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[redacted-s-journal]

diegetic | 30/08/2024 | 02:00

mystic messenger OST playing in the background while i do work goes hard

Yours sincerely, [redacted]

[redacted-s-journal]

insatiable | 29/08/2024 | 22:48

yo,

not sure what to put on here. i was never the type to journal or write diaries as a kid. never quite understood the purpose of such things. i mean, i guess i can understand the practical reasons of it - whatever it may be - but it's one thing for the brain to know and for the heart to know.

so why am i doing this? i don't know, just thought it would be fun. it was kind of an impulsive decision. i can't remember what prompted me to start this either. this blog will serve as me writing down my thoughts i guess?

i guess don't really expect people to read these either (but that won't stop me from adding tags to this post! :D). maybe i'll look back at these entries one day. maybe i'll cringe, maybe i'll laugh. who knows.

but hey, if you're here and i have zero idea who you are, hello there.

y'know, i've always liked the idea of anonymous journals, like imagine finding a stranger's journal and reading about their lives, not knowing who they are. kinda sick.

whatever, i'm rambling. i'm mainly writing this right now because i have nothing else to do. i've already finished up with what i needed to do - assessments, email lecturers. i wanted to play some video games, but it doesn't feel fulfilling anymore. maybe i'll feel good in the moment, but it's not like i'm looking forward to doing it.

i just feel like i could be doing something more productive. i get i should set some time for myself where i can take a break from work/productivity for self-care or something. but i just can't shake off the thought that i could be doing something else, something more productive.

i was thinking of finalising a programming timeline for myself - basically just trying to learning all sorts of coding languages within a year. i'm already in a programming course, but i feel like i could be doing more, y'know? currently i'm learning SQL, HTML/CSS, and XAML/C#. but i could be doing more.

it kinda sucks, thinking like this. makes me feel like i can never do enough no matter how hard i try. but it's whatever. i just gotta push through it.

maybe i'm just burnt out.

yeah, that could be it.

but burnt out from what? existing? what's there to be burnt out about? i'm not the busiest person on earth.

i feel like i'm not doing anything - anything productive, that is, and it's killing me. i could be doing something else, i could be more productive, i could be more hardworking.

but why am i not? why am i still writing this?

whatever.

i'll sleep it off, see how i feel tomorrow. i'll try to play a game to take my mind off it.

haha, think this entry's a little too serious.

time to absolutely LOCK IN and QUIT feeling bad! just gotta STAND on BUSINESS WOOOOOO (this is hilarious btw)

Yours sincerely, [redacted]