quitblamingnarcissism

[quitblamingnarcissism]

If a narcissist were to say that they have to abuse people because feeding their narcissistic supply and coping with their trauma depends on it, they'd be seen as pure evil.

Meanwhile,

Police regularly say that they absolutely must kill people over the slightest provocation, because their survival depends on it.

Landlords regularly say that they absolutely must raise rent and evict tenants who can't pay, because their income depends on it.

Bosses regularly say that they absolutely must pay poverty wages, because the functioning of their business depends on it.

Why do we demonize mentally ill people while giving the ruling class a free pass to have the exact same patterns?

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Hi, I have a small page elsewhere where I try to educate people on NPD as someone diagnosed with the disorder (and other stuff in the neurodivergent community) and I really love your posts - would it be okay for me to take inspiration from your talking points and expand on them, with a link back to your blog?

Yes

[quitblamingnarcissism]

It's a common pattern that has happened since the beginning of time. When you call out abuse in a way that blames a clear "other", people applaud you. When you call out abuse in a way that requires people to question their own patterns, the same people get defensive.

Call your ex a narcissist and describe him in a way that makes him seem mentally ill, and you'll be supported. Call out systemic male privilege, and you'll be met with hate.

Call your parents narcissists and describe them in a way that makes them seem mentally ill, and you'll be supported. Call out systemic authoritarian parenting, and you'll be met with hate.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

"But narcissistic abuse is a specific type of abuse. Just calling it abuse isn't enough."

Then why do I hear "my ex, the narcissist" everywhere I go?

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Love love love LOVE your work here

You have no idea how much I appreciate your advocacy

Take care! Hope you have good health and lots of success!

❤️

[quitblamingnarcissism]

No. The president is not a narcissist, and rich people are not sociopaths. "Mentally ill" should not be the worst thing you can call someone.

Society doesn't love mentally ill people. Society loves neurotypical people who do the exact same things that mentally ill people are demonized for.

Remember when that shithead father Tommy Jordan shot his daughter's laptop with a gun then posted the video online?

He became a celebrity. He received massive amounts of praise. The vast majority of the comments on his video were in support of him.

So enough about this "narcissistic abuse" bullshit. With how much society hates narcissists and how much society praises child abusers, it's not possible to genuinely associate narcissism with abuse.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Remember when that shithead father Tommy Jordan shot his daughter's laptop with a gun then posted the video online?

He became a celebrity. He received massive amounts of praise. The vast majority of the comments on his video were in support of him.

So enough about this "narcissistic abuse" bullshit. With how much society hates narcissists and how much society praises child abusers, it's not possible to genuinely associate narcissism with abuse.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

There are quite a few men who hate women because they were abused by their mothers. And that's utterly ridiculous, because his mother being a woman is not what gave her the power to be abusive. She was abusive because society gives parents so much power over their children that blatantly monstrous actions are considered good parenting. Sure, there may have been a hint of femininity in her patterns, but that's still not the source of the abuse. A father could have easily been just as abusive, and many often are. The only way to stop the abuse from happening is to stop normalizing the parental power that allows it. Jumping on the bandwagon and blaming an already oppressed group will not help at all.

In most progressive circles, that's easily understood. But for some strange reason, many progressives treat narcissists the same way and don't see anything wrong with it.

There are quite a few people who hate narcissists because they were abused by their narcissistic parents. And that's utterly ridiculous, because their parents being narcissists is not what gave them the power to be abusive. They were abusive because society gives parents so much power over their children that blatantly monstrous actions are considered good parenting. Sure, there may have been a hint of mental illness in their patterns, but that's still not the source of the abuse. A neurotypical parent could have easily been just as abusive, and many often are. The only way to stop the abuse from happening is to stop normalizing the parental power that allows it. Jumping on the bandwagon and blaming an already oppressed group will not help at all.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

stumbled upon your blog and reflected on the time i actually did label my mom's behavior towards me as narcissistic abuse, and after reading all this i'm like "god... what have i done?" but have been trying to learn more, because several months ago, my main sources on trying to figure out my mom's (mostly verbal/emotional) abuse of me led me to say that and i didn't really have any other context of what NPD really is

thank you for (indirectly) telling me what i had done

Please don't feel bad for making a mistake. You were abused, and the people who should have been teaching you how to respond to abusers were the ones abusing you. You had zero helpful guidance, and there's a lot of propaganda out there. You wanted to feel understood, and the "narcissistic abuse" community appeared to be providing that. You're not a bad person just because you once fell for their propaganda when you were vulnerable.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Narcissism has had a negative connotation literally since the word's inception (even the myth of Narcissus shows it as bad.).

Personally I don't think the disorder is properly named.

The people who named the disorder (who were the ableists who started this whole thing) named the disorder "only cares about themself" disorder. That's why people think of it so negatively!

Maybe this is naive on my part, but when I hear "narcissist" I don't think of NPD. In fact, I tend to assume that narcissists in the abusive sense DON'T have NPD! You often mention the police, landlords, Donald Trump, and suchlike. And I would say they do have the TRAIT of narcissism (they only think about themselves) but I would never think they have NPD.

I agree it isn't fair to people with NPD to be stereotyped as abusive. So maybe we should campaign to change the disorder's name and not try to prevent people from using the word in the original usage of the term.

If it was just a word, there would be variety in the words people use. When people say a word like "douchebag", there are others who say "fuckface", "dickwad", "shithead". But somehow, when people talk about how evil narcissists are, they all seem to use the word "narcissist".

Also, there are many people who call narcissists evil while supporting the police, capitalism, Donald Trump, parents who spank, bigotry, etc. It's very clear that when they say "narcissists", they're referring to some kind of "other" group while giving a free pass to themselves and the people with power who they worship.

Everyone who uses "narcissist" as a synonym for "evil" is being ableist.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

You spend literally a decade working tirelessly to help a narcissist. You're constantly burned out and the narcissist literally couldn't care less. You often have to put your own health aside in order to focus on giving the narcissist what they expect of you. Despite you already being constantly overwhelmed, the narcissist keeps expecting more and more, which you miraculously still manage to give them. Then, after a whole decade, something tragic happens and you're no longer able to give the narcissist what they want from you, so they discard you like garbage and leave you to die.

Sounds unfathomably evil, right?

Now replace "narcissist" with "landlord".

Did you suddenly stop seeing them as unfathomably evil and start thinking that their actions are justified?

Evil should bother you regardless of who's doing it. Causing harm to others should not require a mental illness in order for you to see it as evil. Causing harm to others should not be given a free pass just because they use the proper channels.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Typical people put time, money, and effort into researching how to build something called a "nuclear bomb".

Then, typical people actually built them and actually used them to murder hundreds of thousands of people.

Then, typical people came up with 1,000,012 reasons why they believe that was justified.

Then, typical people decided that those nuclear bombs were not destructive enough and researched how to make them more destructive.

Then, typical people complained about how much it would cost to feed, clothe, house, educate, and heal people despite never caring how much it costs to cause death and destruction.

And you really expect me to believe that narcissists are evil?

Evil is everywhere, in astronomically large amounts. If you want to stop evil, your main focus should be the ways that evil is socially acceptable and upheld by the ruling class. You'll never stop evil if you keep searching for an "evil person disorder" that doesn't exist.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Abuse Victim: "Narcissists do xyz."

Society: "I know, right? Narcissists are the worst. The same thing happened to me."

Abuse Victim: "People shouldn't do xyz."

Society: "Ew! Get away from me with that commie liberal woke propaganda!"

[quitblamingnarcissism]

If millions of Americans are experiencing it, then it's clearly not caused by mental illness.

Maybe now you can finally admit that "narcissistic abuse" isn't real because your typical bigot has the exact same patterns.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

"But the phrase 'narcissistic abuse' is literally saving me."

Look around. How many people were conned into thinking that Trump is saving them? How many people were conned into thinking that mass deportations and hatred of LGBT people are going to make their lives better?

Promoting hatred of a vulnerable minority is not going to help you in any way. People with power have plenty of hatred for other vulnerable people and you. Hating other vulnerable people more won't cause people with power to hate you less.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no Evil Person Disorder. Every single person in the entire world who has ever existed is capable of abusive and evil actions. Your scapegoating of mentally ill people only gives everyone else a free pass to continue being abusive. Spreading lies about people with NPD is not going to heal any trauma you have.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

So, it's been possible to call it something other than "narcissistic abuse" this whole time?