ratwire

[ratwire]

I WILL BE A NORMAL GIRL

[ratwire]

The 18th century miscarriage that I carry around in a jar has been saying some out of pocket shit lately 😂

[ratwire]

I've been thinking about this for days

[ratwire]

cate wurtz is a visionary. voice of a generation (from lamezine #001)

[ratwire]

the stigmata duo

copper hand with a bronze sword

[ratwire]

Boyhood chapter 1 part 1

[ratwire]

Drew this while my friends were being too loud in the VC

[ratwire]

I have eyes but cannot speak... I have a mouth but cannot see... Let's make out.~

[ratwire]

[ratwire]

I want to go to an open mic night

[ratwire]

i was looking up synonyms for tired and seeing these two next to each other gave me whiplash

[ratwire]

hot (boy)girl bag

[ratwire]

bro last night was totally redacted! last night was fully expunged from the record. bro, do you... can you remember last night? what did we do...? what did... did we hurt someone? bro? why won't you look at me? what did I do...? whose blood is this...? bro...?

[ratwire]

i feel like i’m on crunch time. i paused for a year and my brain and body are pushing me to make and make and think about making and i have been at a standstill and it’s all been building in my mind demanding for me to make and i don’t do it. i have to do it i have to be an active participant in my own dream.

when i do, while i’m doing i’m different. there’s something inside me that could spend days doing, making, working on a project, or two or three. and when i am letting that something inside do what it wants i feel so motivated. like i need more. how can i just keep dropping and picking up something that fills me up so much. it feeds itself, how dare i let that flame ever dwindle. i get so caught up in my responsibilities and routines and day to days that it feels like i blink and months have passed and i’m begging myself to just pick up a pencil and do the bare minimum of imagining again.

if i want to be the person that i know i am i have to make. anything and everything. i want to feel clay under my nails. i want to know the way metal heats and cools by heart. it’s all there for me to learn and make and do. there’s more that i don’t even know that i want to learn yet. i’ve always craved it.

working retail has really helped me bide my time and build soft skills. i know how to work hard and fast and keep track of a million things and try to keep so many different types of people happy while trying not to lose my own sense of self. i’ve learned self motivation the last few years. finding joy and creative outlets and excitement and futures in mundane spaces that ask so much more of me than they give back. i am passionate and a hard worker and that has come with unforeseen side effects. this sucking black hole in the center of corporations. i’m inching closer and closer to it with each year of company loyalty. this is a whole other universe i can’t explore right now. my point is that the path I’m heading down, the one i have been heading down for years, is toward something i don’t want. it’s empty. pointless. i fear retribution for even making concrete vague ramblings about this. what if big brother is watching, waiting to give me a stern but gentle discussion about how i should police my tone, even off company time.

i’ve been saying for years that i’m just doing this until i’m ready to commit to art. it’s time to admit to myself that i’m ready and do it. put in the work. put everything i’ve practiced and worked on internally and externally to good use. make stuff. that’s all i want in this world. and i can do it. i have to play the balancing act. work and make and learn and fulfill my responsibilities. i know i can do it, i’ve been practicing for this too. bits and pieces here and there and suddenly six years later i look around and i’m here and ready and willing and rearing to go. i need to take advantage of the want and the opportunities around me. it’s time.

ok…uhhh…bye.

i’m working on an art collection. im gonna post about it.

[ratwire]

this is your brain on csh

[ratwire]

Purchased these nectarines at Trader Joe's today.

I must share that nectarines are very dear fruit to me. My mother had told me that while she was pregnant with me, her consistent pregnancy craving was nectarines. She said that eating them brings her back to those times. I'd like to imagine that women's pregnancy cravings are also shared with the child in the womb. Maybe I could've been the one to tug at the umbilical cord for more of these suckers. Growing up I always found this fruit exceptionally delicious so when my mom had told me the lore we have with them, I never looked at them the same. Now instead of it being a cool fruit, I now share an emotional attachment to them. I wasn't intentionally seeking them today but Trader Joe's produce section is great because they only cycle some items in the store if they're in season (when they taste best). When I see nectarines in the store I know they're guaranteed to be perfect, and it's typically an immediate purchase for me. But I was charmed to find that the bag they were packaged in said "Coachella Valley". Quick flashbacks to Coachella last month tickled me for just a moment, and I laughed at the amount of satisfaction this funny little bag of nectarines have brought me. Oh I also wanted to post my breakfast because why not. It was chorizo egg burritos and kiwis.

Go buy a bag of nectarines.

[ratwire]

BEACH DAY