ragingvoid

[ragingvoid]

I always think about how I gave up transitioning 3 years ago and entered a severe depression, all because I didn't wanted to burden my mother with me being trans. I thought I was being sneaky bc she already knew and her reaction was terrible, I thought that since she didn't know anything about gender she wouldn't know why I wasn't getting better. Then, one day I mentioned to her that even though I look like a girl now that wasn't a phase. And she goes "yeah, I known you're getting worse and I imagined that might be the cause"

She never researched or tried to talk to me, she knew that I have a s*icide history. All that because she thought I was working on it with my therapist (I wasn't because I live in a very rural area and the ones here known shit about gender and I already knew what would make it better, I had an idea at least) but I couldn't talk to me therapist about because the only solution would not be what she wanted. Now I'm paying for a therapist specialized in lgbt and I think that I've wasted most of my youth trying to be less of a problem to everyone and almost took my own life because I became a problem to me. I wanted to live my younger years as the person I was meant to be, instead I became a ghost long since dead. A shadow of what I used to be. I'm 26 and I feel old, everything would start later in life because in my country you can take hormones early but if you want surgery for free, it takes around 9 years because of several tests and the amount of people waiting in line. So those 3 years costed me.... Almost costed my life and costed the life I could've have.

If you're not in a safe environment, I totally understand. But if what's stopping you is your family's approval, just do your thing. If they love they will support you and if they try to put the blame on everything wrong with your family on you transitioning, I'm sorry to tell you this but they didn't love you. They just liked the dutiful child that would neglect themselves and shoulder the weight of the world for them. The child who did all the emotional labour. The moment you start understanding that you are a person with needs and should prioritize your health, being mentally or physically, over other people's feelings because you have feelings too, everything becomes lighter. It will hurt, it will be difficult. But it's worth it

I will continue posting in favour of there being fewer people like that

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I will continue posting in favour of there being fewer people like that

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Im just so frustrated bc it doesnt seem fair that your skills can degrade over time. i LEARNED IT😭

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“There are no female aliens in our game because we don’t know how to make a female version of this alien” You know that alien you just designed? That male alien? Give it a female voice actor and have characters refer to it as she. That’s it. That’s literally all you have to do 

Make her shorter if you must

Make her BIGGER if you aren’t a coward 

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parents be like you can’t imagine how hard it is for us to deal with your mental illness

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Weird chairs

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got kicked out of the time loop cause i wasnt learning any life lessons and was just using it to crank my thang crazy style

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i wish i was a cishet guy so that i could start a podcast and go to the gym and allow that to fulfill me spiritually. but instead i have these visions

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Level 1: Porn with plot

Level 2: Porn with social commentary

Level 3: Porn with troubling philosophical implications

Level 4: Porn with maddening revelations of humanity’s place in the cosmos

Level 5: Porn with math

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*sigh* guess we have to do this then

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I like the fact that the two most well-known uses for lithium are treating people who are bipolar, and making batteries, which are also bipolar but in a completely different way.

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the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

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My favourite little x men thing is when someone is like "Give up, Magneto! You stand no chance against this plastic weapon/gun/suit I have built!"

And Magneto is like "I see. Whatever will I do."

and throws the surrounding infrastructure at them.