reeces--pieces

[reeces--pieces]

i will lose my mind in love i can't contain

my head explodes when you look into my eyes it feels so sexual, it isn't sexual, is it? i have dreams about holding your hands i don't think i'm ready for any of this

if my mother was ever there i wouldn't be acting like this but maybe that's not a bad thing maybe i need you like this

you know i don't mean to act like this i'm way too old to be behaving like this but i get so flustered when you say those things and i replay them in my head until the film burns out

is it bad that i only look forward to this? that i only long for this? that i only pray for this? that i only wish for this?

i want you to feel as desperately as i do i know how that sounds, i really do but i need you closer, nearer somewhere truer, and tighter

[reeces--pieces]

protect your peace from the peacekeepers

what do i think you should do? protect your own peace, nothing else matters is that true? that's your truth, not mine

i don't condone anything you do i can't help you decide yourself i won't let you do this anymore psychoanalyze me from the edge of your death bed

your words were so soft and pretty but your heart was so full of hate there's no reason to act this way when we're both drowning in the same sea

you've tried to run away for so long but when you don't change the world stays exactly the same so come to me for the fourth time

maybe the eighth time you'll stop and see that your truth has taken you so far away from me your truth has found you six feet under and cold and sorry, but i won't dig you up again

my words sliced you open so gently because i've studied you long enough to know exactly how much pressure to put against your arm to make you pour out that disgusting peace

i feel your tears heavy on my heart i would cry along with you, if i could but you've had enough of my tears for now so you can finally spill some of your own

tonight you'll sleep wrapped in your flesh and i'll sleep wrapped up in my blanket because i never needed a skin suit to hide in i lay down bare and full, while you curl up and die

[reeces--pieces]

you can say whatever you want / it doesn't make it true

what is it this time? are my words too much? do you hate when i stand on two feet? the fact that i'm looking into your eyes?

something got into me last night crawled into my brain, reminded me that i wasn't always so hunched and scared that i didn't always apologize for every little thing

you always shut these things down so tonight i won't give you a choice tonight i'll say whatever i want and you, you'll have to live with it

what is the purpose of this? to remind myself that i'm free is it to make me feel bad? if you feel bad, hold a mirror to your head

you think these words aren't helpful they could be, if you'd listen if you stopped denying everything that would force you to change

it took you 5 sentences to shut it down not your best, but you held out you'll have to live with these things and me? well, i can go to bed

i'll have dreams of something beautiful what we could've been in some other world where someone more kind wore your skin someone who meant the words they spoke

and when i wake i'll be happy because i don't need that validation from you i get my love through pretty dreams and that's good enough for me

[reeces--pieces]

all i love about you is the skin you wear / i wish someone would wear it better than you

i miss how it used to be and this is so cliche it could make me sick it would if i hadn't thrown up in the ditch

i wish i didn't have to lie to myself i wish you didn't let me believe something that you know is wrong because you feel too bad to correct me

all i needed was a firm hand and soft words you gave me the opposite, even after i told you it doesn't matter what i say, i know this but you could at least pretend you heard

i'm tired of dealing with half hearted attempts at reconnecting in these ways that make no sense is it so hard to follow simple instructions? is it so hard for you to stop and listen?

i know it doesn't matter, i'll do it again i'll throw myself at you, because i never learn and i'll let you keep treating me this way until someone comes along and does it better than you

[reeces--pieces]

lay my corpse in the woods and let vultures pick out my eyes

maybe tonight i'll burn alive i can't stand anyone seeing my corpse resembling some deathly effigy of something i never was until now

i can't stand mahogany caskets and embroided linen pillows sewn lips and glued shut eyes while my organs are fed to the dogs outside

i can't stand a corpse beautician dressing me down and dressing me up slicing my stomach open and cleaning me out just before i get thrown underground

cut my pale cheek with razor blades today i'll not bleed, i've been drained my last meal was an apple seed but you went and took that from me

[reeces--pieces]

your death will be remembered, even as your life fades away

turn your back to frozen rivers cutting through tundra trees let each step be imprinted forever upon soft, glistening and powdery snow

frozen limbs reaching through the dirt i caress their fingers as i pass them by as ice covets my long eyelashes and my lips crack and bleed

i feel the parasites crawl through my guts discontent with my lack of intake as i find my way through rocks and ledges into a valley and find the frozen lake

i fall back and stare up into starry night as the snow gently caresses my cheeks and melts into my cooling skin i let myself relax, i have nothing left to give

[reeces--pieces]

is this all that love is?

i don't know what love is i've only seen pale veils paper thin see through curtains that hang in front of the window

beyond that window is a wasteland filled with things i understand well i watch as people tear each other apart and attach mismatched pieces to themselves

i've seen a thousand mirages and have been told that is what love is but what i was described was never experienced they tore out my eyes and said "this is what love is"

they tore through my stomach with rough hands i felt as they picked through my organs cried as they ripped out my ribs and whispered in my ear "this is what love is"

they wrapped my wrists and ankles in ropes and strung me up against the wall they laughed as i spilled out onto the floor and all at once they yelled, "this is what love is"

my tears paint my dry cheeks as i sob for a final time my face contorted with a pain i never knew possible a girl walks up to my hanging corpse and touches my cheek she kisses me gently and whispers, "this is what love is"

[reeces--pieces]

i found it easier to plead to god, than to plead to you

i wish to be in a different world seeing the present in retrospect always knowing the right choice to make because i can't handle chance anymore

why can't everything be perfect and right? why am i starved in the stomach and the mind? where is my ball on a string, and cheap ring? you could fix me if you wanted to, i want you to

i have never resisted before, i'll let you do it why would i ever say no to you? when it's so much easier to say yes, and let you have it i'm just here to give away pieces i never even had

you never asked what i wanted, that's alright i'll say it now, whisper in your ear while you're sleeping i need you to hold me tight and tell me it's alright that you'd never regret this, or let this fade away

i know all the secrets of the human mind the secret being that it's a total clusterfuck and to always expect the worst possible resolution to the tiniest and easiest to solve problems

but i know if i whisper my wants into your ear every night that maybe one day you'll wake up feeling a certain way not ever noticing the reason why and maybe you'd give me what i have begged for

i could yell it in your face, but you're always too busy for my incessant questions and pleading that's okay, i'm still just right here waiting for the right time

[reeces--pieces]

an antique shop is the only place where i feel welcomed

make sure to write down every thought that you've ever had, and exactly what it means so that when you're dead and gone your box of notebooks can sit in the corner of an antique store

i don't have time to pour over the things you thought when i have my own truths and loves to find and such a finite amount of time maybe somebody else can appreciate your scribbled words

it's not that your words are meaningless just that i'm scared of interacting in that way what if i found something i didn't like? something that tore me apart and tore me down

so it's not the end, it never is your soul lives on through graphite and sheets of paper burning away during hot summer days in the corner of our local antique shop

[reeces--pieces]

there's a reason we nail our coffins shut

a shovel can dig a hole just as easy as it can fill it doesn't make it reversible but it means you can hide it

i know why you're afraid can you tell that i am too? i just pushed it to the side i'll let it grow a layer of dust

everything in my life is on a fuse and i hear it slowly ticking away reminding me of my own neglect of something i refuse to face

tonight i met the man i killed he looked fine as he past me by he turned around and spoke "don't i know you from somewhere?"

i responded quickly "surely not, i'm not from here" my face contorted with ancient guilt the lies ingrained in every wrinkle on my face

he smiled softly as he spoke exactly "you must remember me, how could you forget?" his eyes saw right through me, and i knew as my life poured out with every shaky breath

[reeces--pieces]

in the face of change, claim ignorance and close your eyes

i have been locked away in my own purgatory i walk through endless fields searching for anything to do

i wish i had never found you this punishment you've subjected me to this horrible plight i have to fight through i don't miss you, just who you used to be

you've lost me, that's fine but worse, you've lost yourself in deep rivers running through the night i found you crying over something i couldn't understand

i knew i couldn't approach you content to watch you fall away in the hell you had carefully made for no one but yourself

it's not that i'm happy to see you crack in this way it's just that i told you exactly what to do i have realized in my purgatory that all i can control is me, and you've chosen yours

[reeces--pieces]

the number eight is everything i have

let's back it up and run it again the same old tired lines we know too well maybe if you'd move to the right and say it with your chest

maybe then it'd mean anything at all instead of being just another waste of time that we're both too content with as it rots us away in the background

i'd like to get away from the light i need somewhere dark and away from all these people i don't know then i can show you what exactly i am

tonight i've got eight sides and eight more reasons to stay exactly the same i'll tell you about my past and i'll know right away, this was my biggest mistake

one day you'll see it coming back to you and you won't know what to do i hope it doesn't hurt as much as you hurt me

[reeces--pieces]

i lost self control, it's under my bed

i want to imagine a different world a place where i wouldn't have to beg to wish and hope for things i can't have or refuse to accept could happen to me

tonight i beg for a shared affection something deep and personal where i won't have to wonder if it's true dissect every single action i ever made

tonight i wish for the freedom to take all the things i have ever wanted and felt too scared to reach for because i had forgotten to use my legs

tonight i hope for anything other than what this cycle has left for me i can't take repeated actions anymore the same outcome that came before

tonight i refuse to play this game again because it always ends the same exact way i knew exactly what you were doing and i refuse to lose again

[reeces--pieces]

the biopsy of my mind revealed maggots and rot galore

i can see a thousand things that were never meant to be i hear my voice in your words and think about what could've been

tonight isn't my night and this life is hardly mine one day i'll take agency but here and now, i'd like to drown

the wounds i let fester slowly boil over crawling up my ankles, and past my thighs there's always more time left to do the right thing, i know

one day i'll swim through hydrogen peroxide and wrap myself from head to toe in gauze realizing it was never as hard as i wanted it to be then i could find something better to do

[reeces--pieces]

the tragic lament of a lovestruck wendigo

i've been watching you so closely through half open windows and through locked door keyholes i'm so close, but you'd never notice

i stand between your eyes and wish that you'd see me, that you'd love me that you'd want me in such a sweet way although i know without a doubt that it can never be

it's time for my nightly test as i wear your face and practice your delicate and loving mannerisms before they start becoming second nature

it's so hard for me to wait as i stand over your sleeping body i want to pierce your skin so softly i want to drain you in your sleep

oh, the horror, you woke up too soon from a bad dream, into a nightmare and i'm so sorry, my darling but tonight i must become you

[reeces--pieces]

i hope i meet the love of my life before i violently die, overwhelmed by the shame of living without

i found myself in empty rolling fields a single tree emerging from the earth i walk over to it's shade and i found the most beautiful thing i had ever seen

ghostly pale and white hair green piercing eyes dressed in a long, white gown i know what i need now

she phased right through me tears fall down my face she was just there, i swear my soulmate just disappeared

i twitch softly as i feel something strange my spine tingling with an unknown shame my face contorts as i fall over hard seizing and crying on the ground

[reeces--pieces]

another quiet admission of a problem nestled gently between two bones

you've looked for me everywhere but there's something missing you forget to check deep inside your chest where i've been huddled away for nights

snacking on blood clots wrapped in veins and muscle fibers whispering myself to sleep a heartbeat themed lullaby

maybe i've liked it in here maybe it's everything i've feared i would never tell you either it's much safer in the middle