reader-writer-protagonist

[reader-writer-protagonist]

salvation is written in blood

[reader-writer-protagonist]

ORV as textposts 20/???

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Merry Christmas!

[reader-writer-protagonist]

I paused re-reading for two reasons (though I think I’ll go back to it now). One is more logistical which is that I’m rereading in Spanish to practice but Two is the real reason. Orv hurts my heart.

I keep thinking about how tragic kdj is.

I’d love to hug him and tell him it’s okay to receive love but I can’t. And even if I could I know it wouldn’t reach him. He’s a character who’s only ever felt love through sacrifice and only ever experienced value through what he could do for others. The way he latches onto yjh is indicative of his struggle with self punishment.

He can’t help but love and hate and root for this bastard protagonist who keeps dragging himself through more and more cycles. Although yjh didn’t choose that life himself (that he or kdj knows of for the majority of the story, obviously we find out about regression 0 but that’s neither here nor there) yjh puts his all into completing the scenarios. His twisted world view and just trying and trying and trying again and again.

Kdj talks about how yjh is giving up on timelines when he regresses and he’s not wrong but I also think it’s important to note that yjh could’ve succumbed to depression way more often. He could’ve only done the basics of the scenarios and lived in the outskirts like a lot of the side characters we only see briefly. (Especially after that combo event with Japan where it was voluntary) But that’s not in his nature and that’s why he’s so appealing to kdj.

Someone trying so desperately and failing and trying again just trying to survive. Just like kdj. Gritting his teeth through school and shitty jobs and crap superiors. That’s who kdj looks up to, resents, idolizes, and ultimately was raised by. So it hurts when I know kdj doesn’t know any better. He’s only had fucking awful examples at how to receive love. To be thanked. To be cared for. To be pampered. To be worried over. To be so damn treasured that others are willing to burn everything down just to see your stupid blurry smile once more.

Yjh and kdj are foils in the most obvious and excruciatingly painful ways. But yjh turns to look at kdj. To really look at him and changes. He sees this impenetrable wall and fights to get through. Rough and brash and without tact because how else would someone like yjh do it? Even when there’s a crack kdj covers it up with another layer. Layers upon layers that kdj doesn’t even let us see through. Why must he go through all this isolation and pain? Because he chose it. Because he knows no different. And it makes me cry because as much as I understand and sympathize I can’t bring myself to accept it.

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Could this man have survived without the fourth wall?

Yes and no.

Some spoilers below.

At some point down the line, Kim Dokja becomes hyperdependent of the fourth wall. It's similar to dissociation, he does it so much that at some point - it's the only way of coping he has.

We know why. His story explained it. But he got so used to seeing everything from behind that wall that he became incapable of stepping beyond it.

You can relate to a character but you don't expect a character to relate to you.

The fourth wall diluted Kim Dokja’s feelings. But that included the positive ones as well. He still felt them but not properly.

Without the skill shielding him, he could have died several times. But with the skill always shielding him, he never learned to properly process his emotions.

He never learned to heal and depend on others.

Ignoring the part of the final wall, and protection against mental attacks, what do you think?

Could Kim Dokja have been happier, even just a little bit, if he hadn't been constantly shielded by the Fourth Wall?

[reader-writer-protagonist]

/ orv 1863 arc spoilers, a bit of eye contact cw on fourth image?

(read comics left to right)

happy halloween guys

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Me on my way to watch the FNAF movie dressed as Kim Dokja and I just saw the most Yoo Joonghyuk coded woman ever I am crying she looked just like Punisher

Almost ran to grab her and ask "Companion?"

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Trick or treat?

How to (not) trick your companion.

( KDJ gets force-fed tomatoes for the whole week )

[reader-writer-protagonist]

It’s halloween!

Demon!KDJ x Exorcist !YJH

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Thoughts after rereading ch 5 of orv

When kdj is reading that only two survived in the train car 3807:

Lhs still kinda had that shock and sense of morality (although troubled) in the beginning. I don’t think the situation would’ve set in and he would be frozen for a bit until he had to do it.

But knw? Knw would rampage. We know he would. Later on when we see the other version of him (or amalgamation of versions of him?) kdj is able to attack his psyche by bringing up the slaughter at the beginning. From what I can remember his mind was in a chaotic state from that demonized skill back then and it was a massacre.

It was his original sin.

Just in terms of his soul it’s heartbreaking. How many times had knw massacred the train car throughout yjh’s regressions? How many times was lhs unable to stop him? How many times did he hide it behind his chuuni attitude, suffering on his own? Kdj’s knw is different than the one from twsa because he was killed before he could finish the first scenario and knw was happier as a result. He likes the underworld.

In a way kdj also saved him. It’s ironic because in my first read through when knw was begging for his life I felt bad for him. He is a kid after all (not that that excuses how he was abusing the old lady). But still, I’m pretty soft hearted so I often wondered if it would’ve been better if kdj stopped him, took him under his wing like the others, and rehabilitated him. Raised him. Maybe not the same way he did for sys and lgy but like he did ljh (I’m of the mind that ljh is also like his kid. He didn’t spend as much time with her and she’s older so the affection is more cracking jokes than wanting hugs, but he loves her all the same).

I wished that we got to know him as part of kdjc. But it’s better this way. Of the og twsa group he’s the most well off. Everyone else is left haunted by kdj’s absence and of not being able to save him. By comparison our knw had more lighthearted interactions.

Maybe I’m wrong about this and knw is also gutted by kdj’s absence. I’m rereading for a reason. I know I missed things.

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Ch 4 orv read:

I think because I’m reading in Spanish I’m much slower and take notice of the descriptions more. This line where the cleaning supplies broke and they grasping and pulling at the nails of the door but the door still doesn’t open really shows the desperation they have. And makes the next line that “no one could leave”, that their efforts were essentially useless, all the more chilling. These are just young girls. They’re only 17 yet they were asked to kill another one of their classmates.

They can’t.

I wouldn’t have been able to either. And so time runs out and one by one their heads explode. Ljy has no choice watching all of this. She does what she has to. She kills her best friend and is wrecked with grief thereafter. She just wanted to live.

It’s such a huge theme in orv, the drive for survival. The struggle to live. Dragging yourself through hell and back just for a chance. But also the consequences that come with that. The guilt that comes from it. We see it in ljy but we also see it in yjh and kdj. Especially kdj. The annoying thing is that kdj convinces those around him, like ljy, to live with that survivor’s guilt. But in the end he himself never could get over his own guilt despite no one blaming him.

Another moment that I took notice of was the reaction of the people in the train to the video.

I love how ysg doesn’t actually separate from him. Subconsciously she doesn’t believe kdj will kill her even if his life depended on it. She just saw a girl kill her classmate. She saw what happened to all the other girls in the school that didn’t kill anyone. Yet ysg doesn’t back away. She lets go of his arm (I think mostly reflex) but doesn’t step back. She stays close. It’s a short moment but it’s so important in the context of everyone else on the train creating distance from each other.

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Comments on ch3

When Bihyung starts exploding people like crazy and gives his little villain monologue

I forgot how scary bihyung was at the beginning. He really did see them all as ants. Exploding people left and right on the subway if they weren’t letting him speak then talking about they had it easy and now they have to earn their existence. They are nothing to him and he’s genuinely so powerful but we forget because he’s so cute. He’s silly. He’s regularly pulled into kdj’s chaos and is flailing about in worry. At first for himself and getting in trouble and later for kdj, his favorite incarnation.

Also the Spanish translation that I’m reading has the line

“Oh money, good. A vegetable fiber that many humans agree on”

Vegetable

I find that infinitely more funny than plant fiber and it made bihyung feel more silly again

Also also because I’m reading in Spanish the line where ysg says that the series of “&아#@!&아#@!” sounds like Spanish had me cackling.

[reader-writer-protagonist]

Ok so I really got to thinking about ysg in chapter 2 so enjoy more rambling and what sparked it.

First when ysg talks about why she’s on the train

It really is a coincidence that ysg was able to meet kdj on the train. Not only did her boss go on a business trip but hmg (the asshole manager Han Myungoh) stole her bike. I really don’t know how orv would’ve turned out without her or if she had met with the group later instead. I know that she’d probably do well. I mean we saw her level up drastically while away from kdj and kdj is often said to be shit at training others. But I don’t think ysg would be the same ysg we know and love. Not killing in the first scenario kept her -for lack of a better word- innocent for a longer time. Or when she was able to use her HR skills when she was left in charge of the station. Honestly the whole station arc stands out to me rn. Kdj taught her there’s usually another way to solve a problem. At least in the beginning stages. He always gave two choices. 1: easier but cruel. Or 2: difficult but kind. And ysg is kind. She always has been. As kind as the scenario will allow her to be.

Second when he’s talking about how she’s poplar

It’s strikes me that I didn’t really focus on ysg in my first read through. I was too focused of kdj and yjh then eventually hsy. Like they’re the trio that comes to mind. But at the very beginning kdj only had ysg and she only had him. But not really. They were the only two of the main group that knew each other before the scenarios but there’s a distance there.

I think kdj is partly to blame. Like this line where there’s rumors that managers want to drive her home. From kdj’s pov he’s just describing her popularity but what about ysg? Is she bothered? Had he thought of that? Does he believe it’s par for course? Or does he not think about it at all?

He sees ysg a similar way he sees yjh. Unreachable. As a protagonist/heroine. He even mentions that it’s none of his business. I think we (or at least I…again I blame kdj) at the beginning forget she has a whole life and isn’t just a perfect heroine. Kdj doesn’t get close to see that. He doesn’t ask. They’re from different worlds. But that’s not the case at all. In fact ysg tries to bridge that gap. She isn’t being a nosy coworker on the train home. She’s reaching out. Kdj sees a separation but ysg had seen him as a friend since before the scenarios.

[reader-writer-protagonist]

I’m rereading orv in Spanish to practice but reading spanish makes my brain hurt so I’m taking breaks and adding comments as I go.

Here are some from the first chapter:

First of all when kdj is talking about how the view count averages 1.9 for each chapter and how for the chapters with 2 views probably just had someone accidentally click on a chapter:

I still can’t get over that’s probably (young non-1863) hys because she would read all of kdj’s comments on twsa so she’s the most likely to misclick.

I hate (love) that everything connects because i get a wave of emotion from little moments. The fact hys in the future continually says kdj has trash taste but always wanted (read yearned) for a loyal reader like kdj is why she is so compelling. My heart aches for her and I know I’ll be wrecked again when I get to the epilogue (╥﹏╥)

Second at the point where kdj says the novel has been going on for 10 years

Im not exactly sure if it’s ten years. I think that’s just what kdj is simplifying because it should be closer to 13 since he started reading in middle/secondary school at 15(?) and he is 28 at the start of the novel.

I went to the wiki to double check and it also says that at 15 he looks so small that he could be in elementary. And like fuck…because I know that he lived a rough life. And people joke about how if he wasn’t malnourished he might’ve been taller than yjh and don’t get me wrong the image is hilarious (I’ve seen the fanart) but like I said we will never know.

Kdj is kdj. He is by no means weak. He struggled and fought to survive but sometimes you forget how even a mountain can be weathered down. Or in kdj’s case never really allowed to stand tall.

[reader-writer-protagonist]

first can we talk about how pretty this motherfucker is? I honestly don’t give a shit if he’s supposed to be plain. im saying that’s just our  tsundere forth wall’s fault because my baby’s gorgeous

also yeah it’s in Spanish. I’m trying to learn how to read it better since I pretty much only know how to speak to grandparents and restaurant staff lol.

I’m using the books app on my phone and will be highlighting and underlining stuff. I have decided that pink will be for fangirling specifically.

I underlined 1349 because goddamn 49 we really had the foreshowing since the first few pages