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r4izx · 1 year ago

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this will have 2 parts!

it would be nice if y'all read the description first (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ and like i said, personally- this isn't one of my fav works :c .

i'll try to make a better part 2 as well as an extra post for some details i wanna point out!

enjoy ~ ♡⁠˖⁠꒰⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠⑅⁠꒱

blooming flowers, wilting love

lyney x g/n reader!

6,212 words and 33,475 characters

summary: lyney feels love when he sees you. but he feels itchy in his throat when he also sees you. he sometimes cough up petals as well... is this love?

warnings: mentions of blood, slight cursing (one curse word lol)

a/n: as i was writing this, i saw a tumblr post all about their love-hate relationship with hanahaki disease fanfics. it made me pause and go like, ʘ‿ʘ oh.

this is my longest fic so far but also...!!! one of my least favorites as i wrote this during a writer's block. •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ nevertheless, hope you still enjoy!

"do you think we'd stay together, forever, yn?"

you and lyney were gazing at the sea that time. staring at the constellations, counting the stars, you think you won't ever forget that moment. the sound of the waves, the wind's breeze, it was so... peaceful for the lives of two fatui members. but his question was a bit abrupt, you think. especially for someone like you who thinks it's pointless to believe in such thoughts.

"there's no such thing as forever, lyney." it's the truth you think. nothing in this world lasts forever. that's why it's better to cherish the things you have now while you still can. this was your point of view of the world. for you the world had limits. you always thought that in the end, everyone will die anyway. so you didn't meddle yourself with beliefs about 'forever'. although... "-but i don't think i can live without you, all, beside me, lyney." you, of course, was referring to him and his siblings. you know how much lyney loves his family. after all, they're the only ones he has left to take care of in his life. compared to you who has no one, he had a responsibility.

lyney loves his family more than himself. from when you were kids staying at house of the hearth, you watched how much he cares for them. to the point where he'd sacrifice himself if he needed to. just for the sake of his family. and just like lyney, you cherish your family a lot. although not connected by blood, you view lyney, lynette, and freminet as your family. you've been together since childhood, you all grew up together, what else could they be but family?

what else?, you say?

contrary to your view of the three as family, lyney views you more than that. at first, he didn't know what he was feeling. he didn't know when it all began either. he just remembers when he started to think about you everytime you weren't there, everytime you weren't by his side. everytime you were with someone else. all of a sudden he started to feel jealous when he sees you with someone else. but it quickly goes away when you go to him at the end of the day. you were always there for him. lyney often bottled up his feelings. he had no one to vent to. it would be awkward to talk to father about it and he doesn't want to burden his siblings with his worries. but he has you. you were there to comfort him. at moments where he was at his lowest, you were just... there. he was sure you didn't learn any magic tricks, how come you always surprise him by being there when he needed someone? as if you knew what he was feeling. but still, he isn't complaining. at this point, he couldn't go by a day without you and he felt reassured, ..you cherish him more than anyone else, you feel that you have a duty to protect him, ..just like family! you are his family. that's all it is, ..-right?

but if that was the case, then... lyney thinks why doesn't he feel the same way towards his siblings, his family. he never got jealous when lynette and freminet was with someone else, no. he never relied on somone this much and felt comforted just by their presence. and sure enough, lyney was sure about his feelings for you. his love for you. and no, not love for family way but more like... a romantic way. he was sure of it when he noticed the fact that his temperature rises slightly when you both make contact. when you make cheesy remarks not knowing what it does to him cause you just view him as family. he felt butterflies in his stomach. and lyney thinks that this is what romantic love felt. it felt warm. it felt like he found a bonfire in a cold, snowy mountain. that fire was the only thing keeping him alive. it made him feel safe, warm and...

itchy?

is love supposed to irritate you like this? it started with an itch. lyney has been feeling itchy in his throat ever since he figured out his feelings for you. it was so irritating and annoying he wanted to take his throat out but he couldn't. he doesn't know what it is, he doesn't know anything at all. it's his first time loving someone in a way that's more than love for family, after all. so he goes to a doctor since he couldn't tell anyone about this. not father, not his siblings, and not even you. he doesn't have the courage yet. the doctor began examining him. asking him all kinds of questions. when did you start feeling the itch? are you able to eat properly? and... did you do anything that triggered it? well, that question definitely triggered something in his memories. and all of a sudden, he started coughing. his throat stated to ache unbearably. he couldn't breathe, he felt his airway being blocked no matter how hard he tried. it was a good choice to go to the doctor earlier, the doctor quickly moved to help lyney breathe. slowly, the coughing was going down but lyney's throat was getting itchier and itchier. he couldn't take it anymore. he coughed up whatever was making him feel that way despite the immense pain. to say that he was shocked was an understatement.

blood.

and...

..petals..

lyney wasn't stupid. he's heard of this before. he heard it a long time ago. when someone's love doesn't get reciprocated, they start to grow flowers in their lungs and cough up petals. he heard it when he was younger and thought it was stupid. that whoever was in love was stupid. clearly they were gonna die because of love, so why do they still continue? it wasn't even love for family. but now that he's older, lyney thinks he understands now. it doesn't make him any smarter for understanding though, rather he thinks that maybe he is stupid. he became the person who he thought was dumb for continuing to love someone despite that being the reason for why they're hurting so much. but how could he ever stop? he thinks that if he stops loving you his heart would as well. you made him feel safe, warm, comforted and... loved. he trusted you so much that it scared him how easily you could hurt him. but still, he won't stop. how could he when he can't even imagine a life without you?

the doctor explained to him in detail. how people only get this disease when they're love is unrequited and the fact that it was so rare to get it but he still did. he didn't know if he was lucky or not. although the doctor did tell him there was a way to remove the flowers though, it was basically a cure. he could get surgery in exchange for his memories. he would have to forget all about you. and so... "What! NO!" lyney couldn't help but shout out of surprise and annoyance. was this doctor crazy? do they think a person would want to forget someone they love? the thought of not remembering you sends lyney shivers down his spine. he can't even imagine forgetting all those memories. when you both went sparring together, got lost during a mission, when you wiped his tears when he couldn't keep his emotions to himself anymore, and even when you both first got taken in at the orphanage. it scares him. he doesn't want to forget you. so he never will.

the doctor just chuckled, fortunately they understood and gave some 'advice'.

"then, you better tell 'em what you feel soon. take the chance while you still can. you don't possibly think that you would live forever, right? ahaha..-"

forever.

"...there's no such thing as forever, lyney."

that memory suddenly popped into his mind. is this what you meant? that death will await for us in the end anyway? it's not like you were wrong though.. you were right. there's no forever in this world. but the doctor was also right. he should go ahead and tell you how he feels soon. he just needs to muster up the courage and confess!.. but how could he? how could he have the courage when he sees the way you look at him?

lyney always felt something odd about you everytime that tangerine head harbinger passed by. he sees the way your breath slightly hitches. the way you'd steal secret glances at him, the way your eyes glimmer for a bit when you see him, the way you turn your head to hide your reddening face.

he hated it.

he hated the fact that you liked someone else when he's right beside you and has always been right there since childhood. but what he hated even more is the fact that he pays so much attention to you. he'd notice things about you that he was sure you probably didn't know about yourself. you never acted this way around him... does he even have a chance? how can he possibly confess to you at this state? he feels his throat ache even more now. breathing felt more of a curse than a cause to live at this point. everytime he inhaled, he could feel petals going up his throat. truly, his time is limited now and he has to do something before it's too late.

by now, you've probably noticed that something was wrong with lyney. when he sees you, instead of usually greeting you with a bright smile and a hug, he just smiles, sends a wave, or even worse- he just nods at you! he barely talked you don't get what you did wrong so it was getting slightly annoying.

scratch that-- it was REALLY annoying.

you both finally met again after a busy week cause of father's orders at fontaine. it was a fatui meeting. everyone had to attend. you were glad cause that meant you would be able to see your family-- lyney, lynette, and freminet of course, --and also see lord childe. the harbringer who you oh so look up to. well, okay, maybe it's more than just admiration.

you like him.

you like that ginger head.

maybe it was because of the stupid smile on his face whenever he made you laugh, maybe it was because of the fact that you felt safe around him, or maybe it was simply because he was outgoing that he ended up stealing your attention. you didn't expect yourself to be the type to fall for someone really quickly, but you got to know him for a few months in a mission together and you... really liked him. he didn't just steal your attention, he stole your heart as well. although, you had no one to talk to about this and you don't think you would actually tell it to someone.

so here you are, at the fatui meeting, waiting for the harbringers to finish their speeches when it finally ended. originally, you took this meeting as an opportunity for you to catch up with your family. but it seems that lyney

had the same intentions when you feel a tap on your shoulder. you turn around and face him. you almost couldn't control the smile on your face when you remember that he's been acting differently towards you the past few weeks. you quickly compose yourself and speak to him with a stern look.

"don't you think you have something to say to me?" you cross your arms and stare at him, waiting for him to speak up. lyney suddenly mutters something incoherent, he sounded as if he couldn't form words probably in his mouth. the only thing you understood was his almost incomprehensible "wa--t--r. wah-... ter!!". for a moment, you were really worried. you've never seen lyney in such state before. you grabbed the nearest bottle you could and gave it to him as he takes a deep breathe and clears his throat. "well,... where, do i, begin?"

"oh ho, from the very beginning. lyney. we haven't seen eachother for so long, i can spare some time for you." despite your sharp tone, the sweet smile on your face was quite unsettling. oh boy, he's doomed. you were gonna scold him. you always did this. from when you both were a child, you always scolded lyney when he did some outrageous things like hurting himself just to rescue a cat stuck on a tree. you scolded him for a while that time. you were quite protective. after all, it's your duty as his family.

lyney tells you that he was feeling unwell and couldn't speak properly these past few weeks which explains the situation earlier with the water. "--but why didn't you tell me anything!?" that's right. why didn't he tell you anything? the lyney who always relied on you, who felt safe and comforted when he vented his feelings to you was now the same lyney who started acting a bit distant and different. when did he change so much? you just don't get it. did you really do something that he didn't like for him to be like this with you? he seemed fine with others which made you even more concerned. but before you could finish worrying, --lyney interrupts.

"..y/n.. i have something to tell you, okay?"

what's this? all of a sudden the atmosphere changed. it was gloomy yet felt somewhat reassuring. you didn't know what was gonna happen next. what is he gonna say? why is he being so serious? is he gonna drop some big news? why can't you understand him at all right now? and why is the 11th fatui harbringer approaching you? wait-- what?

"y/n!! so you were here!~" the ginger head was approaching you with that same stupid smile on his face again. you couldn't control yourself from slightly blushing. you could feel your ears reddening a bit as you try and look away from him. you cover your mouth to hide the fact that your mouth is slightly raised upward as you turn away from childe's direction as an attempt to hide from his gaze only for you to catch a short glimpse of lyney's expression.

you don't get it. you don't understand at all what that look on his face was. you, who's one of lyney's closest companions, someone who he could consider as family, for the first time was unable to know what lyney felt. he's been hiding too much stuff from you these days. he hasn't been opening up to you. you can't help but worry that he might be bottling up his feelings again and doesn't have anyone to vent to. but the thing is... lyney always went to you. he would go to you and you would comfort him. so why isn't he?... 'don't tell me.. that, he lost his trust in me?' the thought sent a shiver down your spine. you quickly looked at lyney's face again, only to see him gently smiling. was that just a trick of your eye? you were sure it wasn't. you look at his odd smile. unlike what a smile should do, it didn't reassure you at all. it made you worry even more. you really can't read him. he looks sad yet happy. he has a solemn face yet it felt as if it was filled with so much guilt. unfortunately, your thoughts was cut off when the man whom you liked stands before you.

"i've been looking for you everywhere! i'm hosting an after party with some of my companions, wanna join us?" childe asks you when he finally noticed lyney and continued, "--oh, and, you could invite your friend over there too." you glance at lyney who heard the offer. he understands that you're trying to ask him if he wants to attend. so, he looks at you with that unsettling smile again. "y-ou- ...you should go.. y/n, i'm.. fine.." he clears his throat mid sentence. he wasn't fine at all. his throat is so itchy, he feels that his lungs is about to burst, his chest feels heavy, his airway feels blocked and he feels that something is going up his throat and he's trying so desperately to hold it in. but there's only so much a person could handle. but... in the first place, lyney was a person who had no one he could rely on, who he could vent to except for you. but he can't bear it. he can't bear the sight of you with that tangerine. he thinks he really won't be able to handle this hanahaki disease thing. and for some reason, seeing you so in love with someone else hurt him more than the flowers threatening to spill from his body.

so he gathers some remaining strength to tug at your sleeve when you were about to leave with childe. he grabs your hand, flipping it to the side of your palm and does a little magic trick. he takes his hat, rummages through a bunch of items in it until he finally stops and grabs something. he grabs it and closes his hand and places it on top of your open palm. when he finally opens his fist, he then revealed a flower. a rainbow rose, to be exact. before you could even say something, lyney just nudges your hand a bit as a sign for you to just go already. you hadn't even left when he himself took the initiative and faced the opposite direction and left in a hurry. you didn't know why he was rushing you and himself so much. and at this point, you don't what your efforts to talk to him was all about when in the end, he just leaves. without leaving a word behind.

childe takes your hand in his and that was all it took for you to snap out of your daze. your heart instantly started beating faster. you think he might even be able to hear your heart pounding so loudly right now. was it because of the fact that he's holding you? the fact the he came all this way just to invite you? and that he was looking for you, and only you? or maybe it was because of a certain flower you were holding in your other hand. on one side, you were holding childe, and on the other, was a rainbow rose.

'a rainbow rose, huh.'

lyney couldn't sleep that day. nor could he breathe. nor could he eat, speak, and think properly. his heart felt like bursting. maybe it really was. when he saw the way you light up when childe came, he was hit with an arrow of reality through his lungs. suddenly the air around him felt warm. but not the type of warmth your presence gives him, rather... it felt suffocating. he felt like throwing up. he was doing all he could to keeo himself from vomiting. he really was. it was the hardest battle he has ever done. a battle between him and his own feelings. there is a saying that one's greatest enemy is theirselves and in this battle, lyney thinks he's at the losing end. when he left you there after giving the rainbow rose, he felt his heart throb in pain. he saw the look on your face. a face full of confusion, worry, and a small hint of happiness. at that moment, he just wanted to chase after you, hug you and never let you go. yet..., all he could do was send a small smile. a smile filled with mixed feelings, a smile you wouldn't be able to understand, even if you tried. lyney himself doesn't understand what he feels too. jealousy? anger? happiness? relief? sad? he didn't know! but one thing for sure was that he felt like he was...

about to die.

he immediately went to the nearest secluded place he could go to. making sure nobody, was around. and after all his efforts to not throw up, he started vomiting. blood. it was so bloody. not even enemies has hurt him to this point, yet... his own feelings did this. and lyney thinks again, 'is love supposed to feel like this?' he wanted to blame you, blame you for not returning his feelings and put him to such a miserable state like this, but he couldn't. cause he knew it was his fault. it was his fault for falling for someone who only views him as family. and if he wanted to he could just take surgery and forget about you! --but he won't. he's sure that forgetting you will hurt even more than this disease.

the downpour of blood and petals wasn't stopping. he was starting to choke on the petals. his throat was hurting, so, so badly. it was aching, it was itching. he wanted to scratch it out of him and just end his suffering. especially when something really rough went up his throat. it even got stuck there. he was coughing and coughing, trying to vomit it out. he was having such a difficult type to breathe and aside from petals and blood, even tears was spilling out from him. he was dying yet living. and so, he spitted it out. a flower. no, flowers. such beautiful flowers came out tainted with blood. at first, he didn't recognize what flowers it was because it was painted red from the blood, but he looked really closely and...

rainbow roses.

he scoffed, really? these, again? was teyvat making fun of him right now? cause it sure feels like it. the rainbow roses that was supposed to be filled with a bunch of colors was now just red. for some reason, that color reminded him of his fate. and so, he kept that rose.

lynette and freminet has caught on to lyney at this point. they started wondering what was wrong with him when they saw that he's been having too much so-called bathroom breaks, --especially, when you're around. they noticed how lyney's breath slightly hitched when he sees you, they noticed the fact that he now tends to avoid your gaze rather than look up to you and stare at your eyes as if he saw something beyond it like before. at first, they just watched. they waited, and they observed. just like in their missions. they knew for a fact that lyney won't open up his problems to his own siblings. which is why he always relied on you, opening up to you. you were his source of fresh air. in a place where he felt suffocated and had nowhere to go to, you were there. so surely, if lyney didn't want to tell them, they just have to wait, ...but if it takes too long and progressively gets worse, they have no choice but to interrogate him.

it's been a few weeks since lyney has been acting strange and there was no sign of him telling the truth to lynette and freminet. they were growing impatient to their brother's antics. they aren't usually this bothered but when it comes to health, they have to step in no matter what. family comes first and their brother showed them that. which is why, it's totally valid to do this right now because it's out of love and concern, ...right? lynette and freminet decided to follow lyney when he needed a bathroom break. they followed as lyney goes to a secluded area instead where no could see or hear him, which was perfect for them. --and almost immediately when lyney got there, he started throwing up.

how can they explain what they're feeling right now? watching their own brother suffer, vomiting blood and petals. their heart dropped. it felt like it. the world froze around them, only lyney was moving as if the time stopped. all this time... lyney was suffering this much and didn't tell anyone...? they couldn't help but think he was greedy, for not wanting to burden others but himself. they couldn't make a sound. they needed to be... patient. --like how they were trained and taught to be by their very own brother. tears were starting to blur their vision when the sound of raspy coughs kept on going as it becomes even more rougher than the last one. patience.., they both think to themselves. --but only when they heard their brother utter a name did they lose it.

"...y-/n--..."

blood, petals, and the way he acted around you. everything seemed connected somehow. it all cleared up. and it was so obvious that lyney was suffering an unrequited love. but they had to confirm it. their patience? gone. lynette and freminet look at eachother and nods, a signal saying 'go' as they rush towards lyney's side. just as they went beside him, lyney collapses to the ground, although still conscious. the other two immediately went to support him and lyney finally looks at them. he looks them in the eye and send a sheepish smile as if saying, 'don't get mad'. but how? how could they not? they wanted to scold lyney, scold him for keeping all his problems to himself, scold him for doing nothing and bearing the pain all this time, scold him for liking someone who only sees him as family and of course, ...scold him for continuing to love you despite everything.

lynette says it first, despite the cracks and sniffles between her words she still says, "brother--!!.. wh-..why don't you just.. get surgery and forget them?..". and lyney is shooked. how did they know who he really liked? was he.. "..so obvious.." freminet continues his thoughts. now, lyney couldn't hold back his tears anymore. he started crying. it wasn't about you, -no. he cried because after a long time again, he could open up. he could breathe again, although he knows not for long. literally. so he thinks he has to say everything now before he loses the chance. he has to explain everything to lynette, to freminet, and of course, to you..

"..--c--can't.." he can't. he can't forget you. why did everyone think this way? the doctor and even lynette. he wanted to tell lyney that he would rather lose his vision than forget you. he would rather duel with father than forget you, he would rather bear this pain than forget you. he would rather lose his life.. than forget you. he wanted to say all this to his siblings but he can't. he couldn't even imagine a life where he doesn't know how to utter your name. the thought scared him. to him, a life without you was a life without a home. no safe place. he wouldn't be able to breathe. most importantly he couldn't stop thinking about what you would feel if he forgets you. how ironic though, he doesn't even think about what you would feel if you found out that he's suffering all because of his feelings for you.

once, twice, thrice, it kept going on. petals enough to make flower crowns surged from lyney's throat. and now freminet speaks up, "--p-please, ..just, tell y/n what you feel..". ah, that's right. another cure for this disease aside from the surgery was to be loved right back. but he knows it's impossible so he just shakes his head in response. "h-he's telling you to confess..!, --n-not to get your feelings returned.." "stop being so stubborn!" freminet adds. for once, lyney let his siblings scold him, after all it's a first, and perhaps even the last time this would occur. the thought made lyney cry. salty tears came flowing down his eyes along with blood and flowers from his mouth. it was mostly because he thinks that sooner or later he'll end up leaving his loved ones behind, both his family, and you.

a week had passed and his disease showed no signs of getting better, only getting worse as time passed. it was the same thing over and over again except for the fact that he has his siblings to help and rely on now. but then again, nothing would change if he doesn't tell you what he feels, that's why he's been preparing himself. for the entire week ever since lynette and freminet found out about his condition, he's been taking a break from missions with the excuse that he got a severe injury from a recent battle. which lead to him to being stuck in his room for the whole week, unable to see anyone aside from his siblings and father. nobody raised suspicions about him faking his condition, after all, he did look like he was suffering. but during that period of time, he didn't need to control his vomiting which helped him, ... sorta..? anyway, it simply meant that he's ready.

ready to tell you what he truly feels before it's too late,

...or not..

"i'm confessing to childe soon.."

hah...

...-ahahaHah"--ahaHahaha..--"

lyney couldn't help but laugh. should he have just stayed in his room for a couple more weeks? he laughed. watching your amused yet confused expression, you're probably thinking 'what's wrong with him?' and he laughs even more! he was laughing so hard tears started forming in his eyes, atleast, he thinks it's because of that. it was a bittersweet laugh. he starts to ponder, 'maybe i should've just gotten surgery..' but he smacks his head with his palm. that's right. his hat nearly tumbles off his head.

"lyney-?! what's wrong? -you.. okay..?"

you probably questioned if he was okay because he was still smiling and chuckling. "-pfft. i was just so enamoured by your eagerness to confess! ahaha-!!" contrary to him, that is. it took him so long, to build up the courage to tell you his feelings, and now he just feels like running away. he starts to feel that sooner or later tears won't be the only thing pouring out of him again. he may be chuckling right now but his mind is

it took a while for lyney to calm down again, while you were stressing over what's going on. why was he being like this? he's acting weird, again. the lyney who opened up his heart to you before is long gone now. replaced with unreadable expressions and held back words. you knew, something was off. enamoured? really? something was off about lyney in a way he was only like this towards you. but no matter what you do, you can't seem to remember anything you might have done to put him in such state. you might be a bit oblivious but you aren't stupid. yet, you still can't pin point why he's like this.

lyney interrupts your thoughts. he clears his throat and with a shaky voice, he asks,

"y-you... you're confessing, today?"

hm?

why would lyney be so curious about your confession? maybe he's curious as a friend just like others would be, but, something smells fishy. lyney isn't the type of person to be so caught up on topics like these, as far as you know. so, what's up with him now?

"..yeah, later. ..he invited me to go to on a mission with me. it's these little acts of him that make me so heads over heels for him." and that was all it took for lyney's courage to vanish. all bark yet no bite. you who was once his home, a person he could confide in, where he could breathe and feel safe, is now the reason why he is unable to breathe. he's inhaling, yes, --yet he feels that he can't exhale anymore. just endlessly gasping for air.

-fuck. he has to do this. he knows it himself, --that it isn't long before he has to go. he has to. -no, he needs to. he needs to confess. lyney takes a long, deep breath and finally let out some air. he looks at you, --you who's blushing so meekly, fiddling with your fingers like a teenager texting their crush, only for him to remember that it's all because you're thinking about him. someone else.

"y/n... y-you know, you're really special to me right, i just wanna know if you feel the same.. do you love me too?" maybe lyney should've made it clear, --or maybe he shouldn't have asked because- "--of course i do, lyney.. were family okay? always remember that." oh he is for sure gonna remember that. until his last breath most likely.

at this point he just had to go. "i-i see, well- y/n, I'll get going, goodluck!" lyney is rushing to get out of here, his heart his thumping so fast but the butterflies he feels is in his throat, he needs to go, -as soon as possible. just as he turns around to leave you immediately say something, "-lyney! wait-". and he gulps, but doesn't turn around to look at you. there was a short pause until you continued, "i want you to know that you're special to me, okay? you're one of my closest friends.., family-, even, ...just wanted to say this so you know.. goodluck! stay safe! let's watch the waves again next time, when we have time. see you!"

that time never comes.

he can sense that you're waving but he doesn't wave back. you hear his footsteps and watch as he leaves. something was wrong with lyney today so you wanted to reassure him. albeit it was just an inkling.

liquid trails on the ground as lyney walk-runs. he doesn't know whether it's from the tears running down his face or the blood pouring out of his mouth. maybe a mix of both. the trail leads to an room that served as a dormitory for the fatuis, but fortunately for him, it was empty. unlike his mind that was full of thoughts and his heart full of emotions. he couldn't stop thinking about what you said. sure, you may have said that he's special and all but what he heard was the word friend. a reminder that he'll never be more to you than that.

maybe it was just him.

maybe he was the only one who felt like his day is complete when he sees you. maybe he was the only one who thought that you were eachother's back. but now he feels as if he's the only one watching your back as you take a step forward while he's just there, watching you. maybe he was the only one who thought he had a chance. considering you were childhood friends and all. fuck- friends. it was right there all along. you both were childhood friends, nothing more, nothing less. this was his destiny. but for once he wants to stray from the path towards this so called destiny and it leads him to this current situation.

flowers.

there's no point in holding back now. he really feels like he's reaching the end of the path he's walking. he lets it all out, coughing up different kinds of flowers. heliotropes, chrysanthemums, rainbow roses... this time it's not just petals anymore, it's full on blooming flowers coated in red.

everything hurts.

his throat, his lungs, his heart... even his mind! he can't take it anymore yet for some reason his mind starts drifting back to the memories he and you had together. these memories felt like home. the sound of waves crashing onto the land, the sound of his heart beating along, and the sound of your comforting voice. for a split second he felt like the pain he was feeling eased for a bit, but he was brought back to reality when he realizes that these moments are really just memories, ...and will forever stay like that. he will no longer be able to be with you again, no longer have the ability to make more moments like these. and it dawns on him,

his friends, his family, the fatui, childe, father, and... you. his life flashes before his eyes. and he didn't even realize it but he was shedding no tears. weird but, maybe this was just too much pain for him to even process. he feels his body weakening, his legs barely able to stand makes him fall onto his knees. the way he starts to feel dizzy and his vision is blurred-- even without tears in his eyes. the way he feels like something pierced through his stomach, his heart-, even. he knows, his time is up.

lyney wishes he could say his last words, but he isn't able to. so he just says it in his mind,

...thank you,

and that was his final words. to you, to his siblings, to everyone.

he falls down the ground, and with all the strength he could muster, he tries to open his eyes, ...only to see a rainbow rose. the rose he kept. though, it wasn't covered in red anymore, and it was fresh. it was blooming.

then lyney smiles,

maybe there was forever in this world, but it was just... not meant for lyney.

#genshin fanfic #genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #i didn't get al-haitham :(

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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Blooming flowers, Wilting love

lyney x g/n reader!

6,212 words and 33,475 characters

summary: lyney feels love when he sees you. but he feels itchy in his throat when he also sees you. he sometimes cough up petals as well... is this love?

warnings: mentions of blood, slight cursing (one curse word lol)

a/n: as i was writing this, i saw a tumblr post all about their love-hate relationship with hanahaki disease fanfics. it made me pause and go like, ʘ‿ʘ oh.

this is my longest fic so far but also...!!! one of my least favorites as i wrote this during a writer's block. •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ nevertheless, hope you still enjoy!

"do you think we'd stay together, forever, yn?"

what else?, you say?

itchy?

blood.

and...

..petals..

the doctor just chuckled, fortunately they understood and gave some 'advice'.

"then, you better tell 'em what you feel soon. take the chance while you still can. you don't possibly think that you would live forever, right? ahaha..-"

forever.

"...there's no such thing as forever, lyney."

he hated it.

scratch that-- it was REALLY annoying.

you like him.

you like that ginger head.

"..y/n.. i have something to tell you, okay?"

'a rainbow rose, huh.'

about to die.

rainbow roses.

"...y-/n--..."

ready to tell you what he truly feels before it's too late,

...or not..

"i'm confessing to childe soon.."

hah...

...-ahahaHah"--ahaHahaha..--"

"lyney-?! what's wrong? -you.. okay..?"

lyney interrupts your thoughts. he clears his throat and with a shaky voice, he asks,

"y-you... you're confessing, today?"

hm?

that time never comes.

maybe it was just him.

flowers.

everything hurts.

lyney wishes he could say his last words, but he isn't able to. so he just says it in his mind,

...thank you,

and that was his final words. to you, to his siblings, to everyone.

then lyney smiles,

maybe there was forever in this world, but it was just... not meant for lyney.

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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I love your writing so much please don't get stuck in a wall 🤍

I HOPE SO TOO (´ . .̫ . `) AND THANK YOU SO MUCH ( ˘ ³˘)♥ I'll finish this fic soon

#i have like 3 drafts and so much ideas #and all of them are angst #rai's! 📬

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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not confident with your writing?!

fight me 🤺 girl you're the best fanfic writer out there!

whatever you gonna write I'm sure it'll be a masterpiece!

take your time no need to rush i know how difficult it could be to end a story, we all will be waiting for you at any time:)!

STOP KSJSKEJS TYSM😭😭😭😭 this motivated me to continue writing

ᕙ( • ‿ • )ᕗ

#genshin fanfic #THIS IS SO SWEET IM CRYING #this means so much i swear (･ัω･ั)#rai's! 📬

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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this fic is ending up way longer than I thought and I'm not even at the main plot yet ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

#hopefully this makes up for the month i was in hiatus #im not confident about my writing anymore though (╥﹏╥)#lyney

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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still waiting on the part two of that ayato fic, hahahaha.. (I'm going insane)

ಥ‿ಥ SORRY FOR MAKING Y'ALL WAIT (I'm making more fics instead of a pt2)

#rai's! 📬 mail #ayato x reader #genshin fanfic

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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crowley and aziraphale

Out of context reimagined parts from my new #HHStargazersAU!

⚠️ TW: Nerdy word vomit about my coloring choices ahead:

My take on human Chaggie & Radioapple's color scheme! Yes. I headcanon the Magnes as beautiful blondes with just as beautiful brown eyes. Because there's no WAY warm red & yellows translate to cool baby blues! If anything, Vaggie's eyes would be the lighter shade. (At least in my AU.) Because her canon eyes are white and I think the dark skin contrast nicely with blue. As for Alastor's green... Look. Give me a chance! I swear I can later explain it through lore!

As for their clothes, I just chose hell's red for Charline, heavenly hues for Vaggie, earthy colors for Alastor to balance the green (with some white rather than black to show his employment under the Magnes), and pastels for Lucius (though out of everyone in my story, he may undergo the most palette switches. Just saying).

Spoiler for my recent comic update: As you can see, Vaggie & Alastor's human disguises aren't perfect. Thus some parts of their hair remain unchanged. Vaggie's ineffable white bangs and Alastor's brown-passing too-vibrant red hair (which mind you, was a difficult balance to achieve. Specially to match the greens-) still ever so distinct. People think they dyed it, but I assure you, it's all natural~! Along with their near supernatural ability to charm. Lol. -Bubbly💙

#hazbin hotel

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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ꩇׁׅ݊ɑׁׅ֮꯱ׁׅ֒tׁׅꫀׁׅܻꭈׁׅᥣׁׅ֪ꪱׁׅ꯱ׁׅ֒tׁׅ

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

• ⨍ᥣׁׅ֪υׁׅ⨍⨍

- Special things they only do with you <3 (multiple characters)

• ɑׁׅ֮ꪀׁׅᧁׁ꯱ׁׅ֒tׁׅ

- This masterpiece, I won't forget. (scaramouche x reader)

- Worth more than you what you take me for. (ayato x reader)

- the next page (scaramouche x reader)

- Blooming flowers, Wilting love (lyney x reader)

#this shall suffice for now #genshin impact #genshin fanfic #genshin angst #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #genshin impact x reader #rai's! ✍️ m.list

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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the next page

scaramouche x gn!reader

summary: you start seeing less and less of your lover and more and more of him with someone else.

- 2,522 words and 13,694 characters.

- slight cursing

a/n: sorry for not updating for so long •́ ‿ ,•̀ exams just ended. have this and not a part 2 of my last fic LOL.

9 days, 14 hours, 58 minutes and 2 seconds.

you don't know how you managed to keep track of the time but that's how long since you've seen your boyfriend in the day. if it wasn't for your shared apartment, you might've not even catch a glimpse of him at all.

these days, scaramouche has been coming home late and going out a lot. it's the reason why you've been staying up late night, waiting at the dinner table until he comes home for the dinner you prepared. but everytime he comes home it's already 2 am and the food has gone cold. you even offer to heat it up for him but he's either not hungry, already ate, or tired. but not too tired to go out with his friends it seems. and although you said friends, you're referring to a particular girl he's been spending more time with than anyone else. more time than with you. it didn't take long for you to find out why he's been ditching you. but it has been so long since you knew the reason yet you've done nothing about it.

you still wait at the kitchen table for who knows how long. but you always end up falling asleep, not noticing when he comes home. and the next day when you wake up, he's gone. that's basically your everyday routine. all you do is stay holed up in your shared apartment all alone. you didn't have much friends compared to him since you chose to hang out with him most of the time.

10 days, 2 hours, 4 minutes and 31 seconds.

it's late at night when scaramouche just entered the apartment. fortunately, you woke up almost immediately after hearing the door unlock. you fell asleep on the table, once again. and before scaramouche could even enter his bedroom, you called out his name.

"wait! scara..!" you still feel groggy from just waking up but you couldn't miss this chance. the chance to confront him. he stops in his tracks and slowly turns his head into your direction.

"what? be quick, i'm tired." scara replies. he was never the warm type of person, but he was also never this cold. you've never heard him speak in a tone like this. cold as ice. hearing him speak like that made you hesitate and even more nervous than you already were.

you nervously speak up,

"w-well, you know these days i've been thinking... you might be spending too much time with your friends and a girl i've been seeing you with. because we've barely hung out together compared to you and your friends." you finally confront of him. hoping he would understand how you feel, just like how you understand that he can have other friends as well.

"because of that, it's been really... lonely. I really don't wanna sound dramatic but maybe we could-"

"you are though." you internally flinch. before you could even finish what you were gonna say, scaramouche interrupted you. "you're being so dramatic y/n! can't i hang out with my friends?! you think you're the only one i have?! archons, there's so many people out there better than you! you're being so possesive."

you? possesive? is he being for real? are you wrong for wanting to spend time with your lover? his words keep echoing in your mind. 'dramatic, better than you, possesive.' you wanted to fight back and defend yourself. but, you wouldn't. you couldn't. you knew that he has other people to rely on too but who knew it would hurt this much when it's being said to you directly. what you didn't know is that he would choose to rely on them over you. now you look like a blind fool, who only saw the truth right now. the truth to his feelings. 'is that how he thinks of me?' you were stunned. too hurt to speak. but you snapped out of your daze once you felt something wet rolling down your face. a tear. you were, crying. crying for a guy who you knew you don't deserve. but you couldn't help it. all you could do now is wipe your tears.

"s-scara no- i'm sorry," what for? why do you need to apologize? "how about i join you with your friends instead? that way we both cou-"

"pfft." scaramouche tried holding his laughter. keyword: tried. he fails. bursting into a fit of laughter. "you? join us? tsk. don't make a joke like that, seriously... i don't need anybody to embarrass me infront of my friends. i told you, i'm too tired for this shit." and just like that, scara entered his room. leaving you all alone at the kitchen table, once again. you covered your mouth, hoping he wouldn't hear your muffled whimpers as you try to not to burst into tears. rushing to your own bedroom just after scara went to his.

you couldn't hold it in anymore. you broke down, tears streaming down from your eyes, too fast to wipe. you couldn't stop crying when you remember the things he had just said. but that wasn't the main reason as to why you were breaking down. sure, the hurtful words were a part of it but it was mostly because of the fact that, ...you know your worth. and you're worth more than this, and you deserve better. but you can't bring yourself to just... let go of him. you hate it that you wouldn't move on. that you couldn't move on.

8 days, 16 hours, 18 minutes and 20 seconds since that incident.

ever since that day you and scara has distanced even further. only seeing each other at night. barely. you told him how you felt and you didn't expect an outcome like this. you figured that you should treat yourself to something nice. you decide to go to the arcade. it was an arcade where you and scara would sometimes go to after class. it wasn't the best place to take a break at, considering you still think of him here, but atleast you were able to relax a bit. surprisingly, you managed to win something at the claw machine! it cheered you up when you remember the amount of times you spent money on rigged claw machines and end up getting nothing. maybe you should go to the arcade more. specifically on bad days. ironically, you're luckier on days where you feel like the unluckiest person ever.

just as you were about to get the prize you won, you saw something, no- scratch that, someone, out of the corner of your eye. someone you really didn't want to see. but still, you looked. your gaze lingered on him. you couldn't help but stare at scaramouche. your lover was right there. right there with another girl. is he cheating? is he leaving me? replacing me? you start overthinking, especially when you remember your last interaction with him. green hair, olive eyes. she's pretty too... maybe scara was right. maybe you were possesive... because right now you're feeling a lot of things. anger? sadness? jealousy? whatever it is --it doesn't feel good. while you were out here feeling like shit, scaramouche right now had the biggest smile on his face. with someone else, he looked so... happy. the smile on his face however, wasn't new to you. seeing it made you reminisce about the past. when you both were still happy together.

"scara! h-hey!-"

you both were walking at the side walk on the way home from school. it felt as if it was just yesterday when this happened. scara was teasing you, smudging ice cream on your face after you both bought some.

"ah- stop it!!"

scara didn't stop, he started laughing. he burst into laughter. and instead of being mad at him for teasing you again, you felt oddly comforted. was it because of his smile? seeing him so happy with you? whatever the reason was, you're just glad he's happy. and so you couldn't help but laugh along with him.

and right now, you're seeing the same memory again. but it's him,

...with someone else.

he's laughing with someone else. doing the same teasing to someone else. being so happy, with someone else.

it hurts.

and it hurts even more when you see that you won matching keychains. there's a pang on your chest and you can't explain the feeling. all you know is that you get this feeling when you see him being okay without you. while you're here suffering without him. it's unfair. you know your worth, and you deserve better. maybe... you should really move on.

so you've promised yourself, --you won't chat him, call him, prepare food for him, wait for him to get home. to think you would change yourself this much because of scara when he wouldn't change a single thing for you. but, it's for the better. now you're both avoiding each other.

15 days, 16 hours, 59 minutes and 58 seconds.

you managed to not interact with him as much for this long. things were awkward for the both of you, keeping replies short with each other. you think if other people saw you both they wouldn't even suspect the idea that you both are lovers. but hey, you kept your promise intact. fortunately, you haven't seen him at all for the past few days, not even a glimpse of him- ...yet.

as you were walking back home, you passed by you and scara's old spot. it was yours and scara's usual spot. it was somewhere near your shared apartment with him, an overlooking hill, where you could see the whole city. it was a place you both went to for a breath of fresh air. some memories quickly popped into your mind but you didn't wanna remember anything about it. not anymore. but it was only now that you noticed two figures on the spot. one was... from the silhouette you could already tell it was scara, but you still took a better look to confirm it and just as you suspected, it was him. now, the other figure was... the same girl again.

you're starting to hate the color green because of seeing her too much with him, although, you do feel slightly guilty 'cause you haven't even spoken to her once yet you feel like this. but still, you hate the color purple even more. it was the color of his hair, his eyes, and you were pretty sure it was his favorite color seeing how much his room is filled with it. because of him... you're hating a lot of things, including the fact that he looked so majestic right now. the wind blowing down on his face, his hair flowing with the air, his face leaning closer and closer to the girl's lips,...

as they kissed.

you watched as scara and the girl's lips touched each other's. it's a bit embarrassing to say but scara has never kissed you on the lips. was he saving it for a special moment like this? the atmosphere for them must have felt romantic. but right now, you feel like it's getting hard to breathe, the air around you is heavy, and your vision is getting blurry. ever since scara and you had distanced, you already knew at some point something like this would occur. but it still hurts. so much.

the dam broke.

tears started flooding down from your eyes. you cover your mouth, hoping the two of them wouldn't hear your sobs. your gaze fell downward. you couldn't bear to look at him again, it'll just break you even more. it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. and you start to think that maybe scara has never even loved you from the very beginning. maybe he was always more than friends with that girl. always ditching you for her, being this intimate with her, and at your personal spot with him too. looking back to your most precious moments with him, you really are a blind fool. you thought you were special. when in reality, he'd replace you the moment you do something he doesn't like.

and so, you break your promise. you take your phone out from your pocket. scrolling for a long while through your contacts. it was only now that you realize how long you actually didn't chat him. you finally find his name. 'scara♡'. you quickly cleared his nickname and started typing. even though your eyes were growing blurry from tears, you still tried to finish typing. albeit, with difficulty, you click send.

"scaramluche, we shoudl bresk up."

you didn't care if it had so much typos, you just wanted to get it over with. you tried staying loyal to him, for a long time. despite all of his complaints and how hard it was to breathe around him, you still endured. but a person could only take too much until they break.

you waited for a few minutes until the two of them finally left your spot. it was where you always went to when you needed a breathe of fresh air, so you went and sat there. watching the city lights, gazing at the sky, breathing this fresh air. this is what you need. no matter how many times you come to this place, the scenery always takes your breathe away. even though scaramouche was just here awhile ago, you couldn't even think about him right now. you wouldn't.

and for the first time in a while, you felt... relaxed. you felt calm. the air around you finally felt light, it was easier to breathe. now it's just you and yourself again. you were used to being alone in the confinements of your shared apartment, but this... feels different. you are alone, but you felt free. you aren't chained down to bothersome worries and doubts anymore.

going back to your shared apartment that day was difficult for you. but from then on, you knew things were gonna get better, so you held on. scaramouche didn't even bat an eye to the boxes lying around on your room. he didn't even care about the fact that your closet was getting emptier and emptier through the days. but that's good. because just like how he neglects you, you won't let yourself be bothered by him anymore.

and alas, the day comes where you finally move out. you went far enough to even ask the landlord if you could move in early. this is the beginning of your life without any problems. without any of him. scaramouche is blocked on all of your socials, he wouldn't know a thing about your whereabouts even if he tried to look for you. because you know a lot of things about him when he doesn't even know where you work.

you finished setting up your bed at your new apartment. you hastily scrambled onto the bed, lying down on your back. your whole body instantly felt relaxed and the only thing you could think about is that you don't regret doing this. you think that maybe this was really what you needed. a break from him, being freed from doubts and worries. you truly did the right choice of moving out, and...

33 days, 21 hours, 5 minutes and 10 seconds.

...moving on.

#genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #rai! ✍️#scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche angst #wanderer x reader #scaramouche genshin impact #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #scara x reader #exams are over #genshin oneshots

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r4izx · 1 year ago

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Worth more than what you take me for.

ayato x gn!reader

summary: in which he had to choose between two people including you, in a life and death situation.

disclaimers: swearing (there's like one lol), kidnapping, ooc traveler.

4,032 words and 21,895 characters.

a/n: dayum. this took a while and i did not expect to write this much.

you've known ayato since childhood. your parents has been serving their clan for generations, being one of their most trusted allies. and you're no exception.

growing up with people with high authorities was such a privilege. you remember when you first met lord ayato and lady ayaka. they both were very the same yet so different. so elegant, disciplined and was well mature for their age. you felt some kind of barrier between you and the siblings but they turned out just as kind as they look. they were easy to converse with. naturally, after some time of serving them, you would have gotten closer. and in fact, you did. although you thought, you and ayato's relationship was... rather special.

for some reason, ayato treats you very differently compared to others. not in a bad way. he often calls you to his workplace, make you sit there and drink tea with him. he takes you out to go eat dinner at uyuu restaurant when you both have finished work. he requested you to be his personal assistant while ayaka had thoma. and because of this, you get to spend more time with him than anyone else. at the beginning, you always thought ayato would be a cold and strict person. but it turns out to be quite the opposite. okay- maybe he is more quiet and colder than others, but that's towards other people. especially to those he only has business with.

ayato is surprisingly different to what you originally thought. he would try to match your humor, often speaking informally like the way you would around your closest friends just to match with you. lately he's been spending his free time with you too. he noticed you liked tea a lot, much like him. so both of you had made it a habit to have tea at the estate's balcony while the sun is going down. watching the sunset together. it felt really romantic for you- but you quickly shook your head and remembered that to him- you're just his work partner. but is that really the case for him? because he was much more observant than you thought. especially about you. he notices any slight change in the mood with you. so there was a particular day when you were gloomy because of being so tired. but he noticed this immediately.

"Shall we take a break?"

-- and you don't know why but your heart skipped a beat when he said that. you thought it was funny-- how he would do all of this for you. and at times like these, you start to feel like a special person to him. just because he always relies on you compared to others. you thought you were special to him. until she came.

who is she? she looks so... bold and pretty. just one look at her and you can already tell she has a strong personality but has a gentle aura. her blonde hair swaying so glamorously in the wind. her otherworldly clothes making her stand out among people. the way she moves makes it embarrassing to stand beside her. she seems so... perfect in everyone's eyes. unfortunately, that includes ayato's. you don't remember having a guest in ayato's schedule when you were fixing it, so why's she here?

you found out the answer really quickly. everyone at the estate has been talking about her and... ayato lately. you don't know why though, which is weird- because as his assistant you should be the first to know about things regarding him. it's even weirder that ayato had not summoned you after work has ended. 'is this where our afternoon tea sessions end?' you thought to yourself. so you found it upon yourself to just be straightforward and ask others what's the gossip all about. luckily, there was another servant nearby. she quickly leaned closer to you and whispered.

"h-haven't you heard?... it seems that lord ayato had taken a liking to lady ayaka's guest."

you were surprised. really. it wasn't even his guest yet he bothered to entertain her. just who is she?

"who-... who is her lady's guest?" you nervously questioned.

"I heard it was... the traveler? was it? lord ayato visited her personally! they're just so perfect with eachother!- i can't help it." the servant squeals in excitement, contrary to your look in horror. you try not to make it obvious though. but you shouldn't even be feeling this way. why does it hurt? there's a sharp feeling on your chest that you just can't get out of. it just hurts to know the reason why he stopped your afternoon tea sessions, dinner hangouts, or just even talking with eachother is because of another girl! you were in no place to get frustrated since you were just a servant. nothing more, nothing less. to him.

you only see him through work now. the urge to invite him to a tea break and have a conversation with him while watching the sunset is getting stronger everyday. and who are you to resist?

"lord ayato... wou-" before you could even finish your sentence, he stopped you. your heart was beating so fast. 'oh no. did I do something wrong?' thoughts like these were circling through your mind.

"i told you to just call me 'ayato' y/n"

--and he chuckles a bit at the end. and so do you. you felt so... relieved. your worries instantly washed away. you felt at ease knowing that you are special to him. i mean- he doesn't do this with others does he?

"ah- my bad... but as I was saying, would you like to have some afternoon tea break with me? I mean, we used to do that everyday but it has been a while since we last did soo..."

and at this point you were so sure he wouldn't decline. he's been less busy this week, what could he possibly do that's far too important to even refu-

"my apologies, y/n. i've already scheduled a tea break with someone else this afternoon. maybe next time if i have the time. i promise i'll make it up to you. however, you could accompany us if you would like." and your mind. empty. the world seems like it stopped for you. not only was your only time to hang out with him gone but you were also replaced. all this time... he was with someone else. you had a gut feeling of who that someone else might be. but you couldn't hold a grudge, you have no right to.

"i-... i look forward to it." nope. you absolutely don't, look forward to it. that day will eventually come though. you just didn't expect it to come, three days later. how quick. you were filled with mixed of different emotions. you hate to admit it- but... you are jealous of who this person might be. but at the same time you're glad to just see ayato again! sadly, for work. when he summoned you, you thought-- 'oh is this finally it? will we finally hang out together again?' until you realize it's just that you will just accompany him to go to a somewhat date with someone else. compared to you and ayato just drinking tea at the estate's balcony, he had prepared so much as to have tea and snacks at the shore. alas, you could finally meet this person. once again. as you realize it was her. the traveler.

"traveler, did you wait long? i'm sorry, you could've ju..."

and their conversation went deaf on your ears. the ayato kamisato. speaking informally, and giving out tea invitations to the traveler. when it used to be you... why are you feeling like this? isn't it obvious. the traveler is way prettier, stronger and better than you. comparing yourself to the traveler is already such an embarrassing thing to do. no one could compare to her. she's out there defeating monsters and fighting archons. while you're here holding a grudge on a person who doesn't even know you just because you're jealous you were easily replaced. but who were you to be replaced when you weren't even his to begin with. this is why you feel guilty. because you think that you have no right to feel this way. it's just now that you realize how much of an overthinker you are. however your thoughts were cut short when you hear ayato calling out your name.

"y/n, i'll go to to the comfort room for a bit. please entertain the traveler while i'm away."

he says.

"understood." and so you take a seat at ayato's chair before. and despite not wanting to have a talk with the traveler, it is still your duty and you would not abandon it for just some mere feelings.

"greetings, i'm y/n. it's a pleasure to meet you traveler." you bow slightly and give the smile you usually show to guests. a smile you practiced countless of times infront of a mirror. "you might have not heard about me though. so allow me t-"

"oh i know. you're ayato's personal assistant. he mentioned it to me before." the traveler states. and you were genuinely shocked but also... curious.

"is that so?... then, has he said any other things about me before?" you nervously asked. though the nervously part may not be obvious to others. the traveler sees right through this. and she giggles. but nods. "would you mind serving me some tea? the tea ayato has been serving me is delicious however i've tasted it countless of times from our past tea parties. so I would like to have a different flavor this time."

the word 'countless' implies that they have been doing this for a while now and you already know that. but it still stirs a feeling of jealousy inside you.

"of course. luckily i brought a different tea flavor for myself as well. let me go get the ingredients from my bag." you return after brewing the tea and pouring it into the cups. how thoughtful that the traveler had already prepared the cups for you.

"this tastes a lot like lavender... melon." the traveler says.

"hm. because it is. you have a great sense of taste." you reply. from this point and so on, you don't really know what to talk about. the atmosphere is really awkward. but you still try to strike up a conversation because she is a guest.

"s-so... what brings you here to the kamisato estate?" you ask. in which the traveler replied with "originally, ayaka invited me. and ayato next." you don't know if it's just your eyes playing tricks on you or did the corner of her mouth raise upwards for a bit. you brush it off. maybe the grudge you have on her is going too far. i mean, it's not like you hate her though. but it's also not like you like her.

by now you've almost finished your tea. same goes for the traveler. you only had to endure a little bit more of this atmosphere and her because ayato should be back soon. so you lowered your guard and relaxed a bit. this whole time you only stared at your teacup, but it wouldn't hurt to take a glimpse at the traveler right? so slowly but hesitantly, you lift your eyes up to see her. already staring at you. but you couldn't break away from the eye contact. especially because she just asked you something you're also asking yourself.

"y/n. tell me. do you like ayato?"

despite having a smile on her face as she asked this, her tone was rather cold. it sent shivers down your spine. you don't know why she's asking this. but you also don't know the answer to that question.

...do you like ayato?

"I'm..."

that was the last thing you said before you went unconscious. before that, your vision went blurry and your head was getting dizzy. how could this be? all the years you've spent serving the kamisato clan, this has never happened.

a loud ringing on your ears forced you to wake up, you could hear numerous voices as you slowly opened your eyes. your vision was still blurry but you could figure out that someone was huge was standing before you.

"it's awake."

'it's? what do these people take me for'. --is what you would have thought when you realized you've been kidnapped and the kidnappers are a group of nobushis. you look at your surroundings, counting just how many they are until you finally notice someone beside you. the traveler. she's still unconscious. looking at her made you realize that you're also tied up and is unable to speak. screaming is no use. you seem to be in a... cave? you're not so sure because you don't remember a cave this huge at inazuma. you try to recall what happened and why you ended up here until you heard something a nobushi said.

"ya think he's coming here?"

"i heard he fancies these two. of course he will."

he? who's he? considering they kidnapped you and the traveler, don't tell me they're talking about him. not lord aya--

"oh well look who's here."

your eyes widen in shock when you turn to the direction they're facing. he's standing right there. ayato kamisato has come to save you. ...and the traveler. something moves beside you and you see the traveler, already awake, with tears in her eyes. isn't the traveler supposed to be strong and mighty? you don't understand, how were they able to kidnap her. in what situation was she in for her to become so vulnerable and be captured? i mean before all of this she was only with you-- !! your eyes widen. you saw ayato, ...glaring at you.

why was he glaring? you were in a pitiful situation right now, yet he glares at you as if you commited a crime. you can't believe it but... 'don't tell me thinks... i poisoned the traveler.' archons. he definitely thinks just that. the way his eyes softens as he looks to the girl beside you confirms so.

"give us the document. maybe we'll let both of them go." one of the nobushis spoke up. documents? what documents are they talking about? you handle all the documents for ayato, could it be he's been keeping something from you? are they comparing lives to a piece of document? surely ayato would-

"no. ...who sent you?" his voice cold as ice. the world has been surprising you a lot today. how important could that document be for it to be able to compare to a person's life. "straightforward i see... too bad, if you don't give us the documents any time we'll kill both of your precious little friends and this place will blow up soon." one of the nobushis spoke up again, it was the same guy as earlier. normally, ayato would be able to beat a few nobushis on his own. but he's way outnumbered right now. for some reason he knows that you and the traveler was taken here, yet he still came alone. you look beside you and see that the traveler is now crying. compared to the mighty traveler you seem to be too calm. you shouldn't be, in a situation like this. is it because ayato is now here? although he probably hates your guts already. but you just trust him way too much.

"...not giving in eh? then let's see..."

the nobushi paused for a moment, seemingly thinking about another way to make ayato give in and for them to gain something out of him. the nobushi smirked.

"...if you give us some mora... we'll let ya choose one of them to go with. give us the documents, you all can go home safe and sound. give us none and... you'll die with them." and finally, you felt... fear. your heart was racing. you didn't know it was this bad. earlier you already knew that you're this close to death's door but you weren't panicking at all. you also don't mind dying if it was for ayato. from an early age you already knew that you had to serve and protect their clan no matter what-- even if you have to pay the price of your own life. so why panic now? is it because the nobushis are going to far with their negotiations? is it because you're knocking right at death's door? or maybe it's because you're afraid that ayato will abandon you. choosing someone else, right infront of you in a critical situation like this. but surely he wouldn't, right?

" ...traveler," he throws a pouch of mora to the ground towards the nobushis. you remember when you both were strolling around at inazuma city after dinner. when he mentions that ever since he saw you looking through the stalls but not buying anything, he figured he'd buy them for you. so he always carried a pouch of mora. for you... and not for anyone el-

".. let's go." what? are you hearing things right? but judging by the way they pull the traveler and untie her, it seems that you are. but you wish you weren't. it turns out he really would choose someone else. the traveler lunges to embrace ayato. seeing ayato slowly hug her back, patting her back to calm down her tears and letting her cry on his shoulder just made your broken heart break even further. you get it. with the traveler's back facing you as they embrace, you take a glimpse of ayato until his gaze lands on you.

" ...y/n..."

his tone was somewhat... soft. you assume on a lot of things and right now you don't wanna expect but, you are. is this his last words to me? is he telling me he's sorry? is he gonna tell me how he regrets doing this? and that he never really wanted this to happen? and that i'm someone special to him, viewing me more than just a serv-

" --how dare you."

...and his gaze turns dark. what for? you didn't even do anything. his eyes glares at you as if you both were never friends. or maybe you were never really a friend to him. and he always thought of you as a mere servant. just like the rest. you were just- too naive. so foolish. thinking you were special. special just because he went looking for you and bought medicine and special rare tea in a day when you were sick for work. special cause he always invited you for tea breaks, conversing with you and only you. special because he always relies on you, and you allowed yourself to be relied on, --when you had no one to rely on for yourself. was those years of being with him nothing for him? was it that worthless in his eyes? that you could just be replaced and abandoned any time? you thought you were someone special in his life when he treated you differently compared to others.

but what about the way you treat him?

you treat him as if you were nothing without him. because he was everything to you. you were only this happy with him. only him. if you think of the most memorable memory you've ever had, it would include him. the day you first met him, and today. the last day you're seeing ayato. you watch them slowly turn their heels to leave. and all of a sudden you spoke. you couldn't help it, you spoke without even thinking. and now you don't know what to say. or maybe-- you just don't want to say it.

"a-ayato..." 'did you ever think if me as more than a friend?'... heck- more than a worker even. you wanted to ask just that. but you wouldn't. cause you couldn't. "...thank you, but I did nothing wrong." you say as you smile. that was your final words before the traveler and ayato takes more steps towards another path, probably leading to the exit. you hesitantly and slowly lift your eyes up to take one. last. look to ayato and... the traveler. and last time your eyes were playing tricks on you, but now you realize it wasn't. cause she was smirking again. smirking at you. leaving you to death.

anger. shame. resentment.

fury rises inside of you. you were raised to be patient with others. it was your job. so you've never felt this way for someone before. you wanted to scream but you couldn't. all you could think about was the traveler.

...the traveler!! the traveler!! the traveler.

it was all because of her that you're in a state like this. ever since she came, things changed. she was the person ayato replaced you with. the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with. and the reason why he threw away all of his memories with you and treated you like nothing. he chose a girl he just met instead of a childhood friend companion who has done nothing but pledge loyalty to him. now that you think about it... for ayato you would risk your life for him, die for him even. but he wouldn't do that for you. he only showed up for the traveler when you thought he came to save you.

it felt like your world was crumbling right before your eyes, watching them walk away, leaving you to death. you could mean that literally since anytime now you might be reduced to nothing but also... ayato is your world. to you he is everything. growing up with him, growing with him. he really is that special to you.

too bad,

he doesn't even see you as anything more than a servant. to him you were, not. special. at. all.

their footsteps has slowly faded away. they left. they've left you. behind, to die. it seems... this is it. you hear the nobushis chuckling and talking amongst eachother,

"geez... what a show! anyway.., are the preparations complete?"

"really? then we could go!"

"where did she say we would meet her again?"

"that bitch... making us do all of this. if it weren't for the mora then I wouldn't have agreed."

her? who's her? who's she? these thoughts seem all too familiar, and once again, you got your answer quickly.

"oh the traveler asked us to meet her at jinren island." a nobushi replied. just when you thought your hatred for her couldn't get any worse. however your thoughts were completely cut off when the nobushis all started leaving you. not even batting a single eye. you remembered them mentioning something that would leave you to ashes here. what was it again? if you recall quickly it was probably a-- "a bomb," --a nobushi says to you. as if he could read your mind. "a few minutes from now, once we all leave, this place will get wrecked. including... you." the nobushi laughs. you have never been this lonely before. i mean, you always had ayato beside you. but now that he personally left you for someone else- who do you have now? you have no answer for that. or maybe it is the answer. nothing. no one is there to help you. your reason to live is gone. atleast, you served your life's purpose before you die. you were never really that close to others including your family because of ayato. so you have nothing to lose now. but... you wish you could atleast take revenge on the traveler... even though you hate that idea. revenge isn't something you would even consider but.. the traveler is a different case.

today has given you particularly a lot of last things. like your last thoughts just now. before feeling a strong burst of energy and the brightest light you've ever seen. and everything turns dark.

...your eyes are closed and you can't move your body. but you're hearing something... footsteps? oh, a voice.

" ...how pitiful,"

you fall into deep sleep once again after feeling such an electrifying strike on your back.

... just who was that?

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