real-life-asuka - Tumblr blog

[real-life-asuka]

remembering the time i was six lbs away from my ugw and i binged and gave up makes me want to tear my hair out

[real-life-asuka]

I just find it fasinating how people can think that calling me ''curvy'' is a f*cking compliment.

[real-life-asuka]

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop eating? I’m gonna lose all my progress

[real-life-asuka]

Bruh I gained weight 😭

[real-life-asuka]

all i need to do is stop eating it’s not even hard so why can i not do it

[real-life-asuka]

I HATE EVERYTHING

WHY ARE BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS

NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE ME BECAUSE I AM AN INTERNATIONAL STUDENT EVEN THOUGH THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES IN THE COUNTRY I LIVE

MY PHONE COMPANY NEVER TOLD ME THAT INTERNATIONAL CALLS COST A BUTT LOAD MORE AND NOW I OWE SO MUCH MONEY THAT I DONT HAVE

I CANT CALL MY DAD ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THIS

I FEEL LIKE A WHALE

I FEEL LIKE I AM BECOMING NON-EXISTENT ONLY FROM LIVING

I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

I DONT WANT TO EXIST ANYMORE

[real-life-asuka]

I hate everything. I am so Bad at 🌟ving I can’t do it anymore. When I look in the mirror I just see a pig I don’t see myself anymore.

My thighs have gotten bigger because of the cycling (which I can’t avoid because I have to go to Uni somehow)

My stomach is so bloated even if I eat under 1000 cals

Even water makes me bloated

I feel bad because I wasn’t supposed to relapse. I had made such a great effort to try and recover but I just couldn’t anymore. I don’t want to recover. I would much rather not exist than continue having this body.

Everyone around me is so petite and dainty. I look like a walrus.

I feel like a failure to the community/people that struggle as well.

Im sorry

Im sorry to you all

Im sorry to my friends

Im sorry to my dad

Im sorry to whoever has ever believed in me because I clearly can’t do anything right or achieve my goals

Im sorry

[real-life-asuka]

I remember this from back in the day :D

One blueberry equals 1 kcals

I don’t Know if I should be proud that I know how many kcals are in most foods or should be worries that I remember that after 2,5 years

me searching up how many kcals r in one blueberry like

[real-life-asuka]

I need to lose weight so I look sick and people actually care about me

I need to lose weight so I fit in with the others at ballet class

I need to lose weight so my mother feels sorry and guilty for all the damage she has caused me

I need to lose weight so I am finally happy with myself

[real-life-asuka]

I feel so bloated because it’s the week before my period and I always bloat like crazy :( at least I lose it all again afterwards

[real-life-asuka]

being around college boys is so oddly triggering bc all of them either workout like crazy or just have insane metabolisms bc they r all so skinny

[real-life-asuka]

1- Your height is gorgeous

2- long limbs that will look so lithe ❤️❤️❤️

3- The way your stomach is coming is going to look so sexy and v shaped

now you say three things you love about your body

First of all thank you!

So three things I like about myself are

1. My complexion (how my hair, eyes and skin work/look together)

2. My pronounced bones and ligaments in my hands, feet and neck

3. How I can move gracefully and look weightless

[real-life-asuka]

I was stuck at Uni today because it was raining so I didn’t have the time/money to buy high calorie food!!!

[real-life-asuka]

I’ve accidentally started a weight loss/health journey thing for some people at work 😬 I’ve been lying thru my damn teeth on how I’m doing this and now I have to be a motivator

[real-life-asuka]

I need a scale so bad. I can’t eyeball it anymore. I have no idea what I look like. If I don’t have a number I don’t know who I am. In my mind I am just a number, that has to be under 50. If we’re talking pounds I need to be under 100. This is driving me insane. I want to 🌟ve so badly.

[real-life-asuka]

Im so desperate for a scale I’m literally gonna set up a go fund me

[real-life-asuka]

Ive been binging I don’t know what to do :( I just feel like I HAVE to eat when I am home

I can’t wait to start working and not having time to eat