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randalsgrave · 4 months ago

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Sweetness and Light: Part Nine, Pt. 1

I've put this off for wayyyyyyyy too long, and good god I am so sorry for the wait - and the worst part is that I'm still working on the second half of this part. This thing is going to be a monster when it's done. Not that it even matters because it's getting posted in two parts at this point, but ANYWAY. Y'all (@thestagsheadsblog specifically) have been waiting a literal year for this. The very least I can do is give you something to read while I finish the last half of this part. Trust me, it'll be worth it.

Friday brings unexpected feelings. For both of them.

BobxFemale!OC. F/C: Kacey Rohl

Word count: Let's not go there right now

MAJOR WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY. MENTION OF SMUT. MINORS DNI.

MINOR WARNINGS: Colorful language, not beta-read (we die like men)

***

Katie wakes up the next morning feeling more exhausted than the night before.

Stirring awake sometime around 0520, she finds herself laying perpendicular on her bed, the pillows still neatly propped up against the headboard, the bedsheets twisted around her like a python. Her body aches too, likely from sleeping in a weird position with no head support.

Oh, she’s gonna be miserable in the cockpit this morning.

With a groan, she begins unraveling herself from the tangle of bedsheets. She flings herself onto her stomach, rolling her way towards the pillows, muscles and bones barking at her for the sudden disturbance in position.

It’s only when she’s able to kick free of the covers that Katie finds herself completely naked, and oh wait, that’s right.

She’d gotten herself off late last night, to thoughts of Bob - thoughts of his hands, specifically. The mere recollection of it is enough to make heat bloom in Katie’s cheeks. She’d better hope that her poker face is in fine form during class today, because there’s no way she can let Bob know even a little bit about what she got up to last night. She even contemplates skipping her usual morning coffee with him - at least, until the thought of it sends a shudder of ‘no’ running through her body. The morning caffeine dose is non-negotiable at this point. She has to have it.

Suppose I oughta’ start working on that poker face now then, Katie thinks with a grumble before swinging her legs over the side of the bed and trudging off to the bathroom for a shower.

She stands under the shower head, letting the hot water soak her and turn her skin pink. She needs to think, as much as she can in the little bit of time she has available to her. There’s no denying that she feels something for Bob, and a lot of it at that. There’s also no denying that she wants him physically, so much that it makes her whole body ache. That is its own kind of madness. Were it literally anyone else, Katie would be doing everything she could to find a way to fix it.

But this isn’t just anyone. This is Bob Floyd she’s dealing with, a man she’s not only friends with, but also works with. They have to be careful with how they approach this. She has to be careful.

At least, that’s what she’s telling herself.

You didn’t seem to care too much about being careful last night, did you? Then again, it was obvious you were only thinking about yourself. Selfish, aren’t we?

Katie grits her teeth and cranks the water temperature up, letting the sudden burn shock away the intrusive thoughts. She’s having a hard enough time with this as it is. She definitely doesn’t need to be entertaining thoughts that sound like her estranged mother. Not now, not ever.

Let’s just focus on getting through the morning, shall we?

She heaves a sigh, shuts off the water, steps out to towel off. At least the intrusive thoughts are gone.

For now, anyway.

Once she’s dried off and has wiped away the steam fogging the vanity mirror, Katie forces herself to slow down her routine, to really pay attention and hone in on her movements, on the dabs of concealer under her eyes, on the swipes of moisturizer across her cheeks, on the twisting of her hair. She opts for something intricate this morning - a four-strand braid, woven from top to bottom and swirled into a bun in the low center. She’s silent as her fingers work, weaving her thoughts, her doubts, and her anxieties into each section of the braid, strangling the life out of them as she crosses the strands. What’s happened has happened; she’s not going to torture herself over it - and why should she? She’s a grown-ass woman with needs, and Bob Floyd is really - insanely - attractive. No doubt someone else would’ve done the same if they’d been in her shoes last night.

You don’t have to let this eat at you unless you want it to, Katie tells herself as she twists the braid into bun form and pins it in place. You did what you did and you don’t regret doing it, and that’s that.

Now she just needs to keep reminding herself of that.

Five minutes later Katie’s uniform is on and zipped up, her boots done up and the laces tucked in. When she takes a final look in the mirror, she’s as put-together as always. No indication that her brain is roiling with nervousness and unease and want. That she can’t get the image, the feel of Bob’s hands out of her head.

You don’t have to let this eat at you unless you want it to.

Hell, maybe she does.

But she’s not about to let anyone else know that. Especially Bob.

She heaves a long sigh - then squares her shoulders, starts her walk down to the stairway and to Bob’s room.

Coffee this morning is going to be very interesting.

***

Bob has no idea how he’s going to interact with Katie today.

At least, not without a straight face.

Because after the events of last night… Whoo boy.

To say that he’d been a bit out of sorts after Katie had left his room would be an understatement. She’d walked out, back to her room, and for several moments afterward, he’d just sat there, painfully hard and straining against his jeans, brain replaying the last several minutes of making out with her over and over and over, nerves reliving the sensations of her hands on his body, on his face, the sheer warmth of her…

And then suddenly Bob couldn’t take it anymore. He’d all but marched into the bathroom, blood thundering in his veins as he’d undone his jeans, wrapped his hand around his cock, and fucked himself raw, so raw that it damn near made him lightheaded afterward. The mere thought of her, of her hand around his shaft, holding him, stroking him… It was fucking electrifying. He’d come with her name on his lips, body shuddering with the force of it, and he’d just…

He still can’t believe he did that last night.

He now tends to his shower-dampened hair with a comb, brain cycling through the moment, through his thoughts for the morning, for the day, for the rest of all time. There’s no way she can know - not right now. It’s been barely a week since their relationship changed, and she’s made it clear that she wants to go slow with him. He has to honor that. Even if it kills him, he can’t be jumping ahead and wanting things from her. He can’t do it - and he sure as shit can’t do what he did last night either. That is a definite no-go.

Bob sets the comb down on the counter, gazes at his reflection in the half-fogged mirror. Neat and proper as always. Not a hair out of place, literally and figuratively.

Unless told otherwise, he plans to keep it that way.

He slips his black undershirt over his head, shakes out his neatly folded flight suit before stepping into it and zipping it halfway. Katie will be knocking on his door any second; he needs to be ready to face her before then.

Thankfully, Bob is ready by the time he has the arms of his flight suit tied around his waist. It’s just like any other morning, he realizes. Shame and embarrassment and thoughts of last night don’t need to play a part in their routine, not unless he wants them to. Hell, what even is there to be ashamed of? Nothing, that’s what. He did what he had to do; surely he can’t be faulted for that.

He takes a deep breath, steadies himself. You’re fine. There’s nothing to worry about.

The universe, it seems, is hell-bent on testing that theory, because no sooner does the thought go through Bob’s head than there’s a knock at his front door. She’s here.

And it turns out there is something to worry about.

He notices it the second he kisses her. She lets him, sure, but she pulls away just as quickly as she leans in, puts space between the two of them with little more than a quiet ‘hey’.

Oh no. That can’t be good.

Still, Bob plays it off like there’s nothing wrong. He ushers Katie in, heads for his usual spot behind the counter to make coffee for the both of them, smiling softly all the while. “Sleep okay?” he asks her as he’s filling the grinder with medium roast beans.

Katie seems to stiffen at the question, something that sends a pang of unease through Bob. “Kind of?” She shrugs after a moment. “It was eh.”

“Oh… Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.”

One-word answers. This really can’t be good.

Bob has half a mind to ask her if she’s sure, to push and pry and prod. His nerves are suddenly through the roof and every cell in his body is screaming at him to ask, to make sure and sure again that her behavior isn’t his fault, that he didn’t scare her in some way last night.

But he doesn’t. Something tells him that that would only make things worse.

So he lets it go. He makes them coffee and buries his worry deep, far away from the prying of his racing mind. And it works, for the most part. He’s able to carry on some semblance of conversation with Katie, something about today’s impending lecture and flight ops, with a calm expression on his face and a smooth, even tone in his voice.

But goddamn if he doesn’t sweat internally the whole time. This is the most at-odds Bob’s felt with a member of the opposite sex, someone he’s really, seriously, overwhelmingly attracted to, in who knows how long, and he really, really doesn’t like the feeling. They were on the same page yesterday - hell, the same damn sentence. What on earth happened between now and then to make her this quiet and him this uneasy?

It’s a question that plagues Bob long after they’ve finished their coffee and set out for the schoolhouse. Katie drives them this morning, murmuring along to her Milo Korbenski songs, but doesn’t do much else beyond that. She’s quiet - far too quiet. God, Bob thinks, this day is gonna be hell if she doesn’t say something.

Unfortunately for him, that’s exactly what the universe has in store for him.

Katie hardly says a word to him the whole time they’re in the schoolhouse - and sure, a large part of it has to do with Everhardt throwing them some heavy lecture and needing to focus, but…

He can feel her eyes on him at times, can sense the something that’s dying to be said. And he knows Katie has something to say, because every time he twists his head and makes eye contact with her, her mouth twitches, just the tiniest bit, like the words are trying to fight and claw their way out.

But she keeps them in, and Bob just… stews. This is bad. Christ, it’s bad enough that Fanboy picks up on it. At one point, he looks over at Bob with his eyebrows furrowed and nods towards Katie, and all Bob can do is shrug, because how the hell is he supposed to explain what’s going on at this point, or even know, for that matter?

God, maybe he did do something wrong last night. What other explanation is there?

Bob spends the rest of the school day – to include a hop in the afternoon with Rapture and Ad-Rock – with his stomach in knots and his heart pounding in his chest. He can’t remember the last time he had an anxiety attack, let alone a long-lasting one. He certainly can’t remember the last time a girl was the cause of it.

He winds up hardly speaking to Katie when they’re released from the schoolhouse for the weekend, not that he doesn’t want to. Each time he looks at her, words form in his mouth, then promptly fail him. After all, what exactly is he supposed to say to her when she’s barely said anything to him?

They ride back to the lodge in Katie’s car, the silence near suffocating. It’s so bad that it catches Bob off-guard when she says “see you” to him in the elevator.

And still the words fail him.

He makes his way back to his room, head whirling with replays of the day’s events and his own analysis of it all, wondering where it could’ve possibly gone wrong, wondering if there had been signs and he’d just been too oblivious to notice them. Had it gone wrong, though? Hell, he’s not even sure about that. This whole day has been nothing short of weird and at this point, he just wants to sink himself into one of his books and let his mind drift for a while.

So, he does just that. With no regard for his uniform or his boots as he enters his room, he grabs his battered copy of The Eye of the World off the kitchen counter, trudges over to the couch, and flops down without a second thought, fully prepared to sink into a world of high fantasy and sword fighting. Katie and the awkward morning between them are the last things on Bob’s mind as he opens to where he last left off.

At least, they almost are.

She lingers in the back of his mind as he reads, often standing in for certain characters when his brain isn’t doing a good-enough job at imagination. If he didn’t like the idea of Moiraine Sedai resembling his blue-eyed classmate from Oregon, he might be annoyed with the whole thing.

He just wishes she’d reach out and talk to him—even just a little bit.

But she doesn’t. His phone stays silent - and Bob reads, and reads, and reads.

It isn’t until a couple of hours later, after he’s long since changed out of his flight suit and into his weekend uniform of jeans and a t-shirt (and ripped through a chapter or three in The Eye of the World), that he gets a text from her, and to his surprise - and utter relief, if he’s being honest - it’s an invitation to dinner out in town.

Bob can’t type his reply fast enough. “Sure. Where are you thinking?”

“Not sure yet. How do you feel about pub food?”

“I could go for a burger.”

“Cool. Know any places?”

Boy, does he. “There’s actually a really good brewery not far from base - Ballast Point Brewing. Ever been?”

“Haven’t been. I trust your food judgment though. Haven’t steered wrong yet, haha.”

Thank god, she’s laughing - in text form, maybe, but Bob will take any form of laughter from her right now. It’s better than any of the awful alternatives his brain keeps coming up with.

“Sounds good to me. When do you wanna go?”

“Uhhhhh give me some time to get ready? I’m still in my flight suit.”

Bob snorts at that one. “Class ended almost 2 hours ago…”

“Sometimes the work day hits you hard homie. Lol. I’ll let you know when I’m downstairs.”

Somewhere in the back of Bob’s mind, a voice bearing considerable resemblance to his mother’s warns him about the pains of being taken advantage of, but he pushes it to the side with a huff to himself. He knows he’s in fairly uneven territory with her, but Katie wouldn’t do something like that to him - hell, to anyone.

She wouldn’t do that to him. No way.

He’s still telling himself that half an hour later, when he finally gets a text from her saying that she’s waiting downstairs in the lobby. He likely will be telling himself that all night.

He leaves his room with a deep breath, taking in the smell of the cologne he’d spritzed just before walking out - woody and spicy, quietly intense, a confidence booster in a bottle. It belongs to a man who’s sure of himself and confident in the company he keeps. Bob is willing himself to be that man tonight. I am that man.

He hops on an elevator, hits the button for the lobby. At floor two, it dings to a stop and on walks Halfpint, who nods his head in greeting before sweeping an eye over Bob. “You’re lookin’ pretty snazzy, guy.”

Compliments - Bob’s old enemy. He smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of his head. “No snazzier than I usually do after class.”

“Modest ass. Got a date or somethin’?”

A chuckle. “Yeah, something like that.” Bob regards Halfpint, dressed casually in a hoodie and a pair of black joggers - definitely not an outfit for going out on a Friday evening. “All by your lonesome tonight, huh?”

“Yeah. Fanboy said he was going out to the Hard Deck with Rapture and Bojack.”

“Didn’t feel like tagging along?”

“Nah,” Halfpint shrugs. “Sometimes you need to be a solitary creature.”

Bob feels a small smirk curl across his face. He knows the feeling all too well. Too bad tonight isn’t one of those times.

“Fair enough,” he says before stepping out of the elevator and into the lobby. “You have a good night, man.”

Halfpint only gives Bob a halfhearted wave, not that Bob notices it - his attention is on Katie sitting on one of the lobby couches, and only her as he walks towards her. He’s seen her probably a dozen times now in civilian attire, and none of those other times have made him pause and stare - not like this one. She has her hair down again, in that same pretty, loose half-up-half-down style she wore when they went to the aquarium, and it spills over the front of one shoulder and down the back of the other. Bare shoulders, Bob notes. She’s wearing a soft-looking, square-necked white tank top, jeans, and her Birkenstocks, with a red and white flannel (her favorite one, he’s noticed after the last few times sharing beers and snacks with her on the lodge’s back patio) tied around her waist. It’s as casual as the numerous other outfits she’s worn outside of the schoolhouse, and yet, this one…

Bob blinks, swallows, a bit louder than he was expecting. Christ almighty, this woman is going to be the death of him. In less than a second she’s managed to zap away all the thoughts and nervous ‘what-if’s’ from earlier. It has to be the shoulders, the exposed clavicle. They’re exposed and delicate and she’s beautiful and -

“You good there, Bob?”

He blinks again. He really needs to stop doing that.

“I’m good” - You sure about that, Floyd? - “I’m good. You sure you’re okay with driving tonight?”

Katie smiles and palms her ring of keys in her hand. “I’m sure. Now c’mon.”

Bob’s left to trot after Katie as she spins and beelines for the parking lot. She’s still not talking a whole lot, but at least she’s not clamming up and pulling away from him anymore. He wouldn’t know what to do if that were still the case.

In her 4Runner in the rearmost part of the parking lot, Katie dials up her chosen music for the evening, an older Pastel Ghost album that reminds Bob of some of the video games he played when he was younger. At first it seems a little outside of her normal range, all electronica with heavy synth and eight-bit noises, but the longer Bob listens, the more he understands that she’s in it for the dream feel of it. These songs, these sounds, they’re like floating on a cloud - and given her penchant for shoegaze, it all makes perfect sense for her.

He chuckles as the thought passes through his head. “I was gonna say this stuff seems a little outta left field for you, but I’d be wrong on that one. It’s very spacey and… floaty.”

“I mean, you’re not entirely wrong. I had no idea about this album until, like, three days ago. Fanboy put me onto it, believe it or not.”

“Huh. Wouldn’t have pegged him for a fan of this stuff either.”

“Right? Like all I’ve ever heard him play is Deftones or car bro phonk.” Katie cranks the steering wheel ‘round and maneuvers them out of the parking lot, head bobbing gently in time with the music. “Didn’t strike me as a pastel electronica type of guy, but… guess you never know with some people. Really glad he put me onto this though; this whole album is amazing.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Bob should be glad that she’s herself again, that she’s chatting and not resorting to one-word replies. Hell, he is.

But he can’t stop thinking about how detached she was earlier.

Bob licks his lips. “Y’know, Fanboy was worried about you earlier. You were really quiet today.” He contemplates voicing his own concern for her, but leaves it at that. Something tells him that Katie will know.

Sure enough, when she glances over at him, there’s a glimmer in her eyes that tells him she does. “Yeah,” she says softly. “I was, wasn’t I?”

“Just promise me you won’t be quiet for the rest of it.” He feels foolish and uncomfortably exposed saying what’s on his mind, but to hell with it. “I like… I like hearing you talk.”

The glimmer in Katie’s eyes goes from knowing to guilty. “I’ll try to keep that in mind,” she replies, a small, tight smile crossing her face. There’s no missing the twinge of unease in her voice.

Neither of them say much else for the rest of the ride.

@everything-i-love-in-life @docdetective @luckyladycreator2

#top gun maverick #robert bob floyd #bob my beloved #robert floyd #bob floyd top gun #top gun #tgm #fanfiction #bob floyd fic #lewis pullman #female oc #robert floyd x female oc

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randalsgrave · 4 months ago

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I’m gonna miss this kid so much

♡ day 2: eli "hawk" moskowitz ♡

MY SHAYLAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

okay so like many other fans, i recognized jacob from his disney/nick days (namely icarly, marvin marvin, jinxed and, obviously, kirby buckets) so i knew his name but i was also still a kid so every time he came on screen, he was only kirby buckets. ("aww they're all bullying kirby buckets" "no way they put kirby buckets in a mohawk" "dude he totally kicked kirby buckets into that trophy case") JUST THE FIRST TWO SEASONS I PROMISE, it's kinda funny in retrospect lmao

(side note: i also recognized mary, xolo, and peyton so it was really funny to put their ck storylines in their previous projects' context. "woah emma/savannah from frenemies just kissed victor from parenthood ! but so did emma from jessie and now she's beating up emma/savannah ?? OMG VICTOR JUST FELL OFF THE BALCONY")

so anyways since i recognized him, he was one of the only three characters i took notice of (the other two being johnny and miguel obvi) and he always has been one of the most interesting characters of the show. ik i sound like a broken record at this point but HE MAKES THE SHOW WHAT IT IS.

he's very pushed back toward the end of the series (namely s5 and 6). but he plays a big role in the story in general BECAUSE he is the only one that demonstrates the mental effect karate has had on the kids IN A VISIBLE WAY. (eli's hair as a metaphor for his mental state, how i love thee)

so he starts out with almost no lines, he's bullied, and he comes as a duo with demetri, but he's so CUTIE. bro's literally just kind of existing. AND he has short blonde hair, nice slicked to the side, a spiffy little gentleman. i loved his wardrobe too, it wasn't even all one aesthetic like demetri's, it kinda bounces between your grandpa's closet and human bean bag. i love the colors and textures and patterns I LOVE ELI.

while miguel, demetri, and eli are all bullied from the beginning, eli's is worse bc of his lip scar (which i think is incredibly ridiculous but i know kids suck sometimes). and eli is PERFECT to be the middle man between demetri and miguel. while miguel is actively doing something about it (karate) and demetri is actively doing nothing about it (accepting his fate and waiting to graduate), eli is at a standstill. he could stay by demetri's side like he's done for YEARS, practically his whole life, never stand up for himself, duck his head and wait for graduation, or he could try something new and follow in miguel's footsteps. and after the cafeteria fight, miguel's obviously doing SOMETHING right so hook, line, sinker. (also eli applauding miguel after the fight is so cute, i love seeing is sixteen lone pixels in the corner of the screen with his little stoner hoodie) (also demetri's four pixels in the background)

eli's obviously ENRAPTURED by karate and convinces demetri to join, he even sticks with it when demetri quits bc he's REALLY dedicated. he really wants to learn karate, and he really wants to learn from johnny how to get a miguel-type transformation, how to fight, how to gain confidence, how to stop getting bullied, how to be cool. again, we as viewers know that as pure as johnny's intentions may be, his advice is obviously flawed and outdated. but the kids don't know that. so they drink in every word he says bc, to them, he's the coolest adult they've ever met (again, bc this is a show WROUGHT with absentee parents and abandonment issues, these kids put WAY TOO MUCH TRUST IN HIM)

even though he runs off when johnny lays into his lip, he obviously got what he wanted (not in a way he SHOULD have but), johnny tells him (from johnny's obviously brilliant perspective /s) exactly how to stop being that scared little kid in the cafeteria and how to become cool. which is basically that he needs to distract from his lip if he doesn't want people looking at it. (you don't need to bookie, people suck but there's a whole other world out there <3)

so he gets the mohawk. i like seeing fic writers' rationale for why he chose a MOHAWK and not another more trendy hairstyle. and personally i've never been that BIG of a fan of the mohawk, it grows on you over time obviously and it's easy to forget it's there but it feels like such an eyesore sometimes, probably bc i know that's not jacob's preferred hairstyle. but there is one rationale that is SO interesting. i'd love to say the writers knew but i try not to put too much faith in them.

mohawks apparently originated as a native american tradition to symbolize courage. it was a sign of strength. so how FITTING that eli would choose a mohawk to debut his new display of courage. the writers most likely chose it bc of the punk movement, which also works, but either way, i love the idea of eli sitting at home with red puffy eyes just stumbling on this information and deciding to take a risk for ONCE, immediately going to the store and buying out all the hair gel and hair dye and spending the whole night dyeing his hair and figuring out how to style it perfectly. WAIT IM GONNA ADD THIS TO THE HEADCANON LIST THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

but either way (fuckass traffic cone aside) he gets the mohawk, and he's suddenly really confident, then comes the tattoo, the personality, and the girlfriend (moon you deserve better than to be diminished down to hawk's gf. you need to run free with your crystals and weed without a closeted bisexual manic karate man holding you down.) (moon and ali parallels??)

so hawk getting the makeover is viewer shorthand for johnny's success. not to say it should be diminished down to just johnny's doing. but hawk becoming confident, becoming popular and, in a much starker way than miguel, going from zero to hero in just a few months shows that johnny really is making these kids stronger. his influence is far more powerful than he or daniel could've imagined. and it shows, through the length and the blue and black that contrasts his blonde hair, just how big this influence is on the kids.

his blue era is cute, and the black roots definitely hint toward something darker brewing below the surface. but i truly do love blue-hawk. his bickering with demetri, while NOW we see it as angst, really was just silly bickering. just two vocal personalities colliding but still supporting each other, just separately instead of codependently like they've been their whole lives. (me when they obviously still spent time together and demetri was at every single one of hawk's events after he joined cobra kai) (s1/2 hawkmetri you are so special to me)

him color coordinating his mohawks with his outfits are so important to me, i know that's BECAUSE his hair color and clothes are reflective of his mentality but it's so cute in-universe (the costume/hmu departments knew EXACTLY what they were doing)

HIS RED-HAWK PHASE I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. so obvi his red hair is reflective of the time when he FULLY embraces cobra kai, from the beginning of s2 to somewhere in s4. but this is ALSO the time he starts styling his hair in chunks rather than the simple spiked gradient he had before. i can't say exactly what this means. maybe it symbolizes a fractured personality? compartmentalizing? maybe that he's taking more risks? maybe just that it looks more dangerous? if anyone would like to answer that, be my guess, it could genuinely be anything.

another thing i noticed but i don't think i can concretely say anything about is the fact that toward the beginning and end of this phase, he wears a lot of black with hints of red (either like the stripes of his sweater during the school fight or just having red in his hair). this might be his inner turmoil? at the beginning, he for sure was highly unstable but it didn't bother him in the same way it was toward the end. then in the larusso house fight, he has the yellow shirt with the red jacket, which is obviously him kind of shedding his snake skin type of thing. AND the red shirt he wears at the beginning of s4 is a very faded red, which is so cute. he's like again growing away from cobra kai's influence. I LOVE COSTUME DEPARTMENTS FOR THIS EXACT REASON. idk again if someone can explain this more that'd be great but it's really cool nonetheless !

so he spends his whole red-hawk phase being a jerk, blah blah blah i could make a whole post on its own for this phase. BUT SOMETHING I WOULD LIKE TO YAP ABOUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING:

i love hawk, i do, this whole post proves i do. and i say this with love. FUCK HAWK FOR THE GOLF N STUFF FIGHT. no he didn't "technically" start it, and demetri haters/hawk dickriders LOVE to bring up s6 to defend him, it's giving this tweet:

like, i say this as a hawk fan, do some of y'all realize how DELUSIONAL you sound? 😭 "demetri wouldn't call him hawk :(" NEWSFLASH, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. he's his own person. hawk easily could just cut him off and stop being friends with him. easy, simple. people cut contact with friends all the time for deadnaming, it's really not any different for a nickname. "b-but demetri wouldn't stop yapping about mit !" first of all, you're THREE seasons and a full year too early. second of all, demetri has his own reasons for being upset about mit (which is its own thing entirely) but that doesn't mean he deserves to get his arm broken. ESPECIALLY by his ex-boybest friend

now i'm sure some people may be wondering why i don't hate robby for worse. that's a very good question. and i'll settle on this: the panic is evident on robby's face. the whole balcony thing was spur of the moment, he didn't hesitate and weigh his options. he just did it. and he obviously didn't INTEND to kick him off the balcony. he didn't know it was so close or that miguel would fall. he just kicked him bc he was blinded by rage and wanted to win a stupid fight. ALSO robby and miguel have been enemies since DAY ONE. they always hated each other up to that point. what he did was obviously wrong but he didn't realize the severity of what he was doing and he eventually dealt with the consequences.

HOWEVER COMMA (i could write a whole essay on this but i'll reign it in) hawk obviously isn't panicked enough about what he just did since he's able to play along with the cobra kais for a second before they leave, hawk HESITATED when he had demetri pinned which means he obviously thought through and willingly broke demetri's arm, he knew it would break, demetri had NEVER been his enemy before all the karate drama, and hawk NEVER DEALT WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS. this was an actual felony ! hawk could actually get arrested and sued for this ! this could've been something on his permanent record ! that could ruin his life ! he could've and SHOULD'VE had the same consequences that robby suffered ! but he never faces the consequences. and while robby is forced into this storyline where he and tory can't get into most colleges bc of their record, hawk gets to walk free and apply wherever he wants.

we know, if nothing else, demetri seems to check all the boxes for a normal friend. nothing INHERENTLY pointing to a bad friend. and to add to this, moon, someone who didn't grow up by eli's side and didn't know eli, just his hawk persona, someone with AN OUTSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE, dumps him bc she doesn't like how aggressive and mean he's becoming (specifically toward demetri).

ergo, there's no good justification for him to break his arm, nothing redeeming anyway. so why did he break his arm? a million fanon reasons for why but none canon. BECAUSE THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT IT. an apology should be the least he could do, right? the bare minimum of just "i'm really sorry about your arm, man. all i could see was red and next thing i knew you were screaming and holding your broken arm. i'd take it back if i could." but weird, huh, that's- no, yeah, that's literally just robby's apology to miguel for the balcony. because ROBBY apologized, he and miguel TALKED IT OUT.

all demetri got was "i'm sorry for all of it, wanna help me win this thing?" nothing specific. he just clumps in the entire year into "all of it", as if calling him a pussy and breaking his arm are in the same category. he could've rushed out a similar apology but directly point out the arm and i would've forgiven that MORE than what they did.

then boom they're besties in the next scene. admittedly, in s4, after robby shaves his hair, and he has his self-pity spiral, he says "i just proved i was an asshole...especially to you." well yes, eli moskowitz ! that's an inkling of an apology ! but then he has to play the self-deprecating card and takes a different route from an apology by saying "i got what i deserved." like yeah, you kinda did, but that still doesn't sound like an apology.

then they move on ! and it's never mentioned again until s6 pt 1. S6 PT 1, HOW I LOVED THEE. when it came out, i was so excited, like omg ! demetri's FINALLY crashing out like every other character already has ! he's finally gonna show hawk that what he did was INCREDIBLY fucked up and he needs more than one "i'm sorry" to excuse an actual FELONY.

but then pt 2 came out and just completely 180'd. "whoever denied it supplied it 🤓" my brother in christ, you broke this man's arm and bullied him into oblivion, what are you doing with these fart allegations? and obviously, i'm familiar with the ck writers' tendency to drop storylines but damn, they dropped the severity of their fight in ONE episode, e5 to e6, that's an insane feat even for them sjdkjfdk

anyways, most of what i wanted to talk about with hawk was the arm break and his mohawk, and i basically covered all that. all i can say for the later seasons is i LOVED his purple mohawk but the faux hawk was BY FAR his best look, i fear i will never get over it. (no one mention that fuckass american mohawk, i hate it i hate it i hate it)

also i would love to applaud jacob. i don't know what he does to get into hawk's mentality or what he thinks hawk's motives are but like how did he manage to make a character so INCREDIBLY bisexual that it's pretty undeniable to fans and non-fans. like yes, gianni is naturally tall, moreso than jacob, and he is personally really cute. so it's probably natural that everyone might look at him like THAT. but no one else does. the way THAT MAN SPECIFICALLY looks at him. like jacob?? hello??? i want to interview him so badly and ask what could POSSIBLY be going through his mind every time he looks at gianni's lips and eyes like THAT

and it's not even like an out of context screenshot, HE STARES AT HIM THIS WHOLE SCENE AND IN OTHER SCENES THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SHOW

i just know if jacob and gianni had control, they'd make hawkmetri canon

i feel it in my soul

i love this bisexual ball of anger, he's my pookie

!! headcanons !!

I'm gonna try not to repeat everything i already put on my hawkmetri hc list but i'll summarize the main ones

BISEXUAL AND AUTISTIC !!

jewish eli !!

short social battery, likes demetri talking for him sometimes, takes long naps after hang outs

anger issues 🙏

OKAY SO as mentioned previously in this post, he totally sat in bed sobbing to himself about being embarrassed by johnny but at this point, too frustrated and angry to actually want to talk to demetri or miguel. he stumbled upon the symbolism of mohawks (maybe someone doing a deep dive on spider punk) and he decided to throw caution to the wind (since he's too pissed off to care) and he spends all night dyeing his hair and learning to style it before he feels satisfied with it and goes back to the dojo with a new confidence (esp after johnny praises him)

SAMHAWK BESTIES >>>>

hawk, at first, didn't understand how sam could switch from bonsai badass samantha larusso to an exhausted, scared little girl named sam. (just wondering what could've possibly rained on that princess's perfect little parade to make her look like her dog died.) it was seeing demetri treat sam the way he so often treated eli after bad bullying days that made him realize she also got panic attacks/overwhelmed. he still doesn't know how to make someone feel better (demetri's never been one to open up and miguel usually feels better after a little pep talk) but he's started inviting sam over to help build lego models. he figures there's no talking required and they can just listen to the music they have in common.

sam notices hawk get sensory overload (which she picked up some understanding of it from demetri) and asks him to help her put her hair in braids. he doesn't know wtf he's doing and they come out really bad (which she fixes on her own privately) but gently pulling her hair into smaller strands and following a pattern does help him focus and calm down. it becomes a routine to the point where he automatically goes to her and asks if she needs help to signal he needs to calm down. he eventually gets better at it and devon starts asking him for help occasionally

demetri will always be his number one but directly under him is moon, miguel and sam. (and chozen obvi, they're locked in like miguel and johnny)

he wears his hair down around demetri, occasionally miguel but he always has it up. he's not really sure if it comes from his insecurity in his lip or if it's just routine at this point but he almost refuses for anyone to see him without the mohawk, which is why the mohawk shaving hits him so hard.

he gets along really well with all the miyagi-do kids now but sometimes he'll still hear them mention inside jokes from his time in cobra kai or act incredibly friendly with demetri and he just gets really sad for a few hours thinking about how much he missed while he was off being an asshole

he actually gets kind of sad and mad when anyone acts like they're demetri's best friend. he knows logically they're all friends now but it aggravates him knowing just two years ago, none of these people gave him and demetri a second glance but all of a sudden they act like they know everything about him (jealous eli my beloved)

part of his rationale for the mohawk was to protect demetri (but demetri seemed to hate his switch so much that the motivation quickly went out the window)

he asked for demetri's help to dye his hair purple and back to blue at the end of s5 (and the new teal hawk in pt 3 :3)

a lot of his codependency on demetri stems from him being his only friend for so long and being one of the only people that was nice to him obvi but it's also bc demetri seems to have a sixth sense for all things hawk. it might be neurodivergent solidarity or maybe demetri's just naturally a really good caretaker, but hawk doesn't feel as comfortable anywhere else than by demetri's side.

he definitely hates himself for the red hawk stint and that he let his anger issues get out of control enough to do ALL THAT. (his actions definitely made him angrier until it was a vicious cycle) (angry bc he can't go back to demetri. angry at demetri for not accepting him. not able to go to demetri bc he's angry. rinse and repeat.)

final thoughts: hawk moskowitz, you are peak. i love you so much. i know the canon won't let you be canonically bi or autistic bc the writers don't want their "alpha sigma bro" to be seen as "woke" or anything. but i know you, i feel you, i understand you. while i might be disappointed with how you turn out in the finale, i know you've inspired so many people. your growth and your mistakes make you human, and it's been amazing to see a character with such a great non-linear growth. and to have such a badass character canonically be a nerd, YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. I WILL MISS YOU SO MUCH BOOKIE, SAFE TRAVELS SOLDIER, GOOD LUCK

#cobra kai #hawk moskowitz #eli moskowitz

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