razzle-bathbone

[razzle-bathbone]

[Listening to Beethoven piano sonata for first time] Boo to this. Plink plonk. Heard it all before.

[Listening to 32nd sonata in a row; weeping] I see so clearly now… What is man but a beeth in the oven

[razzle-bathbone]

in 2008, YouTube put on an event called "YouTube Live" - a celebration of everything they thought made the platform special. believe me when i tell you that it is more 2008 than anything has ever been.

it was supposed to be an annual thing but everyone who saw it cringed so hard their bodies turned inside out. presumably out of shame, YouTube took all the videos down in 2011 and have since nuked other uploads of it, but despite their best efforts, it's still out there.

"highlights" include:

• one mythbuster wearing a suit of armor and getting blasted with 1,100 paintballs by the other mythbuster in between way more awkward silences than you think

• the world's absolute #1 worst most bottom-of-the-barrel dj set consisting of some guy chopping-and-screwing the charlie bit my finger video

• will i am performing his obama song (the one they made fun of on the boondocks) in a way that suggests he can't hear his own voice in the monitors even a little

• the gob bluthiest magic act i've ever seen, down to the musical choices and overly confident dancing

• then-san francisco mayor gavin newsom (??) presenting queen rania of jordan (???) with some youtube-branded humanitarian award

• ray stevenson (the bad guy from RRR?!?) introducing a global parkour montage, which he pronounces as "parker" at least once

• katy perry (??) introducing bo burnham (actually it makes sense he'd be here) by saying "thank GOD you're 18"

and many, many, MANY more. my advice is to not look directly at it but i can't legally stop you

[razzle-bathbone]

one time i pulled into a gas station and someone had just pulled away and left a puddle of oil behind that looked exactly like this. i was so captivated by how ominous it looked as it slowly spread down the pavement that i almost got run over

[razzle-bathbone]

it’s 10:30pm on a thursday night and it’s been pissing down rain outside for two whole days. late autumn surgical breeze blowing straight through coats past illegible graffiti on concrete walls that may as well rise up forever. you and your friends have piled damp and shivering into a bar you’ve never heard of 45 minutes away on some friend-of-a-friend’s advice. the air in here is sickly warm vodka breath and there are spots on the slate-black floor that grip the soles of your shoes like flypaper. before long, the murmuring of the crowd gives way to applause as the band hits the stage, and after four clicks of the sticks that’s inaudible too. all you hear now are irrepressible drums, acidic guitar, wailing saxophone, and a whole suite of voices that for all their untethered energy might as well be calling you up to war.

crack cloud is maximalist punk fusion at the top of your lungs. canadian rock excess driven to the dark recesses of the earth. put on this planet to make you dance and tear your hair out. you can’t handle it but you have to try.

[razzle-bathbone]

cannot describe the sinking feeling i got when i entered what i thought was a fresh email to sign up for this place again and discovered it was in fact attached to an account from 11 years ago

[razzle-bathbone]

I’m Razzle Bathbone