rayrayyio - Tumblr blog

rayrayyio · 5 months ago

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updates always have me at the edge of my seat

cw: extremely self-indulgent. panic attack. anxiety. jealousy. making out w your homies. gaz is a great friend meanie. slightly aggressive johnny bc it's hot. suicide jokes. reader is traumatized and inconsistent. simon and johnny kiss like once. author was pissed at men yesterday and decided to make them cry. *throws gaz at you*.

simon riley x f!reader. implied simon riley x soap. implied simon riley x f!reader x soap. gaz x f!reader who said that

First | Last | Next

No. No. No, nope.

No. Nope.

No.

As soon as the plate shatters on the floor, you bolt up and away from them, accidentally hitting Gaz on the face with your hand as you just can't breathe, you can't think. You can barely see, your arms bumping on the walls as you try your best to keep yourself from sobbing right then. You reach the guest room and sink to your knees immediately, your legs giving up, your eyes blurry with panic.

Your lungs burn, your body is shutting down. Only the panic makes it over the beating of your heart that's now filling your ears, trying to hold yourself up and not faint at the lack of oxigen reaching your head. A little sob makes it's way past your lips and you can only bite down on your lip until it's throbbing with pain, forcing yourself to calm down.

Two warm hands grip your shoulders, trying to turn you, but you blindly smack and harshly slap them away, your senses slowly failing as you can't get any air to your lungs. And it hurts. And it burns. It burns.

They burn so bad.

Your nails dig on the carpet, the pain easing the panic just a little but those two hands snatch your wrists up, and finally force you to turn around to face him.

"I told you to stop that shit. Come on. Come here" Gaz mumbles firmly.

Strong arms wrap tightly around you, forcing your lungs to let go of all the air and, when the warmth and the compression registers in your mind, you take a deep, shuddering breath, your body relaxing instantly, nearly passing out with how exhausted and tired your body and mind are.

Your head feels heavy and dizzy, landing on his shoulder. Lungs working again, your body melts into him. Slowly, you finally look up at him, your eyes half-lidded. "Thanks" you manage to croak out. Your hands grip onto his arms, seeking comfort and closeness.

"You're safe" Gaz sooths, cupping the back of your head. You shift, unconsciously seeking his mouth, but the shame and the guilt invades your guts just like the first time. You freeze. You can see the moment he realizes what you were trying to do, Gaz' eyes warming so fast it has your stomach flipping.

Gaz is a great friend, he doesn't deserve this, and you can't just demand kisses from him. It doesn't matter how much you want his comfort, it's not right to simply expect it. You sit back just enough to look at him, the remaining tears falling on his fingers and your chest heavy with the thought of accidentally offending your closest friend. "I'm... I'm sorry. Please don't be mad".

He raises an eyebrow, looking confused at your apology, and leans forward without a second thought. There's no hesitation in his eyes, only warmth and love.

"Don't be ridiculous".

The kiss is just as soft as the one before. This time, you give yourself a moment to savour it instead of just letting it happen. You ground yourself to it, the smooth sliding of his lips on yours, the way Gaz' fingers curl over your cheeks. You can feel your chest easing, the anxiety leaving your mind the longer he kisses you. Completely lost in it, your lips part, your body instinctively wishing to deepen the kiss, but Gaz pulls away, kissing your cheek, then your forehead.

Breaking the moment, he grips your nose, shaking your head from side to side as he always does. You scoff at him, a shaky smile on your lips.

"I'll kiss you again when you feel better, how about that? You can go crazy with it then".

A little rush of shame and embarrassment burn in your stomach, your hands gripping his arms. "Wait, I do enjoy them, I'm not just trying to—"

Gaz squeezes your cheeks together to shut you up, his smile warm, his dark eyes lost in yours. "I know. I mean it" he mumbles. Then, he smirks. "But hey, if you're using this as an excuse you can just tell me".

"I'm not!" you yelp, your eyes wide. The tears clinging to your eyelashes fall but with the way Gaz is talking, you can't cry anymore, your heart slowing down to a comfortable pace. The panic is gone from your face, effectively distracted. "That'd be so wrong of me!"

"Are you sure, though? 'Cuz it seems to me that you're using your vulnerability here to take advantage of poor little me and man, that's nasty you know! I mean, you can just tell me. I wouldn't blame you".

"You're so fucking ridiculous. Sure, let's call it that".

"You laugh at me now but I'm sure—"

With a hand reaching up to fist on his collar, you pull him in hastily.

It's stupid, really. You know he's teasing, trying to make you laugh, but you can't help it.

The past kisses have been purely out of need for comfort, innocent, but this time, you can't deny you just want to kiss him. Mostly to shut him up and wipe that teasing smirk off his face, but you just want to. No anxiety clouding your thoughts, even if the tears have yet to dry on your cheeks. That's all forgotten for now.

It's you who cups his cheeks, the kiss finally deepening so much you can hear the harsh smacking of your lips as they sloth together. It's him who wraps his arms around your middle, pulling you closer and closer until your front is completely flushed against his. It's your hands on the back of his neck and his head, his tongue in yours, and it's his sudden shaky exhale that makes you pull back for a moment.

His eyes are half-lidded, and it makes your hands twitch, digging your nails on his skin.

"I'll be damned" Gaz mumbles quietly. Neither of you do or say anything for a long heartbeat, only breathing each other in, staring. You wonder how much would be too much.

You both surge forward at the same time, your hands gripping onto his shoulders and his own gripping your waist, the kiss loud and sloppy, tongues sliding together as he pulls you in until there's not a single part of you left untouched by him. It fills your senses, making you lightheaded. Your tummy flips when you feel him lowering you on the carpet, yet you eagerly welcome him, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

Gaz is all kind and gentle, even with arm under your waist, his mouth devouring yours, legs tangling as he crawls between yours. You can feel your cheeks flushing, your mind suddenly focusing back to Price, Simon and Johnny still waiting in the living room, but it's only for a moment, because Gaz' little sigh makes your brain combust. You can't focus on anything but him.

It's only after a while, when neither of you can breathe anymore and the fierce need is slowly melting away, that Gaz pulls back, panting heavily against your shoulder, a hand gripping your hip. You decide not to question why he's shifting away even if he doesn't let go of you, your own body tingling enough for you to know.

"I'll be damned" Gaz murmurs, repeating himself.

You're so surprised, so suddenly flustered, and so relieved that you can't help but laugh. It comes deep from your belly, even making you squeak a little, your cheeks flushing deep. Gaz chuckles just a moment later, his shoulders shaking as he buries his face in your neck. He presses soft kisses there, making you smile, your cheeks warming up.

"Well. That was fun" you mumble, your fingers caressing his scalp. You're finally aware of how comfortable you feel, the tension melted from your body.

"I agree. We should do that again sometime" Gaz hums, his tone warm and rich with contentment. You shift your head to nudge his own until he's pressing your lips together again.

You hum in agreement against his mouth. "Yeah. For now... we should get back".

Gaz sighs, wrapping his arms around your middle to help you up.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on".

He's seen enough.

The moment he saw Garrick lowering you to the ground, he took a step back, quietly rushing away. He grabbed Johnny by the shoulder, not even looking at Price —who'd fallen asleep on the couch now that nobody was there to keep him up—, and they both left the house.

Simon keeps the mask firm against his face now that they're out, his teeth clenched so hard he wonders if he could break them. Not that it matters right now, honestly. He drives them away, just needing to be alone for a moment. Johnny's hand is shaking over his knee, and only when Simon stops the car on a random parking lot, does he say anything.

"I'm gonna kill him".

"No, you won't".

"So what? We say nothing? We can't even fucking look at her and she's—"

"That's none of our business now" Simon snaps, getting out of the car. Johnny follows right away, both of the doors snapping shut harshly enough to echo in the parking lot.

"You can't possibly be okay with that" Johnny groans, tugging on his hair as he starts pacing next to the car. "Fuck that!"

Simon sighs, lifting his mask just enough to rub on his face. "Like hell I am, Johnny. We don't have the face to call them out on it. We've no right to be jealous".

"And why the hell not? She's ours, not his. Like hell I'm sitting here doing nothing".

That makes Simon's eye twitch. "She's not, Johnny" he reminds him, crossing his arms. "Not anymore. She was clear about it".

Johnny marches up in front of him, gripping his collar, looking like he's ready to fight, and Simon can do nothing but sigh. "We made a huge mistake, aye. But I thought we were okay now. We've been talking, she's been great. Why she suddenly freaked out is what I just can't understand".

Simon smacks his hand away, not in the mood to fight him over this. "Stop that. Maybe it was easier on the phone. You saw how she reacted when you dropped the plate".

"Ah. So it's my fault then? It started ever since she saw your fucking mask".

Simon takes a deep breath, taking the balaclava off so he can talk to him properly. He's glad the parking lot seems to be empty except for them, though he wouldn't care if anybody saw his face right now. He's angry, heartbroken enough already, and Johnny's accusing words help either of them. Simon rubs his face, his lips pursed as he looks at him.

"Calm the fuck down, Johnny. It's our fault she's like that. We've enough shame and guilt to share so don't come and dump it all on me" Simon states, firm. His tone might shake a little, but he pays no attention to it. "We went through this with Price. We knew it'd take time".

"Aye! I know that! But why him? And why are you so awfully calm about this?" Johnny snaps at him, gripping his collar again. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you're giving up on it. On us".

Simon's shoulders slump, looking at Johnny in silence. There's no need for words. He doesn't stop Johnny as he grips his tshirt and pins him against the car, just bracing himself for an angry punch or whatever Johnny feels like right now. He knows how much this is affecting him, the amount of pain he carries, but he honestly... he's not sure what to do anymore. To see you enjoying yourself with Garrick during the day, even before he saw you kissing, it made him feel content. Happy. He wished that was him, aye, but it isn't. Tough shit.

"You can't be serious" Johnny snaps again, his hands shaking where he's holding Simon. His eyes are glistening, he realizes. "Where does that leave us?"

"That leaves us wherever she wants us to be" Simon mumbles, a hand coming up to rest on Johnny's nape, gripping him tight, grounding himself. "You get that, don't you? We hurt her, Johnny. We're lucky she wants to talk to us at all".

Simon wasn't expecting Johnny to suddenly burst in tears, but he still holds the man close to him, his own eyes stinging. In the middle of that shady, stinky parking lot, they both let their tears fall, dwelling on their own regret and pain over losing someone so dear to them, at least, in the way they both wished they still had you.

After a while, Johnny wipes his face clean and looks up at Simon. Wordlessly, Simon presses a deep kiss to his lips before he slips his mask on again, sighing deeply. "Well. Let's take a little drive before going back".

"This fucking sucks".

"Very much so".

"I still wanna punch him".

"I know".

"I'm also kinda jealous".

"I know".

"We should drive off a cliff and die".

"Noted".

In the end, they just sit inside of the car for a while, both of them silently going through the whole situation. Simon, really, he just wants to hug you one last time, even if it's a simple friendly thing, he just wants to hold you again. Just once.

The drive back to your home is quiet, but it feels... peaceful. Johnny's shoulders are relaxed and Simon knows he's finally understood your position. He can't blame you, not really, and he'd be damned if he dared blaming Garrick. Shitty of him, maybe, since he knows you're with— you were with him and Johnny, but he doesn't know what's happening between the two of you so he will just keep his mouth shut.

He's got no right to question you.

Johnny knows that too, even if he needed to fight Simon on it.

So when they're back, Garrick's lips split in a bright grin as you place gummy bears all over Price's face, they both can't help but grin slightly, hearts full. You seem happy.

You look up at them, your eyes wide. This time, however, you're not afraid. You raise a hand and motion them to be quiet and come over, Garrick handing them the whipped cream.

Simon is heavily aware of the way Garrick's hand rests on your lower back, the way Price's chest is fluttering a little —clearly awake but pretending to be asleep—, and the way Johnny's pinky curls around his.

Deep down, he can't be upset.

hi! hello! im no longer that sick so you're getting a new update. I gotta say it again, no, this will not be gaz x f!reader, they're just kissing cuz it's fun.

that "I'll be damned" it's very dean winchester coded bc im watching supernatural again lol

i can't help but picture price giggling in his mind at how happy reader is rn :'(

taglist: @euphoricn @lilg101010 @enfppuff @carolchaotic @silas-fanfic-favs @nina-from-317 @an-ever-angry-bi @kittygonap @dorothy-rainbird-deactivated202 @adventurerabby @defronix @sheepispink @iambuttwodaysold @blackhawkfanatic @malevolentghoul @thriving-n-jiving @literallegendicon @echo9821 @angel-bugz @ssc7514 @clickbait-official @hades--baby @blackhawkfanatic @sirbonesly @saki---chan @skeletonsucker @nnsissys @kukavittu @tessakate @honestlymassivetrash @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @rayrayyio @diseasedclitoris @alex1011sdzfgh @thebumbqueen @hyunjaebaby @jillvalentinesrealwife @sodavrr @kneelforloki @vioxsoo @l4vstrr @leon-thot-kennedy

new pov next update!

is johnny jealous bc he wants reader to kiss him or bc he also wants to be pinned down by gaz or both or— /j... unless?

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