie, but they’re be hypersexualized, and it will be fore straight men watching, not us.  Sure, we’ll get two guys kissing on TV, but it will be for straight women watching to ogle over, not us. Let’s look through some popular TV shows and movies with LGBT+ representation and see what they’re doing right, and what they’re doing wrong.

Black Mirror- Black Mirror’s episode “San Junipero” is an excellent example of LGBT+ representation. The characters Yorkie and Kelly are complex, and are more than just stereotypes. Their sexuality is important to the plot, but isn’t the center focus. While Black Mirror often has sad/ambiguous endings to make you think- this episode has a happy ending. It still makes you think, “Did Yorkie and Kelly make the right choice?”, but it’s a happy ending nonetheless, which is rare for LGBT+ media.

Brooklyn 99- A great show for all kinds of diversity-not just in the LGBT+ community. It is very rare to find a comedy that doesn’t use stereotypical gay jokes for cheap laughs. When they do make gay jokes, it for the LGBT+ viewers watching, like when Holt rushes through his wedding ceremony to his husband Kevin incase the supreme court changed their minds and took away same sex marriage. They also stay away from stereotypes, and their characters are more complex than just their sexuality. Holt’s authority as Captain of the precinct is never questioned because of his sexuality.

Get Hard- Absolutely garbage. Get Hard is essential a two hour long stereotypical gay joke. The movie is about a white-collar criminal getting ready to go to jail, and a friend of his preparing him. Homosexuality is actively demonized throughout the film. Stereotypes are extremely prevalent and gay panic is strewn into the entire thing. If you think being gay is disgusting- this is the movie for you.

Legally Blonde- An empowering movie, sure- but falls into the category of bad representation. The pool boy Enrique is nothing more than a stereotypical gay man. He’s flamboyant, he dresses flashy and knows about fashion. That fact that he’s “so obviously gay” is what ends up turning the tide in Elle’s case. It’s just a blatant rehashing of harmful stereotypes.

Sense 8- An astonishing example of amazing representation. The characters are complex and deep, and while some of them struggle because of their sexuality, it is not their only defining factor. Sense8 shows different experiences, from being accepted, to being in the closet, to being proud of your gender and sexuality. It shows that not every LGBT+ person is going to experience the same thing, and it’s amazing.

               So why does all of this matter? Representation is important for a lot of reasons. Representation impacts how society views LGBT+ people. If it’s negative people will think poorly of LGBT+ people, LGBT+ people might feel like there’s something wrong with them (there is NOTHING wrong with being LGBT). Positive representation shows that LGBT+ people are people just like everyone else, and gives members of the LGBT+ community something to relate to, to show you aren’t alone.

Read more about the best and worst cases of LGBT+ representation here, and reblog with any other examples!

[queernhere]

Coming Out- of the Car

A car is the best place to have delicate conversations. 

A lot of people find that the best time to bring up something they’re nervous about is during a car ride. People have suggested that this is because at some point, the interaction must end. You physically leave the area, thus leaving whatever you were discussing behind. If things become uncomfortable, you have an acceptable way out. 

This makes car rides a fantastic place to come out. I came out to my mom during the drive to school. I felt comfortable there, even though I didn’t realize it was because there was a way out. The conversation ended when I stepped out of the car bleary eyed and walked into school, and hasn’t been picked back up in the five years since.

I mention this because it’s something I’ve learned because I’m gay. While it’s helpful for anyone who has difficult news to share, or for worried parents, or any other kind of awkward conversation (and you should absolutely keep in mind for those reasons), it’s not something I would know about if I were straight.

 It’s a helpful trick I’ve kept in my back pocket because every time I come out to someone important to me, and I’m not sure how they’ll react, it’s in a car. My mom, my brother, my sister, every family member I’ve come out to was in a car. 

It’s a moment that can change your life- a moment that can get you kicked out of your home, evicted from your apartment, fired from your job.

 For those reading who are not LGBT+ I ask you to keep this in mind if someone ever comes out to you. These words could get them killed.