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[ravenclawgirrl]

Birth Month!

The first half of my 2022 is impossible to survive. Yet, I’m here!

Shortly after returning to my PR Agency job after a 2-month hiatus, two of my managers left. I was coerced to step up and fill a post I wasn’t prepared yet to take over. I handled breakdowns one after the other. 

On one of my busiest days, my dad and I got into a major fight. I had to leave the house for a while just so I can report to work well. My best friend adopted me for a week. But when everything else is falling apart, I took a firm decision that I can no longer work for the company. I choose my peace and left.

I’ve decided to rest for a bit while figuring out the next best career steps. It was hard - lost and confused. My anxiety ate me up. But I worked hard to find what’s in it for me. And held on to my faith. 

My dad and I reconciled. Yet, nothing’s ever the same. I did not want to stay at home anymore. Shortly after reconciliation with my dad, my mom gets in the way. Again, I had to leave our house. 

Several days after, I found a new part-time job that requires me to stay at home. At the same time, God sent me a full-time day job that pays so much better than the old. I started two jobs both at the same day. Never in my plan to juggle two jobs. Still, I faced the challenge with ease. 

But my romantic relationship also got in the edge. I couldn’t even begin to explain how it all went down the drain. My ex-partner lost the energy with all that’s going on. The situation gets more complicated when I was left in the middle between him and my parents. Not knowing what to do, I just prayed.

I held on again to God’s promises. Yet,t when the problems between my ex-partner and I continually rose, he left. We both tried to heal the damage. For a month, we battled through most complicated days. But in the end, I had no choice but to let it all go. These are the most difficult days. Although that’s how I understood – romantic relationships thrive only when two committed people actively choose each other no matter how hard it gets. Truth be told, he did not. 

I was left. Lost. Mourning. And utterly broken for all that has happened in a span of less than a year. The changes are pretty exhausting and needless to say, I am going through so much.

A chaotic relationship with my parents. Career adjustments. Deteriorating mental health. And another failed relationship. Lord, bakit hindi natatapos?

---

On the 1st day of my birth month, I called it quits. Ayoko nang may maramdaman. I want to feel numb. God may have reasons why He kept me here, still kicking but for all I know, I’m done.

It’s been almost two weeks. Lumalaban pa rin ako. In a week time, I’m celebrating my 26th birthday. 

My relationship with my parents started to heal. There were adjustments brought about by my jobs but all seemed bearable enough. My heart found ways to cope from the break-up. I still got a handful of friends who showed me love. I met a few new people. I started seeing a professional therapist. Each passing days became a testament of how pain is temporary. 

Months and years from now, I’m not sure how things will go. But I have deep faith that however messy things are now, God’s plans will always be so much better than mine. 

The first half of my 2022 is impossible to survive. Yet, I’m here!

[ravenclawgirrl]

Will we ever get hold of what's meant for us?

Three emotional breakdowns in a week.

[ravenclawgirrl]

5 years after the tassel turn, where am I?

It's graduation season!

Contrary to the usual scenario during this time of the year, commencement exercises now happen virtually and gone are the days where we line up to do the most awaited march. While it may seem different now, graduations will always be a reason to celebrate. 

It's been over 5 years since I earned my degree in communication. Looking back, it still feels like anew. I could still remember how as a fresh grad, everything feels exciting. I was so ecstatic to meet the world - to visit places, earn my own money and be a yuppie in my chosen industry.

Lucky are those who were already certain of where they intend to be the moment they stepped out of the graduation rites. Myself, not included.

I started my working career as a Customer Solutions Officer under the giant telco, Smart Communications Inc. Here, I became part of the most advanced digital hub of the company where I serve as a front liner catering to the needs of walk-in subscribers. My job here was to retain our customers and deliver great customer experience.  Yep, totally not my line. I was also puzzled how I ended up here. Perhaps, it’s the pressure, “how come everybody else is already hitching on their first job?” My bad.

Frankly, I already knew how it's going to be a temporary job from the very start. But it was certainly good while it did last. I was coerced to face and serve clients of different kinds during my time here. More than that, I was trained to be more patient and compassionate towards strangers. It also taught me to practice compartmentalization to be able to function well. My first job paid really well that it allowed me to travel often and afford luxurious gadgets and alike. As a matter of fact, I could confidently say now that should I have stayed here and never left, I might now be ready to sustain my own family.

Hence, after spending over a year with the very draining mall shifts, holiday work and endless customer service, I've decided to cut my time off and quit.

My next job kicked off around Q4 of 2017. Another high-paying job, no more mall shifts and holiday duties. In this company, I've experienced living the real makati-corporate-slave-life. Long UV queues, horrible traffic etc. But this time around, I did not last longer than three months. My reasons were simple - I don't see myself growing in this kind of environment. And so, I left.

At this point, you must say that I'm privilege enough to just leave with no back-up plans. I was and I won't lie. I still felt too young to be making serious career decisions back then. It was 2018 and I was just a young and clueless 21 year old.

I've started having problems finding my next job. I became sick of attending job interviews and my heart felt really lost on where should I go. Being unsure of where I wanna be, I opened the idea of doing something I've long wanted to do - join theatre.

I remember hearing a mass that one particular Saturday night when my thoughts suddenly wandered far. I've always been a fan of the industry but I know so little about how it works. So with all the courage from my anxious heart, I took a leap of hope. I stumbled upon a musical theatre workshop offered by Repertory Philippines where I found myself enrolling very soon.

I gambled the remaining backpay of my two previous job to this workshop. Luckily, I was in good hands. Little by little, I became more aware of the industry and the possibilities. I met a handful of people who helped me understand this world I’m trying to fit in. Soon enough, another workshop from Atlantis Theatrical transpired and I saw myself enlisting again out of the littlest money left in my pocket.

To sustain myself, I've tried applying for work-from-home jobs. I've accepted writing gigs and some freelance jobs that would make money. Although I don't earn as much as a regular job, at least, it felt productive. However, It is important to acknowledge the contribution of my parents when I've come to follow my heart's desire. Without their assistance, I could not frankly sustain any of these quite decently.

Theatre then, became my home. I was truly at my happiest. It awakened my burning passion to be on stage. At this point, around three years after the tassel turn, I finally found the place where I wanna be. It took me that long, but I'm still glad I did.

Hence, it isn't really as easy as it looks. Joining around this age, getting myself a space in the industry is a challenge. Possible, but a really difficult one. Attending a handful of auditions as a neophyte didn't really become effective too soon. I've realized how I must be more well-equipped if I really discern to stay. I need more lessons and training that would help me in enhancing my skills and increasing my knowledge. After some time, I found another theatre program that would help me in this goal. University of the Philippines Diliman offers a Master of Arts in Theatre Arts.  

After coursing through the module with high hopes, I've mustered the courage to work on the requirements and prayed to get in. My claim was simple - if this is for me, it will be. A month after my submission, I received my acceptance letter.

And so, I became a student once again. I literally went far for my dreams. Being a south girl all my life, QC is definitely a stranger to me. I found myself scouting dorm in Katipunan ready to live independently! At this point, most of my college batch mates are probably either receiving career promotions, purchasing their first huge investments or simply starting their own family. 

Meanwhile, I've only started climbing the ladder of my dreams. But one thing's for sure, I was totally happy. I never felt the need to compare myself to anyone. We all have different timelines and I totally trust mine.

I immerse myself to more plays. I observe more people who made it. I feed my soul with anything but theatre hoping to collect inspiration from these. I make sure to make use of all my available time for the goal. I remember often reminding myself before that my stay at UP should serve me well - that I should maximize all the lesson I could get from every class, interaction or even normal conversation. True enough, my stay was worth the while.

During my first year in UP, everyday became a learning experience as I got to be more involved with the community. I've also realized how I've wanted to take on different tracks and explore promising potentials. Some of the classes gave me a preview of my desire for the academe so I could go as far as teaching skillful scholars with little to no access to mainstream theatre. A totally different story perhaps. Since then, I doubled my hard work to gain more opportunities.

In the pursuit of my dreams, I've become more independent. I learned more life hacks, became more interested in kitchen works, taught myself how to do my own show make-up and further enhanced all the skills I've got to be able to make it work.

Summer of 2019, I landed on a stage management internship with Atlantis Theatrical. My first professional theatre exposure that further ignited my burning love for this craft. I never went home empty-handed but with a pocket full of worthy learnings rather. I got to work with some of my most looked-up PH Theatre icons and each day is a different kind of ride. 

Soon after finishing this internship, I was immediately offered to do a  paid gig as an Assistant Stage Manager and the rest is history. This marked the start of my freelance gigs that revolved around on-site events. I get paid to do on-site coordination, logistic works and all the kinds. Along with this, I still continued attending VTRs, showing up on auditions and joining free workshops when I can. This year also kicked start my experience of performing on kiddie parties in character costumes every weekend through PWJ.  On the side, I sometimes win small acting gigs for short films and student prods. I still earn a little compare to my two previous jobs but with all the experience I have in my hands at this point, I'm definitely happier.

To be in theatre meant facing multiple rejections normally. And having to undergo e so much in a short span, showing up on audition already takes a huge ball of courage. I was truly blessed to get myself a tight but really strong circle of support system that helps me all the time when things start to get rough. The process, the tiring process. 

So it's not surprising that by end of 2019, I felt the need to rethink. After a year of endless auditions, finally, I got my first callback! But it was a very untimely season to get rejected again afterwards. The turn of things paved the way for me to rest a little. 

The pay is not going any better and I'm running out of energy to give. The passion  and hard work that I've been devoting won't solely pay my bills. Perhaps, it wasn't something I cannot simply shrug away.  Because of this, my grad school performance also got affected. This pushed me to pause. I had a quick realignment and reality check. How long will I allow myself to stay in uncertainty?

It is a pretty painful decision. But come Q1 of 2020, I found myself taking a leave on my grad school and applying for a stable corporate job again. After a long while, I came searching my closet for blazers and skirts again when for years, I filled it with nothing but black production clothes and rehearsal attires. I saw myself attending another set of job interview inside meeting rooms after a ton of casting calls and audition venues. 

Although, I was pretty sure it's for the best. After all, I convinced myself that it's only going to be a meaningful rest. Soon enough, I'll be back on and offstage when I can freely fund my dreams.

SMDC was my first huge corporate experience. Here, as a Marketing and Events Supervisor, I was tasked to oversee CSR projects execution around SMDC properties. With a background in Stage Management, it didn't become too difficult. My Customer Service experience also helped my job of connecting to a number of residents more handy.

During my stay with the company, I was tapped to be the official voice of the SMDC hotline. Not quite sure if it pushed through after I left but all I remember is the feeling of satisfaction to be at-least doing a little talent sharing alongside my marketing job.

Being back in a stable job that pays well, I got to save more and finally invest again. Small achievements led to another until I got the hang of it. Unfortunately, things turned sour between me and my immediate head causing me to leave the good company unexpectedly. A totally different story again but for what it's worth, I'm really glad it happened.

The pandemic hit the country and getting a job is now more difficult than it has ever been. After 8 exhausting months of working for this corporation, I've decided to rest for quite some time. two months to be exact. Until, my current job found me.

I now work as an Events Specialist at a local PR agency. With various background and a pretty diverse experience, I initially thought  that I may know enough of what I'll be doing. But being in this job hastily proved me wrong - there is so much more to discover!

For some coward reasons, I never dreamed of working for an agency back in college. But the way of things brought me here pushing me to believe that I am destined to do this. My current job focuses on conceptualizing online and offline events for different brands, client servicing, sourcing suppliers and everything in between. Which is, safe to say, demands a portion of all I've learned from all the jobs I've done. Could be exhausting most times but a validation of my versatility to which I enjoyed most. 

In a span of 5 years, my career trajectory came really far. From Retail, Corporate, Marketing, Freelancing, Grad School, Production and now Agency - who would've thought? Yet, I ain't even really where I desire to be. I couldn't also grasp the fact of how far my combined spontaneity and dreams have led me sometimes.  5 years after the tassel turn, one could expect a really huge win. But I'm sorry to break it - there isn't anything grand to reveal. Hence, I'm quite satisfied knowing that I continue to be a progressive student of life.  Checking on where I am now, it feels fair.  I may not be exactly where I wish to be, but I am who I've decided to be. I've paid so much price to be the woman I am now, thus, my most important investment.

I definitely know nothing of what the future holds. But I'm certain that we are exactly where we are meant to be. So if any reader gets to this point of my story, i hope you get to embrace the job that puts food on your table. It might not be that job yet but sooner, it'll all make sense.

--

Please let me know if you've read this. Makes me so much happy that I get readers. Share me your story too and I'll gladly listen!  xx

[ravenclawgirrl]

Retail Therapy

I’ve never been an actual shopaholic. In my 24 years, there was never a solid time in my life where I spent sooooo soooo much for myself.  My mom raised me to be resourceful in all ways. She taught me how fashion won’t always need to go hand in hand with luxury items and expensive stuff.  She, herself doesn’t own a collection of those signature bags and shoes. Unless, of course gifted by my dad.

I’ve never had problems whining over these things. The rule I know is simple, if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. And if you can, think it through before you purchase. But life screwed up as you all know. And one of the most useful ways to help me cope came in a form of spending bucks.  (blog under construction)

[ravenclawgirrl]

Will you be open to date this 2020?

Really late answer, anon. I'm sorry. Yea, I did open myself to dating and it was a mess. :>

[ravenclawgirrl]

My anxiety hit me most this 2020 and here's how I dealt with it.

I could describe my anxiety as that friend who checks me at night if I did enough for the day. She's  either a question or a decision. Sometimes an energy that pulls me down to procrastinate. It's insecurity in disguise. It keeps my focus away, a pressure that runs through my heart - pounding my chest leaving me thirsting for some air. Most of the time, I can't breathe. It's an upset stomach, nausea, a random outburst. It's a reaction to your unresolved traumas. A force that sadly negates your mind. It's typing a dramatically long message with hopes of finding the right words out. It's crying over something stupid and ugly crying again for wasting your littlest energy over that. It's a constant seeking of reassurance. An unreasonable demand for attention and validation after you blur your own worth. It's excessive thinking - doubting, wondering and all else that falls under uncertainty.

But the funny thing is... it could also be another friend that cheers me up to finish my tasks last minute. It's the same pressure that tells me to chin up whilst filling my confidence high. It's the power that allows me to walk through all the uncertainties with a pocket full of pride. It could also come in a form of *that goal* that stays unreachable yet, keeps you on fire. Sometimes, it's also a reminder - you did it all the way up here, what else could stop you now? It's all in my mind. But it comes in different forms. 

There had been a lot of solid turning points all throughout this year. For the longest time, I've learned to just accept and live with my anxiety. Armored with my usual coping mechanisms, I embrace the process:

"When it gets heavy, let it out, call a friend, turn to a new activity that mostly ends up unfinished, spend all my remaining energy until I regain my sanity. I couldn't function until my tanks were emptied for me to start anew. My recovery time varies one after another but it really does take a lot."

For all I know, it's surviving. Exhaustion became my friend which I thought… was all I ever could. But this year, surprisingly, brought me a totally new perception. Several walls have crashed on my way to finishing this hell of a year but the message remains clear - RESIST & POWER THROUGH.

This year has pushed me back to my limits that coerced me to view things differently. A stronger and tougher approach which did inflict me pain. It didn't care about how deep my wounds are or how shallow the situation is. My vulnerability wasn't a thing to consider. its eyes were set on the greater good. It taught me to stop caressing the pain - that pausing is necessary but not every road has enough stopping points. That resting, perhaps is certainly a need but also questions its length. It further pushed my strength by being unkind. It made me discover other things about myself and my capabilities. It did teach me to fight.

My heart faced unforeseen rejections despite doubling hard work. But at the end of this year, literally, I could say, I am no longer who I was when 2020 began.  2021, I can't wait for what's ahead. 

[ravenclawgirrl]

Getting Healthier is the game

With the influence of eager cooking, I was convinced that going healthy is just a few actions away. And it wasn’t any impossible. Googling easy to prep meals over the net came along with a list of exercise recommendations that prompted like irresistible waves. Perhaps, a pretty good invite when you only have to choose what suits you best.

Engaging into a healthy lifestyle is more than agreeing to do a certain decision. It requires deep commitment to be able to see the result you are meaning to get. And in my case, I began by assessing myself and setting the goals which are:

Lose belly flat, love handles and thighs.

Tone those abs and legs

Improve my bust! (please)

Change my eating habit!

I started by fixing my schedule and committing to exercise thrice to four times a week the least. I created a workout calendar that I strictly follow no matter what. I invested on workout garments (sport bras, running shoes) and useful equipment (ropes, hoops, yoga mats, lifts etc.) I downloaded helpful apps in monitoring my activity and watched loads of fitness vlogs and helpful exercise routines for my guide.

Some very useful exercise that have given me the magic were:

45mins to 1hr outside jogging (because I am losing 300-400 calories in this activity alone)

Jump Rope and Lifts

HIIT Flat Belly and ABS work-out

Morning Yoga!

In terms of changing my behavior and eating habits, I trimmed down eating sweets as I turned to fruits for desserts, became very watchful of my calorie intake and made sure to finish atleast 1.5L of water everyday. After every heavy meal, I immediately drink warm water / Green Tea. Also avoided high sodium foods. If I could, I would skip rice and turn to boiled fruits and veggies for carbs that would be enough for the day. 

I also learned to look at actually resorting to plant-based foods instead of alternatives for a healthier and cheaper option. When eating outside, I search in advance for convenient places that could support my diet. I explore all salad and veggie-friendly places and food stops nearby. Nevertheless, every move and food intake I do must all be in advantage of those goals I have set. 

But... It is important not to starve yourself. I had an experience of skipping lunch only to bawl myself with chocolates in the afternoon because I craved too much.

I work hard. But I never forget to treat myself at least once in a while. I may have done a quite few steps already but I am certain that there are plenty more of roads to take.

Send me suggestions on how I can reach my goal faster and I’ll happily give it a try!

[ravenclawgirrl]

Learning to Cook More Often This 2020!

During the first quarter of the year, I was granted loads of time to learn new dishes. As I was waiting for my new job to begin, I took the chance to make it more productive through some kitchen magic and called it.... 

#KusineraDuties

A little background on how I became interested in playing around with pans: I had to live by myself for a whole semester last 2018. Back then, I was coerced to cook or else… I’d starve. But with the limited knowledge that I have, the most I could are canned goods. I did try cooking adobo and some pasta shit but nothing close to home.

Prior to that, the most I can deliver is my signature baked tahong, fried tuna and some dishes which only requires sauteing.  I knew I have to move forward!

So I dared myself and gave cooking a shot.

During the first week of learning, I volunteered to do the market run and meal plan as I list dishes that are most common. Thus, basic meals are few good steps too!

Here are the few meals I did back then:

Beans Guisado 

Tinolang Manok 

Inihaw na Bangus 

Mung Beans 

Mussel Soup 

Pork Steak 

Chicken Afritada

Youtube cooking vlogs and valuable meal reads became very helpful in my process along with the minimal guide of my mommy and lolas. As I move over, I’ve learned that being healthy isn’t expensive enough if you know how to go to an actual wet market and cook. Surprisingly, I found market run so satisfying for its cheap prices against the usual grocery list.

So as the 2nd week approaches, I’ve tried doing a bit transition to being a vegetarian. (I haven’t fully succeeded yet but I’m trying!)

In an effort to be healthy, I explored easy to prepare and cook healthy meals.

Garlic Fried Tofu

Togue and Tofu 

Smoothies (Banana - Apple - Carrot)

Salads 

Boiled Banana & Sweet Potato

Mixed Vegetables

Fried Vegetables

In addition to the list, I have also given up coffee and sweets in exchange of teas plus increased my exercise (More of this on a separate blog)

Moving forward, I got a new job which decreased my #KusineraDuties. But a litle less than a month, I was again locked down inside the house which pretty means...... 

Kusinera Duties 2.0!!

This time, I had a more options. The lockdown caused by the Covid19 pandemic gave almost everybody a huge inconvenience and unnecessary emotions. And I found my way out of such depressing state through cooking with more meals unlocked this time!

Adobong Manok - I became pretty obsessed on perfecting my adobo! 

Tofu Sisig! - Taking sisig to a whole new level.

Bicolano’s Laing - Been wanting to do my own version since 2o16 and it really made me happy to cook my favorite gulay!

Halaan Soup 

Guisadong Cabbage with Protein Soy 

Send me request for my recipes and I’ll be happy to share it with you! 

[ravenclawgirrl]

[ravenclawgirrl]

JOB SEARCHING 2020

I’ll be honest on how it feels odd to be seeing myself in a corporate attire again. Facing the mirror that morning of my first job interview this year, I felt a mix of hurricane in my stomach. This is something I thought would never happen anymore. After months of sporting a complete production attire from shirt to shoes, I am back in skirt, blazer and heels. 

It had me a long while during the last quarter of 2019 to accept my need of returning to a stable job. I spent a couple of nights weighing things before coming up with a decision. I cried. So much. For a life-changing step I am about to do. I talked to several mentors and raised my concern. I prayed harder to better understand what’s meant to happen. 

It pained me. But I gotta keep going. 

I started  by asking friends about job openings in their companies that might suit me. I’ve thought that it might be better than starting from a total scratch.

As of January 10, I’ve already attended two job interviews - one for an events position and another for a marketing job. Both of the interview processes took almost the whole day  (I’m not used to this anymore)   but did turn quite positive and promising. If there shall be a takeaway for the interviews done, I could probably say it’s in the way I can now confidently answer questions. My 21 year-old self would never get the guts. 

Attending interviews is quite similar with showing up to auditions. Nerve wracking and exhausting. After two year hiatus, I found myself again preparing for drafted questions I have probably answered several times. 

I am already claiming to get either of the opportunities and in God’s name, take the job that is best for me. Updates soon!

[ravenclawgirrl]

OH THIS LOVE

I wish I know the answer as to why not everybody is given equal privileges with love.

[ravenclawgirrl]

LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

Fairy lights 

I always feel a sense of magic with every fairy lights I silently stare at. Public parks and restaurants are doing a great job by installing these lights. It works!

KATSUDON and dogs

I was never a dog person. Until we had to adopt a dog last 2018 who happened to change my life forever. After four lovely months, she left. Since then, I vowed to love every dog. My dad gifted me a golden retriever a week after and now, she’s my life. 

BABIES!

In every family reunion, you could literally see me playing with all the kids. I’m a full-time yaya. Always.

BROOKLYN NOINE NOINE

I need not to explain how 99 is the perfect series. Hilariously funny with intelligent but witty content. 

Favorite cast: Amy Santiago!

HARRY POTTER

This childhood favorite will always be gold. I remember spending the whole summer of 2018 just reading every book and rewatching every movie after. That pretty much explains my URL and Header as well.  Favorite Cast: Luna Lovegood!

Theaters and Theatre 

Theater Spaces and Theatre Stuff. Broadways. Musical. NYC Dreams. I’ll take and keep that! 

Waitress Songs 

This musical has the most moving and empowering songs I’d love to listen countless of times Ultimate Favorite: She Used To Be Mine & When He Sees Me!

Animal Prints 

I had a period of my college life where I own everything cheetah! From blouse to skirt down to my shoes and undergarments! Although that period has long faded, randomly buying leopard prints still amuse me. It honestly feels like matching the energy I am wearing.

Coffee & Vanilla scents 

My nose is weird... and powerful. The only soothing smell that calms me is anything coffee and vanilla. I wear this scent to work/school everyday and make sure to carry the same confidence it entails.

PS. Good-smelling guys attract me so much!

P A N C A K E S

One food that would certainly make me do the happy dance. I love pancakes way so much. 

MAKE-UPS 

Last year, I literally didn’t watch anything in youtube but make-up vlogs. There, I learned how to do it myself!

Ramen and California Maki

No explanation needed.

Potato Corner BBQ | chicken WINGZ | pizza | ice cream | donuts | chicken joy

Bangus Belly | LAING | baked tahong |PEPPER LUNCH  Salad

Cold-cuts doritos  vcut 

tumblers  | sticky notes | highlighters  |organizers  | purple things  |stuffed toys | great gel polish 

ANY OUTFIT THAT MAKES ME FEEL SEXY AND CONFIDENT!!!

EXPERIENCES THAT BRING ME JOY & SATISFACTION:

S O L I T U D E 

To be alone is a gift. Isolating myself to recharge and rethink about everything is one of my most favorite time of the week. I breathe fresh air and refill my weary mind through solitude. Nothing can do it better but my sole time.

Cooking new dishes for friends and fam 

Exploring the kitchen makes me happy too. To cook and serve for my loved ones is an incomparable feeling.

WATCHING THEATRE SHOWS!!! 

Let’s just put it this way. My life is 40% theatre and the 60% is everything else. That’s how theatre is that huge for me.

Lazy days with my parents 

Literally doing nothing but enjoying each other’s company.

Good work-out 

Confidence. And self-love.

Sincere dates and talks with my best friends  SINGING SO LOUD Finishing a write-up  Perfecting my make-up 

CRYING out of so much love/inspiration 

Hearing stories from the people i look up to 

Sharing these inspirations to other people

Accomplishing checklists HEHE  organizing my stuff and designing my work space  going to church alone and praying serenely  silently watching strangers in public  exploring new skills myself  drinking lots of water!!!!  overcoming impossible situations  empowering women! 

[ravenclawgirrl]

I’M SO TIRED OF FEELING DEAD INSIDE

[ravenclawgirrl]

[ravenclawgirrl]

010220 | MEETING STARK & CODY!

I spent the 2nd day of the year killing time with one of my best friends @/exequielmanalo who has recently moved to a nearby subdivision.

He accompanied me paying bills 

I had some of my remaining Taiwan Dollars exchanged back to Peso

Transferred to another mall to have dinner at Yellowcab (where we surprisingly bumped into @tepsteph and her family)

Had coffee together and got myself reunited with the classic iced caramel macchiato! 

Spontaneously caught the last full showing of Miracle in Cell No. 7 at the 3rd mall we went to (And did cry loads of tears!)

Visited their new house and played with his cute doggos

I am never fond of dogs until we had to adopt two lovely puppies last 2018. One of them died at the most ungodly hour and changed my feelings for doggos forever.

Meeting Cody and Stark today brings my heart so much joy. I wish I have taken better photos although I promised to be back soon and revisit these fur babies.

(I shall update these photos soon)

But I’m giving today’s highlights to two things

 Having a long good career and life talk with one of my best friends! Hard times like this, I am very sure that it would always be easier to have someone to share your thoughts to. And I am beyond blessed to get myself a couple of people who would never think twice of lending their ears to me. Thank you, God for blessing me more than what I have asked and wished for. It’s even better to visualize your plans for the coming year with a few friends whom you know would never turn their backs at you.

  I was finally able to go back to my room tonight. For two weeks, I didn’t have the courage to sleep alone in my room for it reminds me so much of a few memories I shouldn’t bother to think about anymore. I avoided sleeping solely to get rid of unnecessary emotional nights and heavy mornings. I even drained myself to sleep just so I wouldn’t have extra time to be sad. But tonight, I felt braver and calm to put back my bed inside my room and settle down. And it never felt better to be lying down again without any worries.

This moving-on phase is circus of sorrow yet learning and joyful scenes. I am just glad to be celebrating my small but meaningful steps. Good job, self. Keep living.

[ravenclawgirrl]

More of 2019 reflections….

Having no phone this season gives me a lot of time to contemplate on the goods the past year has done to me.

I started my 2nd semester of grad school in UP Diliman. From a loaded 12 units last term, I’ve decided to cut it off to 6 this semester which is probably one of the best decisions as I was able to balance everything better.

Was able to start off my small lights and sounds business this year – Patronus lights and sounds and managed to stage 6 events! Although things turned a little harder by the latter part of the year that had us selling most of the equipment, I still consider this as one of the best parts of my 2019.

In celebration of my dad’s birthday, our family had the chance to go on a leisure vacation again to Cebu. Yehey!

Got accepted as an intern for BeautifulMNL. Probably the best highlight of my 2019 for I got to work with my biggest theatre idols in one show. This production gave me so much love and refilled my energy tank. It also gave me a chance to meet very inspiring people who made huge impact in my positive outlook in this very challenging industry.

Weeks before we close the last production, I was given a chance to do my first Assistant Stage Manager gig with Atlantis Imaginarium. Madagascar Manila was such a baby to me. Not only did it allow me to pour all my capabilities. It did also make me realize how the things I do would actually matter. All thanks to that one person who believed that I can do it and opened this opportunity for me. Thanks, Christian. Endlessly.

Shortly after coming back to UPD for my 1st semester, I expressed my interest to be a part of DUP’s Fuente Ovejuna as one of the stage managers. But things turned out unexpectedly and I had to leave a day before the rehearsals begin. It took me weeks before I even begin to accept that I won’t be doing this show. One of this year’s almosts….

But a blessing came running my way. I was offered to do a head stage manager gig for an event in commemoration of Martial Law. This marked my 1st Para sa bayan project and the opportunity to be working with my dream directors (Sssh wag niyo sabihin!)

I’ve began doing gigs with Party With Jive! For children’s parties.

I did show up to countless of auditions too this year and I’m proud to be facing my fears resiliently.

 And was blessed to have my 1st callback in my audition life. Yahoo!

I’ve started learning stage make-up myself by hooking to make-up vlogs. Now, I do make-up for friends and family hehe

I’ve also explored and tried out doing VTRs for TVCs. The chance to win a project is really tight but those more than 10 times I did try it out is such an experience.

One of my proudest feminist moments is this. Actually serving a cheater’s ass by making sumbong his kupal face to save another woman. It didn’t come out harmless to me as I also risked my safety. But to be able to stand up for the rest of the abused women is something else.

In totality, I’ve seen 18 theatre plays this year. Warms my heart as usual.

One of the biggest blessings this year has given me is my consistent and ever reliable bunch of best friends. I didn’t know what have I done good to deserve these people. Through the highest and lowest.

After almost two years, I finally went out on a date with someone again. It didn’t successfully pushed through for some reasons. But I was glad that this time, it didn’t hurt like the last time my heart ached which tells me I did a good job in guarding my heart.

This dating period made me realize how I am even stronger compared to my old silly self.

I also did a lot of experimental cooking for my family.

Was given a chance to several event rakets and gigs. TYL!

Acted on my 1st UP Dulaang Laboratoryo and met awesome people in this project.

Ended the year with another leisure vacation in Taiwan.

There is honestly more than all of these things written above. Although it could already summarize how adventurous my 2019 was, I’d still be open to better experiences the coming year.

2020, I am beyond ready.

[ravenclawgirrl]

Au revoir 2019!

I was supposed to have a different year-end essay entry tonight with plenty of IG story pa. 2019 was one hell of a difficult but amazing ride.  But things happened…. my phone accidentally slipped last night and the screen got smashed leaving me phone-less this NYE. Indeed, Plot twist! Nonetheless, I still found a way to rethink about the lessons my 2019 has taught me and wrote it down before we close the decade.

Here are some of the things I’d happily share to y’all that I’ve lived this year and helped me made it through.

  Accompany your every decision with prayers.

 Always be brave to do something you’re afraid of.

 Giving it a try makes a lot of difference.

Take every challenge as yet another stepping stone to the ultimate goal.

FREAKING BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

Avoid questioning your capabilities and start being your #1 supporter in everything that you do.

Accept your flaws and shortcomings, that way, it will never be used against you.

Never compare yourself to anyone. You form your own stars and make your own marks.

Your real job is to keep yourself satisfied, uncomfortable yet growing and ever happy.

You may cut off people and not feel bad.

Choose the ones you interact and share energy with.

Talk. Release your feelings. And do not be afraid to converse.

Stand firm with your principles.

Be generous in sending kindness no matter how this universe may seem bad. It’s a priceless favor to humanity. Never give the pain back to anyone.

Failures mark your hard work. Do not be ashamed.

Collect inspiration from literally everything. It transcends your mindset to everything positive.

Solitude. Embrace the warmth of your personal space.

Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize.

When everything starts to feel bad, take a moment to rest. So you’ll know if it’s the time to quit. If your heart tells otherwise, keep going.

Respect yourself and walk away from things/ people you do not deserve.

Know your worth. Value yourself.

Never forget to give thanks for the things that you have. Never skip prayers for the things you do not have YET

This year allowed me to grow and explore so much. I made it to four productions (which were all just dreams the previous years), have met and worked with a bunch of very inspiring people, filled my energy tank to pursue what my heart desires….then found myself so wrecked and broken the next day but managed to get up and try again a hundred more times. For not a single failure can limit my capability to be the woman I am destined to be.

In pursuit of chasing the dream, I’ve been to a lot of disappointing situations this year – losing people and opportunity, changing of plans, feeling really low, tremendous adjustment to be able to pull through, financial challenges etc. Rejections, hundreds of rejections which tired me (of course) but made me a lot stronger than I ever was.

I never felt more empowered as a woman in this lifetime than I ever did this year. To be able to fight for who I am and what I want felt beyond rewarding. We women must never be silenced. I also never felt the true beauty of self-love until I’ve channeled it the entire year and showered myself so much value than I ever did to anyone. Peace of mind above all else is the priority while keeping my heart guarded.  To be truly happy is the bare minimum and never shall I put it at risk for anything not worthy.

Sacrifices. Plenty of sacrifices.  Some might not make sense but for sure would count in time. I’ve witnessed my friends succeed in their chosen careers, travel more often, sustain their needs and be able to do what truly makes them happy while I stay in the ladder of my unfinished success – struggling. Yet, never did I feel like I am way behind anyone. My heart sings of joy for their success but also shouts excitement for what’s in store for me. In time, God will give me the desire of my heart. The beautiful process of waiting is divine. For now, contentment.

This year also taught me to put the bar higher! I’ve learned to shift my perspective from one to another and always prepare a lot of options in case one won’t work. Focus on the bigger picture and never let words distract you and break your innermost peace. In the end, you will realize how it’s necessary to view things from outside your usual box. Pretty hard pill to swallow but hardships are only just a part of the sweet success.

Cheers to every people who made it in my 2019. I am greatly blessed to be surrounded with genuinely supportive friends and family who stood with me through it all. 2020 smells of success and I claim nothing but that of kind…

To cap my 2019 posts, I’m sharing my year-round bible verses:

Isaiah 60:22: At the right time, I the Lord will make it happen Ecclesiastes 3:11  He will make it beautiful in its own time.

Happy New Year!