rantaccla

[rantaccla]

Pride Confessions pt. 2

Hello, Iyashi! 

I'm sorry to hear that due to your prior experiences, you have had difficulty identifying what love looks and feels like. It makes sense that these events would have had an impact on how you view and comprehend love. Healing and finding happiness for yourself are important goals, and it's definitely possible to achieve them.

It's vital to take some time to think on your past experiences and evaluate how they impacted your present sense of love in order to discover the patterns that have led to the anguish and confusion that you felt. This will help you work toward yourself and achieve a healthy understanding of love. In order to overcome the destructive patterns taken and experience personal progress, self-awareness is essential. Of course, you can also enlist the help of the people in your life who you can trust to ensure that you don't go through the healing process alone. You may also look for advice through LGBTQ+ support groups to ensure that you don't feel alone in your queer experience and to receive additional viewpoints from trusted sources. 

Through these you can redefine the way that love means to you, explore different ways that you want to be loved, especially since love is not boxed only into romantic love, you can use this time to strengthen friendships and family connections and consider which values practiced in these relationships can be applied into your romantic love when you're ready for it. In order to create a relationship in which you feel comfortable expressing your actual emotions and expressing your needs, it is also crucial to establish healthy limits. Healthy relationships are founded on these boundaries.

And lastly, the most important thing is to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, engage in activities that make you happy which can enrich your emotional health. Treat yourself with kindness and people will do the same, this can help you heal the fullest. Remember that healing is a journey and cannot be achieved immediately, so enjoy the process and learn through these experiences for yourself. 

-c

Hi Miki Ninaj!

This is Elle. Thank you for writing this! First things first, I want to give you a biiiiiiig hug with consent! Please know na your feelings, your confessions, are valid! It takes courage to open this up even in an anonymous confessional blog and I am so proud of you for being able to speak your truth. 

I acknowledge your feelings, and am genuinely sad that you are feeling this way. I can't imagine the experiences you went through to start believing na nothing good will happen to you. I wonder what or who made you feel na you were never genuinely loved despite giving your all. I'm sorry that these people hurt you. You did not deserve the doubts, the loneliness, and the hurt that you are currently feeling. 

I believe that the fact that you have acknowledged and accepted these feelings is a huge step for personal growth! If you haven't moved on with these thoughts and feelings, it's best to take your time with them and not force anything, settle with your feelings first, feel them and let them flow. I hope you will cope healthily.

If you choose not to open up to others and to not find a romantic partner, please know that it is perfectly fine. I am proud of you for the steps that you are taking ,and I sincerely understand na this stemmed from your experiences, and that you are just trying to protect yourself from the pain na you experienced before. If this is what will make you at peace and with joy, then I support you with all my heart. Someday if circumstances change, I hope you know that it is okay that we change as well, because change is inevitable, and we can only hope that we can change for the better.

Take your time to heal, to find yourself, and to remind yourself that there is a person who should be the first to make you feel genuinely loved–yourself. And I believe that you are on the right track as you are now learning to set boundaries for your well-being.

I am genuinely hoping for your happiness, and for you to be able to explore everything about yourself. I am wishing you the best.

-Elle

Hello, Trans Nina! 

The time you accepted yourself as a transwoman is notable at its shallowest, so I want to tell you that: I see you. Closeted or not, with wigs or with crowns, with stained lips or none of the above — what is your standard of being a woman? How did you come to terms with being a transwoman yourself? Because the impression of transwomen on screens cannot be compared to the story of how you have accepted yourself as one. And we, women, are not dressed to please the male gaze or to fit into the curves of a woman’s jeans just because the heteronormative society dictated that this is “the” beauty standards. Although maybe you want that kind of life for you as a woman and to further embrace you, the life of wigs and pageants, and generally, it’s okay. Being a transwoman does not end to an acceptance of your womanhood, rather it starts from there. Women, we dream big for big thrills. We crave for liberation of our femininity and womanhood. Different things empower us and it’s not my place nor anyone’s place to tell you which one can you be empowered.

"Transness" is a label of which you feel safe to be you, and whenever you feel that you aren't, society is to be blamed. All these beauty and gender conformity are what give us our limit. Initially, I see you have embraced yourself, what's now stopping you from taking up more space? Maybe give yourself a pat for you have questioned yourself enough, maybe it's time to gain high courage to be indulged in the struggle of our trans friends who can share their stories with you, struggle together, and work together for a system that is liberating for all transpeople and all sexes. 

The bottomline is, the future is bright, my love. Everything’s okay. You’re okay. You might not be where you wanted to be with yourself right at this moment, but you’ll get there. Continue embracing the natural you and soon, I am sincerely anticipating of that day, I hope to see you in your most beautiful form — the happy, affirmed you among the trans struggle to genuine liberation of all. For now, it is important for you to know that I see you enough. 

-v

Hi ows!

It's really hard to live in this society where expectations are set upon us. Funny how from the day our mothers had their first ultrasound, our parents already have prospects aligned from the result of our sex. As we grow older, everyone presumes the need of a living partner, as if the completion of life depends on it.

Aromantic as it sounds, no one should define the path you will take. There is this challenge among us to contradict what society expects us to be. Basically aromanticism exists among every gender identity and sexual orientation, with little to no romantic desire in relationships. In further context, for many centuries of colonization, it ingrained in our culture an outdated view on sex, gender and relationships, which makes aromanticism foreign or reluctant.

There are these hot takes in social media. I have read that the youth today wanted to return the favor of following the romantic practices of our predecessors. Some may say they wanted to be that kind of Maria Clara being swoon while suitors sing below the veranda. Some men still follow the strict rule of "pamamanhikan", while women in their families are expected to marry. Even some love the Amorsolofication of things - by means, the beauty of the dates of couples in wide fields, on the classic walls of Intramuros, or the fancy diners or movie theaters.

And all this gratification of the Filipino "panliligaw", comes the pressure to follow the bloodline and bear an offspring.

But you, it is romantic the thought of how we challenge society of these aging standards. How you, yourself, are aware of the pressure dictated upon us. How you question yourself -- your state of liking someone whilst affirming yourself of being aromantic. It is daring how we question the fluidity of gender outside the defined labels. That makes it romantic to study our identities and how it is integral in the cultural development of our society, since history.

That is what makes you innately unique, driven to take space in this society and claim that what you feel is natural. We, the challenged, have this spirit to question society at all means. And by that, we question what happens to the relationships surrounding you, following the obsolete views. 

Most of these relationships center their life on payment. The payment to start a date as if romance is defined by the extent of a higher price. The payment to sustain a family as if responsibility to take care of kids is from our ego earning a high-paying job. The payment to outlive a relationship by all the glory of the material things as means of success, instead of the very reason why we love -- freedom.

But just because these relationships depend on numbering values, does not mean they do not fight for freedom. Just like you, we love so we become free. Aromantics are capable of love -- loving themselves freely, loving someone freely to what extent even if we contradict; to freely redefine aromanticism as it is ingrained by the majority. 

Even many of us see love as a democratic right - that love is political and economic. We wanted to dream about a love that does not serve the political agendas of high businesses and multinational companies. We wanted to dream about a love that recognizes the grassroot struggle, of how highly different our farmers, fisherfolk, workers, and the minorities practice romance and view gender than how capitalists float love at the expense of bourgeois decadence. That is why many couples see love as a spark for revolution, to topple class oppression through arms so we can build a society where we can make these dreams come true to the most where we can love democratically.

Like all of us, we wanted to be free from the capitalist and outdated views of society. A love that sets us free and serves not only to the relationship but a better society.

And by loving, it is natural and endless that we are free to contradict society, even ourselves too. 

By that, I assure you, that what you are feeling right now is natural. You are a human being with emotions. You are a rational being beginning to question labels and redefine things. Everyone of us is in that position too. We must not be scared of growth and consciousness on things that are better enough enlightened, rather than being lost in space. 

Life is not rigid as the counting of days whether our feelings will last or comparative to the latter years of our existence. We grow differently in nature, which makes living our best life in these differences the most romantic of all.

So if you ever reveal your feelings to that person too, be comfortable and at your best position. Do not worry about the rigidness of labels or the whispers of other people. The worriness on your emotions and preferences what makes them real. You are human, so you are capable to be loving or affectionate in your own way.

You may not comprehend the actions you make, such as romantic gestures or practices associated with other romantic relationships, but that does not make you alienated from other aromantic persons out there. There is a wider community ready to accept you and collectively committed to redefining and challenging our gender spectrum.

And if along the way there are many more realizations, that is natural too. Most importantly, the community in this struggle is ready to embrace you. All the more we are optimistic in this struggle to reclaim our spaces and rectify what is needed. 

Continue being what you are and your eagerness to learn more in the spectrum of gender. All the more we translate it into being proud of who we are, enlighten our peers about aromanticism, and fulfill the demands of the roaring masses by advancing the demands and being with their struggle. 

I am proud of you for doing so.

-Brell Lacerna

[rantaccla]

Pride Confessions pt. 1

Hello, Badet!

I'm sorry that you've been feeling that way. We could not imagine what you are going through right now but you probably already know this but sometimes — its okay not to be okay. 

I know it seems rough at times but you have to trust yourself on this one. There's no guide book on 'How To Be A Good Queer'. It can be difficult to be natural in a society that frequently tries to categorize people, but it's important to keep in mind that you are special and admired. 

I just wanna leave you a gentle reminder that every person's journey is different and that there is no "right" way to be a queer. It's normal to experience elation and feelings of discontent at times. It's also okay to admire others as much as possible, try to prevent yourself from comparing yourself to other people and strive to be more confident instead. 

A little goes a long way but keep in mind that building confidence and establishing self-worth takes patience and dedication, but you can carry it out with persistence and effort. Everyone is their own person so you don't need any approval from anyone but yourself. Ponder more about embracing and accepting yourself for who you are. Embrace your uniqueness and don't be afraid to express yourself freely. You are capable of having a life that feels true to you. 

You don't have to be afraid because you have all the colors of the rainbow by your side. 

- ad

Hello fellow Demi! Thank you for writing <3 I would like to express my happiness upon finding a fellow demi like you who also has troubles when it comes to romantic topics. If I had a chance to meet up with you, I would listen to you, maybe even become besties and rant all about our circumstances. Gusto ko lang na malaman mo hindi ka nag-iisa at okay lang yang nararamdaman mo.

I have been there too, madalang lang din ako magkaroon ng crushes and love interest, sa totoo lang akala ko hindi ako normal o minsan ay naguguluhan din sa kung ano nga bang kasarian ko. Pero upon realizing and finding out about my sexual orientation, I accepted it na even though there is always a misconception that I am in dominant or common gender or sexual orientation.

So in this blog, I would like you to know na you’re not the only one suffering, marami pa tayo, although there is no really known established community for us, there are struggles talaga na hindi natin maiiwasan.  Isa na ang nararamdaman mo, madalang magkaroon ng crushes or love interest at if ever na hindi ma fulfill, ang bagal mawala ng feelings. For me it took at least two and a half years to forget a 3 month relationship from my previous lover. Time will heal ika nga. You maybe wondering…Bakit? Bakit ang tagal mawala? It’s because demisexuals have this trait on them na nakabase ang romantic interest or attraction sa experience na kasama ang taong nagkakaroon sila ng damdamin. Demis develop a sense of loyalty only to that person we feel attracted to kaya mahirap mawala yung feelings even if konting oras lang ang pinagsamahan ninyo. In this sense demis like us are easily misunderstood because nacoconfuse tayo when it comes into romance, we want to take things slow but that doesn’t mean that we are being cautious or that we don’t really love our current partner and most certainly we aren’t afraid of intimacy. We just want to spend quality time with our love interest and actually make the most out of it. That’s why the more genuine memories we have with our lover, the more bond we have with them, the more it hurts, na gusto mo nalang lamunin ka ng lupa. We invest our time and effort for that person we feel attracted to, that’s why we feel defeated or it’s the end of the world. Imagine having to put a lot of effort into something but it just all goes to waste? I am speaking about this based on what I have experienced too.

There are undoubtedly different kinds of Demis, some who seek skinship but no attraction and some who're really close to being an Asexual. So what can we do? Bipbipbip sabi ng jeep, chariz. Nothing, we just need time to heal and accept a broken relationship because the more we dwell on it or overthink it, mas lalo lang tayong mahihirapan magmove on. If we fall down, the only way is up, although healing is a really slow process, we will eventually get through it and find someone that we can truly be with. As for crushes? Bipbipbip I agree na madalang lang din ako dyan XD except sa mga virtual husbandos and senpais. Hui! De pero, when it comes to crushes, we really strive to get to know them or that even if nagbond na, when we face rejection, ansakit din at ang tagal mawala. Kung ikukumpara, once in a bluemoon lang ang demis nagkakaroon ng attraction sa other person. That’s why those who currently have a Demi partner or you feel that you are attracted to, take time to understand them as they understand you too.

-Tiks

Dear blink forever,

Thank you for writing. It really takes a lot of courage to admit to wanting something and from that, I am proud of you. You are taking a good step. And I assure you, the lacing doubts from your confession is completely understandable for it roots to our common upbringing in the society. So, I hope the following response will reach you and somehow be a help to your predicament.

First of all, it's 100% okay to be confused. I get it that you are experiencing uncertainties about your sexuality and gender identity despite wanting to date women. So, I tell you dear, you are in the process of questioning. That's why, you may frequently find yourself asking what you have expressed in your confession: "is this may be only a phase?" or and "can I commit to the idea of dating women?". This early stage can be frightening but don't feel bad about it, you are just getting started.

Only you can determine what your gender is. So, trying things out for yourself would be your best shot. Because the fact that you know to yourself that you want to go and date women, it might be a sign for you to solidify the doubts about your sexual orientation. You are getting there, dear. It is your own right to explore the things you are interested in. And remember, nobody else should take that from you. 

Moreover, your fears are heard, dear. Your feelings are completely valid but the scare should never dictate your actions for eternity. These are instilled misconceptions about LGBT community in the conservative and patriarchal society, resulting in fears you actually feel. Because nothing is "just a phase" to your sexuality and identity. It isn't a situation where you just woke up and realize you wanted to date women. It's not as simple as that for anyone; it's just the system that deprives us.

I guarantee you that gender is fluid and it is enough reason for you to explore your sexuality and be able to discover what would make you happy and content. You may never know but you are already committing to the idea of wanting to date women– it's already a progress. So, why not try? Only then you can find out. It's your happiness that matters, dear.

And always remember, you have a community fighting alongside you in this journey. We are rooting for you.

-eka

Ola, Hello Kitty!

First of all, it comforts me to know that you are loud and proud to be a woman. I love that you know the power and extent of being a woman, especially in this patriarchal society that continues to view us – women – as a form of fragile and powerless human beings. Although significant progress has been made in the fight for gender equality, it makes sense that you still get to ask about the existence of these gender role expectations because we are still in the long run combating society’s bigotry. I hope you find this response as a companion and an encouragement to carry on standing for each and every woman. 

Yes, I totally agree that society created these expectations on women; to be conservative, to be able to do household chores, to dress traditionally, and to be feminine in all ways. It’s dumb, right? As someone has shared with me before, these were all results of society’s fear of seeing a woman stand fiercely in front of them. The increasing societal repression of sexuality over the centuries has produced a world that belittles the capability of being a woman. They are afraid to see what more we can do. That we are able to uncover the will to knowledge, to fight, to be strong, and to act collectively against the repression they implicated. 

Despite these gender norms engraved in our patriarchal culture, I am proud of you for voicing out what needs to be heard. I want you to know that you are not alone in standing up for women, so continue doing the things you want to explore and being you regardless of how the world may look at us because WE are not the problem. 

I want to thank you for writing this letter, but I also want to give a big thank you for standing up for yourself as a woman, because in doing so, you are standing up for all the women in the world. Abante, Babae! 

-kj